A/N: Sorry everyone, I've borrowed part of the script from the Bull writers! I needed it to make sense for the rest of the story.
Bull was glad that he had been able to get such an early appointment with his surgeon. The man was a great doctor, an excellent cardiologist and surgeon, and was in constant demand. Getting appointments was extremely difficult, but Bull had been desperate, and he assumed that the receptionist who had answered his call the day before had been able to hear the stress and worry in his voice. Regardless of how he had gotten this appointment, he was grateful, and he was going to force himself to tell his doctor what had happened.
"Jason, what can I do for you?" asked Dr Grant as Bull sat on the bed.
"I... A couple of days ago, something wasn't right. I put it down to stress, but I haven't been comfortable about it. I needed to know for sure how things are going," said Bull.
The doctor nodded. "Okay, let's check you out, then we can talk about it and maybe you can feel a little more comfortable to talk about the reason behind this early appointment." He proceeded to listen to Bull's heartbeat with his stethoscope. Slowly, the doctor moved the stethoscope around Bull's chest, carefully listening for any odd sounds and irregular beats. He checked Bull's blood pressure and then examined the two scars where he had made incisions during surgery.
"Your scars look good. Your heart sounds good." Dr Grant sat down and looked at Bull, waiting a moment while his patient redressed. "First, why don't you tell me what spooked you so bad that you had to see me at seven in the morning? Did you get lightheaded at the gym? Short of breath walking to work?"
"Actually," said Bull, "I was with a woman the other night..."
"Oh, I'm thrilled for you."
"She and I have known each other for a long time... and one thing led to another..."
"And?"
Bull gently placed his hand against his chest. "And, my heart started to pound."
"Okay."
"Is it supposed to do that?" Bull asked, pulling his hand away.
"It depends. How excited were you to be with this woman?" The doctor hid a smile as Bull shrugged instead of speaking. "Does she know about your history? What you've been through this past year?" Bull shook his head and Dr Grant continued. "Your operation was last May. I'm assuming that you've been in this situation prior to this? Or... maybe not? Any particular reason? I mean, religion, pain or something that I should know about?"
Bull sighed. "I've certainly thought about it."
"You know, it's not unusual for men who suffer a cardiac arrest to shy away from intimacy and convince themselves that in all the excitement, they might give themselves another heart attack."
"You're saying that like it's not the case."
"You're in better shape now than in all the time I've known you. The problem is not with your heart, the problem's in your head," said Dr Grant. "Said the heart surgeon to the head doctor," he added. "You like this woman, you trust this woman. Tell her your history, tell her what you're feeling, and, if she's still interested, then you have nothing to fear."
"What if you're wrong?" asked Bull, worry evident in his voice.
"Well... if I'm wrong, you die. But, what a way to go?" The doctor smiled, giving Bull a small feeling of relief.
Bull climbed off the bed and put on his tie and jacket. "Thank you, Dr Grant. I really appreciate you taking the time so early in the morning."
"I'm here to help at anytime, but you don't need to worry. Get on with your life, alright?"
"I will, thanks."
The abrupt end to the case was a relief for Bull. His mind was no longer on the case, but on what his doctor had said. He had to tell Diana...
"Jason? Are you listening to me?" Diana asked, her drawling tone dragging Bull back to reality.
"Sorry, Diana. I was thinking about something," answered Bull. "What did you say?"
"I asked what was wrong. You haven't moved from the doorway. Is there a problem?"
Bull sighed. "Actually, Diana, there is something..."
"What?"
"I have to tell you something. Something that might be hard for you to hear."
"Just tell me."
"It's hard for me to talk about..."
"Jason, if you don't talk, I can't help."
"Well... Alright," sighed Jason. He sat down on the edge of the hotel bed with Diana. "Last May, I..."
"You what?" Diana prompted when Jason stopped speaking.
"I had a heart attack," he said quietly. "It was my own fault- I felt the warning signs but chose to believe they were just symptoms of stress."
"Jason! You should have called me! I would have come straight away to help you!"
"I didn't want help. I think I was punishing myself for letting things get so out of hand. I pushed everyone away, even Benny."
"Why didn't you tell me the other night, at least? Now that I know it, your strange reaction to what we were about to do that night makes a lot more sense."
"I wanted to tell you, but I was really worried. All the dancing we did had me out of breath, and drinking didn't help with that. I haven't had a drink like that in months."
"Where did you go that night? I came looking for you outside the hotel, but I couldn't find you."
"I went to the office to find the phone number for my surgeon's office. I must have fallen asleep at my desk while I was looking for it, because Marissa had to wake me up just before court started."
"Why did you panic? What was so scary?"
"When I was in the bathroom... I couldn't catch my breath. And, because I couldn't catch my breath, I started to panic, which led to my heart starting to pound. It never bothered me before, but now it just seems like something's wrong again when my heart pounds like that."
Diana smiled a little. "I get that. I think that I'd be pretty terrified if I were in your shoes."
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you, Diana."
"It's okay. You've told me now, and I can see how hard it is for you." Diana kissed his cheek. "Did you find your surgeon's number?"
"Yes. It was actually in my wallet. I made an appointment during one of our recesses the day after. I saw him this morning, before court."
"What did he say to you?"
"He told me not to worry, that everything sounds and looks good. He said that it's normal to feel afraid of causing another heart attack, but that it's extremely unlikely to happen if you've worked on your lifestyle. Apparently, I'm in better shape than I was when this all started."
"Well, the last time I saw you, you did have a lot more weight on you. And you were drinking quite a bit. And stressing just as much as you were drinking."
"I know. I've been trying to reduce those things. I went to a health retreat after I was discharged from the hospital, both for a break from the stress and also to learn how to take better care of myself. When I got back to work, I bought a treadmill for my office to make sure I was keeping fit and losing weight, I made Marissa and Benny force me out of the office by six each night. And I haven't been drinking. There have been a couple of weak moments on the drinking front, but I'm trying really hard."
"I can see that. I'm sorry that I pushed you into drinking the other night. I should have listened when you said no. That one was my fault."
"Yeah, but the ones after it were not your fault. They were mine." Bull grinned. "So... I have an interesting idea..."
"And, what would that be, Dr Bull?"
"Oh... I don't know..." And, with the weight of worry lifted from his shoulders, Bull leaned towards Diana and started kissing her.
The End