Chapter 1: Meet Patrick
September 7th, 1991
Dear friend,
I am writing to you because I didn't know who else to tell and if you only knew me you would know that not telling anyone is an impossible task! I know last time I wrote to you, I was, to keep things brief, a mess. Brad was consuming more alcohol than a small college sorority, and I was considering joining him. Well, I guess I have Sam to thank for keeping me steady during that time. She, of all people I guess, knows what it's like when drinking takes over who you are, and she was able to remind me that it wasn't worth it. Anyway, we spent a lot of lonely Saturday nights hanging out together at home like the pair of losers we are. Sitting there, slouched in front of Saturday Night Live with our cocoa and our blanket, you wouldn't think we were seniors in the prime of our lives. Yet, it felt good. I felt like I meant more than some drunken night. It was hard, seeing him in school, wasted out of his mind, flinching whenever I came near like I was this terrible contagious disease he didn't want to be infected with. It hurt like hell.
A few weeks of this went on and I thought I was getting over him, but I guess I had just become numb to the feeling of rejection. That is, until yesterday. Yesterday I saw him again. Or rather, he saw me. (I've been staring at him for weeks now), because for the first time in months he looked up across the school hall and really looked at me, and I knew I had him back. He showed up later that night, he must have heard through the grapevine about mine and Sam's parents being on holiday and taken a chance. I felt him first. I was in my bedroom and I knew he was outside, staring up at me. A part of me wanted to pull the blind down and walk away, show him just how powerful just simply ignoring someone can be. Unfortunately for me I was already down the stairs and in his arms before this thought even entered my head.
For someone who didn't even acknowledge my existence a few weeks back, he had a hell of a lot to say. He said things that sound really cliché in books and films and then when someone says them to you your totally blown away like its the most sincere thing you've ever heard. Things like 'It wasn't you it was me, I never meant to hurt you, I needed space, I'm so confused' etcetera, etcetera. So he said these things and I said some things too and then we ended up fooling around in bed together like we always do. So I guess this is an event that I've written to you a thousand times over by now.
Anyway, the reason I'm telling you any of this all over again this time is because for once, he was sober, and I thought you of all people would know how much more important that was than any of the clichéd movie lines in the world.
Love Always
Patrick