Just Last Night

A Seiya x Usagi drabble

A/N: This is just a little something I whipped up today. Writing this is strange, because I feel like I support both SeiyaxUsagi and MamoruxUsagi, and I don't see any point in bashing Mamoru cos' basically...he's not a bad guy. Then again, neither is Seiya. I'm writing this piece trying to focus on how difficult choices and mistakes can be for Usagi to make. After all, she is only sixteen (and being a sixteen year old girl myself, I know how difficult stuff can seem sometimes). Apologies for any grammar or spelling mistakes and please review my work as constructively as you can.

Disclaimer: I don't own Sailor Moon. Only this story. And even that isn't too great a claim, heh.

I was drinking coffee when she walked in. Like a well trained dog, I was alert to her presence, even though her footsteps were almost weightless.

"Do you want to go for a run?" She asks me. Tracksuit bottoms hung at taut hip bones, a wife beater rolling up to just below her navel. I think about how beautiful she is. I always do. I take another sip of coffee, giving myself time to think.

"Sure." I nod. She smiles thinly, and waits for me to finish my coffee and bagel.

Outside, Tokyo is vague geometry of buildings, washed clean by the silence of early morning. The sky was just a plain amber canvas, and tinted her naked shoulders a soft orange. We start jogging lightly, syncopated to each other's footsteps. It always amazed me how light she felt. She almost felt made of air, like she had to be pinned down in order to keep her on Earth.

A knot formed in my throat at the thought.

Then she started to run harder, faster. I kept up with her, watching her legs kick up like a mechanised machine. I think of how her face must look. Angry, hard, dark; all of the things she is not. All of the things I feel he has made her. She slows down, we whir past buildings, past direction signs, never moving in a steady path, always diverting and finding new routes to travel down.

"I'm thirsty." She announces.

"Not surprised." I grin, already pulling out some yen for a soda. I get her an ice water and me an iced tea. We sit wordlessly, robotically taking gulps from our drinks. I watch the telephone lines cut through the slowly brightening sky while she stares at her hands, trying to get more used to this city.

"I'm tired."

"You've been running a long time."

Neither of us can tell what I mean when I say that. It cuts through the atmosphere a little, and she clamps her little mouth shut.

"I'm sorry, I meant-"

"I know." She interrupts me.

"You can always stay with me, Odango." I blurt out. The words sound clumsy, unrehearsed, but they come from within the very core of me.

She stands up. I think of her running away until she is lost, a dim silhouette in a city that is not my home. Instead she makes it to the curb of the pavement and looks down for a long time.

"Really?" She says softly. I feel my heart hurt a little.

"Yes." I force out.

She turns back, her eyes glowing, marvellous in their expression. I think absentmindedly about how nothing could ever capture those eyes; the length of the eyelashes or the emotion captured in each look.

"I'm very happy you said that." She whispers. "Very happy."

My heart stops. "Really?"

"Yes." She nods, walking back towards me. She takes hold of my hands and strokes them with her thumb. I could see her thinking, even as she peered at the calluses on my fingers from hours of playing the guitar. "But- but."

She releases my hands, and leans back on the bench, her eyes focussing on nothing.

"Do you love me, Seiya?"

I feel no hesitation in my answer. "You know I do."

"Okay." She breathes out, then leans forward, skimming her hands up and down the material of her tracksuit bottoms. "Okay."

I could see her mind spinning. I could feel my heart already twist as she stood there; on the verge of either breaking it or saving it.

"It's impossible."

For some reason, I smile. It is if I have known this all along, even though my heart shatters with her soft words.. "Why is that, Odango?"

She frowns at me. "You know why."

"Ah, Mamo-chan." I say teasingly, trying to keep the venom out of my voice. "I don't like him."

She laughs humourlessly. "But I do."

My patience snaps like a delicate thread at this moment. My jaw tightens and my voice grows darker and I feel anger pass through me like a shiver. "Is that why you came last night?" I stand up, feeling irritated and restless. "Is that why he makes you cry? Because he loves you? Is that why you and me-?"

She stops me. "Don't. You shouldn't have let me kiss you in the first place."

"Oh? Who am I suddenly, Odango? Your guardian? Last I checked, you had more than enough to keep you in check." I hate the bitterness in my voice. A silence passes, and she looks boldly into my eyes, her focus strong and solid.

Sunlight spills all around her body as she stands up and jogs on. I feel my feet go after her. I match every change in tempo in her, from fast to slow, from friend to lover. It is a fault in my being, this necessity to be with her, no matter how hurt I become. I am overcome with a sense of loss as we run, and I realise I am crying when the wind makes my tears feel cold.

We stop again. She stands, lacing her fingers behind her back.

"I wish I could fall in love with you."

I feel my throat rise. "Then just do."

She shakes, and then I realise she is crying. Maybe it is all too easy for me, and not at all easy for her. I walk up to her, and she presses her face to my shoulder, sniffing.

"You told me not to feel bad." She sobs.

"I said I'd carry you off, too."

"I thought you were joking."

I shake my head. I never joked with her.

"I'm sorry."

I take in the scent of her hair, warm and fragrant, like baking bread. "Don't apologise, Odango."

"I'm sorry about last night."

"Last night was just..." I can't believe I'm saying this. "Just last night, OK?"

She looks back at me, looking shocked and then relieved. She opens her mouth to say something, and then closes her mouth again. We hug for a little while, secluded in the stillness of the morning, and the promises we both made.

Last night was just last night.

I feel bittersweet as she rests in my arms, the combination of the best and worst sensations in the world flooding me in an indescribable ache.

She holds my arm as we walk back, and rests her head on my shoulder. I feel as if she is giving me access to her for a little longer, to compensate for the hurt she feels she has caused. We say nothing, even as she talks to Mamoru back at my apartment, her voice flat as she recites promises and 'I love you's. I can tell she is trying to keep her voice down for my sake, but I hear everything.

"He's picking me up at ten." She says, snapping her cell phone back down. I look quickly to the clock; 9.40 a.m. I feel like all the breath has escaped my chest, but not like the hazy breathlessness of last night as our lips parted, a more dreaded breathless, filled with escape and loss.

We watch TV a little to fill the silence between us. For too long I watch the digits of the clock change, until it reaches 9:56 a.m., and we know it's over.

"Um, thanks for letting me stay over, I'm sorry if I troubled you." She says.

"That's OK."

Quickly she goes into my arms, and I hold her fiercely, as if the violence of my embrace will keep her here.

"I'm..."

"Don't say you're sorry."

She giggles a little; a beautiful sound I don't hear enough, melodic and sweet.

"OK."

"I'm always here." I repeat.

"I know." She sighs.

We part a little, my hands stilling over her shoulders. I look into her eyes, bleared and soft. I think of last night; of the tiny circle of the moon outside the window, crowning the stars in the sky. In that instance I thought about how much closer the stars were to the Moon than the Earth ever was, and how I was feeling that intimacy now in her lips.

And I'm kissing her again, wrapping her jacket round her shoulders, keeping her close for a few more seconds. It isn't rough like last night, it's tender and brief, and brings departure ever closer.

"I have to go, Seiya."

"I know." I whisper, still wrapping her jacket around her shoulders.

She's out of the door when she turns back to me, and smiles. "Maybe we could go running next week?"

Her smile reaches me, and I grin. "Maybe."