Knights of the Ridiculous, a code geass fanfic

A/N

Okay, honestly, this was the first fic I wrote concerning Code Geass and humour. The concept of this was formed after watching all of R2 in one sitting and consuming more sugar than any one human being should. As such, be prepared for OOC-ness, pure crack, and slightly formal writing. Yeah, weird I lapse into that when my brain goes nuts 'coz of chocolate and cookies :)

Also, if there are any errors, I apologize.

Disclaimer - I don't own Code Geass. We'd have more seasons to watch if I did.

Enjoy, I hope you like it.

'SUZAKU!' A very familiar voice echoed through the halls. The knight in question glanced over his shoulder in fear and ducked behind a grandfather clock. He tried to hold his breath so he wouldn't breathe in any dust and risk sneezing as a set of footsteps thundered closer.

'SUZAKU? I could've sworn he went his way.' Gino muttered as he stopped walking to look around, hands on his hips. He sighed and pouted as he scanned the walls and the paintings thereon.

Suzaku could feel himself turning blue as he tried not to breathe. Not wanting to pass out, he gasped in a quick breath.

'Hmm? Do I hear my dear friend around here somewhere?' Gino smiled mischievously. Oh, he was sure his prey was close by now.

The prey in question felt his nose start to itch and his eyes start to water. No, he thought desperately, don't sneeze now! Damn dust!

But one cannot control their involuntary reflexes. Suzaku sneezed. He sneezed loud and long, the longest, loudest sneeze anyone has ever heard.

'I've got you now, you little sneak!' Gino shouted in triumph. He was just about to look behind the clock when he was rudely interrupted by the flash of a camera.

'Saved. I must document even the boring moments.' Anya said in a drawl, not looking up from her camera.

'Anya?' Gino asked in confusion. 'What the heck are you doing?' He shook his head to clear the little flashing blue circles that the camera had caused.

'That's such a boring question.' She sighed in answer, turning her back on him and walking slowly off down the hall.

'Aha...' He raised an eyebrow in confusion, then remembered why he was standing beside the clock in the first place. 'I've got you now Suzaku!'

He looked around the corner of the clock and then frowned in confusion. The Knight of Seven was gone.

Suzaku heard the profanities from far down the hall, making a mental note to thank Anya for unwittingly helping him later.

'DAMN YOU KURURUGI!'

The cry of the Knight of Three could be heard from the room where the Knights of One, Four and Twelve were sitting, which was at the end of the ridiculously long hallway. Monica and Dorothea looked at each other.

'Why does that seem like something I would want to say?' The former asked, scratching her chin. Her face took on a faraway look as she thought it over. Dorothea glanced at Bismarck, who shrugged and shook his head.

'She's got a point, you know.'

Meanwhile, the echo was still travelling through the ridiculously long hallways and reached the most evil Knight known to knight kind.

'DAMN YOU KURURUGI!'

Luciano looked up from his mysteriously evil scheming with a lack of interest clear on his face. As he sat there, Suzaku threw the door open and ran through the room, disappearing through another door on the other side of said room.

The red-head sat at the table with a look of confusion on his face. He furrowed his brow and was about to go back to his evil, evil planning when Gino ran through the room, shouting some nonsense about Suzaku and an insane plan to make their lives less boring.

Luciano was beginning to get annoyed. After a string of profanities, he got up and locked both doors. He sighed in relief and picked up a folder labelled "evil schemes II" with a picture of an adorable cat and several different coloured hearts on it.

Just as his mental state was beginning to settle, a loud noise filled the room and the door flew clean off its hinges.

Anya walked slowly and detachedly in the same direction as the Knights that had gone before her as Luciano banged his head against the tabletop and attempted to rip his hair out.

'That's where this hallway ends?' Suzaku asked no one in particular as he stared at the dead end. On it hung a picture of Lelouch and Nunnally, but he chose to ignore that because he was aware of the set of footsteps that was catching up to him.

'Oh Suzaku, where are you?' Gino's voice asked, sounding closer and closer by the second. Suzaku could tell he was smiling that mischievous smile just from his voice.

With nowhere left to hide, the Knight of Seven slumped to the floor and resigned himself to his fate.

Gino lurched out of the darkness and seemed a little confused to see Suzaku kneeling on the floor. 'Uh... what are you doing?'

'Waiting for you to drag me off somewhere.'

'Then why are you kneeling?'

'Well what am I supposed to do, keep running?'

'I'm not following you.' Gino said slowly.

'WHY WERE YOU CHASING ME?' Suzaku shouted in exasperation.

'Oh, that!' Gino's eyes widened in comprehension. 'I wanted to borrow the Lancelot. I'm bored with my Knightmare.'

'No.' Suzaku replied quickly. 'You are not allowed anywhere near my Knightmare. Do you remember what happened last time?'

'Come on! How could I have known that button launched seventy-six missiles? It wasn't my fault that entire city was destroyed.'

Suzaku face-palmed. 'I still say no.'

Gino looked hurt and exasperated. 'Pleeeaaaase?'

'No.'

'Pretty please with sugar on top?'

'No.'

'Don't make me throw in a cherry.'

'Oh a che- no.'

'What are you two arguing about?' Anya asked, popping up behind Gino.

'Holy Britannia, warn me next time!' He swore as he jumped away from her.

She snapped a picture of him, still recoiling in shock. 'Your reaction is mildly interesting; I will add it to my collection.'

Nonette sat in a dark room all by herself. She stared into the shadows in confusion. Though she didn't know where she was, she could not call out for help.

Damn, she thought, this is what I get for not having a voice actor.

Meanwhile, Monica, Dorothea and Bismarck were getting bored with contemplating their reasons for wanting to shout profanities directed at Suzaku. The three knights started off down the ridiculously long hallway, talking about dull things like the state of the economy.

Luciano suddenly appeared out of nowhere and tackled Bismarck, slapping an eye patch over his one good eye then running off laughing.

'MY SIGHT!' Bismarck shouted and fell to his knees in despair as Monica and Dorothea looked on in indifference.

'Wanna get some ice cream?'

'Sure.'

Luciano ran through the halls, frothing slightly at the mouth. Half of his hair was missing and he had splinters sticking out of his forehead.

He kept running even when he heard a soft set of footsteps coming down an intersecting hallway. Seeing no one, he ran on manically. Then he realised why the footsteps were so soft.

Damn that cat! Luciano thought as he tripped over Arthur and flew straight into a wall. Cracks lined the point of impact and the crazed red-head fell to the floor. As his face scraped down the surface, he left a trail of blood.

Luciano looked at his reflection in the solid gold frame of the portrait to his left. His nose was completely turned to one side and he cried out in horror.

'MY BEAUTY!'

Nonette could hear the various screams of her comrades from inside her shadowy prison and wondered what could possibly be happening to them. What could be worse than being trapped with no way of escape?

The only thing would be if Gino accidentally blew us all up like he did to that poor city. She thought to herself as she shuffled her feet.

'Oh come on, I'll do anything!' Gino pleaded. He was on his knees, clutching at the ends of Suzaku's jacket, a pleading look on his face. 'You've reduced me to begging.'

'I said no!' Suzaku attempted to walk away and was forced to drag Gino with him when the Knight of Three wouldn't let go. 'Just accept it okay, no joyriding.'

'But I'm bored.' Gino whined.

'Now you know how Anya feels.'

'Oh, ha ha.'

'Now will you please let go of my jacket?' Suzaku asked, tired of his friend's childishness. 'You'll stretch it out and then I'll have to buy a new one. You know how expensive these uniforms are.'

'And so unnecessary.' Anya sighed, typing away on her little technical thingamajig.

'Fine.' Gino sighed, letting go so suddenly that he made Suzaku stumble. 'I don't need to beg anymore.'

He grinned as he brandished the key to the Lancelot.

'How?' The Knight of Seven asked, completely gobsmacked.

'I'll have you know I'm an excellent pickpocket.' Gino sniffed before running off down the ridiculously long hallway.

'Oh, how mildly interesting.' Anya remarked.

Bismarck wandered the halls, attempting to feel his way to assistance. He was literally as blind as a bat with that eye patch slapped over his eye. He whipped his head around like a lunatic when he heard soft footsteps coming towards him.

Nyaa.

'Arthur!' He exclaimed in relief, bending to pet the cat affectionately on the head. 'Good kitty, now, show me the exit door.'

Arthur meowed innocently and set off down the dark corridors. Bismarck followed the sounds of the footsteps and managed to knock over three coat stands, a hat rack and several ornamental vases before he was able to see the bright green neon glow of the exit sign even from behind his blindfold.

'Oh, you wonderful cat, you've saved me!'

Luciano dragged himself and what remained of his "beautiful" nose out of the hallway and into the sunshine, where he found Monica and Dorothea enjoying a sundae that was so big they probably could have sat in it and eaten it at the same time.

'Can I have some?' He asked hopefully, the dried blood cracking as he smiled.

'Mm... no.' Monica said, taking a huge spoonful of fudge flavoured ice-cream and shoving it in her mouth.

'This is the best sundae ever.' Dorothea said with her mouth full.

Luciano wanted to cry.

'Anya, why aren't you running?' Suzaku asked as he sprinted down the hallway in search of an exit sign. He wondered why the Knights of the Round had ever bothered to build such a ridiculous fortress. And why they had to pay for their uniforms.

She looked back at him blankly and then raced forwards to keep pace with him. 'I suppose I will have to wait for this chain of events to unfold then.'

'You were planning to sit around her and find out?'

'Of course.'

'...Anya, you really lack common sense, don't you.'

Gino grinned like a mad Luciano from behind the controls of the Lancelot. He looked around like a kid in a candy store at all the buttons he could press. A particularly round and red button caught his attention and his eyes lit up like lighthouses.

'Ooooh, what does this button do?'

He pressed it.

Nonette heard the explosion before she felt it, heard the rush of air and fire before it reached her. She had just one thought before she was pushed violently backwards.

Oh the cruel, cruel irony.

Suzaku and Anya reached the spot where the others were and raised their eyebrows in amusement.

Bismarck was sitting in the bowl where the sundae had once been, wondering why "this park bench is so moist". Monica and Dorothea were sleeping off said sundae under a tree and Luciano was crying over his nose and a missed chance to eat ice-cream.

'...Where's Nonette?' Suzaku asked, looking around.

It was then that they felt the shockwave of the explosion and turned to look at the mushroom cloud swallowing their not-so-beloved hall.

'What could that have been?' Bismarck asked. He had his back to the mushroom cloud, scratching his head in confusion.

Nonette opened her eyes to the glare of sunshine and the tweeting of birds. As she smiled at her freedom and marvelled at her survival of an atomic blast, a bird saw fit to fly past and crap on her face.

Damn you, irony.

Gino woke up amongst the wreckage of the Lancelot and the hall of the knights. He looked around at the destruction mindlessly pushing buttons had caused and smiled.

'Sweet.'