Trustless
A Loveless fanfiction
Katsushiga Hoshibi
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I have never regretted following orders. If it meant being beaten, raped, abused, or even killed, I would gladly follow any order that Ritsuka gave. Those were the final orders of the one that I loved most at one time. Belong to Ritsuka. Be ordered by Ritsuka. Love Ritsuka.
The order I was following tonight was a little out of the ordinary. If I had chosen to have any will of my own, I might have denied this command. Disregard that. There's no use thinking of pointless hypothetical situations. If I was to be cold and calculating, as I wanted the world to see me, then it was counter productive to even consider such petty situations.
The situation I did need to think of most at the moment was my date for tonight. Ritsuka had actually ordered me out on a date with the one person I have never wanted to be close to. Even though she was older than me, that wasn't what bothered me the most. The problem manifested in how weak she was, how much I would have to protect her from the secret world of fighters and sacrifices. Shinonome-sensei may as well been a child in my eyes. At the very least, she had the ears of the station.
When Ritsuka ordered me to take her out for a night on the town, I had to ask him twice what he meant. It was adorable to watch Ritsuka become frazzled with my lack of understanding. Shinonome-sensei had been depressed recently, and since Ritsuka knew that she had a… crush… on me, that it would only be "nice" for me to ask her out. In my mind, it was anything but nice. I couldn't fall in love with her. Or was it that I refused to allow myself to fall in love?
Despite what Kio might want people to think, I've been with my fair share of women. I can't help but smile when I think of how most people must view me because of Ritsuka. Have I been with men? Of course. My sexuality? I've never bothered to flesh that out for myself.
Women never really stayed around in my life. Usually a night or two, and then they're gone. Out of sight, out of mind. That's most likely why I didn't want anything to do with Shinonome-sensei. Somewhere deep in my soul, I knew that she wouldn't be so willing to just disappear after a few nights. I've had a few who acted that way before.
Yukiko was a girl who didn't go away after a few weeks. This was when Seimei came into my life. Yukiko figured out that Seimei wasn't just a good friend. He was my master. I was more indecisive back then and she had to get hurt. I'm not sure that they ever found the body after Seimei took a walk with her. Something died inside that day.
Aside from Seimei, who never made love to me, but enjoyed seeing guys have their way with me or seeing me sexually abuse the girl du jour, I never had another male lover. Kio didn't count. Especially after I found out that he had a wife.
Between having to abuse women for Seimei's pleasure or being violated by other men for his pleasure, I never had anytime to consider my feelings about relationships. Perhaps I was as afraid of how I was going to treat Shinonome-sensei as much as how I knew I couldn't protect her from my secret world.
The situation was only made worse by the phone call.
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Dialing the number on my cell phone, I sighed as Ritsuka watched impatiently from my bed. "Shinonome-sensei. This is Soubi," I calmly announced as I lighted a cigarette.
"A-agatsuma… san..?" Her stutter was adorable in the way I was reminded of Ritsuka. Speaking of which, he had by this point taken my cigarette and extinguished it. It was an annoying habit of his.
"Meet me at the park near Ritsuka's house. I'm seeing you tonight," I commanded. It had been a few years since I had done this. Her shock was apparent by the cute sounds that she uttered. It made me smile.
"Soubi! You need to be more careful of Shinonome-sensei's feelings! If you hurt her, I won't forgive you," Ritsuka whispered in an angry voice.
"That is, if you're free, I would like to meet you in the park. Would you care for some dinner together with me?" My eyes flicked over to the alarm clock. It read four thirty-seven. "How does six sound?"
"Eh?! Um! Y-yes, I'll see you at six!" Shinonome-sensei was so excited that she actually hung up on me. So it was set; the park at six.
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One hour, twenty-two minutes later, I waited for Shinonome-sensei to arrive. Rolling my tongue against the roof of my mouth, I desperately wanted a cigarette. Ritsuka had forbidden that. He had done everything short of pouring bleach down my throat in order to purge the ash smell from my breath. Silently, I wondered what Ritsuka intended for me to do with Shinonome-sensei.
My mind wasn't allowed much time to wonder as she had just arrived. I smiled as the clock toned the arrival of six o'clock. It was nice to see a woman punctual for a change. She was dressed in attire I had seen her in before. The long, white pleated skirt and the ornate red shirt was dressy, but not over confident.
"Agatsuma-san, I hope you weren't waiting long," she said, slightly out of breath. I'd been waiting for ten minutes, but I wouldn't ever reveal that secret.
"No, I just got here. Would you care for Western or Japanese tonight?" I smiled as best as I could. With a little hope, she would just let me leave without so much as the trouble.
"W-well, I was, um, thinking that maybe we could do something a little more… special, than that," she blushed. I felt my lips part slightly in confusion as I was caught off guard. "Since you're a college student, I worry that you might not eat right, s-so would it be okay for me to cook you a meal tonight?"
I considered the situation. In all honesty, I hated eating out. The food was never sincere. My taste buds weren't trained for such filthy lies that get served at restaurants. True food should say from the bottom of the heart, "I love you." Maybe that was a little too sincere for what I had been ordered to do tonight.
"If you don't, that's okay. I, um, was probably a little too-" I cut her off.
Smiling, I answered her, "I would love to. It's nice to be thought of so kindly." Inside, I felt as though my eyes might start to water. I didn't want kindness. More so I hated that she was offering me something that I knew I would enjoy.
"But, can I ask you one favor?"
I blinked. "What would that be?"
"C-can I call you Soubi… san?" With her head tilted downward and eyes staring up at me, it couldn't help but draw a smile to my face.
"Yes, you may, Hitomi-san." She blushed and turned away at this. I don't feel love as a normal person might, so I quickly became curious with what she might be thinking or feeling.
"Th-then let's go to my place before it gets any colder out," she said as she led the way for me. I doubted that it would get much colder. The early spring air was cool and moist. The seasonal weather was one of the few things I had been looking forward to this evening.
The first ten minutes were decidedly awkward. She didn't say anything at all, and all I wanted was another cigarette to burn my mouth on. If Ritsuka had ordered me to abandon my smoking addiction, I would have done so in a second's notice, but not without a few trifle difficulties. The silence suited the atmosphere just fine. Part of me hoped that she would get the hint and just excuse herself from this mess of an evening.
That was when my cell vibrated. Stopping for a moment, I dug it out of the blazer that Ritsuka had forced me to wear. One small text message lay in my inbox, a note from Ritsuka himself ordering me to enjoy myself and to make Shinonome-sensei feel good tonight. The message was completed with a smiley face meant to look as though it were sticking its tongue out at me. I smiled at this adorable action.
"Soubi-san, is something wrong?" Hitomi looked concerned. Maybe she even believed it was from another girl I knew. Yet she didn't seem jealous, if that was the case.
"Ritsuka sent a little message, reminding me to be on my best behavior," I replied casually, if not dismissively.
"Ritsuka-kun?"
I nodded. "I told him about how I was seeing you tonight. He must have only gotten his messages now," I lied. In an attempt to defuse the awkward situation, I laughed. "Ritsuka said that he was afraid that I wouldn't act like a gentleman."
Another blush. Exactly how far Hitomi had fallen for me, I became more and more concerned about. It wouldn't do to see her become hurt, or dependant on me. In all honesty, I wasn't sure what was worse. At least Seimei wasn't around anymore to remove her forcibly from my life. These thoughts came to a cease as we reached her apartment.
Located on the second floor of an apartment complex, I was a little taken aback by what lay behind the doors. As my apartment was an efficiency, it was nothing to write home about. Hitomi's apartment was extravagant by comparison. It was a one bedroom, one bathroom with a kitchen, dining area, and living room. After we had removed our shoes, we stepped inside, which gave me a stronger appreciation for her habitat.
As an art student, it wouldn't have done to ignore some of the fine art that was arranged carefully on her walls. One piece in particular caught my attention. It was a classical Japanese painting, two butterflies, one blue and the other red, sitting upon a bamboo stalk. The dark strokes of the bamboo made the vibrant blue and red butterflies stand out strongly against the off-white canvas.
"That's one of my favorite pieces," Hitomi commented quietly. "The artist who drew this for me commented that life is as two butterflies fluttering on a single tree, always close, but always apart."
I took in the piece a little more. "May I ask who did the painting for you?"
"My father did before he passed away a few years ago. It was his last piece of artwork," she said as she moved into the kitchen to start preparing the meal. At a second glance, I realized that she had completed most of the work already and was merely reheating the pot on the stove.
"The piece has a lot of soul to it. Yet I wonder why the butterflies can never touch, even if they're a breath away?"
As I turned to look at her again, she had a very sad smile. I was taken aback by this, wondering if I had overstepped by bounds. Without warning, her expression suddenly brightened.
"I think that as well, Soubi-san. If the butterflies are so close, they should be allowed to touch."
Dinner was very appetizing. Hitomi prepared a surprisingly appetizing dish consisting of pasta covered in a white sauce with chicken mixed in. Even the salad she had prepared was beyond my expectations. Beyond those surprises was the wine, or lack there of. During the course of our meal, Hitomi explained that she never drank alcohol, as it had been the cause of her father's declining health until he died. In its stead, we had a fruity drink mixed with carrot juice. The flavor was unique, yet enjoyable.
Afterwards, I found myself sitting next to Hitomi on her couch, enjoying a cup of coffee. She had grown on me a little. Even her ears were adorable to me now. As the hours grew late, we talked more and more about our various interests and hobbies. To my amusement, it appeared that her father had taught her many things about traditional Japanese art forms.
Unintentionally at first, we started moving closer to each other. I'm not even sure that either of us realized it at the time. Then Hitomi moved almost a little too close and pulled her face back an inch. Moments passed by with our heartbeats as I gazed into her creamy brown eyes. Finally, I steeled up my courage and cupped her face in my palm.
"Agatsuma-san," she started before I put a finger to her lips.
Then I leaned in and kissed her. Hitomi's soft lips grazed mine before locking tightly, enveloping my lips deeper into the kiss. As we wrapped arms around each other, I felt her curves as she melted against my body. Pulling her shirt free of her skirt, I slide my hand up her back.
Hitomi's tongue became more daring, darting across my lips to brush across mine. Gently, I laid her down as I positioned myself over her, kissing her gently and with a strong passion. Her shirt came off slowly as my fingertips grazed her skin, catching on her bra for only the briefest of moments. To my surprise, I began to notice that Hitomi was working on unclasping her skirt and slowly sliding it off.
"Soubi… I want you to be my first," she said as she pulled me tightly against her half-naked body.
Smiling, I kissed her lightly. "I'll be a perfect gentleman for you." Inside I wondered whom I was doing this for. I wasn't sure if it was for myself or Ritsuka or even Hitomi.
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Morning came late for us. In many ways, I was glad that it was a Sunday. That way I wouldn't be late for work in the studio and Hitomi wouldn't be late for school. Turning over in the bed, I took in the new Hitomi Shinonome. Without her ears, she looked different. More mature in a lot of ways besides the obvious. I had been surprised with how many times we underwent adult acts last night. It was a great surprise that we even bothered getting half dressed in order to fall asleep together.
Stirring a little, Hitomi fluttered her eyes open. In response, I leaned over to kiss her gently on the forehead. She responded by cuddling into me.
"I love you, Soubi."
Perhaps that it had been so very long ago that I'd heard such sincere words that I was a little taken aback by this sudden declaration. Even during our night of passion, we didn't exchange any such words with each other. In order to gain some time to think of a proper response, I covered her mouth with my own. Then I came up with the only logical option.
"I love you, too, Hitomi," I said, not entirely sure if it was the best action.
As we cuddled, we talked about nothing and everything. For that moment, it seemed as though we were the only two people that mattered in the world. Then I became reminded of my true purpose. I was Ritsuka's fighter. I was Ritsuka's slave.
No matter how I might feel towards another person, he would always be the one that came first. As this shadow crossed my mind, I remembered that it was Ritsuka in the first place that ordered me to fall in love with Hitomi. I was only following orders, even if I may have been truly falling in love. The truth remained that I would never be certain which was more important, nor would I care.
"Soubi, there's one thing on my mind that worries me," she announced, drawing my attention back fully onto her. "Since we… did that a lot… and you, um, well, you… several times… um," she blushed. "I'm worried about maybe getting pregnant.
If nothing else in the world would have served as a wake up call to reality, Hitomi had found the one. In my haste, out of need, out of desire, out of the start of love, I had thrown caution to the wind. I could only hope that it wouldn't come back to haunt me.
"Hitomi," I said as I kissed her neck. "No matter what happens, we'll be together to handle any situation." My diversion seemed to work as she allowed herself to melt against my body again.
"Um, yes…" She half-moaned. I smiled to myself at the ease I found when seducing her. "What about your bandages… why do you always wear them?"
I subconsciously touched my bandage as I reminded myself of how Seimei had branded my skin as his property, only to leave me alone as he died, and then to be tossed to Ritsuka who then tossed my body to Hitomi. Somehow, I felt that she wasn't ready yet. I knew that I wasn't ready to share that part of my past with her.
So I smiled. "In time, I will show you, but not today," I replied. Hitomi seemed to accept this answer as she lay against me, falling asleep.
Reaching over to my pants, I pulled out my cell phone. Several new messages were awaiting me from Ritsuka. Most of them seemed to be relating to Hitomi. A few of them asked where I was, but there was a lot of accusation of my forcing Hitomi into inappropriate adult "things." I smiled at my adorable Ritsuka.
If he had such an issue with this, then maybe Ritsuka should have been more careful when ordering me out on a date with Hitomi. So instead of responding right away as I might have done earlier, I lay back in bed with my new lover and drifted off to sleep.
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Note from the Author
Within a day of publishing Earless, my first Loveless fanfiction, it appeared that I found an odd market in writing hetero relationships for shonen-ai characters. Kouga's work continues to inspire me with this shipping. As Yuiko and Ritsuka make a wonderful pair, I really think that Soubi could be happy with Hitomi-sensei.
Oh, and to just clarify something, Kio is married (and has a daughter), as per the canon as far as I can discover. This surprised me a bit, and became something I definitely needed to add, just to make it so that Soubi had no obvious, lasting relationships for the purpose of this story.