Just a short little drabble I made up.
Title: Eclipse
Summary: A short little drabble based on a song. Draco falls out of love with Hermione after three years together. How does she feel?
Disclaimer: I don't own Total Eclipse of the Heart. I don't own Draco or Hermione. I own the story, though.
He is there. I can see him. He is within touching distance, yet I cannot reach him. He makes no move to reach me, although he must know how lonely I am.
I was never one to cry easily. And now I cry almost every night. I have gotten used to it. I have gotten used to lying beside him, my face buried in the pillow, trying not to wake him with the sound of my tears.
Draco and I have been married for more than three years already. We thought we were in love; we thought we had that eternal flame that keeps people together even through death. We didn't. He has drifted away from me.
Sometimes I get scared. It's strange, really. I get scared of hating him and loving him at the same time. Hating him for falling out of love with me; loving him just because I do. And then he looks at me. He looks at me coldly, though he tries to pretend he still looks at me with his eyes shining with love, like he used to. Eventually I calm down. And then I am no longer scared. I hate him at times like these; hate him with a fire and a passion unlike anything I have ever felt before.
And then I fall apart. I sometimes go to a friend's house, and cry my heart out with a steaming cup of tea in my hands. It's nice to know some people still care about me, even if they disapprove of our relationship. Unlike him.
And I need him now. I really need him. I know he is still the one who kisses me goodnight, and he is still the one who holds me when I lose myself and start crying in front of him. I know he never really means it, but it's still nice to know he's there. The only problem is, he isn't. Not really.
And now I'm staring off into space again. I'm dreaming. It's wild, and far-fetched, but I desperately wish it would come true.
I'm dreaming of myself. I dream of myself crying, and then he wraps his arms around me and holds me tightly against him until my sobs subside. And then I see forever. I see it as it could have been, had he loved me. He loves me, and I love him. I can feel his love around me, enveloping me. We would be accepted, and not pushed to the side and forsaken as we are now. Because we were not wrong. We were right, because we were only a couple blindly in love.
And then I shake myself out of those thoughts, and gaze into his cold steel eyes. Unloving eyes, I think. And then I think of how he never tells me anything. Perhaps he is scared of losing. I know he's always been like that, too proud to back down. Maybe that was why we were still together. He was forcing it, so he wouldn't have to admit to anyone that he had quit. I don't know.
I remember the old days. Those days when there was light and happiness. The days when we were right, when we were forever, when we were only a couple blindly in love. Those days when I could feel his love around me, enveloping me in its enticing folds. And I think of the mystery that is now. Why can't I do anything? Why am I this helpless? Why am I falling apart, when I hate him? And then I know. I know that this is an eclipse. But I am not a foolish schoolgirl any more. I cannot fool myself into thinking this is just an eclipse, and it will pass. I know this is permanent. I know he will never love me again.