The theme was honesty. She told herself. Kurt told us how he'd thought he'd never find love. Sam told us about his eating disorder, and we all promised to help him. And Santana told us about her parents. I need to be honest…for once.
She cleared her throat. "So I open up here because Mr. Schue told us the theme was honesty. And honestly, honesty isn't a reality I know. I grew up loving everything. The sun, the stars, the moon, the sky. I grew up caring for everyone. Girls..boys…" And as the words flowed out of her mouth delicately, shock arose onto the members' faces.
"To me you fell in love with the person not the gender. I thought it was normal and natural. Because that was love right? Not limited to sex. But I soon learned it wasn't. And I soon learned I wasn't normal." She started to breathe harder and faster with shorter sadder breaths. "And I acted like I was shy, out of fear of not being accepted." She began to sob. She bit her lip as tears started to stream down.
"Tina.." murmured Will "You don't have to go on if you don't want to.."
"No, Mr. Schue, I want to-" She took a deep breath "At the time I was sure it was better to be an self induced introvert than an alienated extrovert. But it wasn't. So I convinced people I had a stutter because I needed to be alone by choice… rather than not. I soon became a cyber girl. The kind of person who was only acknowledged and respected on the internet. I got into too many fandoms to even explain. They shaped my style…they shaped the kind of person I am. And my friends, my real friends, had taught me that I was normal. Because I was pansexual. I remember when the Glee Club started, I was ready to tell the world I was pansexual. I sang I Kissed A Girl but as soon as I left the audition I saw a classmate, Kurt Hummel, pummeled into a locker and I knew…I couldn't come out."
Rachel grabbed Kurt's hand and Mercedes put hers on his shoulder
"But as time progressed I realized I can't be afraid anymore. I can't pretend anymore. Life goes on past what people say about you, life goes on past your fears, life just goes on. So I stand up here, and say 'I'm Tina Cohen-Chang and I'm a pansexual' because the theme was honesty, and honestly I need a taste of that."
Lauren stared at her and opened her mouth up with undeniable sass, "I'm really glad you trust us and all but this club is a Glee Club not a GSA."
Puck glared at her sarcastically, "Yeah, Karofsky, you tell her." It shut her up quickly.
"Can I sing a song, Mr. Schue?" Tina said "I always get cut off by tears.."
Mr. Schue smiled "Of course"
She nodded her head at the band, and they began to play.
"I can remember the very first time I cried
How I wiped my eyes and buried the pain inside
All of my memories - good and bad - that's past
Didn't even take the time to realize"
She didn't even attempt to look at the club, just the floor.
"Starin' at the cracks in the walls
Cuz I'm waiting for it all to come to an end
Still I curl up right under the bed
Cuz its takin' over my head all over again"
Soon Santana figured out the song that was being performed and she stood up and grabbed Tina's hand. "Do you even know who you are?"
Tina slipped out a smile "I guess I'm tryin' to find"
"A borrowed dream or a superstar?" Santana began to sway
"I want to be a star" and Tina responded by making eye contact
"Is life good to you or is it bad?"
"I can't tell anymore"
"Do you even know what you have?"
"Lyin' awake watchin' the sunlight
How the birds will sing as I count the rings
around my eyes
Constantly pushing the world I know aside
I don't even feel the pain, I don't even want to
try
I'm lookin' for a way to become
The person that I dreamt of when I was sixteen
Oh, nothin' is ever enough
Ooh, baby, it ain't enough for what it may seem"
"Do you even know who you are?"
"I'm still tryin' to find"
"A borrowed dream or a superstar?"
"Everybody wants to be"
"Is life good to you or is it bad?"
"I can't tell anymore"
"Do you even know what you have?"
"No"
"So Lonely girl, tell a tale for me
Cuz I'm wondering how you really feel" Artie sang from the audience
and Tina sang "I'm a lonely girl, I'll tell a tale for you
Cuz I'm just tryin' to make all my dreams come
true "
"Do you even know who you are?"
"Oh, yeah, yeah"
"A borrowed dream or a superstar?"
"Oh, I wanted to be a star "
"Is life good to you or is it bad?"
"I can't tell, I can't tell anymore "
"Do you even know what you have?"
"I guess not, oh I guess not "
"Do you even know who you are?"
"Oh, I'm tryin' to find "
"A rising dream or a fallen star?"
"Oh, I have a all these dreams "
"Is life good to you or is it bad?"
"I can't tell anymore"
"Do you even know what you have?"
"No, no"
"Do you even know who you are?"
"A rising dream or a fallen star?"
"Is life good to you or is it bad?"
The band ended as did Tina. Santana and she embraced in a hug. Tina knew at that moment that she wasn't as alone as she thought.