This took a bit of time to develop, more than I thought, but I completed it in the end - and I plan to have another one or two parts to it. I always thought this concept was really interesting - Laxus definitely was affected by his father's treatment of him (Ivan was and always will be a terrible man, and his treatment of Laxus as a child was neglectful at best and abusive at worse) and it will carry on during his adulthood. And, well, this fic is merely a headcanon, and a lot of people will disagree with me. But this only explains his actions, and it definitely doesn't justify them.
A warning before reading this: this fic does contain brief suicidal thoughts (he does consider letting himself die painfully), self-hate, implied child abuse, and if I did miss something, please tell me so I can fix it immediately.
Do tell me what you think, all criticisms are welcome, and I hope I haven't offended anyone with my writing, and if I did, please let me know. I would hate if I did offend anyone.
Disclaimer: I do not own Fairy Tail or any of its characters.
It had been a month after Laxus' excommunication from the guild when he visited a magical doctor many towns away from the guild's base. It wasn't as if he wanted to, but he had to. His dragon slayer magic was going out of control inside his body, and numerous sparks of lightning were sometimes released from his body during his travels throughout various towns. It happened far too often for Laxus to be comfortable.
A woman was attacked by a stray spark because of it. It was then he decided to do something.
And now, he was sitting in front of a middle-aged doctor with an all-knowing look in his eyes. Laxus was told he was a good doctor – an excellent one, even – who specialised in magical afflictions and conditions. He just hoped the doctor – Doctor Blumstein, he was also told – was able to find whatever was wrong with him, fix it, and he can just go back to adjusting to his solitary life in peace.
"Mr Dreyar…" Blumstein began.
"Just Laxus." He interrupted in a harsh tone.
Blumstein appeared unaffected by his tone and continued, "Yes, Laxus, I have analysed your magical make-up and I have found an inconsistency in its growth." The doctor was quite formal in his words, maintaining a stoic front.
"My magical growth?" Laxus questioned. His father never taught him anything worthwhile, and if his grandfather had tried to do so on this particular matter, he most likely ignored it.
"Magical growth occurs with all magical children. It is quite simple actually; children shown to have magic will be growing up with their magic developing slowly. Quite similar to puberty, actually." Blumstein informed.
Laxus looked annoyed. "And what does this have to do with my 'inconsistency'?"
"Your magical growth, Laxus, was stunted." Blumstein stated bluntly.
Laxus widened his eyes in surprise, but gathered himself quickly. "Why does this matter?" He asked.
Blumstein gave Laxus a significant look, almost a glare, but not quite. "A stunted growth can cause many problems for you, physically, mentally, or both."
There was a moment of silence, and Laxus was brought back to the memories of what happened a month ago. Magic, battle, blood. Insanity.
Blumstein continued, "Mr Dreyar, Laxus, the origin of your inconsistency was found in the right area of your skull." Of course it was.
Laxus was still silent. "What happened to you to cause this inconsistency?" Blumstein asked, and Laxus thought he sounded worried.
"Nothing." He replied sharply.
The doctor looked unimpressed. "If you do not tell me, and I leave you as you were, you will most likely die."
"Nothing wrong with that." Laxus commented. It wasn't as if anyone would miss him, after all that happened. He couldn't get rid of the disappointed look on his grandfather's face, the multiple looks of anguish and pain on every member of the Fairy Tail guild.
Honestly, he thought that, if they had found out he died, they wouldn't saddened at by the news. Not after everything that happened. Not after everything they had been through, what he had put them through…
Blumstein gave Laxus a sharp look. "Mr Dreyar, if I was to leave you as you were, your magic will slowly consume you to the point of not control, and you will die. Slowly and painfully." Would that be so bad? It would be like karma, it wasn't as if he didn't deserve it. Really, it would be fitting – killed by his own magic.
The silence hung in the tense atmosphere for a moment. "Will you now tell me what happened?"
Laxus swallowed thickly – maybe he should tell the doctor, then he could fix whatever was wrong, and Laxus would leave the country and live his life in eternal solitude. The way it should be.
He didn't notice he had responded to the doctor's request until he felt his throat close up. "A magic lacrima was inserted into my skull. A lightning dragon slayer lacrima." He informed, his voice slightly hoarse.
"And when," Blumstein began, his tone more gentle than before. "Did this happen?"
Laxus was silent for a moment before he answered, memories he'd rather forget flashed in his mind, "I was ten."
Laxus looked more tense then before. His hands were folded tightly in his lap, his forearms rested on his thighs. He was facing down, not allowing the doctor to see his face.
Doctor Blumstein didn't react, save for the flash of pity in his all-knowing eyes. "Laxus," he started as he moved closer to the blond before him, his voice gentle, "It would take a while to fix this… irregularity, however it would not be too difficult."
Laxus remained silent, but his posture relaxed, but only slightly. Blumstein continued, "I am sorry to say, Laxus, that, because the lacrima was inserted when you were such a young age, it would have melded with your skull by now. That doesn't mean that you can't become better, and can't heal." The gentleness remained, as did his professional front.
"I…" Laxus started, having difficulty expressing his words, "Will it hurt?" His voice was hoarse and strained, yet, there was a hint of hope laced in his tone.
Blumstein let out a brief smile. "The procedure that you will take will hurt, but it will prevent an enormous pain, and your death."
There was a moment of silence, until Laxus nodded, and after that, it was history.
The procedure did hurt, more so than he expected, but Laxus was relieved. No more pain, no more random sparks of lightning. But, even if he can live his life relatively painless, he still remains alone, forever travelling and revelling in his solitude and self-loathing.
And deep, deep within that self-loathing that he will hold for all eternity, there is hope. Hope that everything will eventually stop hurting, hope that he can forget. Hope that he can be forgiven.
Hope that someone can do that all for him, and love him, even when nobody ever did, even himself. But he knew that wouldn't happen in his lifetime, he deserved to live in suffering – it was richly deserved after all.