So Damn Numb And Broken
Summary: Kurt Hummel is fed up with this thing called life. Sick of feeling so damn numb and broken
Disclaimer: I don't own Glee but fanfic writers should
Warnings: Self-Harm, Mentions of Eating Disorders, Mental illness, Suicide Attempt.Possible Triggers!
Why do you even try to lie to yourself anymore?
No one like's you, you might as well die
Kurt sighed knowing his mind was right. he didn't deserve to live anymore. Frankly he didn't want to live anymore.
He couldn't push those thoughts as he shoved his finger down his throat, the hurling noises that his father should of been hearing if he wasn't so preoccupied with Finn and Carole.
You're so disgusting
Such a fat loser
The thoughts kept on as he drug a razor over his wrist, his body shaking, anticipating the cuts. He looked down to see the crimson blood beading up and spilling out. His wrist was covered in long, red, cuts. Cuts that refused to heal for some reason.
What a waste! All's you do is cut yourself up
Such an ungrateful, pathetic loser
He looked up from his spot on his bed to look at the clock. 5:00am
Which meant school, another day of torture. But that brought a disturbing smile to Kurt's face because as long as he was being tortured
Being beat up or called names
He was actually feeling
XxXxXxXxXx
"hey homo" Dave sneered and pushed Kurt against the locker. Kurt took in a sharp breath and savored the pain.
"Stupid fag breathing all my air" Kurt heard his science teacher mutter as he scribbled down ways to kill himself.
1. I could go to the garage and get a rope, tie it up on the ceiling and hang myself, let Finn, Carole or my dad find me and I'll carve all those horrid words im called into my body so they know it was for the best.
2. I could take my fathers heart pills and let them shut my brain down. And I'll go do it in the woods so no one will ever find me. My body will deteriorate and my father can finally have the family he always wanted.
3. I could take the razor and slice down my arm letting it tear and rip my veins and artery's open, the blood spilling out staining my porcelain skin. And I'll just smile. Because it's over.
Even better
4. I could lock myself in the closet and catch it on fire. Let all my clothes and body burn to a crisp. But wasn't I the one who said he'd never hide in the closet? Maybe i could catch the car on fire...
XxXxXxXxXx
"Oh god Kurt you look terrible!" Blaine said as Kurt walked up to him. His eyes were sunken with dark circles under them. He was so gaunt no emaciated. The sparkle in his eyes were replaced by a dead haunted look.
"Don't remind me" he mumbled and looked down, tugging at the sleeve on his large baggy shirt.
That means he thinks you're ugly
"I know" Kurt said to himself and Blaine's head snapped up. "What?" He asked and Kurt shook his head.
"I was just talking to myself" he replied and Blaine chewed on his lip nervously.
"So how have you been?" Blaine asked and Kurt gritted his teeth.
"Fine" Kurt nearly choked getting it out.
XxXxXxXxXx
Do it Kill yourself Hummel
You're a fat, ugly loser!
Kurt let his tears flow freely as he sat on his toilet in his bathroom his a razor cutting into his chest. The only place he hadn't completely mutilated yet.
Then he went in his cabinet to grab out his bottle of Aspirin
Right before he opened the bottle there was a knock on the door. He looked at the bottle longingly, put it back and opened the door.
"What?" He grumbled as Finn stood before him.
"Did you finish your math?" he asked with a innocent look. This made Kurt angry. "Leave me alone" he said and walked out and over to his bed. "Whats your problem man? Why do you always act like a freaking dive" he lashed out and walked away. Kurt couldn't control his tears.
You piss off everyone
"SHUT UP!" He screamed to himself and threw his fist at the wall.
But to his surprise he didn't feel
Anything
XxXxXxXxXx
Kurt sat in French class. Feeling the urge to hurt himself.
Since he couldn't whip out a razor in the middle of class he looked around until his eyes fell upon his sharpened pencil.
He grabbed it and looked around. As usual no one was paying attention to him
or the teacher for that matter.
He pushed the pencil into his leg sickeningly deep then breaking it. He suppressed a gasp as he set the pencil back down.
There was a barely visible hole in his jeans
And the only thing he could worry about was ruining his jeans
XxXxXxXxXx
Kurt walked into his house to see a note on his fridge
Went out for dinner with Finn and Carole be back soon
-Burt
"what about your son?" Kurt screamed and knocked over a glass bowel watching it shatter on the floor. He looked in the fridge and pulled out stuff to make a sandwhich
He would just puke it out later
XxXxXxXx
He couldn't take it anymore. Life was to Broken. He didn't deserve to breathe anymore.
Do it kill yourself no one will care
Put everyone out of there misery
Kurt trudged up to his fathers room leaving the doors open even the front door.
He sat on the toilet pulling his shirt and jeans off. Leaving him in his boxers. He grabbed out his fathers pills.
He didn't know what they were really for. He took them
All
He pulled out his phone and called Blaine the only boy he ever loved. "Hello Kurtsie" his amiable voice made Kurt break down.
"Kurt whats wrong?" he asked fastly and Kurt started shaking as he gripped the razor he had.
"I'm so sorry" he muttered and dropped the phone on the floor.
He pressed the razor to his wrist the pills making him see double. He did it fast, ripping the razor down his wrist. Making him dizzy and collapse on the floor sputtering for a breath.
You deserve this Kurt
You needed to die
Kurt let out a scream then darkness slammed him.
XxXxXxXx
"wake up dammit, please Kurt wake up"
Kurt heard being pulled from his sleep. His entire body ached as he cracked open his eyes. The light was blinding.
He looked over to see Blaine and his father standing there, tear stains and worried looks.
Kurt didn't say anything.
you can't even kill yourself?
Kurt sighed and sunk down. He had failed.
Again
There's always tomorrow.
"You're right" he said to himself making a mental note to do option number 2
And get a gun.
Slightly morbid right? I know lol I just like things like this lol. But never do that Kurtsie you're amazing! :)
Review PWEASE? No hate