Beautiful Disaster Chapter 1: she's a beautiful disaster, a degrassi fanfic

A/N: I know I just said I probably won't write fanfiction that much, but I'll have some moments when I can on weekends. It's a complicated thing, but as for now school comes before fanfiction writing. Gradually I'll become better at writing, being in creative writing will help me become even better at all of this. (:

The feel of the wind cruising through her curls made her smile slightly, she pressed the button to pull the window down even more until it was completely down and she stuck her head out, feeling the wind dance across her face, causing her to giggle madly.

Although she wasn't the only one amused by this.

He glanced at her from the corner of his jade green orb as he had one eye on the road before him and he chuckled lightly at her innocence. The girl could do no wrong in the teenager's eye. No wrong whatsoever. She was the definition of pure and perfection to Eli Goldsworthy. To Eli, his girlfriend, his love of his life, his girl, she could do no wrong in his eyes.

"Enjoying yourself?" Eli commented and soon Clare Edwards ducked her head back in, and rolled the window up, her smile had faded and was now replaced with a prominent blush which had managed to cover most of her face, which caused a smirk to grace across Eli's face.

"Yes.." Clare replied as she started playing with her purity ring on her wedding finger, the ring meaning a lot to Clare as she had taken the vow of abstinence as a little girl, she vowed to keep it until she was married, then on her wedding night - she'd finally replace the ring with a wedding ring and she'd be a woman in God's eyes.

But for now, she was still a girl.

"I didn't mean it in a bad way, Clare. I don't mind if you wanna stick your head out my window like a dog - hell if you want, you can take your top off and do that.. Now that I would not mind at all." Eli said with a coy smile on his lips as he glanced at Clare who looked appalled and disgusted at her perverted boyfriend.

"Eli!" Clare exclaimed as she reached over and gave him a poor punch in his arm, which he rolled his eyes at.

"Ooh. That one smarted. I'm real scared by your punches, Edwards." Eli teased as the smile had never left his lips only grew more as he noticed how upset Clare was beginning to get.

"Not funny, Eli." Clare snapped and soon Eli's grin faltered and he looked at Clare a bit surprised by her snappiness.

Usually Clare Edwards was the most radiant person to have walked this planet in Eli's mind, she was an angel, despite his beliefs, he believed God had put her here on this Earth to make people happy. People like Eli happy and by all means, she made Eli a very happy man.

So to see Clare a bit agitated by Eli's behavior had thrown him off a bit, usually Clare would just blush and turn on the country station much to Eli's displeasure as she tried to rule out the silence with some of Taylor Swift's harmonic melodies, but this time she had snapped at him. Something he wasn't use to at all.

"You're pissed now?" Eli asked, a bit of annoyance touching his voice as he had said the words and then he regretted the words when he saw Clare only grow even more angrier by his words."Why do you have to be so mean?" Clare exclaimed, her face now flustered by her anger, not by embarrassment.

"Mean?" Eli asked as calmly as he could, he didn't wanna upset Clare any further, that was the last thing he wanted to do right now, but it seemed like any little word he uttered it made Clare Edwards blow up like a balloon.

"Yes mean! You always tease me! Its not funny, Eli! It use to be funny, but now its just mean!" Clare spat and soon Eli gulped as her words had hit him like a ton of bricks.

The last time Eli had been in a predicament like this one was when he was merely fifteen years old and his old lover was fourteen, a argument much like this one, just with more anger, more passion and more colorful words Eli knew Clare never dreamed of saying. But that argument had a turn of the worse and well.. Eli didn't wanna repeat that type of predicament again.

He'd only be left more broken than before, he'd only feel his heart being ripped from his chest, only it'd be worse considering his heart had been treated and was now placed back in its regular place, it still beat irregularly, but it beat nonetheless.

"Clare.." Eli paused, trying to choose his words differently, he didn't wanna upset Clare, but she was already past upset, her face was flustered and her blue orbs were not happy, if anything, they held anger and frustration - all towards Eli. "I didn't mean to come off as mean. Honestly, you know I always tease you blue eyes.. I didn't mean it in a bad way-" Eli was about to finish his sentence when Clare scoffed loudly.

"You always tease me too! Do you think I like being teased? Do you think I like being teased by you for the way I act at times? Do you think I like being called names? Do you think I like always being reminded how I'm a virgin and how I should always have my clothes off? Do you think I like how not only do you tease me, but you tease my friends too! Sure Alli can be a bit annoying, but she means well! Unlike you! How could Julia even deal with you for two years?" Clare screeched, her voice sounding like tires on a racetrack.

As Clare looked over at her boyfriend, she immediately felt horrible, she finally felt her anger subside and looking at Eli made her feel awful, his face was vulnerable and she could just see the hurt etched onto his skin as her words had punctured every piece of his skin. His hands were trembling and his jaw was set.

Slowly, but surely, Eli looked over at Clare, none of his eyes on the road and he murmured,

"Why did you bring her into this?" murmured Eli, his voice on the verge of cracking and completely breaking him down, although he was holding it together, either for the sake of Clare, or for the sake of himself.

Before Clare could even respond to Eli, out of the corner of her eye, she looked ahead of the road, Eli had managed to accidentally drive into the other lane of oncoming drivers - he was on the wrong side.

"E-Eli!" Clare exclaimed as she pointed forward towards the huge truck coming their way and suddenly Eli tried to swerve out of the way despite his shaking hands, but it was already too late.

Both pieces of black metal met head on, creating a beautiful disaster.

The sound of screams were heard and the sound of metal and glass shattering onto the pavement as the two trucks were taking the back roads of Toronto, they were no where close to the city.

Awaking with a start, Eli rose his head from the air bag that had sprung from the steering wheel and he could feel something dribbling down the side of his face and he cautiously placed his hand there and pulled it back, inspecting blood on his fingertips and suddenly took a sharp intake of air.

Licking his lips and tasting blood had only proven more towards Eli's confusion to what had happened and why he was here in the first place, he was still in Morty, except.. Glass was everywhere, his air bag was covered with his blood and the window shield was shattered, completely.

Clare.

Beginning to panic, Eli remembered how he was in Morty with Clare, but as he looked to his right she wasn't even there, the seat was empty, but her purse was a mangled mess on the floorboard.

All Eli saw was part of brown leggings and black flats stick out of the window shield and automatically he knew who those belonged to just by how worn they were.

Clare.

Jumping from Morty's door, Eli darted around the back of Morty, he noticed how there was no ambulances, no fire trucks, no police men, no nothing. All Eli saw was the truck he had collided with and even there he saw the man driving the truck, passed on the driving wheel.

Ignoring the pain in his legs from the crash, he made his way to Clare and let out a slight yelp from her mangled body laying on his hood of Morty.

Glass was stuck in her skin and her face wasn't even visible under the massive amount of blood on her face, a bone in her wrist was sticking out abnormally and all Eli could notice was her huge blue orbs, open wide with fear, she tried to talk, but all that came out of her mouth was blood, lots of red crimson blood pouring from her mouth and in that moment Eli didn't even wanna touch her, to see what had happened to her abdomen from the crash, he knew if he merely touched her, she'd scream in pain, she'd writhe in pain and that was the last thing he wanted.

"Oh God.. Clare." Eli said inaudibly as he stared at his girlfriend, quivering and shaking on his hood of his car. "Don't worry baby, okay, I'm gonna call 911 okay? I won't let you die." Eli breathed out, but even then he couldn't trust his own words, he wasn't even sure if Clare would be okay at this point, she was mangled and broken before him and it only made him wanna suffer a million deaths.

Although Eli didn't notice Clare grow even more frightened as he pulled his phone out and with shaky fingertips, dial 911. He didn't notice as he talked quickly into the receiver of the phone that Clare was staring past him and at another figure.

The figure identical to Clare.

The figure was Clare, but a much healthier Clare, a Clare much like the one who was having a blast inside her boyfriend's car.

As the mangled Clare continued to give out choked sobs, the healthier Clare approached her broken self, looking at her in pity, she clicked her tongue and sighed.

"You poor thing.." said the healthier Clare, she used a gentle tone as she approached the mangled Clare with such worry and concern in her voice.

This confused the mangled Clare greatly, she just wanted to be alright and off the hood of this hearse, she didn't want the feeling of glass in her skin, she wanted the feeling of Eli's fingertips on her skin.

Eli.

Both Clare's saw how panicked and scared Eli looked, he didn't bother with his head or mouth wounds at the moment as he watched Clare with such intense worry and fear that it made the healthier Clare shiver as she watched Eli look past her - not seeing her as the healthier Clare knew she couldn't be seen by anyone BUT the mangled Clare.

That was because she was the mangled Clare in a sense.

She'd make sense of that soon.

Eli stared down at the grey carpet of Toronto General hospital in a dead like state.

He couldn't think nor talk straight, he could barely even move. Everyone had stopped trying to speak with him after realizing he wasn't in the mood to speak or to see anyone right now, reason why he was in the corner of the hospital waiting room and everyone else was huddled together elsewhere in the bland and bleak waiting room.

He could still feel the throb of pain in his temple from the head injury he had received from the crash and the pain in his leg as well, but that's all he had received. He wished he had received more, he wished he had received the worst pain from that crash, any type of pain that would not be inflicted on Clare.

But no, that didn't happen, instead Clare was in surgery at the moment while a team of doctors try to save her life - right now, it was on the line.

Anything can happen to her small frail body at this moment, she could be lost at any moment and it scared Eli to the very core.

This is all your fault.

She's gonna die thanks to you.

This is just like Julia.

You are a monster.

You don't' deserve life.

You don't deserve a beating heart.

You don't deserve Clare.

The words echoed in Eli's shrewd mind as he took in a shaky breath and tried to reason with his beating heart which was ready to escape his ribcage at the moment.

She didn't deserve this, any of it, Eli had been an idiot on his own part and had managed to make her so upset, despite her words, she didn't deserve this.

She didn't deserve to have her life on the line, she deserved to be happy right now, to be dancing in her room, to be laughing with her friends, to be taking pictures or to be reading under a tree.

She didn't deserve to be on a cold metal table under a bright light while they operate on her delicate and frail body while they try to save her.

This was all Eli's fault, he had managed to do this twice and he just can't help but hurt people he loved.

He was a monster by all means, always hurting people, he was surprised people still interact with him despite his major flaws.

He didn't deserve amazing people like Adam, Sav, Fiona, and even Clare, he deserved none of them.

What Eli believed he deserved was loneliness for the rest of his dark life, he deserved no good in his life, he deserved darkness.

Pure and utter darkness, to be loved by no one, that's what Eli believed he solely deserved after his wrongful actions in this harsh world.

He believed he shaped some lives badly, he believed he had done wrong his whole life, the only wrong he never did was agreeing to be Clare's boyfriend.

He feels like that was the only right he ever accomplished in his sixteen years of life.

"Baby boy?" Cece murmured and Eli didn't even raise his head to meet with his mother's concerned gaze, he knew she was overly worried about him right now and he didn't blame her, he'd be worry too if his son or daughter were being mute at the moment.

"Eli.. Talk to me baby." Cece whispered as Eli felt her place her hand on his back, rubbing soothing circles on his back like she often did when he was younger and would come home from horrible school days.

"There is nothing to talk about." Eli grumbled under his breath as he began to chip off the nail polish he had painted on his fingers, he then began to remember Clare painting his fingernails, saying that the sharpie was gonna dry his nails out and its better if he just paints them - and who was he to say no to her adorable and big blue orbs, just pleading with him, he could never refuse her.

"Oh yes there is baby boy. First off, how do you feel? You had a pretty huge gash on your head." Cece murmured lovingly as Eli felt her press a kiss to his bandage on his temple.

He deserved more than a gash on his temple, he deserved a hundred, a thousand, a million gashes on his body from the pain he inflicted on Clare.

Eli merely shrugged at his mothers words and continued to look down at the ugly grey carpeting, he was horrible at explaining his feelings out loud, that was usually why he wrote them in a journal, once his pen always touches his paper, Eli knows what to write and how to word it, but once he opens his mouth to speak, nothing comes out but gibberish.

"She'll be alright, Eli. She's a strong, strong girl." Cece said softly as she gave Eli's shoulder a slight sympathetic squeeze and again Eli shook his head at her words.

"No.. the blood mom.. All that blood.." Eli managed to gasp out and Cece continued to rub circles into her son's back, not sure how to go by this, she had remembered the night Eli received the call about Julia, about how angry and devastated he was, she remembered that dark night of just holding her baby boy in her arms, rocking him back and forth in his bedroom as he cried into her shoulder, staining her jacket with his salty tears.

Since then neither of them spoke of Eli's horrific and heartbreaking breakdown, although they still remember it as if it had happened yesterday, the memory both bright and raw, implanted into both mother and son's brain.

"I know baby, I know, but Clare will make it through this. You know she will. She's a strong girl. She's a fighter and she will fight to stay alive." Cece murmured lowly to her distraught son, she noted how his face lightened up a bit by her words, but quickly faltered as he let out a huge sigh from his chapped and bloody lips.

"What if she.." Eli began to say, but Cece shook her head, knowing if he uttered those words, he'd begin to breakdown in the waiting room and she would never allow him to humiliate himself that way.

"She won't. Don't think that way." Cece quipped as she placed a hand on her son's slightly bruised face, realizing he was in for a long road of recovery, both physically and mentally.

Eli merely slumped into his chair, stuffing his hands in his pockets and staring down at his ripped skinny jean - continuously wishing it was him who had crashed and got the worse from it, not Clare.

Never Clare, because in Eli's eyes, she was an angel and angel's deserved no pain.

Especially his blue eyed angel.

"Edwards?" An older doctor said from afar and immediately Eli felt the uneasiness roll in his stomach as he stood up with his mother, feeling her supportive hand on his back as they all approached the doctor.

Each of them with the uneasiness rolling in their stomach like a kid would roll around on the floor, their throats closing up as they desperately reached for air, their eyes tearing as soon as they heard some dreadful news cruise into their ears and hit their eardrum with a loud bang.

"I'm sorry, she's fallen into a coma."

A/N: This is something I'm trying out, a three or four shot at the most, nothing horribly huge. The next update will probably be on either Friday or Saturday at the least, I'll try to squeeze in some writing, but sophomore year came with a pile of homework and I should expect a lot of homework considering I've taken creative writing. Anyway, please review if you want me to continue with this plot, if you don't, I'll keep it as a open ended one shot.