AVPM
Act 1 Scene 1
Prussia/Harry: Underneath these stairs I hear the sneers and feel the glares of my cousin, my uncle, and my aunt. Can't believe how cruel they are and it stings my lightning scar to know they'll never ever give me what I want.
I know I don't deserve these stupid rules made by the Dursleys here on Privet Drive. Can't take all of these Muggles but despite all of my struggles, I'm still alive…
I'm sick of summer and this waiting around. Man, its September and I'm skipping this town. Hey, it's no mystery, there's nothing here for me now…I gotta get back to Hogwarts!
I gotta get back to school. I gotta get myself to Hogwarts, where everybody knows I'm cool.
Back to witches and wizards and magical beasts, to goblins and ghosts and some magical feasts, it's all that I love and it's all that I need at Hogwarts! Hogwarts, I think I'm going back.
I'm gonna see my friends, gonna laugh 'till we cry; take my Firebolt, gonna take to the sky. No way this year is anyone gonna die and it's gonna be totally awesome!
I'll cast some spells with the flick of my wand. Defeat the Dark Arts, yeah, bring it on!
And do it all with my best friend Ron 'cause together we're totally awesome…
America/Ron: Yeah 'cause together we're totally awesome!
America/Ron (speech): Did somebody say Ron Weasley? Woo! Hey what's up buddy?
Prussia/Harry: Hey! (Man hugs)
America/Ron: Sorry it took me so long to get here I had…to go get…some…Floo Powder but, uh, we gotta get going so get your trunk and let's go.
Prussia/Harry: Where are we going?
America/Ron: To Diagon Alley, of course!
Prussia/Harry: Cool!
America/Ron: Come on!
America and Prussia/Ron and Harry (running around flapping their arms): Floo Powder Power – Floo Powder Power – Floo Powder Power – Floo Powder Power – Floo Powder Power!
America/Ron (singing): It's been so long…
Both: …but we're going back!
America/Ron: Don't go for work, don't go there for class!
Prussia/Harry: As long as we're together…
America/Ron: …gonna kick some ass…
Both: …and it's going to be totally awesome! This year we'll take everybody by storm; stay up all night, sneak out of our dorm!
Britain/Hermione: But let's not forget that we need to perform well in class if we want to pass our OWLs…
America/Ron: Whoa, God Hermione, why do you have to be such a buzz kill?
Britain/Hermione: Because guys, school's not all about having fun. We have to work hard if we want to be good witches and wizards. (singing) I may by frumpy but I'm super smart. Check out my grades, there A's for a start.
What I lack in looks, well, I make up in heart and guess what guys that is totally awesome! This year I plan to study a lot.
America/Ron: That would be cool if you were actually hot.
Prussia/Harry: Hey Ron, lay off, we're the only friends that she's got…
…and that's cool…
Britain/Hermione: …and that's totally awesome!
All Three: Yeah, it's so cool and it's totally awesome! We're sick of summer and this waiting around. It's like we're sitting in the lost and found. Don't take no sorcery, for anyone to see how…We gotta get back to Hogwarts! We gotta get back to school. Gotta get back to Hogwarts, where everything is magi-cool.
Cast: Back to witches and wizards and magical beasts, to goblins and ghosts and some magical feasts. It's that all that I love and it's all that I need at Hogwarts! Hogwarts, I think we're going back.
Act 1 Scene 2
Canada/Ginny: Ron!
You were supposed to take me to Madam Malkin's and use those sickles Mum gave you for my robe fittings!
Prussia/Harry: Uh, who's this?
America/Ron: Uh, This is stupid, little, dumb sister Ginny. She's a freshman. Ginny, this is Harry.
Prussia/Harry: Hey.
America/Ron: Harry Potter. It's Harry Potter.
Canada/Ginny: You're Harry Potter. You're the Boy-Who-Lived.
Prussia/Harry: Yeah, you're Ginny.
Canada/Ginny: It's Ginevra.
Prussia/Harry: Cool, Ginny's fine.
America/Ron: Stupid sister, -clap-, don't crowd the famous friend. -laugh-
Britain/Hermione: Do you guys here music or something?
Prussia/Harry: Music? What are you talking about?
America/Ron: Yeah, uh, someone's coming.
Prussia/Harry: Someone's coming?
Belgium, China and Ukraine/Cho and Friends: Cho Chang! Domo arigatto, Cho Chang! Gung hey fat choy Chang! Happy, Happy New Year, Cho Chang!
Canada/Ginny: Oh, who's that?
Prussia/Harry: That's Cho Chang.
America/Ron: That's the girl that Harry's totally been in love with since freshman year.
Britain/Hermione: Yeah, but he won't say anything to her.
America/Ron: Well, yeah, you never tell a girl that you like her; it makes you look like an idiot.
Canada/Ginny: Konichiwa Cho Chang, it is good to meet you. I am Ginny Weasley.
China/Lavender: Bitch! I ain't Cho Chang!
America/Ron: That's Lavender Brown –clap- racist sister!
Belgium/Cho: Hey, it's all right. I'm Cho Chang y'all.
Prussia/Harry: She is totally perfect.
America/Ron: Yeah, too bad she's dating Cedric Diggory though, huh?
Prussia/Harry: What?
Who the hell is Cedric Diggory? What is that, who is that guy?
France/Cedric: Cho Chang, I am so in love with Cho Chang! From Bangkok to Ding Dang, I'll sing my love aloud for Cho Chang!
Prussia/Harry: I hate that guy. I hate him.
America/Ron: So, are we gonna go get those robes or not?
Canada/Ginny: Okay, alright, I'm going.
America/Ron: God sister! (They leave and Neville enters to run in with Crabbe and Goyle)
Italy/Goyle: Present your arm, nerd! Indian Burn Hex!
America/Ron: Oh, Crabbe and Goyle…
Canada/Ginny: Are you okay?
Prussia/Harry: Hey, why don't you leave Neville Longbottom alone, huh?
Italy/Goyle: Well, well, well, if it isn't Harry Potter?
You think just because you're famous, you can boss everyone around!
Prussia/Harry: No, I just don't think it's cool for guys of your size to be picking on guys like Neville. Come on…
Italy/Goyle: Oh, well you know what I think? I think glasses are for nerds! (breaks glasses) We hate nerds…
Romano/Crabbe: And girls…
America/Ron: Well, you asked for it. You don't mess with Harry Potter, he beat the Dark Lord when he was a baby.
Britain/Hermione: Alright, everyone just calm down. Occulous Repairo!
Prussia/Harry: Wow, cool.
Britain/Hermione: Okay, now let's leave these big baby childish jerks alone.
Prussia/Harry: Yeah, I'm getting out of here…
Hungary/Draco: Did someone say Draco Malfoy?
Prussia/Harry: What do you want Draco?
Hungary/Draco: Crabbe, Goyle, be a pair of purple doves and go pay for my robes, will you? So, Potter, back for another year at Hogwarts, are you? Maybe this year you'll wise up and hang out with a higher calibre wizard.
Prussia/Harry: Hey, listen Malfoy; Ron and Hermione are my best friends in the whole world. I wouldn't trade them for anything.
Hungary/Draco: Have it your way. Wait! Don't tell me; red hair, hand-me-down clothes and a stupid complexion, you must be a Weasley.
America/Ron: Oh my god, lay off Malfoy! She may be a pain in the ass, okay, but she's my pain in the ass.
Hungary/Draco: Well, isn't this cute? It's like a little loser family.
Hogwarts has really gone to the dogs. Luckily next year, I'll be transferred to Pigfarts. (singing) This year you'll bet, gonna get out of here. The reign of Malfoy is drawing near. I'll have the greatest wizard career, it's gonna be totally awesome! Look out world for the dawn of the day, when everyone will do whatever I say and Potter won't be in my way and then I'll be the one who is totally awesome!
Italy/Goyle: Yeah, you'll be the one who is totally awesome!
CHOO CHOO
Britain/Hermione: Hurry guys, or we'll miss the train!
Cast: Who knows how fast this year's gonna go? Hand me a glass, let the Butterbeer flow…
Prussia/Harry: Maybe at last I'll talk to Cho?
America/Ron: Oh no, that would be way too awesome!
Cast: We're back to learn everything that we can. It's great to come back to where we began and here we are and ALAKAZAM! Here we go and this is totally awesome! Come on and teach us everything you know. The summer's over and we're itching to go.
Latvia/Neville: I think we're ready for, Albus Dumbledore!
Cast: Ah! Ah!
Germany/Dumbledore: WELCOME!
All of you to Hogwarts. I welcome all you to school. Did you know that here at Hogwarts, we've got a hidden swimming pool?
Welcome, welcome, welcome Hogwarts! Welcome hotties, nerds, and tools! Now that I've got you here at Hogwarts (speech) I'd like to go over just a couple of rules. My name is Albus Dumbledore and I am Headmaster of Hogwarts. You can all call me Dumbledore…suppose you could also call me Albus if you want a detention. Oh, I'm just kidding, I'll expel yah if you call me Albus.
Cast: Back to witches and wizards and magical beasts, to goblins and ghosts and to magical feasts. It's all that I love and it's all that I need at Hogwarts! Hogwarts! Back to spells and enchantments, potions and friends, to…
Gryffindor! Hufflepuff! Ravenclaw! Slytherin!
Back to the place where our story begins at Hogwarts! Hogwarts!
Germany/Dumbledore: I'm sorry, what ch'you say?
Cast: Hogwarts! Hogwarts!
Germany/Dumbledore: I didn't hear you kids!
Cast: Hogwarts! Hogwarts!
Prussia/Harry: Man, I'm glad I'm back!
Act 1 Scene 3
GermanyDumbledore: Yes, Yes, welcome to another magical year at Hogwarts and a very special welcome to my favourite student, Mr. Harry Potter.
America/Ron: Woo! Woo!
Germany/Dumbledore: He killed Voldemort when he was just a baby, he's even got the lightning scar for the proof.
Germany/Dumbledore: And another very special welcome to our newest edition to Gryffindor, Mr. Ginny…excuse me, Ms. Ginny Weasley.
Canada/Ginny: Yeah, I'm a girl and, um, also aren't we supposed to be sorted by the Sorting Hat?
Germany/Dumbledore: Well, um, a funny thing happened to the Sorting Hat. He actually got hitched with another piece of enchanted magical clothing. So he and the Scarf of Sexual Preference aren't going to be back until next year.
France/Cedric: Hufflepuffs are particularly good finders.
Germany/Dumbledore: What the hell is a Hufflepuff?
Anyway, it is time for me to introduce my very good friend and our own Potions Professor, Mr. Severus Snape.
America/Ron: Ah man, Snape, I had hoped they fired that guy.
Canada/Ginny: What's wrong with Professor Snape?
America/Ron: Ah nothing, he's just, uh, evil.
Prussia/Harry: Come on Ron, he's really not that bad.
Switzerland/Snape: Harry Potter, detention.
Prussia/Harry: What?
Switzerland/Snape: For talking out of turn.
Now, before we begin, I'm going to give you all your very first pop-quiz. Can anyone tell me what a Portkey is? Ah yes, Miss Granger…
Britain/Hermione: A Portkey is an enchanted object that when touched will transport the one or ones that touch it to anywhere in the globe decided upon by the enchanter.
Switzerland/Snape: Oh very good…now can anyone tell what foreshadowing is? Yes, Miss Granger?
Britain/Hermione: Foreshadowing is a dramatic device in which an important plot point is mentioned early in the story to return later in a more significant way.
Switzerland/Snape: Perfect!
America/Ron: What's a Portkey again? I missed that one.
Britain/Hermione: Oh, a Portkey is something that (Ron: Not you, oh my god.) when you touch it, it will transport you anywhere.
Switzerland/Snape: And remember a Portkey can be any sort of seemingly harmless object like a football or... a dolphin.
China/Lavender: Professor, can like a person be a Portkey?
Switzerland/Snape: No, that's absurd. If that person were to ever touch themselves… (looks at America/Ron)
…They would constantly be transported into different places. A person can, however, be a Horcrux.
Prussia/Harry: What's, uh, what's a Horcrux?
Switzerland/Snape: I'm not even going to tell you Harry, you'll find out soon enough.
Britain/Hermione: Professor, what is the point of this quiz?
Switzerland/Snape: Oh no, no-no point in particular, just important information that everyone should know; especially you. Now, moving right along there are four houses in all: Gryffindor,
Gryffindors: Woo!
Switzerland/Snape: Ravenclaw,
Ravenclaws: Ow!
Switzerland/Snape: Hufflepuff,
France/Cedric: Find!
Switzerland/Snape: What? And Slytherin.
Slytherins: Yessssssss!
Switzerland/Snape: Now, tra….traditionally points are given for good behaviour and deducted for rule breaking. Example, 10 points from Gryffindor!
Gryffindors: What? Why?
Switzerland/Snape: For Miss Granger's excessive baby fat.
America and Prussia/Ron and Harry: Thanks Hermione.
Switzerland/Snape: Traditionally, the House with the most points at the end of the year would win the House Cup. However, this year we're doing things a bit differently. Here to introduce it is our new professor of the Darks Arts, Professor Quirrell.
Prussia/Harry: Ow! Ah, ah!
Lithuania/Quirrell: House Cup, a time honoured tradition: for centuries…
Hungary/Draco: Go home terrorist!
Lithuania/Quirrell: For centuries, the four Houses of Hogwarts have competed for the honour and glory of holding the title of House Champion. But where does this competition come from and what are the…roots of the competition?
Britain/Hermione: The House Cup tournament began with the first generation of Hogwarts' students.
Lithuania/Quirrell: That was a rhetorical question.
Germany/Dumbledore: Granger, quit interrupting. Twenty points from Gryffindor.
America/Ron: Thanks Hermione.
Lithuania/Quirrell: As I was saying, when the tournament first originated, it was of a completely different sort. One champion from each of the four houses would complete a series of dangerous tasks, challenges. The winner would not only win the Cup but would also win eternal glory.
Britain/Hermione: Kind of like a House Cup or…no…like a Triwizard Tournament.
Lithuania/Quirrell: Yes, kind of like the Triwizard Tournament except no, not like that at all. There are four houses, how could it be the Triwizard Tournament with 4 teams?
Britain/Hermione: Well, uh, Professor, if I remember correctly, the House Cup Tournament was disbanded after 1 semester when one of its students was killed during the first task.
Lithuania/Quirrell: Yes, it is very dangerous but the rewards far out way the risks.
Britain/Hermione: No, I don't think you heard me,
I just said somebody died!
Germany/Dumbledore: Hermione Granger, shut your ungodly, lop-sided mouth and quit interrupting, twenty more points.
America and Prussia/Ron and Harry: Thanks Hermione!
Germany/Dumbledore: God, for the cleverest witch of your age, you can be a dumbass sometimes. Ten points to Dumbledore.
Lithuania/Quirrell: Yes, yes well it will be very dangerous but the winner will be remembered as a hero for ages to come. And as the Professor of Dense Against the Dark Arts, I believe that this practical application is exactly what the curriculum needs to…
Poland/Voldemort: Achoo!
Germany/Dumbledore: Did your turban just sneeze?
Lithuania/Quirrell: Um, sir, no.
Germany/Dumbledore: I could have just sworn I heard coming from your direction but your mouth wasn't moving.
Lithuania/Quirrell: No, that-that was simply a fart, excuse me.
Poland/Voldemort: Achoo!
Prussia/Harry: Ow! Ow! Oow! Holy Jesus, oh my…ow.
Poland/Voldemort: Achoo!
Lithuania/Quirrell: I simply farted once more.
Germany/Dumbledore: In accordance to the newly resurrected House Cup, a champion from every house will be selected to compete so, Snape, will you do the honours for me?
Switzerland/Snape: Yes Headmaster. First, from the Ravenclaw House, Miss Cho Chang.
Belgium/Cho: Oh my god I won, I can't believe it y'all.
Switzerland/Snape: Next from Hufflepuff, Mr. Cedric Diggory.
France/Cedric: Well, I don't find this surprising at all.
Belgium/Cho: I find it perfect that I get to spend more time with my little boyfriend.
France/Cedric: I as well, my darling. (kiss)
Switzerland/Snape: Next, from the Slytherins, Draco Malfoy.
Hungary/Draco: Ha! Ho! I finally beat you, didn't I Potter? What do you think of that huh? I'm the champion this time!
Germany/Dumbledore: Draco, would you sit down you little shit, champion is just a title.
Switzerland/Snape: And finally, from the Gryffindor House, oh my. Well, isn't this curious? The one person in all of Hogwarts whom I have a well-known grudge against is suddenly in a tournament where he might lose his life…
Latvia/Neville: If it's me, I just apologize to my fellow Gryffindors now, for when I lose…
Switzerland/Snape: Sit down you inarticulate bumble, it's Harry Potter.
America/Ron: Woo! Woo!
Germany/Dumbledore: Here they are folks, the four Hogwarts' champions. I want all of you to start preparing immediately because the first task is in two months and it could be anything….so let's get to it.
Students: Cho Chang! Cho Chang!
Hungary/Draco: Malfoy! Malfoy…
Act 1 Scene 4
Ron: Harry, you've got this tournament in the bag.
Harry: I don't know man, Cedric Diggory is pretty awesome NOT! He sucks! I'm totally going win this. Yeah!
Hermione: I don't know Harry.
Ron: Oh my god, Hermione shut up! Why do you have to rain on everyone's parade?
Hermione: Because Ron, this is dangerous.
Harry: Dangerous, oh come on Hermione, how dangerous could this be especially for me?
Hermione: Well, you're not invincible Harry. Somebody died in this tournament.
Harry: Uh, I'm the Boy-That-Lived not Died. God, what's the worst that can happen?
Hermione: And I don't about that Quirrell character. You know first we resurrects some horrible ancient tournament and then he bumps into you and your scar starts to hurt and you have to admit there was something really funky about the back of his head.
Harry: Come one think about it, Professor Quirrell is a professor and who hires the professors…
Ron and Harry: Dumbledore's
Harry: the smartest, most awesomest, most practical wizard, (Ron: beautiful) beautiful wizard in the whole world. Why would he possibly hire somebody who's trying to hurt me?
Hermione: I mean, what about Snape?
Harry: What about Snape?
Hermione: He's hated you for years and he hated your parents too, Harry everybody knows that, and he just so happens to pick your name out of the House Cup out of hundreds if not five potential Gryffindors.
Harry: Yeah, what a coincidence, we lucked out!
Hermione: No, Harry, I don't think it is a coincidence. When you defeated Voldemort you made a lot of enemies, ones you might not even know about.
Harry: Alright, so let me get this straight; you think this tournament is just one big ploy to try and kill me?
Hermione: I don't know…maybe! Anyway I just think that it's dangerous and I don't think you should do it.
Harry: Alright Hermione, if it means that much to you, I'll drop out.
Hermione: Oh thank you Harry!
Ron: Wait, wait, WHAT? The House Cup? What about all the eternal glory you could win? Come on!
Harry: Hey, eternal glory, already got enough. Besides, Neville will be a great champion…
Ron: No, no, no I do NOT want Shlongbottom to be my champion.
Hermione: Look all you have to do is, look! There's Dumbledore, why don't you just talk him now and tell him that you're dropping out?
Harry: Um, listen Hermione, Dumbledore and I are really really cool, we're super tight, I don't want him to think I'm being lazy or being disrespectful or anything so why don't you tell him? Just tell him I wanna work on school or something. Alright? Hey, you've got this one (taps her nose). You got it.
Hermione: Alright.
Harry: Don't worry about it.
Hermione: Dumbledore?
Germany/Dumbledore: Yes Granger?
Britain/Hermione: Um, I need to talk to you for a moment; it's about the, uh, House Cup Tournament. Um, well, first of all I think it's an awful idea but, um, second of all I don't think that Harry Potter should compete.
Germany/Dumbledore: Granger, why do you always have to be such a big stick in the mud, huh? Pray tell me why Harry Potter should not compete?
Britain/Hermione: Well, uh, because he…wants to study.
Germany/Dumbledore: Granger, nobody studies at Hogwarts except for you.
Britain/Hermione: Uh, okay, well, he-he wants to focus on the OWLs.
Germany/Dumbledore: Why couldn't Harry have told me this himself? He thinks I'm cool, we're tight!
Britain/Hermione: No, Professor, I'm a really bad liar, okay? I-I think it's a ruse; a set-up and I even think that Snape might be trying to kill Harry Potter.
Germany/Dumbledore: Severus Snape is one of the kindest, bravest, gentlest, sexiest men I have ever met. Severus Snape is trying to kill Harry Potter just about as much as he's trying to kill me, huh?
Switzerland/Snape: Oh why Professor Dumbledore, I just happen to be in the kitchen and I made you this delicious sandwich.
Germany/Dumbledore: Why thank you Severus! Do you see Granger, how thoughtful?
Switzerland/Snape: Here you are Professor, bomb appeti-oh I mean bon appetite. (beep beep beep beep)
Britain/Hermione: Um, is that sandwich ticking?
Germany/Dumbledore: It looked like it's licking; finger-licking good.
Britain/Hermione: Professor, I don't think you should eat that sandwich.
Germany/Dumbledore: What, Granger, you should listen to Snape more often you might even get a sandwich out of it. Granger, what the hell…GRANGER! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
-Boom-
You done gone exploded my sandwich!
Britain/Hermione: I'm sorry sir!
Germany/Dumbledore: Hey, even if I did believe Harry Potter was in danger he has to compete. You see that Cup? (Hermione: Yes!) It's enchanted; whosever name comes out of the Cup has to compete or the results would be bad.
Britain/Hermione: What do you mean bad?
Germany/Dumbledore: Try to imagine your entire life stopping instantaneously and every molecule in your body exploding at the speed of light.
Britain/Hermione: A total photonic reversal!
Germany/Dumbledore: Yeah, so you see, he has to compete and Hermione if it makes you feel any better the last guy to die in the tournament was a Hufflepuff so, um, I'll keep my eyes open but nothing's gonna get past old Dumbledore. I gotta go make myself another sandwich though I don't know how it's going to be as good as the last one. The last one ticked!
Britain/Hermione: Because it was a bomb…Harry, I'm so sorry but I think you're going to have to compete in the House Cup Tournament but don't worry! I won't rest until I find out what the first task is.
America/Ron: And I'll sabotage all the other champions so you win by default.
Prussia/Harry: Alright, you're awesome.
Hungary/Draco: Well, isn't this touching?
America/Ron: Oh my god, just butt out Malfoy!
Hungary/Draco: My father and I have a bet you know. He says you won't last five minutes in this tournament. I disagree. I say you won't last five minutes at Pigfarts.
Prussia/Harry: What? Alright, Malfoy, what is Pigfarts?
Hungary/Draco: Oh, never heard of it? Huh, figures, famous Potter doesn't even know about Pigfarts.
Prussia/Harry: Malfoy, don't act like you don't wanna talk about it. That's like the ninth time you've mentioned Pigfarts. What's Pigfarts?
Hungary/Draco: Pigfarts is only the greatest Wizarding School in the galaxy. It's where I'm being transferred next year.
Britain/Hermione: Malfoy, I've never heard of that.
Hungary/Draco: That's because Pigfarts is on Mars.
Prussia/Harry: You know Malfoy, we're trying to have a conversation here so can you just leave us alone?
Hungary/Draco: No, no, I'm not even here.
Prussia/Harry: Anyway, I think I know how we can find out what the first task is…Dumbledore…
Hungary/Draco: Dumbledore! What an old coot! He's nothing like Rumbleroar.
Italy/Goyle: Rumbleroar!
Prussia/Harry: Anways, as I was saying…
Hungary/Draco: Rumbleroar's the Headmaster at Pigfarts. He's a lion, who can talk.
Prussia/Harry: Malfoy,
If you don't mind, we're trying to have a conversation here. What, you're not even eating, get out of here.
Hungary/Draco: I can't help it if we can hear everything you say! We're the only ones in here.
Prussia/Harry: Malfoy, just get out of here please?
Hungary/Draco: Where are supposed to go?
Prussia/Harry: Uh, I don't know, uh, Pigfarts?
Hungary/Draco: Ha-ha, ha-ha, now you're just being cute.
I can't go to Pigfarts, it's on Mars. You need a rocket ship. Do you have a rocket ship Potter? I bet you do, you know, not all of us inherited enough money to buy out NASA when our parents died.
Look at this!
Look at this. Look at it, Rocket Ship Potter! Oh, Oh, Starkid Potter! Moon Shoes Potter, traversing the galaxy in intergalactic travels to Pigfarts.
Prussia/Harry: That's it, this is the most misguided way to try and make me feel jealous. I don't care if you make fun of me but bring my parents into this it's a whole other story.
Hungary/Draco: Whoa, not's so fast Potter! Crabbe! Goyle!
Prussia/Harry: Oh, so you're just let…
Italy/Goyle: Back Off!
Prussia/Harry: Whoa, scary, scary…
Hungary/Draco: So, not's so tough now are you Potter? Maybe you should hang out with someone better than that lolly-gagging ginger and his stupid Mudblood girlfriend.
Britain/Hermione: Oh, that is it Malfoy! Jelly-Legs Jinx!
Hungary/Draco: Oh come one!
Britain/Hermione: Take it back Malfoy.
Hungary/Draco: Take what back?
Britain/Hermione: Take back what you said about your stupid made-up space school!
America/Ron: Yeah and all that stuff about Hermione being my girlfriend that's not even a little bit true.
Britain/Hermione: And say you're sorry for calling me a You-Know-What.
Hungary/Draco: I'm sorry…
Britain/Hermione: And you promise you'll never do it again?
Hungary/Draco: I promise!
Britain/Hermione: Right, now next time we tell you to leave us alone you better do it. Come on Harry, Ron, let's get out of here. Bedsides, you already ate all my lunch.
Prussia/Harry: Wow, thanks Hermione.
Britain/Hermione: Yeah, Unjellify!
America/Ron: That's like the most badass thing I've ever seen. Too bad no one was here to see it, though. It was like all this pent-up aggression like rawr and…
Italy/Goyle: Wow, that sucked royal hippogriff. We got beat by a girl, who is a nerd.
Hungary/Draco: I didn't mean what I said you know, Pigfarts is real. Am I, am I bleeding? Goyle?
Italy/Goyle: -sniff- No.
Hungary/Draco: I thought maybe…maybe a little…Wow. I've never been pushed down like that by a girl. Maybe I shouldn't call her a Mud…whatever.
Italy/Goyle: I can't believe I couldn't figure out the counter-curse was just Unjellify.
Hungary/Draco: Right, I'm not surprised. Come on, let's go watch Wizards of Waverly Place.
Act 1 Scene 5
Lithuania/Quirrell: Fools! They're all fools. They think they're safe; they think they're back for another fun year of learning shenanigans at Hogwarts. Little do they know the danger that's lurking right under their noses…or should I say on the back of their heads?
Poland/Voldemort: -cool tongue thing-
-cough- I can't breathe in that damn turban.
Lithuania/Quirrell: I'm sorry my Lord, it's a necessary precaution, for if they knew you lived and when Harry Potter destroyed you, your soul lived on.
Poland/Voldemort: Yes, that when my body was destroyed I was forced to live in the Forbidden Forest eating bugs and mushrooms and ugh, unicorn blood.
Lithuania/Quirrell: Until I found you and let yourself attach to my soul.
Poland/Voldemort: Yes, nobody must know any of that.
Now, Quirrell, get me some water. Now Quirrell, pour it my mouth.
Lithuania/Quirrell: You're plan to infiltrate Hogwarts on the back of my head is going swimmingly my liege.
Poland/Voldemort: Yes-yes-yes, I'm done with the water. We must not have any more foul-ups like tonight in the Great Hall.
Lithuania/Quirrell: I'm sorry my Lord, you sneezed.
Poland/Voldemort: I know that! Get me some Nasonex you swine!
Wash that turban, it tickles my nose.
Lithuania/Quirrell: Yes my Dark King…
Poland/Voldemort: Okay, just relax with the Dark King okay? I watch you wipe your butt daily. You can call me Voldemort, we're there. We've reached that point.
Lithuania/Quirrell: yes, yes my…Voldemort.
Poland/Voldemort: Now Quirrell, get us ready for bed. We must be well rested if we wish to kill Potter. Tonight in the Great Hall, he was so close! I could have touched him.
Revenge is at my fingertips, Quirrell. I can taste it, it tastes like cool mints.
Lithuania/Quirrell: That's our Listerine Voldemort.
Poland/Voldemort: Yes, excellent. Well, goodnight Quirrell.
Lithuania/Quirrell: Goodnight.
Poland/Voldemort: Okay-okay, I can't do this. We gotta roll over, I can't sleep on my tummy.
Lithuania/Quirrell: So? I always sleep on my back; I have back troubles. It's the only way I'm comfortable.
Poland/Voldemort: You roll over right now or I'll…I'll eat your pillow!
You'd be having a dream that you're eating a giant marshmallow but really you'll wake up and your favourite goose feather pillow will be missing.
Lithuania/Quirrell: Fine we'll compromise. We'll sleep on our side.
Poland/Voldemort: Okay, I guess I can do this.
Lithuania/Quirrell: Now, goodnight.
Poland/Voldemort: Goodnight Quirrell. Hey Quirrell?
How long have those robes been on that chair?
Lithuania/Quirrell: I think they're from last night. I just put them there for now.
Poland/Voldemort: Well, are you planning on putting them in a hamper? What's your plan for these?
Lithuania/Quirrell: I figured I'd just leave them there for now and maybe put them away in the morning, okay?
Poland/Voldemort: Ah, no! No-no that's not okay! I can't go to sleep knowing there are dirty clothes on that chair. The chair's gonna start smelling like dirty clothes.
Lithuania/Quirrell: Look, I promise I'll put them away in the morning.
Poland/Voldemort: You put them away right now! I command you to get up and fold them at least! Make it into a neat pile.
Lithuania/Quirrell: Look, if we're going to be in this situation for a while we're going to have to learn to live with each other.
Now I've been single for all my life, I have some habits, and sometimes I leave laundry around.
Poland/Voldemort: Well I believe that everything has its place. Muggles have their place, Mudbloods have their place, and so do your clothes! Namely, a dresser!
Lithuania/Quirrell: Well, aren't we an odd couple?
(singing) You won't sleep on your tummy.
Poland/Voldemort: You won't sleep on your back.
Both: We're quite the kooky couple you'll agree.
Lithuania/Quirrell: We share some hands and fingers.
Poland/Voldemort: And yet the feeling lingers…
Both: We're just about as different as anyone can be.
Poland/Voldemort: You like plotting a garden and I like plotting to kill.
Lithuania/Quirrell: You think that you should rule the world, I think books are a thrill!
Sipping tea by the fire is swell…
Poland/Voldemort: Pushing people in is fun as well. I like folding all of my ties.
Lithuania/Quirrell: And you have no friends, hey that's a surprise.
Both: As anyone can see when you look at you and me, we're different-different as can be.
Poland/Voldemort: You're a sissy, a twat, a girl! I'm the darkest of Lords.
Lithuania/Quirrell: I'm the brightest professor here. I've won several awards!
Poland/Voldemort: My new world's about to unfold.
Lithuania/Quirrell: You got beat by a two year old.
Poland/Voldemort: I'll kill him this time through and through.
Lithuania/Quirrell: Or you just might give him another tattoo.
Both: We really must agree when you look at you and me, we're different-different as can…
Poland/Voldemort: I'll rise again and I'll rule the world! But you must help me renew…for when our plan succeeds, (Quirrell: Prevails!) part of that world goes to you.
Lithuania/Quirrell: When I rule the world I'll plant flowers!
Poland/Voldemort: When I rule the world I'll have snakes.
Lithuania/Quirrell: And Jane Austen novels!
Poland/Voldemort: …and goblins and werewolves and a fleet of Dementors and giants and threstals and all my Death Eaters!
Both: When I rule the world! –evil laughter-
Act 1 Scene 6
-Prussia/Harry playing guitar with Britain/Hermione writing something-
Britain/Hermione: Harry, don't you think you should be trying to figure out the first task or something? You can actually die if you're not ready.
Prussia/Harry: What? Come on. I mean, can't you just do it for? Can't you just prepare all my stuff for me? What are you doing right now?
Britain/Hermione: I'm writing your Potions essay.
Prussia/Harry: Oh, well do that first 'cause that's due tomorrow. But after that, after that can you prepare for the first task please? You are the best (nose tap).
You got it, thanks Hermione. Hey Ginny, come here. I wanna show you something, come here.
Canada/Ginny: Hey Harry Potter,
Prussia/Harry: Listen, I wanna play you a song I'm working on. It's for a girl I really really like and I wanna let her know she's really special. So, I just wanna know what you think so just the purposes of now, 'cause I'm still working out the lyrics, I'm gonna put your name where her name should be…
I don't think it's really going to work out because…well…let me just give it a shot. (singing) You're tall and fun and pretty, you're really-really skinny…Ginny.
I'm the Mickey to your Minnie, you're the Tigger to my Winnie, Ginny.
I wanna take you to the city, gonna take you out to dinny, Ginny. You're cuter than a guinea pig, gonna take you up to Winnipeg, that's in Canada! Pretty Ginny, Gin… (talking) you know what…
This doesn't work for me at all. I mean, I don't know, how does it make you feel, emotionally?
Canada/Ginny: Wow! Wow-e Harry Potter!
Prussia/Harry: Don't you think it could, I don't know, make a girl fall in love with me?
Canada/Ginny: "I think it already has."
Prussia/Harry: Awesome, 'cause it's for Cho Chang.
Canada/Ginny: Oh yeah, she is beautiful.
Prussia/Harry: What are you, nuts? Beautiful, more like super- mega-foxy- awesome-hot! She's the best girl I've ever met. She's more attractive, more appealing, and far more interesting than any girl that I know, in my immediate group of friends.
Far more better and awesome… (guitar)
America/Ron: What's up Neville? (slap)
Latvia/Neville: Ah!
America/Ron: Move-move-move-move-move-move-move, awesome, hey Harry what's up? So, I was just off stage, hanging out with Hagrid and I saw, uh, these delivery wizards bringing in giant cages into the dungeons. I don't know what that's for.
Britain/Hermione: Giant cages, I better whatever's in those cages has something to do with the first task. Harry we have to find out what it is.
Prussia/Harry: Hey, hey guys, chill. I'm busy.
Britain/Hermione: Harry Potter…
America/Ron: Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
Canada/Ginny: No-no-no-no-no-no-no-no-no-no-no-no-no-no-no!
America/Ron: Whoa!
Britain/Hermione: Guys, now listen this could be a matter of life and death.
America/Ron: Well, it doesn't matter because it's after-hours, okay, and we can't leave Gryffindor House and we'll probably get in trouble if we do and even if we do, Shlongbottom over there will probably tell on us.
Britain/Hermione: Neville won't tell.
Latvia/Neville: Oh yes I certainly will!
America/Ron: So what're we going to do?
Britain/Hermione: It's simple guys, the Cloak.
America/Ron: Of course,
All Four: The Cloak.
Canada/Ginny: Wait what cloak?
America/Ron: Shut up!
Prussia/Harry: When I was a little boy at Hogwarts, I got a present, oh bye Neville, I got a present left to me at my first year at Hogwarts and, uh, it was left to me by my dad, my dad's that dead. My father is dead. It's from my dead father.
My Invisibility Cloak!
Canada/Ginny: Wow, oh boy wow-e Harry Potter, you have a real Invisibility Cloak. Oh-oh-oh-oh, you know what I would do if I had an Invisibility Cloak?
Prussia/Harry: I would, I would kick wiener dogs.
America/Ron: I would pretend to be a ghost and I would scare people.
Britain/Hermione: I would sue it to avoid ever having to face my reflection in the mirror.
Prussia/Harry: That's emotional.
Canada/Ginny: Well, actually, I was gonna say that I would use it to fake my own death and watch people cry at my funeral.
Prussia/Harry: Okay, anyway, let's get out of here before Neville gets out of the bathroom.
America/Ron: Who-whoa-whoa-whoa, where do you think you're going?
Canada/Ginny: Um, with you guys?
America/Ron: No, no way, no kid sisters allowed, okay? Besides, there's only enough room under this cloak for two people so, um, come one Hermione, come on.
Canada/Ginny: (singing) The way his hair falls in his eyes makes me wonder if he'll ever see through my disguise and I'm under his spell. Everything has fallen, and I don't know where to land. Everyone knows who he is but they don't know who I am. Harry! Harry! Why can't you see what you're doing to me?
I've seen you conquer certain death. Even when you're just standing there, you take away my breath, and maybe someday you'll hear my song and understand that all along there's something more that I'm trying to say!
When I say Harry! Harry! Why can't you see what you're doing to me? What you're doing to me…
Act 1 Scene 7
Lithuania/Quirrell: Master, Master, the shipments for the first task of the tournament have just arrived!
Poland/Voldemort: Yes, I know Quirrell, I hear everything that you hear.
Lithuania/Quirrell: Isn't it wonderful Master, we made sure that Harry Potter's name was drawn from the Cup and soon he will be ours.
Poland/Voldemort: Yes, it's really happening, isn't it Quirrell? You know, with the plan going so well I fell like maybe we should celebrate. What do yah say Quirrell? How's about we go out? I hear its karaoke night down at the Hogshead.
Lithuania/Quirrell: I don't' know, I have all these papers to grade and I've been giving so much attention to this revenge plan that I'm really behind.
Poland/Voldemort: Come on Quirrell, you've been working so hard all year. You deserve a night off.
Lithuania/Quirrell: But the papers…
Poland/Voldemort: Oh just give them all B-'s and be done with it!
Lithuania/Quirrell: Now that's evil.
Poland/Voldemort: Yeah, Yeah thanks, I am the Dark Lord. Come on, just a few drinks and we'll try to pick up some chicks.
Lithuania/Quirrell: I wouldn't know what to say I'm no good at that.
Poland/Voldemort: Come one, it'll be fun. You just move your lips and I'll do the talking. -Quirrell makes noise- Quirrell, man live a listen! I may just be a parasite on the back of your head, literally devouring your soul every time you take a breath, but I can see that you're too good a guy not to have a bit of fun every once in a while. You deserve this.
Lithuania/Quirrell: Well, if you put it that way, then yeah, let's just go wild tonight!
Poland/Voldemort does tongue thing.
Poland/Voldemort: That's the spirit Quirrell! Put on a fresh pair of wizard shorts and grab your tunic. Quirrell, we're gonna get you laid.
Seriously man, back when I had a body, woo, I had mad game with the bitches; just ask Bellatrix Lestrange.
America/Ron: Well, um, this cloak isn't as big as it used to be.
Britain/Hermione: Sh! Someone's coming.
Hungary/Draco: Did you just hear something?
Italy/Goyle: No, only quiet, maybe one raindrop.
Hungary/Draco: Doesn't matter, tell me Goyle, who do think is the ugliest girl in school?
Italy/Goyle: Uh, Buckbeak for sure.
Hungary/Draco: Crabbe?
Romano/Crabbe: Winky the House Elf.
Hungary/Draco: Good one, obscure! Care who I think is the ugliest girl in school? That Hermione Granger. Do you know what I'd give her on a scale of one to ten, with one-one being the ugliest and ten pretty, I would give her an eight. An eight point five, a nine, but not over a nine point eight!
There is always room for improvement. Not everyone's perfect, like me, it's why I am holding out for a ten because I'm worth it. Come on, let's go.
Prussia/Harry: Wow, what a bunch of jerks.
Britain/Hermione: Alright, forget them, where did you say you saw those crates being delivered?
America/Ron: I think they were being delivered to the auditorium so it should be at the end of this hallway to the left.
Prussia/Harry: Look!
Britain/Hermione: A goat?
Prussia/Harry: A goat, oh my god, I have to fight a goat. I don't think I can do that morally.
Switzerland/Snape: And the goats have all been sent for feeding time Headmaster.
Germany/Dumbledore: Feeding time, dragons don't wanna be fed, they wanna hunt!
Prussia/Harry: Did he just say dragons?
Switzerland/Snape: Did you just say did he just say dragons?
Germany/Dumbledore: I must have because anybody else hiding in this room would have known to shut up, Potter.
Switzerland/Snape: Headmaster, do you really think it's wise to have children fight dragons?
Germany/Dumbledore: Oh Snape, I don't think it's wise to do anything anymore. Like here I am alive and well today and I could very well be killed by you tomorrow.
Switzerland/Snape: Well that's absurd.
Germany/Dumbledore: Severus, let's go to bed. Have you ever seen my room, I have some pretty kicking posters on my wall.
Switzerland/Snape: Well, I am rather tired.
Prussia/Harry: Ah man, I have to fight a dragon? This is bogus! How can I fight a dragon, I'm just a little kid?
America/Ron: Well alright, maybe it won't be that bad Harry, maybe you'll just have to fight like Mushu from Mulan or like…I don't know, maybe like Puff the Magic Dragon or something.
Britain/Hermione: Ron, this is serious, okay? Harry will die. Now look, there's still time alright, we just need to figure out a plan.
Prussia/Harry: Okay, we'll just head back to the Common Room, wait, where's the Invisibility Cloak?
America/Ron: I threw it over on that magical walking chair…oh.
Prussia/Harry: That's gonna be an issue, yeah.
Act 1 Scene 8
Poland/Voldemort is laughing drunkenly.
Lithuania/Quirrell: I thought walking home drunk was hard before.
Poland/Voldemort: We should have realized that with both of us drinking into one belly we'd get twice as drunk. Hey Quirrell, Quirrell, Quirrell, Quirrell, Quirrell, Quirrell, you remember that girl you were talking, you remember that girl you were talking to while I was talking to her sister on my side?
Lithuania/Quirrell: Oh, so that's why she freaked out when we stood up.
Both: Because she didn't know that we were one person!
Lithuania/Quirrell: You know I haven't had this much fun since Nearly Headless Nick's Death Day Party of '91.
Poland/Voldemort: I haven't had this much fun since, yeah shit I can't ever remember having this much fun!
Lithuania/Quirrell: You never had fun, ever doing anything? Maybe that's why you're so evil?
Poland/Voldemort: Yeah, maybe, definitely to do with the fact that Muggles and Mudbloods make me sick to my stomach but uh, yeah I guess you could be right I guess. I mean it's kind of funny.
Lithuania/Quirrell: What is it Voldemort?
Poland/Voldemort: Oh it's just that I never-never ever really ever considered another reason for me being so evil because normally I just kill people that try to get me to open up you now. Oops! It's kinda nice to just talk.
Lithuania/Quirrell: You know I have to admit that I was kind of nervous when you demanded to attack yourself to my soul.
Poland/Voldemort: Yeah, I could sense that.
Lithuania/Quirrell: But like, now I think it's…kinda cool. It's like having a really close roommate or even a…
Poland/Voldemort: Yeah, like a slave, like a, like a Death Eater.
Lithuania/Quirrell: No man,
It's like having a friend.
Poland/Voldemort: I've never had a friend before.
Lithuania/Quirrell: Looks like you got one now.
Poland/Voldemort: Who would have thought at the beginning of this year we would feel like this towards each other? I guess everything is different between us now, huh?
Lithuania/Quirrell: I guess it's plain to see, when you look at you and me. We're different, different as can be.
Both: we simply guarantee when you look at you and me, we're different, different as can be.
Lithuania/Quirrell: It's a comedy of sorts, when you're bound to Voldemort.
Poland/Voldemort: And I'm happy as squirrel, as long as I'm with Mr. Quirrell.
Both: We'll lead him to the slaughter and we'll murder Harry Potter. We're different, different, different-different as can be.
Poland/Voldemort: Ah ha!
Act 1 Scene 9
Switzerland/Snape: The Hogwarts Champions shall now enter the champions' tent in preparation for the first task.
Prussia/Harry: Man, I can't believe I gotta skip lunch period for this stupid task.
Britain/Hermione: Hey Harry, today's the day, the day you fight the dragon. Now, did you read those notes that I wrote for you on dragons?
Prussia/Harry: No.
Britain/Hermione: Why not?
Prussia/Harry: You kidding me, they were so boring.
Britain/Hermione: So you didn't prepare at all?
Prussia/Harry: No, but at least I have my wand…um dropped my…
Britain/Hermione: Here Harry.
Prussia/Harry: Hey, (nose tap) you're the best.
Britain/Hermione: Harry, just please don't die today. I don't wanna see my best friend get eaten by a dragon.
Prussia/Harry: Okay, relax, okay save the tears for my funeral.
France/Cedric: So tell me more about this Pigfarts, I find it to be very interesting.
Hungary/Draco: Well, while you're there you have to wear your spacesuit at all times because there's no atmosphere on Mars.
So, if the single docking bay door opens, you'll probably die.
France/Cedric: My, how dreadful
Hungary/Draco: Well, but the goods is, if you're a good house student, Rumbleroar lets you ride around on his back.
France/Cedric: And he's the Headmaster Lion?
Hungary/Draco: Who can talk.
France/Cedric: Oh, well hello Harry how are you feeling today?
Prussia/Harry: Hey Cedric, trying to stay positive.
France/Cedric: Well good, I'm a fine day myself. Miss Granger.
Britain/Hermione: Hello.
Belgium/Cho: Sugar Pie!
France/Cedric: My darling.
Was that a kiss for good luck?
Belgium/Cho: No, that was being so cotton-picking cute! This one's for good luck.
Prussia/Harry: (mutters) I hate that guy.
Britain/Hermione: It's okay Harry, you're gonna be great.
Germany/Dumbledore: Hello-OW! God Granger, I thought you were a boggart. I'm terrified of those things.
And what the hell are you doing in the champions' tent, get out of here. Ten more points!
Prussia/Harry: Thanks Hermione!
Germany/Dumbledore: Are you kids ready to (singing) fight a dragon?
Of course not, you're just children. What the hell I'm thinking? Outside of this tent are thousands upon thousands of screaming fans. They'll either be cheering for you or the dragon but either way they're gonna be making some kind of noise. So, in order for the selection process to be fair, I am going to randomly select a card-board cut-out sized version of the dragon you will competing. For you Cedric, Puff the Magic Dragon.
Pigment the Imaginary Dragon (Cho), the Reluctant Dragon (Draco), and for you Potter…the Hungarian Horntail the most terrifying you've ever seen your whole life. (Harry freaks out a little)
If there are no complaints than I'll…
Prussia/Harry: Hold on a second! This is terrifying, those are the cutest things I've ever seen.
Germany/Dumbledore: (Pigment the Imaginary Dragon) This thing is horrifying, just use your imagination. Disapparate!
America/Ron: My god, this competition is gonna suck all these dragons are wimps, Accio Double-Stuff. Look at that, OH MY GOD! A MONSTER!
Is that yours?
Prussia/Harry: Hm, yup.
America/Ron: Oh my god, it's awesome can I hold it? (takes the dragon) Oh my god, this thing is terrifying, I hope the real thing is smaller. Argh! Ferocious, what are you gonna do?
Prussia/Harry: I don't know, I'm not cut out for this…
Britain/Hermione: Ron, Ron you can't be in here. This is the champions' tent.
Switzerland/Snape: Miss Granger, what the devil are you doing in the champions' tent, ten points from Gryffindor.
America and Prussia/Ron and Harry: Ugh, thanks Hermione.
America/Ron: Hey, good luck buddy, bye Snape.
Switzerland/Snape: Bye…
Cedric Diggory, now is your chance to face your dragon.
France/Cedric: Alright fellas, wish me luck.
Belgium/Cho: I believe in you.
France/Cedric: That's all I needed to hear.
Prussia/Harry: Malfoy, tell you what? I'll let you switch dragons with me. I'll give you the chance to switch dragons with me, I'll give you that opportunity. Come on, com on.
Hungary/Malfoy: Um, let think about…no.
Prussia/Harry: Come on, I'll give you my Gushers.
Hungary/Malfoy: Oh no, no, I have a Fruit By the Foot, I don't want Gushers.
Switzerland/Snape: Cho Chang, your dragon a waits.
Belgium/Cho: Well, I can imagine that this'll be very hard.
Switzerland/Snape: Then I imagine it won't. (both laugh and skip off stage)
Prussia/Harry: Malfoy, come on, I'll throw in my Teddy Grams with the Gushers, you can make little Gusher-Teddy Gram sandwiches.
Hungary/Draco: Um, alright, you throw in that pack of Bugles and you got yourself a deal.
Prussia/Harry: Absolutely not, no way.
Switzerland/Snape: Draco Malfoy…
Prussia/Harry: Professor Snape, is there any way that I can forfeit or switch dragons or even just take the day off? What are you doing?
Switzerland/Snape: I'm protecting you Potter. Welsh Green Backs can't stand the taste of Heinz tomato ketchup.
Prussia/Harry: But I'm not fighting a Welsh Green Back, I'm fighting a Hungarian Horntail.
Switzerland/Snape: Oh, why silly me, Heinz tomato ketchup is what Hungarian Horntails love best of all. There you go Potter.
Prussia/Harry: What?
Germany/Dumbledore: And now Harry Potter will fight the terrifying Hungarian Horntail, the most terrifying thing you'll ever see your whole life. It should be noted that this particular dragon hasn't been fed in two weeks.
Britain/Hermione: Come on Harry.
America/Ron: Harry! Woo!
Britain/Hermione: Harry, HARRY!
Prussia/Harry: AHHH! (everyone is screaming as the dragon tries to eat Harry) Oh my god, uh uh, Accio Guitar!
(singing) Hey Dragon, you don't' gotta do this. Let's re-evaluate our options, throw away our old presumptions 'cause really you don't wanna go through with this. I'm really not that special, the Boy-Who-Lived is only flesh and bone. The truth is in the end, I'm pretty useless without friends; in fact I'm alone, just like now…but anyhow, I spend my time at school trying to be this cool guy I never asked for. I don't know any spells, still manage to do well but there's only so long that can last for. I'm living off the glory of some stupid children's story that I had nothing to do with. I just sat there and got lucky so level with me buddy, I can't defeat thee, so please don't eat me. All I can do is sing this song for you, la-la-la-la-la!
Gilbird/Dragon: La-la-la-la-la!
Prussia/Harry: La-la-la-la-la!
Gilbird/Dragon: La-la-la-la-la!
Prussia/Harry: La-la-la-la-la!
Gilbird/Dragon: La-la-la-la-la!
Both: La-la-la-la-la!
Prussia/Harry: You never asked to be a dragon. I never asked to be a champion! We both just jumped on this bandwagon, when all we need is guitar jamming.
Prussia/Harry: So la-la-la-la-la!
Gilbird/Dragon: La-la-la-la-la!
Prussia/Harry: La-la-la-la-la!
Gilbird/Dragon: La-la-la—la—la-la…
Prussia/Harry: Goodnight Dragon.
1-2-3 I beat the dragon! (cheers)
Act 1 Scene 10
Switzerland/Snape: Attention all Hogwarts students, tonight is the Yule Ball so please pick me your Yule Ball Wreathe and give it to that special someone. (Ginny walks on) Ah, Ginger!
Canada/Ginny: Oh, hey Harry Potter!
Prussia/Harry: Oh hey Ginny.
Canada/Ginny: Fancy seeing you here?
Prussia/Harry: Uh it's the cafeteria so yeah…
Canada/Ginny: Um, so the Yule Ball is coming up...
Prussia/Harry: Yeah, I know it is, very soon.
Canada/Ginny: Well, were you thinking of going with anybody?
Prussia/Harry: I was! I was actually just waiting for the right time to ask somebody and I think, I think that time is about now. So, if you have something to say just say it.
Canada/Ginny: -Scream-
Prussia/Harry: Oh, is this for me? Ah, how did you know I would need a wreathe so I could ask Cho Chang out, you're the best!
Canada/Ginny: Uh, Harry Potter, just forget it. (Goes off crying)
Prussia/Harry: Alright I will! Cool!
Hey, hey Cho Chang listen, um I know the Yule Ball is come up and I was wondering if uh, maybe you wanted to go with me BUT just in case you're kind of on the fence about it, you should know that I play guitar and I beat a dragon's heart with it and so I think I can conquer yours. (Singing) You're tall and fun and pretty, you're really really skinny, Cho Chang! I'm the Mickie to your Minnie, the Tigger to my Winnie, Cho Chang! You're cuter than a guinea pig, gonna take you out to Winnipeg that's in Canada! Oh Cho Chang! (Normal) whatever.
Belgium/Cho: oh my, Harry Potter, bless your heart. Um, but I have to say no. You're a young strapping boy but Cedric Diggory already asked me and I have to go with him. Sorry. Come on girls, let's go show Moaning Myrtle our ball gowns and make fun of her because she can't go!
China and Ukraine/Friends: Yeah! (All leave)
America/Ron: Hey there little buddy how yah doing?
Prussia/Harry: Hey…
America/Ron: Is that a Yule Ball wreathe?
Prussia/Harry: Yeah…
America/Ron: Who you gonna ask? (Does Cho accent)
Prussia/Harry: I asked Cho Chang but she turned me down for Cedric Stupory.
America/Ron: That's so great I love him so much. They're such a cute couple…
Prussia/Harry: No, no, no, no…
America/Ron: I hate him (Prussia/Harry: Yeah), I hate him so much. Oh my god he pisses me off.
Ah man, that sucks dude, I don't know why she'd turn you down you're the coolest guy in school!
Prussia/Harry: I get it, I play guitar, I'm Harry Potter, and I'm awesome.
America/Ron: Reese's Pieces?
Poland/Harry: Yeah.
I don't get it man, maybe I'll just go stag.
America/Ron: Well, I'll probably go stag too. The only two girls I know who don't have dates are Ginny (thumbs down)
And Hermione.
Prussia/Harry: Oh my god, (thumbs down big time).
America/Ron: Yeah and I'm not going with my stupid sister.
Prussia/Harry: And I think of Hermione as a sister so that's out.
America/Ron: We are in such a puzzle.
Latvia/Neville: Hi, look at these strapping young men.
Both: Hey Neville.
Prussia/Harry: Hey Neville, want this Yule Ball Wreathe?
Latvia/Neville: Yeah, if you feel like parting with it, then I will take this wreathe.
Prussia/Harry: Hey Ron, let's go hang out with Hagrid, teach us how to dance and we can get in our dress robes.
America/Ron: that can only lead to disaster and hilarity, let's go!
Prussia/Harry: I just don't know about Hermione, I mean, who would want to go with her? She's so vile and hideous…
Italy/Goyle: Give that plant nerd!
Latvia/Neville: Ah!
Italy/Goyle: Ooo, Goyle rules!
Hungary/Draco: So anyways, it was reluctant to move at first but I lured it out of its cage with an upside down face, lassoed it with my Fruit by the Foot and beheaded it with a quick Slicing Charm. What, Goyle, what're you doing with that wreathe, what you're gonna ask somebody to the Yule Ball?
Italy/Goyle: No…dancing's for nerds.
Romano/Crabbe: and pretty girls.
Hungary/Draco: Right, you know the last girl I'd end up asking to the Yule Ball would be? That Hermione Granger, not even if we were the last two people on Earth and she looked absolutely stunning in her ball gown so that every time I looked at her I got butterflies in my tummy. Not even then…
You know, they don't even have dances at Pigfarts.
All the noise would disturb Rumbleroar's slumbering cubs.
Italy/Goyle: Dancing is for pansies.
Hungary/Draco: Hey you there what's your name?
Ukraine/Girl: Pansy.
Hungary/Draco: Perfect! You're going to the Yule Ball with me.
You see that dragon? Well, it was reluctant enough at first but I lured it out of its cage with an upside down face…
Lithuania/Quirrell: Yule Ball decorating crew! Just the Yule Ball decorating crew coming through. A last minute decoration…my Lord, the Yule Ball has finally arrived. I've brought the key!
Poland/Voldemort: Yes, I know Quirrell, I hear everything you hear!
Lithuania/Quirrell: I'm sorry.
Poland/Voldemort: No, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have snapped.
I'm just nervous, that's all.
Lithuania/Quirrell: Nervous, (Voldemort: No) why?
Poland/Voldemort: I don't wanna talk about it.
Lithuania/Quirrell: Hey, it's just me. You can tell me anything, you know that.
Poland/Voldemort: Yeah, yeah you're right, you're right. I'm just nervous because we've been planning this night for so long and I want everything to go perfectly, you know.
Lithuania/Quirrell: Don't worry, we've mapped out everything. We've anticipated every little problem and compensated for it. We've even prepared what you're going to say to Potter when you see him. So just cool down, relax. By the end of the night you'll have your revenge and your body back.
Poland/Voldemort: You're right, I'm being silly. But you know, Quirrell over the last year I've really grown attached to you, no pun intended.
Lithuania/Quirrell: Yeah, I know what you mean.
But hey, we'll still hang out. Just because we won't be attached doesn't mean we'll be two completely different people, no pun intended.
Poland/Voldemort: Oh no, of course not! Quirrell, we should make plans... (Quirrell: Evil Plans?) Oh! Uh, no casual plans like um, we could go rollerblading on a Saturday and then see a movie that night.
Lithuania/Quirrell: Yeah, that'll be great because we'll both be able to watch it for a change.
Poland/Voldemort: Yeah, yeah, I bet it'll be nice to sleep in our own beds, not have someone behind you all the time.
Lithuania/Quirrell: And have the privacy of my old life back again, solitude.
Poland/Voldemort: Know whatever happens tonight, man, it's been a blast.
Lithuania/Quirrell: Yeah, one crazy year! (Poland/Voldemort does weird tongue thing) Hey, promise we'll go rollerblading and see that movie.
Poland/Voldemort: Oh man, I promise. (Lithuania/Quirrell hugs himself)
Okay, Quirrell, let's go plant that key and split, pun intended!
Switzerland/Snape: Oh why professor Quirrell, what on earth are you doing in the Great Dance Hall, just moments before the dance?
Lithuania/Quirrell: Just decorating for the Yule Ball, last minute decorations, just one final touch…
Switzerland/Snape: A ladle?
Lithuania/Quirrell: A very special ladle for a very special night for a very special punch.
Switzerland/Snape: What's so special about it?
Lithuania/Quirrell: Let's just say there's Squirt in it.
Switzerland/Snape: Squirt! Isn't that not the favourite drink of one Harry Potter?
Lithuania/Quirrell: Is it? I had no idea. Well, we'd better be going (Snape: We?) I! I better be going loud music hurts my ears.
Switzerland/Snape: Okay well I'll see you later than.
Lithuania/Quirrell: Maybe you won't.
Switzerland/Snape: Or maybe I will.
Germany/Dumbledore: Excuse me, it's my fault, hey Severus!
Switzerland/Snape: Oh Headmaster.
Germany/Dumbledore: What're you doing here? You getting some punch or something?
Switzerland/Snape: Oh no, no, no, there's Squirt in it.
Germany/Dumbledore: Oh, only Harry Potter would drink that hog's shit, I'll stick to my Red Bull, thank you very much.
Switzerland/Snape: Well goodnight Headmaster.
Germany/Dumbledore: Severus, I saved this last dance for you.
Switzerland/Snape: Oh well I would Headmaster but you see, well an old friend is coming back into town tonight. (Giggles)
Act 1 Scene 11
Prussia/Harry: Hey Ron what's up?
America/Ron: Hey dude, guess…
Prussia/Harry: What, what's wrong?
America/Ron: Nothing, nothing it's just, you know, I heard Pavarti Patil telling Padma Patil that she had seen Hermione in the girls' locker room crying her eyes out in a bathroom stall.
Prussia/Harry: Crying?
America/Ron: I don't know isn't that like the saddest thing you've ever heard? I mean, I don't it's just that it was inevitable that one day Hermione would realize that no guy would ever like her, you know because of her obnoxious personality, her ugly face and her misshapen body but you know, it's just that I figured she'd get in at least one night of happiness before she realized she's gonna be growing old alone, you know?
Hungary/Draco: Hey you two over here talking about Granger?
Prussia/Harry: Get out of here; this is none of your business. Why don't you go dance with Pansy over there?
Hungary/Draco: Hey, go get me some punch.
Ukraine/Pansy: Okay, um I should tell you there's Squirt in it.
Prussia/Harry: Oh, nice!
Hungary/Draco: Squirt? Never mind I'll stay dehydrated. Go powder your nose or something.
Ukraine/Pansy: I just fixed my make-up a little while ago.
Hungary/Draco: Trust me, you need more powder. Pain in the ass right?
So anyway, heard Granger's not around here, probably better too, no one would be able to keep their hummus and peach juice with that Muggle arse of hers dancing about.
America/Ron: God, why don't you just give her a break for once okay Malfoy?
Hungary/Draco: Why defending her Weasley? Have a crush?
America/Ron: No, no why all the insults Malfoy? Covering up a crush?
Hungary/Draco: Oh right, like I could ever have a crush on that stupid girl…
Belgium/Cho: Oh my gods, she looks beautiful bless her heart!
America/Ron: (singing) here I am, face-to-face, with a situation I never thought I'd ever see. Strange, how a dress can make a mess and make her nothing less than beautiful to me.
It seems like my eyes have been transfigured, something deep inside has changed. They've been opened wide but hold that trigger! This could mean…danger. I'm falling in love, falling in love, falling in love. I think I'm falling in love, falling in love, falling in love…with Hermione Granger.
Hungary/Draco: What, what the hell is this? You expect me to sing about her, I don't care about her! It's just a little make-up, Draco wake up! I'm mistaken…
She is the hottest girl I've ever seen. Now she's like a girl I've never seen, don't know why I'd ever be so mean. This could mean danger. I'm falling in love, falling in love, falling in love. I could be falling in love, falling in love, falling in love…with Hermione Granger.
Both: I wanna let her know (Hungary/Draco: I feel so queasy.)
Both: But I can't let it show (America/Ron: She's laugh, poor Weasley.)
Both: Come one
America/Ron: Ron
Hungary/Draco: Draco
Both: You've gotta let it go. You gotta let it go!
(Next couple lines are together)
America/Ron: Here I am face-to-face with a situation I never, ever thought I'd see. Strange, how a dress can take a mess and make her nothing less than beautiful to me! It seems like my eyes have been transfigured. Something deep inside has changed. They've been opened wide but hold that trigger.
Hungary/Draco: What, what the hell is this? I want to sing about her, sing about her. I want to make up, Draco wake up! I've been mistaken. She is the hottest girl I've ever seen. Now, because she's like a girl I've never seen. Don't know why I'd ever me so mean.
Both: This could mean…danger! I'm falling in love, falling in love, falling in love. I think I'm falling in love, falling in love, falling in love…with Hermione Granger, with Hermione Granger, with Hermione Granger…danger!
Act 1 Scene 12
America/Ron: Oh my god, I can't believe it.
Prussia/Harry: What?
America/Ron: I just-just can't believe she's dancing with every guy but me. That's so stupid, that's so stupid.
Prussia/Harry: Why do you even care man?
America/Ron: I know right, I don't care, I don't care and that's what I'm going to go tell her. I'm going to go say I don't care what you do and she's going to feel so damn stupid.
She's going to feel like such an idiot.
Prussia/Harry: Listen Ron, you're acting like a real jerk, maybe you should take it easy on the Butterbeer.
America/Ron: No, no.
Britain/Hermione: Hey guys!
Prussia/Harry: Hermione, you look great. You look wonderful.
Britain/Hermione: Oh, thanks! Yeah, yeah you know I used to think looks weren't important and now I think they're more important than anything.
It's just that I'm having so much fun dancing with everyone…
America/Ron: Wow Hermione, when did you become so shallow? When?
Britain/Hermione: What is wrong with you Ron?
America/Ron: Nothing, nothing's wrong with me but why don't you just go ask Shlongbottom to dance huh? Go do it.
Britain/Hermione: You know what, maybe I will.
America/Ron: I showed her, showed her good. (Drink)
Prussia/Harry: Wait a second, wait a hot second! I know what's going on here.
You've got a crush! Alright, Ron, listen to me pal, just a little advice: call me crazy but girls don't really like it when you're angry at them, much less if you shout at them. Now, maybe what you should do is go over there and tell her how much you care about her. Okay, maybe you should ask her dance?
America/Ron: No because then she'd know that I like her and you always know that you don't' tell a girl you like her because it makes you look like an idiot.
Prussia/Harry: I know you'll look like an idiot, any time you tell a girl that you like her you look funny it's inevitable but listen, it's something you have to do. You have to look forward and not look back. I mean we look like idiots anyway we're wizards. We're wearing robes, if we dressed like this in the Muggle world, we would get our asses kicked. You have nothing to lose, just ask her and I bet, you know, she probably wants to dance with you just as much as you wanna dance with her.
You just gotta…You just gotta give it a-a chance. There could be something you've never seen before you know, you just gotta go and find something special that was there the whole time and you just got the guts to see anything.
America/Ron: Where're you going? I'm still mad and sad.
Prussia/Harry: Hold on. This is me taking his own advice pal. Hey Ginny.
Canada/Ginny: Oh, hey Harry.
Prussia/Harry: Can I sit down?
Canada/Ginny: Um yeah sure.
Prussia/Harry: So, um, how's Hogwarts?
Canada/Ginny: You know its okay. I, actually I was really excited to come here but I just don't think I belong.
Prussia/Harry: Oh I know what you mean.
Canada/Ginny: Um no, you don't, You're Harry Potter.
Prussia/Harry: Yeah, I know. For like eleven years I was this dumb kid who got the crapped kicked out of me and lived under the staircase and all of the sudden it's like you're a wizard! You have all these power and everyone thinks I'm cool all of the sudden and it's weird it's kind of isolating…sorry. Here I am complaining about being famous. I'm sorry.
Canada/Ginny: No, I understand. It's like when you first got here and nobody wanted to get to know you because they thought that they knew you already but eventually you'll find people who'll want to get to know you for the real you.
Prussia/Harry: You know Ginny, I already feel like I have found someone and I've taken them for granted. Tell you what, come on. Wanna dance? It's the whole point of the evening.
Canada/Ginny: Okay.
Prussia/Harry: I gotta warn you though; I've learned all my best moves from Hagrid so I'm not that great.
Canada/Ginny: Oh, I'm sure you're fine. Wow, Harry Potter, I don't care what anybody says, you're the best dancer there ever was.
Prussia/Harry: I have a confession to make Ginny. These shoes right here, there magical enchanted dancing shoes.
Canada/Ginny: Wow-e Harry Potter!
Prussia/Harry: Ginny, I'm just messing with you. I'm just awesome at dancing.
America/Ron: Wah! When you dance with Neville is when you really cross the line. Okay, take this beat it, get out of here.
Britain/Hermione: What is your…
America/Ron: Come here COME HERE!
Britain/Hermione: Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow. Why are you being so mean to me?
America/Ron: I'm not being mean to you.
Britain/Hermione: Ow! Yes you are! You know every day; everyone is always trying to put me down and the one day I feel like I actually feel like a person you're trying to ruin it!
America/Ron: Holy shit…
Britain/Hermione: What's wrong with you Ron?
Hungary/Draco: Hey Weasley! (Rolls) The lady said no.
Britain/Hermione: .too. You know what? I'm so sick of both of you! (Slaps them both)
Hungary/Draco: What did you say to her?
America/Ron: Nothing!
Hungary/Draco: I'm bleeding.
America/Ron: I'm bleeding. Looks at this.
Hungary/Draco: Look this…
America/Ron: Look at this. (Both show each other the blood)
Prussia/Harry: Ginny, Ginny I'm feeling kind of dizzy.
Canada/Ginny: Well maybe we should stop spinning. It's from all thus spinning huh?
Prussia/Harry: We have stopped spinning. (Makes out with Canada/Ginny)
Wait, no! No, I can't do this. You're Ginny Weasley, you're my best friend's little sister. You're Ron Weasley's sister, I'm sorry Ginny. I can't do this. I'm sorry.
Hey Cho, hey! Come on, dance with me I'm Harry Potter, let's go.
France/Cedric: Excuse me; I believe I was dancing with the lady.
Prussia/Harry: I know I'm…-lips thing-I'm cutting in.
France/Cedric: Well, I find that to be very rude.
Prussia/Harry: Alright Cedric, well why don't we find out what the lady has to say about it?
Belgium/Cho: Oh, boys there's no need to fight over little ol' me. But by the way, Cedric thinks you cheated on the dragon's task.
Prussia/Harry: Cheated? Are you kidding me, that thing was trying to eat me. I was in its mouth!
France/Cedric: Exactly, what went on in there? I'd like to find out.
Prussia/Harry: Alright, that is it Diggory, we are going to duel it. Let's go.
Belgium/Cho: Oh Godric's Hollow, all this excitement is making me thirsty.
Prussia/Harry: Well, oh Cho, I can get you something to drink. I can get you some punch!
France/Cedric: No, I'll get the punch.
Prussia/Harry: No, I'll get the punch.
France/Cedric: Fine, have the punch. (Punches Prussia/Harry)
Belgium/Cho: You did it!
Prussia/Harry: Cedric Diggory, I'm going to kill you! (Grabs special ladle, France/Cedric grabs it and they are transported to graveyard)
Act 1 Scene 13
France/Cedric: Where are we?
Prussia/Harry: I don't know Cedric, someone punched me in the face and my sense of direction got a little goofed up.
France/Cedric: Well, it seems clear to me now that the punch ladle was a Portkey and now thanks to you we've both been transported to some mystery location.
Prussia/Harry: Brilliant Cedric, you're a Hufflepuff. Why don't you find a way out of this place okay?
France/Cedric: Harry I think I found something. It appears to be a headstone. We must be in some sort of graveyard. Tom Riddle, Mary Riddle, Thomas Riddle, Riddle me this, eh Potter?
Prussia/Harry: Cedric, I don't know about this place. I think we gotta get out of here.
France/Cedric: Harry, you're a Gryffindor, where's your sense of adventure?
Prussia/Harry: God! Cedric, you're so annoying okay! You're like this guy that's just around all the time when I don't need a guy around. You're the spare guy all the time. You're a spare dude. You're such a spare.
Poland/Voldemort: Kill the spare!
Lithuania/Quirrell: Avada Kedavra! (Harry jumps out of the way, spell hits Cedric)
France/Cedric: So many regrets, I'm dead! (Dies)
Prussia/Harry: Oh my wizard god!
Lithuania/Quirrell: Not so fast, Petrificus Totalus!
Prussia/Harry: Professor Quirrell, you just killed Cedric!
Lithuania/Quirrell: Not I Potter, but perhaps you'd like to see who did. He's dying to see you.
Prussia/Harry: AH! (Tries to grab scar but is unable to because he's frozen)
Poland/Voldemort: Harry Potter, the Boy Who Lived, it's good to see you again.
Switzerland/Death Eater: The cauldron is ready my Lord.
Prussia/Harry: Cauldron, what are you guys going to do, eat me? Gross!
Poland/Voldemort: As delicious a dish as I think you'd make Potter, I'd need a stomach of my own to digest you. I haven't got one of those, yet.
Switzerland/Death Eater: Detention Potter!
Prussia/Harry: Detention? This guy's almost as big an asshole as Snape.
Lithuania/Quirrell: It worked!
Poland/Voldemort: Ha-ha! (Tries to regain footing and get used to his body) (Singing) When I was a boy, an orphan boy, I'd loved to move my feet. I'd hear a tune and start to swoon. My life would seem complete.
The other boys would laugh and jeer; but I'd catch 'em tapping their toes and when I'd start to sway, they'd get carried away…and oh how the feeling grows. I'd take my foot, my little foot, and with that foot oh how I'd start to shake. I'd take two feet, two tiny feet. Hey look, that's neat! It's coming true! Oh boy I get to dance again Wahoo!
To dance again, I've been waiting all these years to dance again and now at once a chance appears, to hear the beat so on your feet. It's time to dance again, come on Potter! Imperio!
You take your foot, your little foot. Hey look, your foot! See how it starts to shake.
Lithuania/Quirrell: Oh, try his arms! How 'bout a twirl? He's like a girl! (Toss Prussia/Harry to the side like trash) How overdue…I get to finally dance again with you.
Lithuania and Poland/Quirrell and Voldemort: To dance again, I've been waiting all these years to dance again and now at once a chance appears. Its lovely swaying, the music's playing. Come on let's dance again!
Poland/Voldemort: Everybody!
Death Eaters: I take my foot (Poland/Voldemort: You take your foot), my little foot (Take that little foot) and oh my foot (Let me hear it now!) Look how it starts to shake…oh Voldy's back! (Hello World!) For the attack (I'm gonna get'cha) He'll take over the world its true, but first there's something he's gotta do!
Everyone but Prussia/Everyone but Harry: He'll (I'll) dance again…he's (I've) been waiting all these years to dance again and now at once a chance appears. Everybody make way (for a pas de bourrée.) It's time to dance, it's time to dance, it's time to dance again!
Poland/Voldemort: Woo!
Act 1 Scene 14
Seychelles/Bellatrix: Oh my Dark Lord! You look fabulous.
Poland/Voldemort: Bellatrix Lestrange!
Seychelles/Bellatrix: Oh my liege, how it's going to be like the old days when we do nothing but torture, murder and make love.
Poland/Voldemort: Ha, the old days are back baby! –Motorboats Seychelles/Bellatrix-
Seychelles/Bellatrix: I can't tell you what it was like without you.
Poland/Voldemort: Well, I'm never going again because I've conquered death and my first pleasure will to be to kill Harry Potter! The next, to take over the Ministry of Magic and rule the world for all eternity!
Seychelles/Bellatrix: And you will my Lord, but not yet. For now we must stick to the plan. We blame Potter's murder on Quirrell so that your return may remain a secret. The Death Eaters are prepared to take on the entire Ministry of Magic, much less Dumbledore and the Order of the Phoenix.
Lithuania/Quirrell: I'm sorry. What was that about me going to Azkaban for Potter's murder?
Seychelles/Bellatrix: Oh ho, you shall refer to him as my Lord, my liege, or my Dark Lord!
Poland/Voldemort: No-no-no-no Bellatrix, it's cool. Quirrell's cool, over the last year he's proven himself to be a very good fr…
A very good servant to the will of the Dark Lord.
Lithuania/Quirrell: Oh I see so you're just going to make your Sally Hemings is that it?
Poland/Voldemort: No, no Quirrell that, that came out wrong. It's not like that.
Lithuania/Quirrell: Isn't it?
Seychelles/Bellatrix: Ah, silence slave, Crucio! –Laughs-
Poland/Voldemort: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Seychelles/Bellatrix: What is the matter? He is your pawn! You are his Queen.
It is an honour to serve the Dark Lord, no matter what the task!
Poland/Voldemort: Are you alright?
Lithuania/Quirrell: Did you really know the whole time that you would blame Potter's murder on me?
Poland/Voldemort: Yes, yes I knew but things have changed over the last year. I feel differently now,
Lithuania/Quirrell: Don't touch me!
Poland/Voldemort: Way to explain this, it's like the movie She's All That. You remember we watched that together. Well, remember how at the end Freddy Prince Jr. turns out to be good.
Lithuania/Quirrell: No, I didn't see the ending because you were watching it while you were on the back of my head, SUCKING MY SOUL!
Poland/Voldemort: Well I wish there was another way but I've got to take over the world.
Lithuania/Quirrell: Well there it is! I'll let you know now that it's gonna be pretty hard to make that rollerblading date from Azkaban.
Seychelles/Bellatrix: Death Eaters, take him away.
And now you have what you waited for for so long.
Poland/Voldemort: What?
Seychelles/Bellatrix: You're chance to kill Harry Potter.
Poland/Voldemort: Yes, kill POTTER, ha whoa where'd he go?
Prussia/Harry: You're not killing me today Voldemort but I'll tell you what, I can get you some punch! (Travels back to Hogwarts with Cedric's body)
Canada/Ginny: Oh my Rowling, what happened Harry Potter?
Germany/Dumbledore: Harry, Harry what the hell you doing over here? You missed that raffle.
Switzerland/Snape: What happened in that graveyard? Uh!
Prussia/Harry: It's Voldemort! It's Voldemort, he's back!
Act 2 Scene 1
Seychelles/Person 1: Extra! Extra! Read all about it! Harry Potter, the Boy Who Beat Voldemort now Says He's Back?
Belgium/Person 2: Prophet! Get Your Daily Prophet! Harry Potter vs. Voldemort: Round 2!
China/Person 3: Minister Of Magic, Cornelius Fudge, Makes a Statement!
France/Minister: I've heard these Voldemort rumours and I for one simply don't believe it.
Belgium/Person 2: Voldemort Talks about It on His New Floo-Tube Channel.
Poland/Voldemort: I'm gonna find Harry Potter and I'm gonna -_-_-ing_-_ in his mouth!
Belgium/Person 2: Also Does a Review of 17 Again.
Poland/Voldemort: Ah, it was a little slow at the beginning but it's Zac Efron. It's Zefron!
France/Minister: I have seen these so-called posts and I still don't believe it. This is a ruse! You all have been hoodwinked!
Italy/Person 4: Professor Quirrell Confesses to Murder of Hogwarts Student Cedric Diggory, Receives Life in Azkaban. –jumbled noise as they exit stage-
Prussia/Harry: Ron, this totally sucks man.
America/Ron: This is horrible.
Prussia/Harry: Yeah I know, I mean look at this. It's terrible, "Harry Potter vs. Voldemort: The Fight of the Century."
America/Ron: No, not that, it's Hermione. It's just like, I can't get her out of my head and every time I look at her I have these pains in my chest and I just know it's her fault, that bitch.
I'm just not cut out for this Harry, I'm not.
Prussia/Harry: Yeah man, I know what you mean. It's like when you're trying to save the world and the whole world is just against you and…
America/Ron: No-no-no-no-no, this isn't about you.
Why does every conversation we have, have to turn into Potter Talk?
Prussia/Harry: It isn't Potter Talk…
America/Ron: No, I'm miserable and all you can do is talk about yourself. You're like the most self-absorbed guy I know. If you were miserable, I would be there for you but you won't even listen to me and I'm sick of it. So-so good luck with whatever you were talking about and I hope that you and Voldemort live happily ever after because me, I am never going to be happy again.
So I'm just going to go curl up in my sock drawer and sleep for days.
Britain/Hermione: Were you just talking to Ron?
Prussia/Harry: Yeah, I was trying to tell him about Voldemort…
Britain/Hermione: Well did he say anything about me?
Prussia/Harry: Well, yeah he said something…
Britain/Hermione: Was one of them an apology for how he treated me at the Yule Ball?
Prussia/Harry: Um yeah, I heard about that, listen I was wondering maybe you heard about a little something, I don't know, that Voldemort's Back! Cedric Diggory is dead, Professor Quirrell was crazy and now I have to save the world! Did you hear about that Hermione?
Britain/Hermione: Actually I have heard those things Harry, about a thousand times but never had they been told to me with so much sass. Drop the attitude Harry Potter, you're acting like Garfield on a Monday.
Prussia/Harry: Well don't you think I have a right to be a little stressed out?
Britain/Hermione: No, no I don't. You know what, this is just like with the dragon okay. I stressed out, I told you to prepare and yet you didn't do anything and you were fine. You know you just played your little guitar and I mean I don't know what you're crying about Harry. This is just like when you defeated Voldemort when you were a baby.
Prussia/Harry: Hermione, come on, you're the friend that's supposed to tell me to go to the library and try to figure this stuff out.
Britain/Hermione: You know what Harry? I don't do that anymore.
Hungary/Draco: Read it and weep Potter, heard Voldemort's back and he's trying to kill you. What do you think about that Moon-shoes?
Prussia/Harry: Malfoy, I honestly don't see why you're so happy about this. If Voldemort is back, which he is, you might as well kiss Hogwarts good bye.
You might as well kiss the planet good bye.
Hungary/Draco: Kiss the planet good bye? Having second thoughts about Pigfarts are you?
Prussia/Harry: Malfoy, you're the last person I want to talk to okay?
Hungary/Draco: You know what, as soon as you're out of the way, I'll be the coolest kid in school.
Britain/Hermione: Malfoy, that will never happen. Everybody hates you.
Hungary/Malfoy: Oh right, okay this coming from Hermione Stranger.
Ukraine/Pansy: She's right Malfoy, she's cooler than you now.
Belgium/Cho: Yeah, even Moaning Myrtle is cooler than you.
Latvia/Neville: Take this, Expelliarmus! (Draco's trousers drop to reveal diaper)
Hungary/Draco: Ignore it, ignore it! Stop it.
Switzerland/Snape: What the devil is going on here? Draco Malfoy, pull those trousers up at once.
Hungary/Draco: Professor, I was just…
Switzerland/Snape: I don't want to hear it. I need to see you in my office, now.
Hungary/Draco: This is all your fault Potter. You'll pay for this, you'll all pay! (runs with trousers around his knees)
Prussia/Harry: Nice Neville, you're the man. Hey Ginny, what's up? I hope you have something to say about Voldemort.
Canada/Ginny: No.
Prussia/Harry: Whatever. No, don't bother.
Canada/Ginny: Um, hey Harry, so we kissed at the Yule Ball and well, I thought we were gonna be together forever? But we're not.
Prussia/Harry: Hey, that uh, pretty much sums it up.
Canada/Ginny: What's going on?
Prussia/Harry: Ginny, this is what's going on. Don't you get it? Everyone is in danger who is dear to me. We can't be together because if Voldemort is back, which he is, then you're in mortal peril. Don't' you get it? It's just like the Spider-man movie, did you see that?
Mary-Jane and Peter Parker can't be together.
Canada/Ginny: The whole point of Spider-man 2 was that Mary-Jane and Peter Parker could be together in the end.
Prussia/Harry: Yeah I know but the point of Spider-man 3 is everything sucks and it falls to shit! Ginny, what I'm trying to say is I don't want my life to be like Spider-man 3. I hated that movie. I'm sorry, it's just my little way of saying we can't be together. I'm sorry Ginny.
Canada/Ginny: I'm such an idiot. –goes off crying-
Prussia/Harry: I need a Butterbeer.
Germany/Dumbledore: Hey, psst, Potter, it's me, it's me.
Prussia/Harry: Who are you?
Germany/Dumbledore: It's Dumbledore.
Prussia/Harry: Oh.
Germany/Dumbledore: Listen, Harry, I've got some very important things I have to tell yah.
Prussia/Harry: Oh, about Voldemort?
Germany/Dumbledore: Yes, it's absolutely crucial for you to know but I can't get into it right now. You need to meet me at my inner office at ten o'clock and come by yourself. Bring that uh, Invisibility Cloak of yours. Don't go blabbing your mouth about this to anybody. I don't what the spies to hear, they could be anywhere, even inside of Hogwarts.
From now on the only persons you can trust Harry are me and Severus Snape.
Prussia/Harry: Listen Dumbledore, I know you don't want to hear this but uh, I am not so sure about Snape. I think, uh I'm pretty sure he's working for Voldemort.
Germany/Dumbledore: What? That's stupid, you're stupid.
Prussia/Harry: No-no, I'm positive that night in the graveyard some Death Eater cuts off his hand and Snape shows up without a hand, what is that?
Germany/Dumbledore: Oh cock-a-maybe, Snape has ensured me that he lost his hand in an entirely unrelated incident.
Prussia/Harry: Dumbledore, why do you trust Snape so much?
Germany/Dumbledore: 'Cause I love him.
Prussia/Harry: Professor, I…
Germany/Dumbledore: Hey, I don't wanna hear anything else about it. There is no way that Severus Snape is, was or shall be a servant Voldemort's.
Act 2 Part 2
Switzerland/Snape: All Hail Lord Voldemort!
France/Death Eater 1: Severus Snape, what are you doing here?
Italy/Death Eater 2: Got tired of being on Dumbledore's lap?
France/Death Eater 1: I ought to Jelly-Legs Jinx you right now.
Switzerland/Snape: Don't be goofy with me, I'm here to see Voldemort.
Italy/Death Eater 2: How do we know this isn't some Order of the Phoenix practical joke?
France/Death Eater 1: I though you deserted the Death Eaters when the Dark Lord lost his body?
Italy/Death Eater 2: Or were you always a spy for Dumbledore?
France/Death Eater 1: Slumber-snore.
Italy/Death Eater 2: Bumble-sore.
France/Death Eater 1: I heard you had your Dark Mark laser-surgically removed.
Switzerland/Snape: Oh, well if you two know so much about me, you should write a biography, Snape: The Double Agent! (shows a mark) That's right, I've always been a servant of Voldemort's. I've simply been working undercover finding out valuable information such as the inner workings of Hogwarts, the roster of the Order of the Phoenix, and finding out what exactly a true Hufflepuff is anyway.
I've seen things no Slytherin should see. So if you are done putting each other's feet in each other's mouths, I would like to see my master.
France/Death Eater 1: Of course, right away Severus.
Switzerland/Snape: Good, I'll be in the drawing room, painting a picture of the stupid looks on your faces.
Seychelles/Bellatrix: Then, after sneaking into the Department of Mysteries, we'll enchant the…
France/Death Eater 1: excuse me…
Seychelles/Bellatrix: WHOA! WHOA! WHOA! Excuse me, I was in the middle of plotting.
Where was I? The statues will occupy the guards in the Main Lobby while you and I sneak into the Minister's office, where you will be one Killing Curse away from complete control of the entire Wizarding World! How does that sound my Lord? My Lord? Voldemort.
Poland/Voldemort: Uh yeah, Gringotts, that's great. Polyjuice Potions, that's always very classy. I'm sorry what are we talking about?
Seychelles/Bellatrix: Did you hear anything of my evil plan?
Poland/Voldemort: Well, um, the details are a little fuzzy but uh, you did have very evil tone.
Seychelles/Bellatrix: He's all yours.
Poland/Voldemort: What? Bellatrix come back. No, it's, don't be like that! Now two people are mad at me!
What?
France/Death Eater 1: Sir, Severus Snape is at the door and infortunes access to you.
Poland/Voldemort: Severus Snape, see him in.
Switzerland/Snape: Is that a new body my Lord? You look absolutely ravishing.
Poland/Voldemort: Severus, for such a super-secret spy you're a terrible liar. I'm a wreck! Better have some good news.
Switzerland/Snape: My Lord, you know for years we have been trying to get Death Eaters into the castle? (hooks Voldemort's throat and the Dark Lord flinches and glares at him and he withdraws his hook) For years we have been trying to sneak Death eaters onto the grounds of Hogwarts, well I think I finally discovered a way how.
Poland/Voldemort: Well, by all means Snape tell me.
Switzerland/Snape: I can't.
Poland/Voldemort: Can't, tease! Why not?
Switzerland/Snape: I made an Unbreakable Vow not to let any Death Eaters in.
Poland/Voldemort: Great, Unbreakable Vows, I hate those.
Switzerland/Snape: I know but I had to do it in order to convince Dumbledore of my loyalty.
Poland/Voldemort: Yes Snape I understand. Well if you can't help me, what do you propose we do?
Switzerland/Snape: Well I can't tell you but I've brought along someone who can.
Hungary/Draco: All Hail Lord Voldemort.
Poland/Voldemort: HAHAHAHA! Lucius Malloy's boy?
Hungary/Draco: Malfoy…Malfoy…
Poland/Voldemort: Are you serious? Help from a child, you've got to be kidding me? –still laughing- Don't make me laugh I'm pissing!
Hungary/Draco: Oh, if this homemade Dark Mark won't convince you, then at least hear me out.
Poland/Voldemort: Okay, okay, okay, how do you propose we get my Death Eaters into your little daycare center and don't suggest the giant slide or a trampoline because we've already tried those.
Hungary/Draco: The vents, you're Death eaters shall enter through the ventilation system of Hogwarts.
Poland/Voldemort: Duh! The vents! Erg, how do we find these vents?
Hungary/Draco: Oh I'll tell you how to get to the vents but first we discuss the subject of payment.
Poland/Voldemort: Ah, the catch, there's always a catch. There's nothing in this world so cruel and demanding as the soul of a child. What do you want Malloy?
Hungary/Draco: I want a galaxy-traversing rocket ship with enough fuel to get me to Mars.
Poland/Voldemort: What do you want with a rocket ship? What business do you have on Mars?
Hungary/Draco: Let's just say (rhyme singing) Pigfarts, Pigfarts, here I come. Pigfarts, Pigfarts, yum yum yum!
Switzerland/Snape: No-no-no-no-no my Lord, with all due respect my Lord there is one tiny flaw in that flawless plan, Albus Dumbledore.
Poland/Voldemort: Ah, you're right Snape. Normally I'd say let's kill him but I haven't been feeling so evil lately. (glares at Hungary/Draco patting him)
Poland/Voldemort: So here's how it's gonna break down Milfoy. I need your guarantee that you'll lead my Death Eaters into Hogwarts. I will simultaneously be attacking the Ministry of Magic. Now I need you to promise that by the end of the siege of Hogwarts, Dumbledore will be dead-leave Harry Potter for me, but Dumbledore must die. Do we have a deal?
Hungary/Draco: We shall shake on it (spits in hand) an Unbreakable Vow.
Poland/Voldemort: -spits in hand- By the end of tomorrow night, Albus Dumbledore will be dead?
Hungary/Draco: Yes and I'll have my rocket ship?
Poland/Voldemort: When the technology is available.
Hungary/Draco: And you have to be my slave for a whole day starting now! (hands are released and Vow is made)
Poland/Voldemort: No! You little shit! He got me. He got me oh that is so embarrassing. That's the second time that that's happened. It's why I hate Unbreakable Curses.
Hungary/Draco: Oh there are so many things I'm going to have you do for me. You're going to clean my room, and lay out my knickers, and you're going to tape Wizards of Waverly Placefor me!
Poland/Voldemort: Oh I hate chores!
Hungary/Draco: I'll be busy with a murder. Sometimes…hey.
Act 2 Scene 3
Britain/Hermione: harry, why would Dumbledore want to meet us so late at night?
Prussia/Harry: Well, he's got some information to tell us about Voldemort. Did you bring the Invisibility Cloak?
Britain/Hermione: I got it right here.
America/Ron: Alright Harry, this better be good because I don't' have a snack and I'm missing Wizards of Waverly Place for this okay. So what do we have to do that is so damn,(gets handed a snack by musician) oh my god thank you. I love Hogwarts.
Prussia/Harry: Hogwarts is amazing.
America/Ron: You want one?
Prussia/Harry: Yeah, (piano thing and Harry does a cock-the-hip thing)
Britain/Hermione: You know what, I am leaving.
Prussia/Harry: Oh no-no-no-no-no you're not. No you're not. When I said I needed your help I meant the both of you. So you guys got to get over these hurt feelings before someone gets hurt okay.
So come on.
Germany/Dumbledore: (seductively) Hello Harry, how are…(drops act) oh god damn it! I told you to come by yourself.
Why did you have to bring the fans?
Prussia/Harry: Ron and Hermione are my best friends and if this information is as important as you say it is then they have a right to know.
Germany/Dumbledore: Well, I've been wrong before. Get in here hotcakes. I was talking to Weasley.
America/Ron: Thanks.
Germany/Dumbledore: Sorry the place is such a sty. (Zac Efron poster is visible)
America/Ron: Oh my god, that is a boss Zefron poster.
Prussia/Harry: It's awesome.
Germany/Dumbledore: Isn't he just the greatest? Whenever I see him, he seems like such a charismatic humanitarian.
Prussia/Harry: You think you like him? Wrong because I love him the most; Harry Potter loves Zac Efron more than anyone else in the whole world.
Anyway, that's not what we're here to talk about.
Britain/Hermione: Right.
Prussia/Harry: We're here to talk about Voldemort.
Germany/Dumbledore: It's not necessarily about Zefron, even though I love him the most, but uh about the Dark Lord. If you want to defeat this guy you're going to have to know about Horcruxes.
Prussia, America & Britain/The Trio: What's a Horcrux?
Germany/Dumbledore: Horcrux is one of the most terrifying pieces of magic that a wizard can create. It's actually when a wizard takes a piece of his soul and puts into something else.
America/Ron: Why would anybody ever want to do that?
Germany/Dumbledore: If you have a Horcrux, you can never truly die. Your body can be dead but your spirit can live on.
Britain/Hermione: It makes sense now Harry! Everyone knows that the night your parents were killed that Voldemort was destroyed but somehow he survived. He must have had a Horcrux!
Germany/Dumbledore: He didn't just have one Horcrux, he had six of them!
I already killed the first five for you so don't worry about that. But you guys have to find the last one with this.
Britain/Hermione: Sword of Godric Gryffindor!
Germany/Dumbledore: That's right.
Britain/Hermione: Godric Gryffindor was one of the four Founders of Hogwarts. If anything can destroy a Horcrux, that sword is it.
America/Ron: This thing is so damn awesome. Oh my god, every wizard should have a sword, not this stupid drumstick. (starts play fighting with the sword on his own)
Prussia/Harry: You know, we know what a Horcrux is but how can we find it? Where are they? Where's the last one?
Germany/Dumbledore: You find them with this. Looks like G-unit bling (America/Ron takes it and drops the sword) but it's actually a Horcrux seeking medallion.
Harry: Wait, that's a Horcrux seeking medallion? That sounds a little too convenient.
Germany/Dumbledore: You don't have trouble with a Time Turner but you have trouble with a Horcrux seeking medallion?
Britain/Hermione: wait, so if he has this piece of bling, then why are Ron and I even here?
America/Ron: Yeah, Voldemort isn't any of our business.
Germany/Dumbledore: Hermione Granger (glares at America/Ron), when one of you gots a problem then that means all three of you has got a problem. What would Zac Efron say in a time like this? (singing) We're all in this together. (talking) Anyways, you just got to find the Horcrux and you've got to destroy it.
It's the only way to beat the Dark…what is going on? This is…oh! It must be the Death Eaters. They're coming to kill me. Kids, get your beards on.
Britain/Hermione: We don't have any beards!
Germany/Dumbledore: I thought I told you to bring beards!
Prussia/Harry: No, we have the Invisibility Cloak!
Germany/Dumbledore: Oh, well put that on but it's not a beard.
China/Death Eater A: Hey, are you Dumbledore?
Germany/Dumbledore: No, you see I've got this beard on.
China/Death Eater A: Well, have you seen him?
Germany/Dumbledore: Oh I thought I saw someone over there by that bureau but I could have just been imagining what I would look like without this beard.
China/Death Eater A: Alright everyone, spread out and look for Dumbledore. (all three Death Eaters search office) He's got to be around here somewhere.
Germany/Dumbledore: Be careful with the Zac Efron poster, it's an antique.
China/Death Eater A: Why do you care so much about Zefron?
Germany/Dumbledore: I don't I just appreciate his charms and hair.
Prussia/Harry: Yeah but everyone knows I like him best!
Ukraine/Death Eater B: What was that?
Italy/Death eater C: I was I could say that it was me because I feel that I love Zefron the most but it was definitely a voice from within this room.
Ukraine/Death Eater B: Is it an invisible man?
Italy/Death Eater C: Could the predator be in the room?
China/Death Eater A: Begin an invisible man search! (Dumbledore glances at the trio)
Germany/Dumbledore: Alright it's me. It's Dumbledore.
Ukraine/Death Eater B: Dumbledore, where's you come from?
Germany/Dumbledore: The man with the beard turned me in.
Ukraine/Death Eater B: Now we've got you just where we want you.
Germany/Dumbledore: Yes, but what I don't understand is how?
Italy/Death Eater C: We had the help from a man on the inside. Someone who trusted, someone you may have even loved.
Prussia/Harry: Slughorn?
Britain/Hermione: Lockhart?
Germany/Dumbledore: Aberforth my brother?
Hungary/Draco: No, it was me.
Germany/Dumbledore: Malfoy, you little shit.
Hungary/Draco: That's right Dumbledore. I betrayed everyone and now I'm going to kill you.
Germany/Dumbledore: No you're not. Draco, if you were going to kill me you would have done so already.
Hungary/Draco: No-no-no, not necessarily true. I just wanted to offer you one more game of Connect-Four before I offed you.
Germany/Dumbledore: Draco, there are other options. You know it's time that you looked inside yourself and figure out what it is you really want.
Hungary/Draco: I want Hermione Granger…and a rocket ship.
Germany/Dumbledore: Then why didn't you just take the girl out to a Happy Meal and go to space camp? Come on, murder leads to a life of despair and desperation. I know you're going to do that right thing, okay. That a boy!
Switzerland/Snape: What the devil is going on here?
China/Death Eater A: Snape, we've got Dumbledore cornered.
Switzerland/Snape: Well, what are we waiting for? Kill him! Do it Draco.
Hungary/Draco: I don't think I can.
Switzerland/Snape: Coward! Ten points from Gryffindor!
Germany/Dumbledore: I don't understand. I gave you my letterman jacket.
Switzerland/Snape: It never fit. (curses Germany/Dumbledore)
Germany/Dumbledore: Oh! Why didn't you tell me? I could have shrunk it with magic. Severus, please don't kill me!
Switzerland/Snape: Avada Kedavra! (Germany/Dumbledore chokes a bit and dies…Death Eaters cheer while the students are in shock)
Prussia/Harry: I hate Snape, I hate Snape, I hate Snape, I hate Snape. I hate him I'm gonna kill him.
Britain/Hermione: It's not your fault Harry!
Prussia/Harry: No, it is my fault, don't you understand? Everybody is dying because of me. First Cedric and now Dumbledore, I can't do it anymore!
America/Ron: Come on, let's go to the Burrow.
Prussia/Harry: No!
Don't you get it? I have to do this by myself. I did it once when I was a baby, I can't have you guys be near me you're too much a risk.
Britain/Hermione: No, we don't care about the risk!
Prussia/Harry: No, you don't understand, you have to get away from me.
America/Ron: You can't mean that?
Prussia/Harry: I do. Leave me alone! (runs off)
Act 2 Scene 4
Poland/Voldemort: Cornelius Fudge, the Minister of Magic!
France/Minister: I still don't believe you're back.
Poland/Voldemort: Believe this Fudge, Avada Kedavra!
France/Minister: A heart-attack, surely…(cringes in pain again and dies)
Seychelles/Bellatrix: Wohoo! Yes, the Ministry has fallen! Yes, without the Minister, you'll be the King of All Magic!
Mhmm, Voldemort, right here, right now on the Minster's desk!
Poland/Voldemort: I'm gonna get yah! I'm gonna get yah! Come here Trixie! (chases her around the desk in foreplay)
You wanna try something new?
Seychelles/Bellatrix: Oh so new!
Poland/Voldemort: Get on the desk. (Seychelles/Bellatrix lays on the desk) Now sit up, bitch. (sits up)
Seychelles/Bellatrix: Yes, command me my Lord. (Poland/Voldemort feels her up and then sits with his back to hers)
Poland/Voldemort: That's nice.
Seychelles/Bellatrix: So what do we do now?
Poland/Voldemort: Anything we want, hang out mostly. We can watch a movie, how about She's All That, I haven't seen the beginning of it.
Seychelles/Bellatrix: Are you feeling okay my Lord?
Poland/Voldemort: Of course I am Quirrell!
Seychelles/Bellatrix: Alright, that's the dozenth time you've called me that.
Poland/Voldemort: No I uh, I called you a squirrel. I called you a squirrel.
Seychelles/Bellatrix: No, you're thinking of that pawn that we sent to Azkaban.
Poland/Voldemort: He's not a pawn. More of a man than you'll ever be.
Seychelles/Bellatrix: I can't do this. If I'm going to be evil with all of you, then I have to be evil with all of you.
Poland/Voldemort: Evil with all of me? What does that mean? I'm all right here.
Seychelles/Bellatrix: No, there are pieces of you missing.
Poland/Voldemort: Are you talking about my Horcruxes? 'Cause if it weren't for those I wouldn't even be here right now!
Prussia/Harry: (singing) I can't remember Dad and I can't remember Mom. Aunts and uncles aren't quite the same but I had him and life seemed fair. Yes, I had him. He was there to give me strength, show concern, ask for nothing in return. Say Hello, talk me through, do the things that fathers should do…and I'm missing you! I'm just missing you.
Lithuania/Quirrell: There it is, he's gone and he's hung me out to dry. The joy he said he felt, well, I guess it was a lie but when I had him my life was fine. When I had him, he was mine. He'd share his thoughts, be a friend, stick with until the end. Watch a movie, roller skate, fill the world with fear and hate…
Both: And I'm missing you! I'm just missing you. Now I'm all alone, now you're gone for good. Now I'm stuck right here wishing I understood.
Prussia/Harry: You gave me hope when my spells weren't right.
Lithuania/Quirrell: You gave me someone to hold every night…and I'm missing you.
Prussia/Harry: I'm just missing you.
Lithuania/Quirrell: I'm just missing you.
Prussia/Harry: I'm just missing you.
Poland/Voldemort: Shit.
Ukraine/Death Eater: My Dark Lord, news from Severus Snape, Dumbledore is dead and the Dementors have control the castle. Hogwarts is yours my dark Lord.
Poland/Voldemort: Excellent! Prepare my flying machine. Looks like I'm going back to Hogwarts.
Act 2 Scene 5
Canada/Ginny: Harry!
Prussia/Harry: Ginny, what are you doing here? Get out of here.
Canada/Ginny: No, there's no place to go, the Death Eaters are all over the castle.
Prussia/Harry: I know and they're looking for me and if they find me you're going to be with…and you're going to get in trouble. Get out of here!
Canada/Ginny: What are you going to do?
Prussia/Harry: I don't know Ginny, I'm not cut out for this kind of thing.
Canada/Ginny: You have to do something. I don't' know what you can do but you can to do it. You're Harry Potter…(Prussia/Harry: NO!) You're the Boy-Who-Lived!
Prussia/Harry: No Ginny, you don't get it! If you guys get it, I'm just a twelve year old kid.
Ginny, I'm sorry but I'm alone. It's hopeless. Alright?
Canada/Ginny: (singing) I've been alone, surrounded by darkness and I've seen how heartless the world can be. I've seen you crying. You felt like it's hopeless. I'll always do my best to make you see. 'Cause Harry you're not alone, 'cause you're here with me and nothing's ever gonna bring us down. 'Cause nothing can keep me from loving you and you know it's true.
It don't matter what'll come to be, our love is all we need to make it through. Now I know it ain't easy,
Prussia/Harry: No it ain't easy.
Canada/Ginny: But it ain't hard trying.
Prussia/Harry: It's so hard trying.
Canada/Ginny: Every time I see you smiling and I feel you so close to me. Tell me,
Both: 'Cause baby you're not alone, 'cause you're here with me and nothing's ever gonna bring us down 'cause nothing can keep me from loving you and you know it's true. It don't matter what'll come to be, our love is all we need to make it through.
Prussia/Harry: Well I still have trouble, I trip and stumble trying to make sense of things some times. I look for reasons, but I don't need 'em. All I need is to look in your eyes and I realize…
America/Ron: Hey Harry.
All Four: "Baby, you're not alone 'cause you're here with me and nothing's gonna ever take us down. 'Cause nothing can keep me from loving you and you know it's true. It don't matter what'll come to be, our love is all we need to make it through."
Prussia/Harry: You guys, I'm so glad you came back, sorry for when I shouted, 'cause it don't matter what'll come to be,
All Four: Our love is all we need…
America/Ron: To make…
Britain/Hermione: To make…
Canada/Ginny: To make…
Prussia/Harry: To make…
All four: It through.
Britain/Hermione: Okay, now that we have that four-part harmony out of the way, we gotta look for that Horcrux.
America/Ron: Well, it could be anywhere. If I had a Horcrux, I would drop it in the bottom of the ocean or I would put it in a pyramid with King Tut and all of his jewels.
Or I would blast it into space with a monkey who knew nothing about Horcruxes.
Britain/Hermione: Or it could be hidden somewhere around the mundane British countryside. Our search could entail months of depressing camping, breaking into Gringotts, to drinking boatloads of Polyjuice Potion.
Prussia/Harry: Well, medallion says that's dumb so we're not going to do that. But it does say it's in one convenient place, get this, Hogwarts.
America/Ron: That's awesome I love Hogwarts.
Prussia/Harry: Even better, it's in Dumbledore's office.
America/Ron: That's bitchin'.
Prussia/Harry: So let's go, wait a second. Wait a second, hold the phone how did you get here? Death Eaters are all over Hogwarts.
Canada/Ginny: Oh, I had help.
America/Ron: From who? (Canada/Ginny screams and Hungary/Malfoy walks out)
America/Ron: Malfoy!
Canada/Ginny: No-no-no, he's really nice now.
Hungary/Draco: Oh yeah, I've just wanted to say that song you guys sang was really beautiful (Gryffindors say thanks in various ways) and um, while I was backstage, I was working out my high fifth and thought maybe I could join you but you wrapped it up before I could chime in there. Maybe if you do a reprise I could have a little go at it. So, but as Ginny said, I'm really nice now and I just feel awful about what happened but I mean, could you argue that this was my fault?
America/Ron: Absolutely.
Prussia/Harry: Of course.
Britain/Hermione: Yes.
Hungary/Draco: Yeah, that would be a safe argument. But let me ask you one question: do you think I'm happy about this?
America/Ron: Oh my god, Malfoy just because you're upset doesn't mean you're off the hook.
Prussia/Harry: Yeah, furthermore do you wanna kick your own ass or should we do it for you?
Hungary/Draco: Well, I guess if you're giving me the option, I'll kick my own ass. First, I should teach you how to get into Dumbledore's office. It's ironically the same way the Death Eaters got in.
Britain/Hermione: Okay, why don't you boys head off to Dumbledore's office, okay, and Ginny and I will take the Invisibility Cloak and we'll see if we can contact the Order of the Phoenix. We haven't really seen them the whole play.
Britain/Harry: That's a good plan, don't touch me, let's get out of here, let's go.
America/Ron: Hey Hermione, come down stage. Um, listen uh shit, uh, alright hey, so I've been acting like a real jerk-ass lately. You know that and uh, I'm sorry. It's just seeing you dance with everyone at the Yule Ball just made me kind of jealous. I was jealous.
Britain/Hermione: "You were jealous?"
America/Ron: That's the third time I've said I was jealous.
Britain/Hermione: Okay, Ron we don't really have to talk about this right now.
America/Ron: Well, what if the Death Eaters get us? What if we don't' come back you know?
Britain/Hermione: Ron, don't say that (America/Ron grabs her face and kisses her)
America/Ron: Whoa. (smell each other's breathe, America/Ron sprays stuff in her mouth) It's ungodly. (puts gum in her mouth) Here take two. Chew it. (smells breathe again and Britain/Hermione feels him up and they do weird tongue kiss thing and end up on the floor) (America/Ron acts like He-man) Let's go kill Voldemort!
Act 2 Scene 6
Hungary/Draco: Do you not see this Zefron poster?
America/Ron: Yeah, we know Malfoy.
Prussia/Harry: We already know about it.
America/Ron: Malfoy, it's not that big of a deal, can we just look for some Horcruxes please? Is this thing of pencils a Horcrux?
Prussia/Harry: (with medallion) No, (Hungary/Malfoy with drawer) Nope.
America/Ron: Is this a Horcrux?
Prussia/Harry: Nope.
Hungary/Draco: Pack of doughnuts?
Prussia/Harry: Nope.
America/Ron: Those are snacks, those are snacks (takes the doughnuts and put in pocket) Is this a Horcrux? (sword)
Prussia/Harry: No.
America/Ron: This could take forever, so many things in this room. The only thing with real value, is that Zefron poster.
Prussia/Harry: Wait a second, you don't think, no. Anything relating to Zac Efron would never be evil.
America/Ron: Not even close.
Prussia/Harry: That's impossible…(Poland/Voldemort pops into poster) Ah! Ron, kill it. Kill it Ron, it's the last Horcrux! Kill it.
Hungary/Draco: Don't kill it, it's Zefron.
America/Ron: I know, he's so charismatic!
Poland/Horcrux: Don't kill me, I'm not your enemy. Potter is the enemy.
America/Ron: No, Harry's my friend.
Britain/Horcrux: But you have to get your head in the game Weasley. He will betray you, take that which you want the most.
Prussia/Harry: It's a lie Ron don't listen to him, he's lying!
Poland/Horcrux: I know your thoughts Ron Weasley, I know what you truly desire. Hello Ron! (Horcrux goes from Poland/Voldemort to Britain/Hermione)
America/Ron: Oh my god Hermione, you've lost weight.
Britain/Horcrux: That's right, I'm in shape for Harry Potter.
America/Ron: Wait, what, Harry?
Britain/Horcrux: That's right, as long as Harry's around you'll always be second best; least loved. But if Harry Potter were gone then we could be together forever.
Prussia/Harry: Ron, it's not true Ron.
America/Ron: Yeah, Harry's my friend.
Britain/Horcrux: But don't you want me Ron? (Ron: Yes.) Don't you love me Ron? (Ron: Yes) Then you know what you have to do Ron.
America/Ron: Yes, I must kill Harry.
Britain/Horcrux: That's right.
Prussia/Harry: Ron, no! It's a trick Ron. Don't listen to her. Listen, stop it, Hermione's one of my best friends. I would never do anything to hurt you or her.
Britain/Horcrux: Lies Weasley, all lies.
Prussia/Harry: Ron, it's not true, you're my best friend!
Come on, I'm your best friend. NO, Ron please!
America/Ron: ARGH! –stabs poster-
Prussia/Harry: Do it again. –hits poster again-
(America/Ron collapses and then opens doughnuts)
Hungary/Draco: (picking up poster) Oh a little bit of tape and it's fine.
Prussia/Harry: Ron, you had me going there for a minute there buddy.
America/Ron: Yeah, sorry about that pal, it's just everything she was saying you know, I couldn't...I don't know.
Prussia/Harry: What?
America/Ron: Even if that's how she did feel about you and me, well it wouldn't matter. You're my best friend. I would never do anything to hurt you. -both are choking on emotion-
I mean 'cause I love you.
Prussia/Harry: I love you too man. –hug-
Hungary/Draco: Well then listen chaps, as fun as this was, I thought destroying the Horcrux would be much harder.
Prussia/Harry: Yeah me too.
America/Ron: When you think about it? Horcruxes are just kind of stupid.
Seychelles/Bellatrix: Wands down boys! (Hermione is in her clutches and Ginny in a Death Eater's)
Hungary/Draco: How did you idiots get captured? You were invisible!
Britain/Hermione: Sorry!
Seychelles/Bellatrix: Do it Potter or they die!
Prussia/Harry: Well, it looks like we have our backs against the wall with nowhere to go. Put your swords down, and wands. (they all drop their weapons)
Seychelles/Bellatrix: Ah, look at Baby Potter, giving orders to his itty bitty diaper friends.
Prussia/Harry: I'm not a baby. I'm not a baby, I'm twelve.
Switzerland/Snape: What the devil is going on here? Whoa, déja-vous.
Seychelles/Bellatrix: Welcome Snape, I love it! We have Potter and his friends at last.
Britain/Hermione: Oh, you are a very mean person!
America/Ron: Yeah, Dumbledore trusted you!
Prussia/Harry: Yeah, you're a big fat traitor Snape.
Switzerland/Snape: Oh, a traitor am I Potter? You're exactly right. I am a traitor because I'm about to betray someone. Right now…hi-yah! (Cuts a Death Eater's hand off, freeing Canada/Ginny)
Bat-Bogey Hex!
Seychelles/Bellatrix: Expelliarmus! Serpentsortia! (students cringe)
Switzerland/Snape: My wiener!
Prussia/Harry: Snape, no!
Seychelles/Bellatrix: Oh, don't even think about moving unless anyone of you wants a snake to the wiener. Now come on Potter, you're coming with me. Only the Dark Lord has the right to kill you. Come on! (Harry starts to follow)
Ukraine/Mrs. Weasley: Kids!
Canada and America/Ginny and Ron: Mom?
Prussia/Harry: Mrs. Weasley?
Seychelles/Bellatrix: Who the hell are you?
Ukraine/Mrs. Weasley: I'm Molly Weasley and those are my kids. Avada Kedavra!
Seychelles/Bellatrix: Uh, that's not fair.
Ukraine/Mrs. Weasley: Die, bitch.
America/Ron: Holy shit, Mom you just killed Bellatrix. I thought you were going to tuck in her shirt or make her do the dishes.
Ukraine/Mrs. Weasley: (clap) Stupid kids! (America & Canada/Ron and Ginny grab their ears)
Desperate times call for desperate measures. Even the unforgivable can be considered forgivable sometimes.
Canada/Ginny: What are you doing here?
Ukraine/Mrs. Weasley: I came here with the Order of the Phoenix; Lupin, Tonks, Mad-eye Moody, Sirius Black, and your brother Fred.
America/Ron: Oh great, where are they?
Ukraine/Mrs. Weasley: They're all dead.
Canada/Ginny: Fred? No.
Ukraine/Mrs. Weasley: Anyway, just came here to save your lives, go back to what you were doing. Disapparate!
Act 2 Scene 7
Prussia/Harry: Snape, Snape! Um, Expelliarmus! -snake is taken off his genitals-
America/Ron: Die, die, die! –stomps snake to death-
Britain/Hermione: Oh, Harry, this does not look good. That is a coral snake and coral snake is a highly poisonous snake.
Switzerland/Snape: She's right. It's too late for me now. Before I go, I need to tell you there is another Horcrux!
Britain/Hermione: How can that be? All the Horcruxes have been destroyed.
Switzerland/Snape: No, there's a seventh one.
America/Ron: I really hope it's not an Ashley Tisdale poster, I can't do that.
Switzerland/Snape: Check the medallion.
Prussia/Harry: It doesn't say anything.
Switzerland/Snape: Give it to Granger.
Britain/Hermione: Wait a minute, it says there's one right here but I don't understand.
Prussia/Harry: Yeah.
Switzerland/Snape: Harry, the night Voldemort killed your parents, he tried to destroy you but his body was destroyed instead. When that happened, a part of his soul was blasted away from the whole and attached itself to you. Voldemort can never truly die until all of the Horcruxes have been destroyed.
Britain/Hermione: But, if Harry's a Horcrux, I mean, does that mean Harry has to be destroyed?
Prussia/Harry: There's got to be another way.
Switzerland/Snape: No, Potter, I'll show you what you need to do. Watch very carefully. (dies)
Hungary/Draco: He didn't even do anything.
Prussia/Harry: It's because he's dead you dumb motherfu…
Poland/Voldemort: People of Hogwarts, my Death Eaters have taken the castle and your Headmaster Albus Dumbledore is dead. Continue to resist and you will be killed one-by-one. But, there need not be war between us, you've all fought so valiantly and I'm willing to offer you positions in my new world order (as my slaves). Give up now and be forgiven. I command my Death Eaters to stand down. Now, Harry Potter, I speak directly to you. If you do not wish for those close to you to continue to suffer and die on your behalf, you will come face me yourself. I'll be waiting for you in the Forbidden Forest for one hour. At the end of that hour, if you have not come to face me, if you have not turned yourself in, the battle recommences. This time, Potter, I'll shall enter the play myself and I will find you and I will murder every last man (America/Ron reacts), woman (Britain/Hermione reacts), and child (Hungary/Draco: No.) who tries to conceal you from me. Voldemort out, bitches.
Britain/Hermione: Alright guys, don't worry. We still have an hour. Okay, we just need to come up with a plan.
Prussia/Harry: There's no plan Hermione. I know what I have to do. I have to die.
Canada/Ginny: No-no-no, there's gotta be another way.
Britain/Hermione: Well, maybe there's something in this book you know? We could find some sort of enchantment that'll nullify the…
Prussia/Harry: No-no-no, Hermione, forget about it. There's only one thing to do; I have to die. I love you all, except you Draco. I can't fucking stand you.
Bye.
Canada/Ginny: Harry?
America/Ron: Harry!
China/Death Eater: He's not coming my Lord.
Poland/Voldemort: It seems that way. Well, Death Eaters, it looks like we're going back to seize the castle. This is what Potter has chosen. Funny, I-I expected…I expected him to come. It seems I was mistaken.
Prussia/Harry: You weren't.
Poland/Voldemort: Harry Potter, the Boy-Who-Lived. Crucio! (Harry drops in pain)
Crucio! You're not even going to fight back? (Prussia/Harry throws his wand) You're weak. Weak, just like your parents. They did not deserve to live in this world, in My world. Prepare to join them, prepare to die. Avada Kedavra!
China/Death Eaters: Wohoo! Whoa! Voldy! Voldy! You've done it my Lord. Potter is dead, no one shall ever question your powers again.
Poland/Voldemort: Yes…
China/Death Eater: Doesn't this please you my Lord?
Poland/Voldemort: (checking Prussia/Harry's body) Yeah, yeah it's great. It's great. I just thought it might make me feel less empty inside.
Well Death Eaters, let's go back to Hogwarts to tell them what has become of their hero.
Act 2 Scene 8
Germany/Dumbledore: Hey Harry.
Prussia/Harry: Whoa!
Dumbledore, what? Where am I? I thought I was dead, I got shot by Voldemort.
Germany/Dumbledore: Let's just say you're somewhere between our world and theirs.
Prussia/Harry: What, did I survive?
Germany/Dumbledore: It wouldn't be the first time Potter. Take a seat.
Prussia/Harry: Alright.
Germany/Dumbledore: Harry, have you ever heard of a…sit down…ever heard of a love shield?
Prussia/Harry: Uh, no but it sounds like it's kind of fruity.
Germany/Dumbledore: A love shield is anything but fruity. It's when somebody loves you so much that if they were ever willing to give their life for you, that love literally becomes a shield which surrounds your body, protects you from any form of Dark Magic.
Prussia/Harry: So, that happened to me? I have a love shield.
Germany/Dumbledore: Harry, it's time for you to learn all the things you should have learned all these seven years ago.
Which really would have helped you along the way. The love shield protects you the first time, Voldemort accidently turned you into the seventh Horcrux, on the night you already knew about.
Prussia/Harry: That's when my parents died.
Germany/Dumbledore: Exactly and when he tried to kill you the second time, he was actually unknowingly killing the piece of himself inside of you and I've known the whole time.
Prussia/Harry: You knew this whole time, you bastard.
Germany/Dumbledore: Hey, hey, they don't call me the greatest wizard that ever lived for nothing. Harry, it is time for you to get your cute little butt back there and fight him as a mortal man. Except this time, he'll be a mortal man too.
Prussia/Harry: Dumbledore, I get what you're saying. I know what I have to do.
Germany/Dumbledore: Good boy.
Prussia/Harry: Hey, before I go, um so your clairvoyant now right? You can see the past, present, and future all at the same time?
Germany/Dumbledore: Yeah.
Prussia/Harry: Can you tell me how Lost ends?
Germany/Dumbledore: Harry, there are some questions even I can't answer.
Prussia/Harry: Thanks man.
Germany/Dumbledore: Hey, no problem, third door on your left there.
Italy/Rumbleroar: Are you ready to go Dumbledore?
Germany/Dumbledore: Sure am Rumbleroar.
Italy/Rumbleroar: And you're sure that you don't want to let Harry Potter know that you're really still alive?"
Germany/Dumbledore: Eh, no, Pigfarts has been a closely guarded secret for hundreds of years. Better to keep it that way.
Italy/Rumbleroar: I suppose you're right. Do you have your spacesuit Dumbledore?
Germany/Dumbledore: Oh, thank you for reminding me. Ready to go Rumby?
Italy/Rumbleroar: I sure am, to Pigfarts! RUMBLEROAR!
Poland/Voldemort: People of Hogwarts, it's me. Harry Potter is dead. He was killed while running away, trying to save himself,
While you laid down your lives for him. The battle is won. My Death Eaters outnumber you. Continue to resist and be slaughtered. Come out of the castle, kneel before me and you may be spared.
America/Ron: Okay, uh, you guys barricade the door. Go do it right now. (students barricade door) Cho, you go see if Neville's dead. Um, you guys, go get snacks!
Oh shit, we barricaded the door. Um, me, I will-will…(pulls out a cigarette and throws it away) quit. Well, there's only one thing we can do. We're going to fight.
Hungary/Draco: Come on, I'm tired. Can't we just be Death Eaters?
America/Ron: No, no we can't just be Death Eaters. Okay? We are gonna fight and we are gonna fight so hard, that we're gonna win. (singing) He thinks that we're finished. He thinks that we're done. He thinks that it's over, his battle is won! Ha! He thinks that we're finished, no, but we aren't through. Stop and think my friends what would Harry do for you?
Britain/Hermione: Harry never gave up the fight. Harry stood up for what is right. Well, now it's our turn.
Both: Our turn! Make a joyful sound, Voldemort is going down!
America/Ron: Come on!
Britain/Hermione: Get up guys.
America/Ron: Get in a line!
America, Britain & Canada/Ron, Hermione, and Ginny: We must unite so we can fight, turn the battle around. Time's running out, it's time to shout! Voldemort is going down.
Britain/Hermione: Can't you feel the fire burning? Now it's time to be a man, a great big-muscley-super big-super hot man!
(Students: AH!)
Everyone: We won't be pushed around anymore. We'll be a force you cannot ignore. We'll be an army for Dumbledore! For Dumbledore! We must unite, so we can fight, turn the battle around. Time's running out, it's time to shout! Voldemort is going down.
Prussia/Harry: Guys, I'm alive! (everyone goes crazy) Hey, I know how to defeat Voldemort. Everybody follow me okay?
Everyone: We must unite so we can fight, turn the battle around. Time's running out, it's time to shout. Voldemort is going…
Prussia/Harry: We must unite, so we can fight!
Everyone: Voldemort is going down!
America/Ron: Yeah!
Act 2 Scene 9
America/Ron: No, it's cool we barricaded it. He can't get in, we barricaded the door. It's alright, it's impossible. (Freak out when Voldemort comes through the wall)
Poland/Voldemort: Avada Kedavra! (curses the barricade) WHAT? (sees Harry) Potter, how many times do I have to kill you boy?
Prussia/Harry: Apparently, more than once but it's all over Voldemort. You can't kill me this time. Nobody help me, I've got to do this by myself.
Poland/Voldemort: He doesn't mean that. It's not how he operates, is it boy? Who are you going to use as a human shield this time Potter?
Britain/Hermione: Ron! (America/Ron had stepped forward but Hermione drew him back)
Prussia/Harry: Nobody, because this time it's just you and me because all the Horcruxes are gone. I destroyed them all.
Poland/Voldemort: What? Even my Zefron poster?
Prussia/Harry: Especially the Zefron poster.
Poland/Voldemort: NO! Curse you Potter you'll die for that.
Prussia/Harry: No I won't because you can't kill me.
And you can't kill any of these people.
Poland/Voldemort: What the fuck are you on about?
Prussia/Harry: You don't know what the stakes are Voldemort, I was prepared to die to save these people.
Poland/Voldemort: But you didn't!
Prussia/Harry: But I meant to and that's what did it. I've done what my mother did for me for these people. I've given them magical sanctuary so you can't hurt me or these people ever again.
Poland/Voldemort: So, what? Who cares about these children, it's you I want dead Potter. What's to stop you from dying when I strike?
Prussia/Harry: Just one thing, think of all the people you've hurt, all the lives you've destroyed-all the people you've killed okay. Try a little slice of remorse pie.
Poland/Voldemort: What?
Prussia/Harry: There's gotta be one person, one thing in your life you miss, that you regret.
Poland/Voldemort: Well, maybe there's one…NO! There isn't! The jokes on you Potter. I don't care about anybody.
Prussia/Harry: I know, that's what makes you such a piece of shit. You see at Hogwarts, we all stick together. We love one another, we're friends. My love is protecting these guys and their love is all I need to protect me from you.
Poland/Voldemort: Let's put that theory to the test Potter. Avada Kedavra!
Prussia/Harry: Expelliarmus! (Poland/Voldemort Dies)
Belgium/Cho: Well, Chocolate frogs, Harry Potter did it y'all. (everyone cheers)
America/Ron: WHOA! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! (Prussia/Harry stops making out with Canada/Ginny on the floor and looks at America/Ron annoyed)
Prussia/Harry: What?
America/Ron: Listen, hey, I just want to let you guys know that I'm totally cool with it. Go right ahead. Come on Hermione, make out with me. (lick each other quickly)
Britain/Hermione: Well guys, I guess that ties up all the loose ends.
Prussia/Harry: Yeah, that's cool.
Britain/Hermione: Oh, except for the House Cup tournament.
Latvia/Neville: Kids, kids, look at this. I found Dumbledore's will.
Prussia/Harry: Dumbledore's will?
Latvia/Neville: Yeah, it says –Upon my death, that Gryffindor wins the House Cup! It also says that Hogwarts goes to Harry Potter, my chocolate factory goes to Charlie, and Toon Town goes to the Toons! (everyone cheers)
Prussia/Harry: Hey, I guess all the professors are dead so, Butterbeers on me!
China/Dementor: Clean to go.
Lithuania/Quirrell: Thank You.
China/Dementor: You know, while I was devouring every single one of your happy thoughts, they all seemed to be about a certain friend of yours. Wanna talk?
Lithuania/Quirrell: No, that's behind me now.
China/Dementor: Sorry, well did you hear the news? Voldemort is dead! Yeah, good luck getting off this impenetrable island!
Lithuania/Quirrell: Dead? (drops in agony and cries)
Poland/Voldemort: Hey you.
Lithuania/Quirrell: Voldemort, is it really you?
Poland/Voldemort: What's left of me.
Lithuania/Quirrell: But I just heard that you were…
Poland/Voldemort: Destroyed? Yeah, but Quirrell, there's a part of me that's still here and I can't go on to the next plane without it. It's a part of me that can't be destroyed because it's right…here. (points to Quirrell's heart)
Lithuania/Quirrell: In my heart? So you came back?
Poland/Voldemort: I came home.
Lithuania/Quirrell: And you don't want to kill Harry Potter anymore?
Poland/Voldemort: No, because I learned something when I had my body back Quirrell. I learned that life is really messy, complicated, and doesn't turn out the way you think it will and that, you think killing people might make them like you but it doesn't.
It just makes people dead. I got killed by a two year old and it's really embarrassing and people are always like –When you gonna come back Voldemort?- or –When you gonna take over the world?- It's me, it's all on me! And I'm sitting there by myself and no it in there and I saw to myself, maybe with Quirrell things would be okay.
Lithuania/Quirrell: Is okay good?
Poland/Voldemort: Quirrell, okay is wonderful. (run to each other and go back-to-back)
Everyone: Baby you're not alone, 'cause you're here with me and nothing's ever gonna bring us down, 'cause nothing can keep me from loving you and you know it's true. It don't' matter what'll come to be, our love is all we need to make it through. (they bow and the screen goes back to the symbol)
AN: OMG this took me SO long. If you have any queries on casting, put it in your review or PM me. Also, for the VP series, I've gone by actor, instead of character. I will do more musicals, currently working on Avenue Q. I also work the material available, so while things like Starkid shows and Legally Blonde will have full scripts, others, like Avenue Q and Book of Mormon will just have songs.
Merci. DBM out.