Hey! This is another one-shot. I just love writing one shots, it's so easy and fun. Well, please R & R. Hope you like it. Oh yes, and I also used this weird song, by this weird dude. I forgot his name, but whatever. It goes really good with the story.
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Jesse have been giving me the shoulder lately. He's ignored me ever since the day that we kissed. Isn't that so man? I mean, they kiss you one day, and tell you that they love you and cares very much about you. And they start ignoring you the next day. Agh! It so frustrating! I want to slap him on the face and ask him why he's been ignoring me. But that wouldn't be very nice and well, feminine.
Maybe he's still mad at me about taking lessons from Paul. But it's only for the best. And even though I hate to admit it. I think I actually have feeling for Paul. When I'm suppose to be hating him. I just can't. And now, Jesse can only ask me, "How's school?" and "Did Father say anything?"
"How's school, Susannah?" See? I told you!
"It's fine." I shrugged. Trying not to sound hurt by the fact that he's not caring in the special way.
"Has Slater bee a bother?" He finally looked up from the book that he was reading.
"Well," I thought of what to say. "No."
"Susannah." Jesse frowned.
"It's just that, well," I looked down. Should I tell him, or will it make him ignore me more.
"If there's anything, tell me." He looked down at his book again.
"Nothing." I muttered. Oh, how I wanted to tell him everything. But I can't.
I took a shower and got dressed. I wore a blue, silk, top. Decorated with forget-me-nots. And a knee-high, wavy skirt.
Jesse looked up as I sat on my bed doing homework. I couldn't consentrate on my homework at all. I was thinking about that shifting lessons. I'm not sure if it good idea anymore. I mean, yeah, we made a deal. Only for the best for Jesse. But....
"Suze?" He called me Suze! "What are you all dressed up for?"
"I-I, uh, erm-" And I heard a car honking. I slowly stood up, very careful not to meet Jesse's gaze.
"Is that Slater?" He sounded angry. He souldn't be the one who's angry! I was the one being ignored!
I nodded. And walked down stairs leaving Jesse angry.
"Suze! So this is Paul. How come you never mentioned him to us before?" Mom asked standing next to Paul. Paul gave me one of his trademark grin.
"Because," I grimice. "There's nothing special about him. And there's nothing that you need to do." I walked to to stand next to Paul.
"Thank you ma'am. I'd be sure to send her back before it get's dark." But it was already dark outside. "Let's go Suze."
Mom just grinned. And she didn't even stop us from going. What had he said that made her so happy. I have to admit, Paul is a charmer.
I got in the front seat of his BMW convertible.
"Are you ready? I'm surprised that Jesse didn't stop you. Does he not care about you enough, or does he care too much about his safety?" Paul smirked.
"Just shut up and drive."
"You're back. I can't believe that your mother let you stay out so late." Jesse frowned as I came in.
I didn't say anything. No, I was afraid to say anything. Coz if I do, then everything would come out. And I'd have a murder on my hand. But does Jesse care enough though?
"We need to talk." Jesse sat on my bed.
"Jesse, I don't want talk. The last thing I need is to talk." I put a hand on my forehead. I was hot. "I'm really tired okay? I need to sleep."
I turned around but Jesse caught me arm. I sat down next to him. But I was careful not to meet his gaze.
"You know that I care about you, right?" He held me hand.
"Not anymore." I muttered. I was sure that Jesse had heard me.
"You know that that's not true. I care about you. A lot." He brushed a bunch of hair away from my face. "And that's why I don't-I-"
"Jesse." I said slowly.
"I don't think that this is going to work out. Because I care too much." Jesse quickly pulled his hand away. What! Was he afraid that I'd slap his hand? Oh, if I was to slap something. It wouldn't be his hand!
"Oh." And that all I said. that was all I could say. I felt a teardrop roll down my cheek. I quickly brushed it away. "I never really..." What. What was I suppose to say. "...Thought that it would work out anyway." I tried sounding very casually about it. Like it wasn't a bit deal for me.
"I'm sorry Susannah. But this just isn't going to work out. It's only for the best." He sounded hurt too. Why? It's he that dumped me. It's he that ignored me. And it's also he that broke me heart.
"Jesse," I tried to sound like nothing has happened. "I need to get some sleep."
I quickly brushed my teeth. And went to bed. Jesse had dematerialized after the "talk". I lyed there crying. All night. It felt as if somebody had pulled my heart out of my chest. It hurts a lot to know that the one you love, didn't....
I didn't go to school the next day. I was sick. And Jesse didn't show up after the talk. Not like that I wanted him to. Actaully I couldn't care less if he showed up. It's only better for me. Bit it'd be nice though, if somebody was here to comfort me. It really would.
Knock! Knock!
"Come in." I sobbed. I was crying the whole day. My face was probably all pink and puffy. Like a balloon.
Doc came in. "There's a guy out there that wants to see you."
"Tell him to go away." I didn't care who it is. But I think I got a clue.
"Are you sure? Coz Paul is-"
"Tell him to leave. Okay?" I felt frustrated. I don't know why. Paul is the last person that I want to see. No, that'd be Jesse.
"Hey Suze!" Paul came into my room. Doc gave me a look and left.
"Get out!"
"Aw, c'mon Suze, Don't be like that. I came to cheer you up." He handed me a box. "Hope you like chocolate."
"No, actually, I'm allergic to it." I hoped that that would drive him away. Boy was I wrong.
"Aw, that's too bad." He put it on my table next to my bed. "I heard about the news. I'm sorry."
"What. Did Jesse tell everybody? Hold on, he can't, because he's a stupid, damn, ghost. And I don't need your sympathy anyway."
"Suze. I know that you're hurt. By him. I told you that it wouldn't work out anyway."
"Yeah, rub it in my face."
"No. I was hoping that if you get out, then you wouldn't feel that bad. I would know."
"Yeah? Like as if anyone would ever dump you." He gave me a look. "No, I didn't mean that!"
"No, nobody did. That's a shame though."
"Yeah, whatever. If you don't mind." I pointed at the door.
"C'mon Suze. Let's go somewhere. The more that you stay here, the worse that you'll get."
I'm not going. Why would I want to go with him. I wouldn't go even if my life depended on it. Okay, so I went anyway. I don't know why though. But the worst part is that I actaully did feel better. And I had fun. Maybe because this time Paul didn't do anything except to, well, talk.
Spike came in and sat on my lap. He made a sobbing sound. I felt bad for Spike.
"Yes, I know, Jesse have that effect on people. He cradles you in his arm, and tells you that he loves you. And then, he suddenly drops you and shatter you." I held Spike close. But he only scratched me! Talk about anger management.!
"I wish that my life isn't so wrong and complicated." I sighed and went to bed. And yes, I brushed my teeth!
I was sure that Jesse came at night and took Spike with him. Not that it mattered to me anyway. "I don't think I changed that much since he left. But all day long, Cee keeps on telling me how bitter I am now. I'm not bitter. In fact, I was anything but bitter."
"Hmm..." Father D was thinking. He makes this annoying humming noise when he thinks.
"Shut the frigging hell up! Do you know how annoying that it!" Now that caught Father D off guard. And he stopped humming.
"Now, Susannah. You know that I don't appretiate that kind of speech here." Father D sounded alarmed.
"Yeah, whatever. Well, nobody cares about what I appretiate do they?"
"Well. That's what Mr. Slater's here for-"
"You got Paul to help me sort out my emotions! I can't believe you!" I made a horrible grinding noise. "Well, you can tell Paul to stop. Cause, you know what? I like it better this way. I've got detention for 2 whole weeks." I folded my arms proudly.
"Well, Susannah, I'm surprised at you. I'm surprised at how you're handling your emotions. I thought it'd be easier this way."
"Well, it is!" I was beginning to feel more blend in with the bad girls. Today I wore my leather Jacket that I wore on the first day that I got here. And also the jeans that my mother told me not to wear. And also dark sunglasses that made me look more like a gang member.
When suddenly Jesse materialized into the office. Hmph! "Father D. You said that you needed something. I came as fast as I could."
"Well-"
"What were you doing before?" I asked sarcasticly. "Breaking other peoples heart?" I smirked.
Jesse gave me a look. I don't think he noticed that it was me. It took him awhile. "Susannah? Susannah! You've, you've-"
"I've moved on. That's what happened to me." Suddenly my heart went thump! I fell of the chair.
"Susannah!" Jesse went to help me.
"You do not call me Susannah. Okay? Nobody calls me Susannah anymore." I sat down in the chair again.
"I'm sorry about what happened."
"I don't need you to pity me!"
"Susannah. Don't be like that." Jesse put his hand on mine. Which made me heart leap about a mile. And I fell off the chair. Darn that chair. Darn me for still having feelings for Jesse! Darn Jesse for breaking my heart!
"I-I" I stammered. "I've got to go home now." And I ran out of the office.
I still have feelings for Jesse, but he moved on already. He clearly doesn't love me anymore. So why? Why can't I just forget about him and move on? Maybe he was right. This wouldn't work. It is only for the better. I mean, he's died, and I'm, well, not.
I could feel tears in my eyes. I want Jesse. We were meant to be together. But he just doesn't feel the same for me. I can't blame him.
"Hey Suze." And I saw Kelly and her group of cool people behind her. I quickly wiped away my tears. I didn't want them to see me crying. Especially Paul.
"Hey." My voice was uneven. Maybe from all the crying.
"Are you crying?" Kelly asked staring in disbelief. What? Can't I cry?
"No." I started walking faster. I caught a glimps of Paul smirking. Jerk. Aren't all men jerks? "Look Kelly, I-I need to go."
"Okay. But I wanted to talk to you about, um, school." She mumered.
"Not today, okay?" I headed out the door.
"Um, okay. Bye. Hope you feel better."
I shot her a looks as if I didn't know what she was talking about.
"Hey Suze. S'up!" Paul came from behind me.
"Leave me alone Paul." I muttered. "I-I have some emo-stuff to sort out. So if you will please."
"Okay. Well, just let me drive you home okay?" He offered. Nicely.
"No Paul. You're definatly not the most trusted person in the world." I said truthfully.
"C'mon Suze. I won't try anything. waan't it I who helped sort out your emotions? Didn't I help you? Did I try anything?"
Of cource I'm not going to let him. I mean, when have I ever let him drive me home. He's is NOT somebody that I would trust. But I let him drive me home anyway. I don't know why. Maybe it's because I was too heartbroken to think. Or maybe, I trusted him a little. I mean, he did help me earlier. So, I guess I own him one.
I could have sworn I saw somebody move from my bedroom window. Jesse. What's he doing here? To watch me beat somebody up. Maybe this was a chance. For me to get back at Jesse. But it could only make me more heartbroken. I know that I asked for it.
"Paul. Why don't you come in. I mean, after all, I do own you one for helping me with my crazy emotions." I said.
Paul only looked bemused, but didn't say anything. Maybe it's because he didn't want to snap me out of whatever crazy condition I'm in right now.
"Hey Suze!" Andy greeted us. "Do you know what Brad is?"
"Probably with Kelly or something." I sighed. And then I turned to look at the smiling Paul. Yes, smiling. "You wait here a minute. I'll be right back."
"Oh look, Jesse. What an unpleasant surprise. This is my bedroom and you're not welcomed here anymore! So GET OUT!" I hollered.
"Suze, I-"
"I said GET OUT! You're not welcomed here anymore. I have guest over." I screamed. Ah, what a good way to release anger.
"Suze, can't we just tal-"
"No! We can't! You could have done that 2 weeks a-"
"Suze! What's going on? I heard you screaming downstairs." Paul asked coming into the room.
"Slater." Jesse muttered something unpleasant.
"De Silva. What are you doing here?"
"I belong here."
"No you don't! Get out, Jesse! You're no longer welcomed here." I said. No, I don't have a heart. Anymore.
"And he is?" Jesse asked in a tone that I have never heard him use before.
"Like I said, I've moved on." I felt empty inside. I don't pity Jesse.
He gave me a soul shattering glare, and dematerialized.
I know that it was wrong of me to use Paul. I was hurt, by Jesse. Everything that Paul have done the past few days were sweet. But it wouldn't have worked out anyway. He's not my type. But Jesse is. And I can't help but to think that I ruined it. I've loved Jesse. And I realize that I still do and always will.
Jesse's POV:
All I wanted was to talk with Susannah. She changed, after what happened between us. She became, I can't say. But she's different now. And she really does seem to have moved on. And maybe I need to too. But part of me still wanted to be her. I loved her. But it wouldn't have worked out between us anyway.
I wanted to be with her. And I know that some part of her wanted to be with me too. I felt something when I held on to her hand.
It wouldn't have worked out. And I knew that the sooner that break it to her. It better that it will be for the both of us.
But it's all over now. And I ruined it. I would check us when she's sleeping, so peaceful, and I can tell that she hurt.
And I still remember the connection, the kisses, and the embrace that we shared. And I will never forget it. All that happened between us will be kept forever in my memory. And nothing can erase that.
I took for granted,
all the times
that I thought would last somehow.
I heard the laughters,
I tasted the tears,
but I can't get near you now.
Oh can't you see it baby,
you got me going crazy.
Wherever you go,
whatever you do,
I will be right here waiting for you.
Whatever it takes,
or how my heart brakes,
I will be right here waiting for you.