Dean walked into the kitchen and grabbed a beer from the fridge.
"Hey Gabriel, you know where Cas is?" Gabriel frowned at the table top, his fingers tracing sigils into the wood.
"Batman and Robin are in the bat cave planning world domination. Well, Heavenly domination." His voice was oddly flat for once. Dean raised an eyebrow.
"Okay chuckles, what's got into you, no deserving types to be slow danced to death?"
Gabriel snorted. "I wish. Samsquatch and I were going to plan a wicked take down for this corrupt CEO but now he's all busy with his 'girlfriend'." He actually put finger quotes around the word and pulled a face. "I don't know what he sees in her, really. What can she give him that I can't? It's not like dear old Jess can take him to Italy next time he fancies chatting it up with the pope. Or make sure he always has M&Ms if there's a countrywide shortage. Or take him to a pagan orgy on the night of the-"
"Oh-kay, stop right there! I do not need to know about your sexcapades. Go blabber to some cupid or something. I don't wanna hear about your disturbing hard on for my little brother." Gabriel sighed and turned his mournful eyes on Dean.
"Do you think he'd like me if I went female?" Dean choked on his beer.
"Wha… you can do that, like… wait, can Cas do that?"
Gabriel rolled his eyes. "Cas is human Dean, latent super angelness or not. No flying no mind reading, just humanness and aging and… eugh. Dad knows why, but it's his idea of a break." Gabriel stood and poked Dean's nose.
"So no girly fun times for you. You want a piece of that, you gotta embrace the gay. And I wouldn't hang around too long if I were you."
Dean frowned, his voice turning defensive. "What's that supposed to mean?"
Gabriel grinned. "Our little Cassykins is quite the looker, and still a virgin too. Who wouldn't want to deflower a six foot angel in silk panties? I'd keep on the lookout Dean." There was a flutter of wings and Dean was left, mouth gaping, with a disturbing image of Cas in… oh. Yeah. Awkward. Someone needed to talk to the guy before he got gang banged by a group of truckers next time they went to a bar.
Dean headed off to find his cross dressing angel.
The restaurant was classy, a small, well-furnished sea food place just outside of Sioux Falls. Jessica wasn't used to the small town quality of their new home and there's something about your girlfriend coming back from the dead that makes you want to push the boat out a little.
Sam made sure to pull the chair out and try not to feel weird about how much older he was than Jess now. Jess hadn't aged whilst she'd been dead, obviously, and so was still twenty-one years old, fresh out of college. Sam felt kind of like a creep, he was twenty-seven and felt about as adult as they come. Jess, well Jess had only really just stopped being a kid.
"So, er, this is… nice." He cringed at how stilted and awkward he sounded. This was his first proper date since… well… since his last proper date with Jess. He was kind of rusty. Jess smiled at him.
"It's okay Sam, you always were bad at the normal stuff." Sam blushed but tried to hide it with his glass of wine. Wine for goodness sake. Dean would totally get him for this later. Jess reached out and took his hand.
"Hey, don't worry Sam. This is harder on your than it is on me. I may have five years to catch up on but it feels like just yesterday we were in our apartment watching Harry Potter and pointing out how gay Dumbledore was." Sam snorted at that. Jess caught his eyes. "To me Sam, you never left."
"Ah, hello, my name's Ricky," a brash, flirty voice interrupted. "I'll be serving you tonight. Would you like a menu?" The waiter seemed about twenty-five and was built like a high school swim captain, carefully gelled blonde hair and all. He winked at Sam and bit his lip suggestively. "I'm here to cater to Your. Every. Need."
Sam blushed and mumbled something incomprehensible as Gabriel congratulated himself for his disguise. Man, this was gonna be awesome!
Dean wandered past Cas' bedroom door for about the fifth time before he realised what he was doing. The dull, rumbling sound of voices kept coming but Dean couldn't get Gabriel's words out of his head.
Castiel was a virgin, a human virgin all sex hair and kinky underwear and completely vulnerable next to a full powered Angel of the Lord. Inias could be doing anything to him. He could overpower Cas and take him in a manly fashion without anyone knowing… without anyone to help him… he could be doing it right now… Dean kicked the door open, hand on the hilt of his gun.
"Cas!"
Castiel looked up from where he was sat at his desk reading through some sort of Enochian scroll. Inias was stood about three feet away, his hand paused where he was pointing to some sigil or other, completely unfazed, as if human men interrupting his super-secret Heavenly meetings with God's favourite in order to save said favourite from his junkless junk was perfectly normal. Not that he would know Dean had interrupted because… Inias frowned.
Oh crap.
He'd forgotten about the whole mind reading thing.
"Cas, hi, er, I was just thinking you might be, er, thirsty or something and want some coffee or maybe beer because you drink way too much coffee- not that you should start drinking beer all the time! Wouldn't want you becoming an alcoholic, hah, and, er, oh, uh, hey, Inias." Dean faded into silence as both angels tilted their heads.
"Dean." Inias replied, looking to Cas for some sort of explanation of this bizarre human behaviour. Castiel frowned.
"My thirst is satiated Dean, I require no drink, but thank you for your concern. Inias and I have almost finished discussing vessel regulations, I wish to alter them to provide more consideration for the vessels themselves." Inias gazed beatifically at Castiel like some sort of love sick puppy and Dean felt his gut twist. It was just wariness you know, need to protect Cas from sexually predatory angels. That's all. Made him feel sick and kinda murderous though.
"Castiel is most considerate of humankind. He is a blessing from Our Father." Castiel gave Inias one of his almost smiles that made Dean want to snap his neck. That was his smile damn it!
"Yeah, well," Dean walked over to Cas casually, laying a possessive hand on his shoulder. "He's one of us now. Knows what it's like to be jerked around by you dickwads."
"Dean." Dean realised he was squeezing just a bit too hard and let go, clearing his throat.
"I mean, er, you know, other angels. From before. Not you." He covered as Cas looked at him pissily. Castiel looked only a little appeased and Dean decided he could probably defend his own honour for a little bit and backed towards the door.
"Well, er, nice talk. I'll be in my room. Right next door. Where I can hear you." He sent a warning look at Inias. Then smiled at Cas. "You know, if you need anything." He waited outside the door until he heard voices again. Cas was safe. For now.
Sam Winchester had faced many a monster in his time but he would give anything, anything, to be facing it off with every single one of them right now than have to face their stupid flirty waiter one more time.
"Here are your deserts." Gabriel placed the ice cream in front of Jess and the thick gooey chocolate cake in front of Sam, pausing for a moment. "Oh, sir, you've got some sauce-" he lifted his thumb to the corner of Sam's lips and wiped the non-existent mark. Sam turned magenta at the way his thumb lingered, pressing between his lips ever so slightly. Jess burst out laughing.
Gabriel frowned at her. She wasn't supposed to be finding this funny. She was supposed to get all mad and ruin the date by walking out and then Gabriel could console a weeping Sam with chocolate and sex.
"Sorry," Jess spluttered, trying to hide being her hand. "Sorry but you two…" she erupted into a spurt of giggles before her eyes flashed and she grinned at Gabriel. "You know, if you ask me nicely, I just might let you share." She winked at him before dissolving into laughter again. Sam blinked at Gabriel and then something seemed to dawn on him.
"Gabriel?" Gabriel froze and tried to look innocent.
"Gabriel, I know no Gabriel, my name is Ricky Finwick" his smile faltered, "I'm your waiter."
Sam groaned.
"Gabe!"
Jess continued laughing hysterically, wiping tears out of her eyes. Gabriel pulled a face and transformed back into himself.
"Alright sweet cheeks," he glared, "how'd you know?" Jessica bit her lip in an attempt to stop the huge grin on her face.
"Two courses in. You brought him real butter for his bread without him asking and called him Sammy. Only two people call him Sammy and only one of them has a crush the size of New York on him." Both Sam and Gabriel flushed at that. Jessica smiled sympathetically.
"Sorry Gabriel. I'm afraid I don't scare off that easily." She grinned. "Better look next time. I'm quite looking forward to fighting for my man." She placed a hand on Sam's and gave him a possessive look. "He always gets so hot and flustered when I have to remind him who he belongs to."
Sam gaped at her before lighting up like a beacon, a stupid grin on his face. Oh yeah, he knew that look, he was so getting laid tonight. Gabriel sighed dramatically and narrowed his eyes at Jess.
"You do realise I'm an archangel, I'm powerful like you wouldn't believe. I could easily smite you and keep Sammy for myself." Jess cocked her head and gave him a sly look.
"You'd never want him if you had to force him. If you want to play dirty Gabriel, I'll meet you toe for toe." She laughed and met his challenging gaze.
"But I think we both agree I've got the head start." And she pulled Sam towards her for a filthy possessive kiss. Gabriel couldn't help admiring the girl. She sure was a fire cracker.
"You know," he mused, "if I didn't want to climb your boyfriend like a tree, I would definitely be willing to take a tumble with you." He wiggled his eyebrows. Jessica grinned.
"Guess you won't get either tonight. I'll be sure to give you a big tip on the bill." And with that she turned back to the completely bewildered Sam. "Now where were we?"
Gabriel sighed and admitted defeat, teleporting himself back to his mansion hide out and scratching his dog consolingly behind the ears. "Sorry, Daddy can't play right now, he's busy planning subterfuge."
Dean watched Sam grin dopily into his cereal the next morning and smirked. "I'm guessing you and Jessica had fun last night then?" Sam's cheeks tinged pink a little but his grin got even bigger.
"Jess is awesome when she gets possessive. Man I'd forgotten that." Dean raised an eyebrow but was distracted at the sight of Cas coming down the stairs in an oversized t-shirt, the telling hint of lace visible at the top of his thigh. His mouth went kind of dry.
Sam chuckled and leaned forward so he could mock Dean mercilessly. "What's the matter Dean, see something you like?" Cas looked up at the comment, his face confused and grumpy, as always before his coffee, his hair was sticking out in clumps. Dean licked his lips nervously.
"Don't know what you're talking about Sammy." He picked up the morning newspaper, hiding behind the pages of print as he tried desperately to blink away mental images of Cas being ravished in lace underwear by anonymous men.
Someone really needed to talk to the dude.