Sawyer ~
Ever since you jumped out of that helicopter, I've been thinking about you, and every day I forget something else. I'm forgetting the way you walk, the way you speak, the way you smile…
I'm forgetting you.
I know I always made you feel like you were second best. I know I made it seem like you were just an option. That was never it, James. I can promise you that. I was just scared. I didn't want to let you in, but you broke down my walls. You did that from Day One. You saw through it all; you knew everything from the start, and it scared me. I didn't want you to see who I really was because every time somebody found out, once they learned the things I've done, they never looked at me the same way again.
I didn't want to lose you, and that's the only reason I acted the way I did. And now you're not here with me anyway. That's my fault too.
I should've jumped. The only thing that kept me from going after you was Clem. You wanted me to help make things right with her and Cass. And I did, Sawyer. She got exactly what you wanted her to.
But now I'm sitting here, writing this letter to you at the end of this notebook, knowing you'll probably never even read it.
Every entry in here is a memory I have of you. I write down what I remember so that at least I'll always have them to rely on. I refuse to let go just because you aren't around anymore. My memories are the only part of you I have left, and I won't lose them too.
I hope you'll find this one day, or that I'll be able to give it to you, just so that you know how much I miss you and how much I love you.
I love you.
That's the honest truth. I've always loved you. Always. Don't you dare doubt that for even a second.
I miss you, James.
I'm sorry I didn't come after you.
x Freckles