"It's been a week." Samus said, grip tightening on the mug of coffee in her hand. "That smug bastard needs to let it go."

Falco shot her a look from across the table. "The man saved the multiverse. I think he's entitled to some smugness."

Samus grunted. Damn level-headed bird man. "He goddam uppercutted a giant hand for five minutes straight. It's bullshit and he needs to drop it." She looked over her shoulder, at Mario, the man strutting around the cafeteria like he owned the place; Princess Peach on one arm and some excited fan on the other, more admirers trailing along behind. "Look at him." Samus ground out, feeling the handle of her coffee crack like the cheap porcelain it was. "Just look at him. "

"What'a am I a'gonna do with all a'these a'bitches?"

"Get bent assclown!" Samus ignored his distant cry of "Momma mia" as she turned back to her coffee or hot chocolate or whatever it was; everything on the station tasted so much like the 'nutrient paste' it was made of she rarely bothered to check. Falco had that damn smirk on his face as he sipped from his own mystery beverage, clearly trying very hard not to smile.

"Everything alright?" Just like that Samus relaxed the death grip on her hot chocoffee nutrient paste smoothie and edged over, letting Zelda take the seat next to her and place the two trays of perhaps-food in front of them.

"Thanks babe." Said Samus. "Yeah everything's fine. Just letting him know what's for."

"MmmHmm." Zelda hummed. The vast disparity between the two's relative grace and manners immediately evident in their postures and presence. Zelda: dignified; spine straight, shoulders back. Samus: slouching, one elbow on the table.

Samus belched.

"You never cease to impress me." Said Zelda diplomatically.

"I never cease a lot of things." Samus replied 'seductively,' pressing a sloppy, somewhat nutrient rich kiss to Zelda's cheek.

Zelda looked at Falco; still sitting across from them, not bothering to hide how shamelessly he watched. "Good morning, Falco."

"And to you, princess." He said into his cup of something. "I'm expecting the invitation to the ceremonies any day now."

"You'll be receiving an I.E.D."

"What Samus no doubt meant was that-"

"Ceremonies are for crusty old people that secretly hate each other."

"What she meant," Said Zelda sternly as Samus draped an arm around her unapologetically. "Was that we do not know what you are referring to."

"He's joking about how close we are, babe." Samus said. Zelda might have thought her startlingly oblivious to tact but for the fact she knew otherwise. "The punchline is he's an anthropomorphic bird with an internal reproductive system."

"Ouch." Falco squawked. "Below the belt much?"

"And a few inches in." Samus said. "I was raised by bird-people you know? Disgusting bastards, all of them."

"Hoo hoo." Came a cry from Mario, who'd begun leaping into the air in reminisce of his greatest battle, sending his fans into frothing anaphylactic seizures.

Samus made phlegmy noises. Then she grabbed Zelda around the waist and pulled her closer, pressing flush against her side and burying her face in Zelda's hair. Immediately she calmed. "You are the lid to my boiling cauldron of hatred." Said Samus.

"Lovely." Zelda replied. Still she didn't move away or attempt to untangle herself, and she had a soft, contented expression on her face.

"You know your tiara is actually quite painful." Said Samus. Despite this admission she didn't pull away.

"You may remove it if it bothers you." Zelda said softly.

Samus smiled into her neck. "Let's not start down that road here, babe."

"HOO HOO!" Coins everywhere as Mario went into an odd whirlwind maneuver. Lights shattered, mugs exploded, tables flipped through the air. One coin bounced off the back of Samus's head with an audible piiiing.

The urge to maim nearly overpowered her already somewhat maim-inclined mind. Instead Samus raised a hand to Zelda's cheek. Gently turned her away from her meal, and pressed their lips together. Zelda's eyes fluttered closed and she moaned into Samus's mouth.

Falco chortled like a Frenchman.

Mario spread a cape from nowhere and took off through the ceiling like the world's smuggest rocket.

And there was much rejoicing.

END

an: because lesbians.