Masquerade

"You're totally going to be a shoo in."

"I know, right? Though I do find it a little disturbing that my mother is entering a contest for being the sexiest. Oh well, I know she can pull it off with me by her side. I can totally carry her."

Lily raised an eyebrow, and paused her putting away of the dishes. She couldn't help but wonder what on earth her daughter and Blair were talking about.

"So what does Cyrus think of you and your mom entering the pageant?" Serena asked, a hint of amusement playing in her voice.

"He just wishes he could be a judge. Not that we need him to judge. We'll win without having an in at the judges' panel." The confidence practically leaked out of Blair's voice.

Lily's curiosity got the better of her. She had to find out what they were talking about. She set the last cup in the cupboard, then made sure to shut the cupboard door (last time she had forgotten to and Rufus was none too pleased when he accidently bumped his head against it), before heading into the family room to see what her daughter and Blair were talking about.

Serena and Blair both smiled when they saw her entering the room.

"Hey Mom!" said Serena as Blair said, "Hello, Mrs. Humphrey."

Lily smiled at Blair, "Blair, as much as I love being called Mrs. Humphrey, you know you may call me Lily. What is this about a contest you and your mother are entering? Not to be nosy, but I overheard you girls talking, and I have to admit you piked my curiosity."

Blair and Serena smiled at each other.

Blair looked at Lily, a grin plastered on her face. "My mother and I are entered in the Mother Daughter Sex Appeal pageant for mothers and their eighteen and up daughters who still have and always will have sex appeal. The first place winners receive a hundred thousand dollars towards their favorite charity, a thousand dollar gift card, and a day at the spa. The second place winners' will get fifty-thousand dollars for their charity and a five hundred dollar gift card for themselves, and third place will get twenty-five thousand for their charity and a hundred dollar gift card for themselves. And of course all the winners get trophies."

Lily placed a hand over her heart. "Well, that certainly sounds like fun. Is it too late to sign up? Serena and I could enter. I'm always up for charitable affairs."

Serena and Blair looked at each other with smirks playing at the corners of their mouths.

Blair looked back to Lily. "I'm sorry, Lily, but the signups ended last week. The pageant is tonight actually."

"Oh." Lily was a little disappointed. The pageant sounded like so much fun! She turned to Serena. "Serena dear, why didn't you ask me to enter with you? I think it would have been fun. We could have given Blair and Eleanor a run for their money." She chuckled to herself.

Again, Serena and Blair looked eat each other, this time their smirks a little more apparent.

"What?" Lily didn't get what they seemed to find so funny.

Serena turned her attention back to her mother. She snickered. "Um, mom, maybe you didn't hear Blair right. It's a pageant for the sexiest mother and daughter."

Lily was a little offended. She peered down at her daughter. "What? You don't think I can be sexy?"

"Um, I plead the fifth!" Serena said, looking away with a blush.

"It's nothing personal, Lily. It's just, you're so prim and proper and so ladylike. There's nothing wrong with that at all. You're classy. As Britney would say, 'There's only two types of people in this world. The ones that entertain and the ones that observe.' You, Lily, are a beautiful observer. You're who the entertainers live for. You should be proud." Blair put on a fake smile, then turned to Serena. "I gotta go. Mother wants to get some last minute practice in before the pageant. You'll be there tonight, right, S?"

Serena smirked. "I wouldn't miss it for the world."

Blair hugged her best friend. "Good. It starts at seven sharp. Don't be late." She smiled at Lily. "I would invite you, Lily, but tickets are now sold out, and the contestants are only given two tickets. I gave mine to Serena, and my mother gave hers to Cyrus of course. No doubt he'll be lusting over her, as well as the other mothers and possibly some of the other daughters most of the night. Disgusting. You're better off not going anyway. I doubt you'd care to see that."

Lily smiled weakly. "No, you're probably night. Good luck tonight, Blair."

Blair smiled. "Thanks! Not that we'll need it." She then disappeared out of the family room and down the elevator with the grace of a ballet dancer.

"So you really don't think I can be sexy?" Lily asked, turning her attention to her daughter again.

Serena shrugged. "I'm sorry, Mom. You're just not that type. There's nothing wrong with that though." She gently placed her hands over her mother's arms. "At least no one will ever call you a slut." She smiled, then kissed her mom on the cheek. "I'm supposed to meet Johnny for dinner before the pageant." Johnny was Serena's newest boyfriend. They met at a frat party that Blair had dragged Serena to a week ago. "I'll talk to you tomorrow."

"Have fun," Lily said halfheartedly as she watched her daughter leave.

As Serena was getting onto the elevator, Jenny, Dan, and Eric were arriving.

As soon as the doors closed behind them, Lily walked over to her three children. "May I ask you guys something and get an honest answer?"

Jenny looked nervous. "I didn't do, it, I swear!"

Lily, Dan, and Eric all gave her a look.

Jenny blushed. "Just kidding. What's up?"

Lily had an idea that Jenny wasn't kidding, and had indeed done something she shouldn't have, but she decided to let it pass this time. There were other things more important right now. "Do you guys think I'm sexy?"

Dan coughed. "Woah! Were did that come from?"

Eric made a face. "Mom, if I could answer yes to that question, there would be something seriously disturbing about me."

Lily looked at Jenny. "Jenny?"

Jenny smiled. "Of course you're sexy. You're a very attractive woman."

Lily smiled. "Why thank you, Jenny. But do you think I would have what it would take to be in a sexiest mother pageant?"

Dan coughed. "Um, I think I speak for both Jenny and myself when I say that, since you're our stepmother, we don't think of you as sexy. That would be kind of creepy."

Eric nodded. "Especially coming from her birth son."

Jenny smiled. "I'm sorry Lily. I just don't see you as the sexy type. You certainly have the looks to be sexy, but you're so... How do I put this without getting grounded?"

Lily's eyes widened, and she crossed her arms over her chest. "I won't ground you, and your father won't even know about this conversation to ground you. Now what were you going to say? I'm so what?"

Jenny sighed. "Well, don't take this the wrong way, but you're kind of uptight. But not in a bad way!" she quickly added. "Just in a prim and proper way. You're classy. That's a good way to be."

Lily rolled her eyes. "Now you sound like Blair." She was unsure if she should be offended or flattered.

Jenny wrinkled her nose. "As much as I hate to agree with anything Blair says nowadays, she's right. But we love you this way. You're the best step mom a girl could ask for!"

Dan nodded. "Or guy."

Eric placed an arm around his mother and smiled up at her. "And the best mom. I'm sure Serena agrees."

Lily looked at Dan and Eric. "So, you agree with what Jenny says?"

Dan nodded. "Absolutely!"

Eric nodded. "I actually prefer you non sexy. I don't need to be traumatized anymore than I am already from that night you and Rufus forgot your bedroom is above mine."

Lily sighed. "Well, thank you for being honest." Her eyes grazed over the three of them. She was a little hurt at Eric calling her "non sexy." He was her son though, so she couldn't be ithat upset about him not finding her sexy. She looked at Dan. "Rufus is out with his friend Jake, did you need to talk to him?"

Dan shook his head. "You'll do. Olivia's parents are flying in for one night and they would like to meet you and my dad. Do you think you guys would be up to meeting them? I figured maybe we could all go out to dinner or something."

Lily smiled. "Well, I'd have to speak with your father, but I'm sure he won't oppose. We've both been wanting to meet them as well."

Dan smiled too. "Cool. I'll tell Olivia. She'll be happy. Well, I know I just got here, but I just wanted to ask you that. I have to pick up Olivia and meet her for dinner now, so I'll just call you tomorrow to remind you before classes start."

Lily nodded. "All right." She and Dan hugged goodbye, then Dan left.

"I'm staying at Rachel's tonight. Dad already said it's okay since there is a teacher's conference and therefor no school tomorrow. I just came to change before heading over there. We're going to order a pizza, so I won't be here for dinner," Jenny said.

Lily nodded. "I remember. Have fun tonight."

Jenny kissed her cheek. "Thanks!" She scurried off to her room.

"Jonathan and I have a date tonight, then Chuck said I can stay at his place after since he and I don't get to hang out much anymore. I hope you don't mind," Eric said just then.

Lily smiled, and gently stroked his hair. "Of course I don't mind. You're in good hands with Charles. I'm glad you two are bonding. Have fun, and tell Jonathan I said hello."

Eric kissed his mother's cheek. "I will." He then went to his room to get ready Lily assumed.

She looked at her watch. She had about an hour and a half until Rufus was expected to be home. All this talk about her not being sexy was dragging her down. She needed a little retail therapy to make herself feel better. She slipped her shoes on and pulled on her jacket. She then grabbed her purse, and yelled out to Jenny and Eric that she was leaving. Then she took the elevator down and headed out the door, greeting the doorman on her way out into the chilly fall air.

______________________________________________________________________

Lily entered Bendel's, and a sale's woman greeted her right away. "Welcome back, Mrs. Humphrey! Are you looking for something in particular today? We have a lot of new pieces in that I'm sure you'll adore."

Lily smiled. "You know what Jessica? Show me everything you have that you think I might be interested in."

Jessica smiled. "Of course! Right this way, Mrs. Humphrey."

Lily followed Jessica through several departments including, dresses, skirts and blouse's, shoes, scarves, and makeup. Lily found a few pieces that were very nice. There was a dress that would be perfect for the charity Christmas gala she was due to attend in just a few short weeks. She also found a new business suit in an elegant navy and white. She bough a few Mac eye shadows and a Mac lipstick, and a pair of Manalo's that would go perfect with the suit iand the dress.

As she followed Rachel to the checkout counter, they passed the lingerie department. "Rachel, is there anything new in this department?" She gestured towards the lingerie.

Rachel smiled. "We have a few new pieces, but nothing you'd be interested in I'm sure." She giggled.

Lily crossed her arms over her chest and raised an eyebrow. "And why not?"

Rachel blushed, and looked away. "Well, a lot of them are a bit risque. They aren't really your taste."

Okay, Lily was getting a little annoyed now. Why did everyone think she didn't know how to be sexy? Had they seen her as a teenager or a young adult, they would definitely not doubt her ability to be sexy. Not for one minute! "I'd like to see the pieces please."

Rachel nodded, looking down as if ashamed.

As she should be! Lily thought, still slightly annoyed.

"Right this way, Mrs. Humphrey."

Lily followed Rachel over to the new pieces. She tried not to whistle out loud. Wow. Rachel hadn't been kidding about the pieces being risque. She looked at the price tag of one that barely looked like enough material to cover one breast let alone two. And as for covering the crotch area, no way! Lily gasped when she saw the price. A thousand dollars for this scrap of material? You gotta be kidding.

"Do you see anything you like Mrs. Humphrey?" Rachel asked.

Lily dropped the price tag and shook her head. "No thank you, Rachel. There is nothing risqué enough for me here. I'll look elsewhere. I'm ready to check out now." She walked on ahead of Rachel towards the checkout counter a smile at the look on Rachel's face. It's not that Lily couldn't wear anything the lingerie department had to offer and look good. She could definitely have Rufus on his knees in any of those pieces. However, she was still a little peeved at Rachel, and didn't want to give her any more business than she already was. No worries though. She meant what she had told Rachel. She would look elsewhere. And Lily was determined to find something that would definitely leave no doubt in anyone's mind—especially not in Rufus' mind—just how sexy she could be.