A/N: Whooops... obvious mistake corrected. If you find any other, don't hesitate to tell me. Thanks!
For those who are reading Katzen Blut, I know I haven't updated in two weeks, and you must be angry with me (ha! I wish!) But really, life isn't being that kind with me. My kitten Mina (who had been with me for only a week, therefore I haven't been able to write much) is very sick, thanks to a poorly done surgery and I'm very afraid of loosing her. So, I'm making this fic (In fact I'm only translating other one I wrote before, but, well, translating is far easier than writing, so you understand). I will appreciate any good thought you sent to Mina for her recovery, and I hope you can make head or foot of this, because I can't. I'm sorry about the mistakes here. And I promise to update Katzen Blut this sunday to finally have the beginning of the Vietnam arc on net.
This little One Shot is something like the prologue to "Wish upon a star", but I think this works very well alone. The Baron's part will come when I see if there are enough people who likes this XD. Just what I think will be needed for them to be together.
So... The cat returns is not mine and neither is Grease.
Enjoy
Hopelessly devoted to you
-Baron, just for the record, I think I might have a little crush on you- said the girl, confessing the feelings that made her heart beat faster and her cheeks to redden (and to transform into a cat, but that only in a certain other dimension) while the privacy was still available between them.
-Just for the record, I admire a young woman who speaks from the heart- polite lines, yes, but cold too. A gentle way to tell the girl that he wasn't interested in her. But of course, that was far less cruel than not allowing her to tell anything. And he, of course, knew it already, but she had to tell it, she had to let it out her soul before regretting it forever. A little hope dancing around in her heart just the same as the little splash of milk in the cup of tea.
She moved the spoon again inside her cup, making the light white lines move around in small swirls, to disappear and blur, achieving a pale pink color. It wasn't the first time her own special blend of tea was a color other than brown, experimenting as she was at last dates with not-so-normal herbs.
-Jamaica...- she said in low voice, mixing once again the tea -I bet he would never use jamaica- she continued talking with herself, the same conversation of the last two days. Two days in which look beyond the window, make tea and drink it had been her main activities. The radio, that she had let on, changed suddenly from the waltz CD she used to listen, to one of her mother's CDs. A song could be heard, one that made her remember of those last moments at Baron's side... Baron. She smiled; she was beginning to forget the complete name of the wood figurine she was in love with. Her lips moved on time with the song.
Guess mine is not the first heart broken,
my eyes are not the first to cry
I'm not the first to know,
there's just no gettin' over you
A year ago she had spent every single tear in store. Every night dreaming of him, only to wake up and discover that he would not be there. That she would never see his emerald green eyes. That she would never again feel his hands on her waist, handling her as a priceless object. No, not object. Treasure, she corrected herself with a tear burning at the edge of her left eye. That she would never hear his voice saying her name. But... how could she be so foolish? Did she really think she was the only one to fall for him? No... it wasn't possible. The portrait hanging in his home-office had a woman... cat... so similar to him. What they were to each other? If when she received Yuki's message, sharing her wedding with her she had seen the same half-cat in the store-window... what place did she had in Barn's life, when he himself used it as a barrier?
But she laughed once again with those thoughts, another tear travelling down her cheeks from her supposedly dry eyes. Unfortunately she trusted herself. And trusting herself meant that she knew to what extent she was able to destroy herself in this fruitless search for a heart that would never be hers. She trusted in her being completely crazy, mad. She trusted in being able to help others, yes, that much was truth. But she couldn t do the same for her. She could only be saved by Baron. And Baron would never see the sorry excuse of herself she had turned into.
Hello, I'm just a fool who's willing
to sit around and wait for you
But baby can't you see,
there's nothin' else for me to do
I'm hopelessly devoted to you
-What hurts me the most is to had said you what I feel- Haru said in the brief pause in the song, her eyes closed, imagining her feline hero in front of her, sitting down, drinking her tea. "And that you were so polite when turning me down."
But then again, what did she have to offer? what was she? what could she be? The epiphanic moment she was confronted with made her open her eyes, causing more tears to make the trip down to the folds of her shirt. What future did a relationship between a Creation (a wooden figurine) and a human have? The hysterics almost made her laugh, if it weren't for the enormous wish to cry she had. He was immortal, she was mortal. He was a cat, despite all the anthropomorphic features he had and she had renounced to be one. He was barely two feet tall, and she... she didn't even want to think about it. How could a love like that work?
But now there's nowhere to hide,
since you pushed my love aside
I'm not in my head,
hopelessly devoted to you
Hopelessly devoted to you,
hopelessly devoted to you
If Baron had felt something similar to what she had felt, it wasn't that amazing he had answered that way. How much maturity was needed to accept that what we want the more is the only we can't have?
-I'm getting over myself... I doubt he could love me- she said in loud voice, with half a smile before sipping a little from her tea. And if he didn't feel the same... then a small part of her could smile, sure that the feelings of anguish and abandonment were not shared. -At least, the only one suffering is me- and the warmth flooding her chest thinking Baron wasn't suffering as she was, was enough reward for all the pain she was feeling. -At least he can be happy.-
But her name, shouted in the tower... his voice. The way she was protected by him 'til the point of being shielded by his own body. The dance...
She shook her head. It wasn't possible. -Because you don't love me, right?- she asked out loud, looking through the window again to see the garden that not her mother, nor her tended to anymore. And the cat tails kept on growing, slower than before, but not by much. And Haru didn't want to get rid of that little souvenir. Not when she had no other thing to remember him with. And his name wasn't the only thing she was beginning to vanish form her memory. The fur just under his eyes was beige or orange? His pupils were dark green or black? what was the color on his vest's back? his suit was white or light gray? his shoes brown or black?
She laughed, hysterically this time, spilling some drops of tea on the table, seeing the small depth of her memories. -And at the end, it will be as if you were only a dream, won't it?- she asked to the air, ignoring the music. -A dream- she said a little more serene, her cup on the table and her right hand cleaning mechanically the spilled drops with a paper tissue.
My head is saying "fool, forget him",
my heart is saying "don't let go"
Hold on to the end,
that's what I intend to do
I'm hopelessly devoted to you
And her head was already making her forget him. Leaving him behind like another memory from childhood. But there were some things she could never forget, like the way her heart was beating strongly at the end, on the crow's path. The sound of his voice, calling her name and advising her not to stop believing in herself. The dance... the waltz...
The tea forgotten, her feet made the already known trail they always made when she was alone and there was music. Her hands hovering in the air, taking in them a hand that was not there and an absent shoulder. They were her anchor, the only thing keeping her sane and in that world. And she didn't want to let go of those memories, otherwise madness could come to her, take her fast and then nothing would be left of Baron to show. Nothing to show the humanity about a nosy figurine that made the world a better place.
But now there's nowhere to hide,
since you pushed my love aside
I'm not in my head,
hopelessly devoted to you
Hopelessly devoted to you,
And she wasn't going to hide anymore. After all, there was nowhere to hide. If Baron wanted to find her one day, and please-God-don't-allow-him, he could do it without troubles.
She smiled, this time without sadness in her gaze. Did it have any sense to hide from an impossible love? That wasn't fair. Totally unfair to Baron (and to all the others) to act that way. They hadn't asked for anything in exchange for their help, and the least she could do for them was to live her life to the fullest. Maybe without love... true, she would never stop loving Baron, to the death, but life isn't only about love, isn't it? There were dreams to make true, places to know, food to be eaten... Haru turned to watch the clock and ran to the front door and closed it behind her. The cup with the weird mix with jamaica flower stood on the table, completely forgotten. "At least I know I'm not entirely his clone" Haru thought, walking fast to the Crossroads "after all, I sincerely doubt he would use jamaica flower on his own tea blend."
Hopelessly devoted to you
Hiromi and she were walking by the Crossroads, just looking at the shop-windows in their path. This was a day like any other in which they saw each other, but the lighter brunette saw something different in her friend. Something she had not seen since a year before. At last Haru didn't look distant, like thinking about other place that Hiromi couldn't see. The girl looked more... real, yes, that was the word. Real.
-And?- Hiromi asked -Did you already thought what you are going to do?-
But Haru was apparently in her own world again, what had the virtue of making Hiromi smile. Yes, she was the same Haru from a year ago and the same absence of when she was a clumsy and shy girl, but her clumsy, shy and extremely cute friend. Haru had been left behind, looking through a window that wasn't a store. Hiromi returned to her side and saw the same her friend was seeing. A group of teenagers dancing waltz.
-Don't you believe is a little... old-fashioned?- Hiromi asked, but Haru wasn't listening to her.
-It looks...interesting- the young lacrosse player listened her friend murmur -It could work- and saw the glow in Haru's eyes, the same from a year before, the only time she had spoken about her new love, the time the only information she could get about him was that he had green eyes. And she felt comforted by the glow and the smile accompanying it.
-Come on- she said, gripping the girls arm and taking her inside the dancing school to ask for information. Yeah, maybe her best friend wasn't grace personified, but if something as simple as trying and, over all, if she kept on repeating her new mantra that she had learn God-knows-where: "Trust yourself", could make her get back her smile and make her see the sun shine again, then she was right. It could work.
Thanks for reading!