Jessica hadn't thought of this. She had spent hours planning, making sure she considered every variable, every possible outcome. Jessica had made a life for herself mostly just winging it but when it came to that night at the docks, when she would finally wipe the stain that was Killgrave off this planet she had made sure to have backup plans for her backup plans. She had not thought of this though. Even with all her careful planning, and Trish's color coding it had not occurred to her that she might be arrested for killing the guy. That had probably been an oversight on her part.
She could probably have fought them back, gotten away. She had already done it once. That would have meant a life on the run and she was just so tired. Her ribs still hurt and her head ached, her body shook with spent adrenaline and she felt like she might collapse at any second. Plus, she was pretty sure the cut on her leg was bleeding again. Killgrave was dead, it was over, she didn't want to run anymore.
The whole situation struck her more as funny than anything else. She wanted to laugh but she was afraid of giving in to the insane hysteria that had been pounding in her head for over a year now. It was just that it was all so funny, she was being arrested and put on trial for killing the only person in the world that was a bigger asshole than she was. She deserved to be arrested and put on trial for a lot of things, this was not one of them. Jessica figured that their was a high possibility that she might go to jail for this but at least then she could rest.
Hogarth wanted her to wear a dress. Jessica had planned to just wear a T-shirt and the jeans she wore everyday. Hogarth had wanted her to wear a dress. Make her "more feminine, more approachable, more sympathetic to the jury."Jessica didn't do well with people telling her what she should or shouldn't wear, Hogarth should have realized that by now. In any case Hogarth now had a fist shaped hole in her office to remind her.
She didn't wear a dress. She settled on a pair of dress slacks and a white button up. It's not that Hogarth was necessarily wrong about the dress angle, It was probably a good idea to not look like a total slob. It was just that Jessica had bad experiences with people telling her what to do, plus she didn't actually own a dress.
It didn't feel like it would ever be over. trials did not happen like they did on judge Judy. It took forever to get a court date. Lucky Trish had paid her bail so that she could sit at home jumping at shadows in her own personal prison instead of a government run one. The trial itself was tedium incarnate. She was tried again, having not slept well the night before or the night before that, or the night before that. Her apartment didn't feel like it was hers anymore and her bed felt empty and cold without Luke there. Jessica hoped he was ok, hoped that he would find peace, he deserved it. She hoped that he would be able to find closure in Killgrave's death the way she seemed to be unable to.
She thought that when Killgrave was finally gone for good that she would be able to put that past behind her. That she could find sleep without destroying her liver. Sadly it seemed there truly was no rest for the wicked.
Her nightmares stayed, made all the more viscous by the new material she had gathered. It was more vivid than a dream had any right to be: Killgrave, standing up from where he should be dead on the ground. His eyes dead and his neck at an impossible angle holding Trish against his dead flesh, compelling her against her will, forcing Jessica to watch. He would tell Jessica to stab herself for every person she had gotten killed, every life she had ruined, Mom, Dad, Philip, Reva, Clemons, Hope, Luke, Simpson, Malcolm, Rubin, Trish… She would stab herself till she riddled with gaping, bloody holes, until the the blood pouring from her body matched the blood on her hands.
As much as Jessica hated being here she knew she deserved it. She was practically vibrating with the need to jump up and declare herself guilty, make them lock her up and throw away the key. She refrained, she sat on her hands with her lips press together. This was not about them and Jessica was not about to go to prison for doing the world a favor, for fulfilling Hope and Albert's dying wish.
It all seemed so stupid now but she had honestly thought that getting rid of Killgrave would magically solve all her problems. It should have, she had super strength, she could fly, kinda, the only person who had ever had any kind of control over her was gone. She had no right to be afraid of anything. But that was PTSD for you, the gift that just kept on giving. It didn't seem to care that she was a super hero.
Jessica was drawn from her thoughts by someone clearing their throat. She looked up to find Hogarth staring at her impatiently. Not in a way that anyone else would be able to tell. Jeri Hogarth was the ultimate professional, she never let anyone in and she gave nothing away. At least not for free anyway. But Jessica would know that look from a mile away: the slight furrow of her brow and the tightness around her mouth. Oh yeah, that was Hogarth's "why has God put Jessica Jones on this earth to test me? face." Jessica is very familiar with that face.
It occurs to Jessica that Hogarth is not the only one staring at her in that moment. In fact the whole court room is staring at her. Oh shit. She is on the witness stand where she is on trial for a life sentence. Oh Fuck! How could she have spaced out on the witness stand where she is on trial for her life?
It's obvious that Hogarth is waiting for an answer to a question Jessica has missed. What in the hell had she asked?! Jessica tries to think back but comes up blank. She thinks about just nodding her head which is what she usually does when she is caught not listening but there are too many ways that that could go terribly, terribly wrong.
She could play the victim and just burst into sobs. Hogarth had suggested that she cry at some point while on the witness stand. But that could also go wrong if the question was something mundane. If she started crying because someone had asked her what she did for a living she would just make herself look unstable and that would only hurt her case. Not only that but if she let herself cry now she wasn't sure if she would be able to stop.
In the end she goes with the safest option. "I'm sorry. Could you repeat the question?" Jessica asks through gritted teeth. Jessica and Hogarth relationship had been stained at the best time but after everything that had happened Jessica could hardly stand to be in the same room as the attorney.
Hogarth narrows her eyes in a way that Jessica is also very familiar with. "Would you say that you knew the deceased intimately?" Hogarth asked, looking like it pained her to have to repeat herself. Jessica is barely able to stifle her immediate response to that question which would have been to scream at Hogarth until she needed hearing aids.
She very carefully does not do that, but is unable to keep the dripping sarcasm from her more articulate response. "I was forced to spend my every waking hour with him for 6 agonizing months. Yes, I would say that I knew him better than most people."
There's a snort from the court audience, an aborted laugh from the far left side of the courtroom. Jessica looks over to see Trish, of course it's Trish, holding her hands over her mouth and turning red in her effort to keep the giggles at bay. Malcolm is with her of course, he insisted on being there "in case things got ugly." Jessica is not 100% sure on what he meant by that, she loses her case maybe? She also is not sure what he planned to do if that were the case, but knowing Malcolm it would be something stupid. Trish had insisted on being there because, well, she was Trish. That is just what she did, she was there for Jessica in a way that no one ever had been.
Trish was at the far end of the courtroom on the opposite side of the defence table where Jessica and Hogarth had been stationed. Jessica had been befuddled at first as to why Trish had elected to sit so far away. It didn't occur to her until about 20 minutes into this shit show of a trial that Trish had found the only seat in the house where Jessica could look at her and still look like she was paying attention to what was happening at the bench. Jessica was convinced that the nobel peace prize had been invented for people like Trish.
Jessica wondered, not for the first time, what it would be like if their roles had been reversed. What if Trish had been the one with the superpowers and the higher calling? Jessica knew that Trish thought about it too. Thought that Jessica was wasting her potential. Trish had no idea how wrong she was. Jessica wasn't a hero, she wasn't on a mission from God to help the helpless. Jessica was doing to world a favor by sitting at home, drinking her whiskey and not using her powers.
Jessica may have super strength but she was not a superhero, that was Trish's job. Trish who didn't have to second guess every move that she made, Trish who was always sure of what was right. Trish who was just good in a way that Jessica never had been, even before Killgrave. Jessica winked at her, causing Trish to stifle a fresh peal of laughter.
The rest of the trail was relatively uneventful. Jessica made more of an effort to pay attention, at least while she was still on the witness stand. She did not end up crying like Hogarth had asked her to. A few of the other witnesses Hogarth called did though. One young woman in particular who had killed someone with her with her bare hands in the fight at the docks cried so hard she could not finish her testimony and had to be excused from the courtroom. Jessica was pretty sure Hogarth had not asked her to do that.
After what seemed an inordinate amount of time the jury came back with with their verdict. Not Guilty. Hogarth adds another case to her spotless record and Jessica can go home. She doubted very much that she would find any peace there. She had not found it the night he died, the first, or the second time. All she had found was yet another dead body at her feet. If there was one thing she had learned from this trial it was there was a big difference between being not guilty, and being innocent.