Author's Notes: So, upon being warned that it's not a good idea to do script-formatting, I've tried a different tactic. But it's the same contents, really.

Disclaimer: I own nothing recognizable from One Piece as far as chapter 456.

Commercial 1: Sanji's Restaurant

"Well," said the boss. "Now that all of you are here... I'm sorry to tell you that you're going to have to boost the quality of these commercials if you want to stay on."

"What's that supposed to mean?" demanded Usopp. "They're all fine!"

"Well, let's see about that, shall we?" suggested the boss, and put the first videotape into the VCR.

Onscreen was Nami, who clapped enthusiastically.

"I just loved that restaurant, didn't you?" she chirped to Usopp, who stood beside her.

Usopp snorted angrily. "No. It was sexist."

"Sexist usually means biased in favor of men," said Nami, shooting Usopp a warning glance that was probably meant to point out to him that he wasn't following the script.

"Fine," said Usopp, but before Nami could breathe a sigh of relief, he went on. "It was feminine-sexist."

Nami snorted.

"That makes no-"

"The workers there spend their time insulting guests," said an offscreen voice that they recognized as Zoro's. "Would you call that a good restaurant?"

"You guys weren't supposed to go and have such a yummy-looking meal without me!"

That was Luffy's voice. Usopp turned with a glare to someone offscreen—Luffy, as all who had been present at the time of filming knew.

"It's your own fault they made you work for an entire week. You shouldn't have blasted that hole in their roof."

"I was just playing with the canon! I didn't think it would actually hit anything!"

"That's why people don't play with dangerous things like canons!" Usopp retorted, ignoring Nami's attempts to subtly nudge him back to the screen.

"How was I supposed to know that?"

"It's common sense, you idiot!" That was Zoro again. "You were lucky Sanji actually knows you, because otherwise you'd've ended up being set to work for a year like last time!"

"That was an accident, too!"

Usopp had almost returned to the commercial at that point, but he couldn't resist getting his two cents in at this. Again.

"And that restaurant was feminine-sexist too! Well, where Sanji was concerned, anyway."

"What's this about?" came yet another voice—Franky.

Nami gave up trying to knock sense into her comrades without attracting attention to herself on camera, turned to the camera, and flashed a beaming smile.

"If you're a woman who likes good food and enjoys dining in style, Sanji's Restaurant is the place to be!" And then she paused, apparently realizing that that might not be enough damage control. "Don't listen to those idiots surrounding me, because they can hardly tell right from left."

"Hey!" came a collective indignant cry from the men around her a split second before the camera turned off.

The boss turned off the television and sighed.

"This just won't do. You'll have to teach those three not to talk while you're filming. And you know that you can do retakes when things don't go right, right?"

"That was the best of all the retakes," Robin told the boss calmly.

The Boss sighed and shook his head.

"This won't do. This might get the women to come to that restaurant, but it's also likely to make the men less than eager to go, that's not what they're paying us for! We need a commercial that attracts everyone—not just a select group of people!"

"You can't please everyone anyway!" Nami attempted to argue, but it had no effect on their boss.

"Then how about the sales one?" suggested Luffy. "That wasn't bad."

"Not bad!" Nami screeched. "It was the worst of all of them! It was utter chaos!"

"But that was just because-"

"No, Zoro, you are staying quiet. It wouldn't have been half as bad if you'd just done what you were supposed to!"

"Let's take a look at it then, shall we?" suggested the Boss.