In The Winter
(inspired by Janis Ian's song by the same name)
Donna looked around her new apartment. The walls were bare and a dull beige except for the one wall where her Picasso hung under tracking lights. Louis had helped her hang it after she had won it at the auction she had attended with Louis only a few months ago. It was odd, Donna thought, that she once would connive with Harvey to take Louis down a peg; however, in the last five years he had become a true friend. He had been there for her when the inevitable had finally come four years ago: Harvey Specter and Dana Scott had married.
The odd thing was that four years ago, Donna was intrinsic in pushing Harvey and Scottie together. She bought things for Scottie that she knew she would like and signed Harvey's name to it. As if Harvey could ever do anything without her. Well, as Donna's gaze resumed around her new apartment in Connecticut it looked like he could.
It had taken Donna four long years to realize that Harvey really did care for Scottie. Not that Donna liked Scottie any better than she did the first time she met her, but she had maintained a protectiveness over Harvey until the last few weeks when Mr. and Mrs. Specter finally told her to mind her own business. Donna knew it was coming but to actually hear the words, "Your opinion no longer matters in this situation" finally woke Donna from her fantasy. She interviewed at other law offices in the last few months and after many offers decided to run back to her home state and work in a small law office in downtown Hartford.
Since she had just moved in a couple of days ago with help from Louis, Mike, and Rachel as best Rachel could in her condition as she was six months pregnant, Donna spent her days simultaneously preparing for her new job and resigning that the past was the past.
"The days are ok. I watch the TV in the afternoons. If I get lonely
The sound of other voices other rooms near to me…."
Donna thought that the walls were thin in her old Brooklyn apartment but this old renovated colonial were so thin that if she responded they could hold a conversation through the walls.
She was going to spend the day tomorrow with her sisters, Carol and Julia, where they promised they would take her shopping for new clothes. There was nothing like shopping therapy for a woman who was depressed. No matter how much she protested that she was not depressed her sisters and her mother new better.
Donna opened another box marked "dishes" and decided to put them away in her cabinets. As she stretched up to open the cabinet above the stove she looked across at the window over the sink. When she chose this apartment only a couple of months ago, she noticed the Maple tree which stood just outside her window. In August the leaves were green and fragrant. Now that it was October, the leaves were yellows, oranges, and reds and when the breeze blew Donna felt that winter's chill would not be delayed in getting there.
"In the winter, extra blankets for the cold, fix the heater getting old…"
She chafed her shoulders and wrote herself a note to remind the landlord to get the radiator fixed. He had told her before she had signed the two year lease that it would be replaced and a new HVAC system was slowly being installed which was fully anticipated to be complete before the end of October.
After finally putting the kitchen stuff in their new homes, Donna called her cousin, Joey and said that she was going to make the rounds of the family now that she was back home after almost fifteen years. She had only made it back to Connecticut on holidays and not everyone she loved had been home. Joey Paulsen was her Uncle Jake's oldest son and same age as Donna. They were great pals growing up and shared a love of everything Connecticut from hot cider to hockey.
"Yes, you, too, Joe. Say hi to Eleanor and the kids for me," Donna said as she hung up and smiled. It was good to know that most of her family was still around because not many of them knew how important her last fifteen years had been in New York and how close she came to becoming Harvey's woman. The only person who did not seem to know it was "Harvey". He reacted so differently than she had anticipated when she finally handed him her resignation.
He had looked up at her with those big puppy dog brown eyes she loved so much and said, "Donna, we've been together for years. Are you sure you really want to go?"
"Yes, Harvey, I have made my mind up. I really think I need a change after so long. Besides I found you a great replacement. You'll love her. I know that if I were you I would love to have her as my Girl Friday."
"Donna, would a 10% raise make you stay?"
"No, Harvey, money is not the issue."
"Then what is it? You know how much I depend on you."
"Then you will learn to depend on someone else. My reasons for leaving are-personal."
"Personal?"
"Yes, personal. Please do not ask me to explain myself. Besides they are none of your business."
"They are my business if I want you to stay."
"No, Harvey. They stopped being your business when you obtained a wife."
At that Harvey shut his mouth and put up a wall which remained between them for the last few months that it had taken Donna to move out of Brooklyn and find new employment.
On her last day as she was leaving, Harvey had stopped her at the elevator and tried to give her his own personal farewell and a message in an envelope. To which Donna almost did not except and he told her to read it when she moved to her new apartment. He shook her hand and wished her well and only short of kissing her goodbye did Harvey's wife come up and smile a smug smile and shake her hand to say, "You will be missed. Have a good life."
"I am wiser now you know and still a big a fool concerning you."
Donna felt wiser to have finally left the pain behind. Then she realized that the pain would eventually become numb as it almost had for 10 years after her and Harvey's one and only night together. It was irony to realize that she could have had Harvey anytime she wanted him, but she pushed him to another woman maintaining her "no dating men with whom she worked" rule with him as she accepted Stephen Huntley and one other man only a year ago from the firm to break the rule. She had thought at the time: I have to live my life and I have no other life than this firm and Harvey's needs so I will have to accept what comes my way. If it turns out it is what I want than I must go for it. Lying to herself all the while knowing that Scottie and Harvey became closer and closer. Until finally the humiliation that she had not expected and thought would never come: Harvey's proposal to Scottie and her acceptance.
Donna took a bath in her new bathroom and cuddled one of her big soft throw pillows on her bed which Louis and Mike had so lovingly put together for her in her new bedroom. After Mike had finished helping Donna unpack, he begged off Louis' kind dinner invitation stating that he had to get back home to Rachel as he promised her he would be home for the weekly in-law inquisition supper that they started since Rachel had announced her pregnancy. They had only been married two years after their long courtship but Rachel had become closer to her parents since her pregnancy and Mike did not mind. He only felt a little like a stranger as he had no more family with which to share the news that he was going to be a father. He kissed her on the cheek and left the small apartment with Donna in Louis' capable friendly hands.
"So, what do you say, Donna, how about dinner tonight? I can pick you up at eight. I'm not due at Sheila's apartment until around three in the afternoon. She has appointments up until then," Louis asked his tall red haired friend.
Giving Louis a peck on the cheek, she had thanked him and stated that she was bushed and was planning to turn in early.
"I might just put a movie in my DVD player since my cable has not been installed yet. I was going to try it myself but believe it or not there are some things that I am just not fabulous at yet."
"Oh, Donna, you can do anything. You know that," said Louis as he took Donna's hands in his and kissed each one gallantly.
"Until I see you again, madame, au revoir," Louis bowed with a flourish which encouraged Donna to smile as Louis had intended. He had missed it for a long time.
As he was leaving he turned around in the doorway and said, "Just for the record, Harvey's a fool for not keeping you."
Donna threatened to cry again at that statement and hugged Louis. "It was my decision, Louis, and I know you're right."
Months passed. Donna observed the seasons from her kitchen window. October had passed pleasantly enough with only a few days where winter beckoned to happen before December 21st. She was somewhat excited because she would have more time to spend with her family over the holidays. She had actually spent a few days during Christmas weekend with her cousin, Joey and his family. His children ages 14, 10 and 2 ½ loved having Cousin Aunt Donna with them. She was a friend to the 14-year-old a beautiful young girl who had inherited the family red hair and was almost as tall as Donna. She was a fun playmate for the 10 year old son Joey, Jr. where they could play hockey and soccer and Donna could show her prowess with a rifle although it was not a real rifle. Thirdly, she babysat their adorable 2 ½ year old baby, Ruthie. She was chubby cheeked and ginger-haired like everyone else.
On the last night of her time with Joey and his family, she offered to babysit all three children so Joe and Eleanor could attend a wedding and reception for one of Joey's co- workers. It was now 9:00 pm and they were all watching "A Christmas Story". Donna held the little one on her lap and watched her drift off to sleep. Joey, Jr. lay on his stomach on the floor in his pajamas with his feet in the air and Eliza the eldest sat on the other end of the couch opposite from Donna texting to her friends.
Donna had felt the happiest since she had moved back to Connecticut; however, right now with the peacefulness and the comforts of a real homey living room surrounded by red haired children who could have been hers she felt her depression begin again. To hide the tears from her young cousins she whispered, "I'm putting Ruthie to bed. She's has had quite a day."
Chapter Two
Pitman, Bruce, and Leighton was a small firm located in downtown Hartford. One problem that Donna did have when she returned to Connecticut was that she had to buy a car. It took her approximately forty minutes to drive to work in her car. It was not that she could not afford to buy a car. It was totally the opposite. PearsonSpecter and Litt had been very good to her over the years financially and as she had spent money only on rent and occasional nights out with her girlfriends by which she had acquired quite a nest egg. So upon moving back the first thing she did was buy a car. It was a previously owned and impeccably kept Hyundai Tuscon. She had kept her driver's license up to date and thought how long it had been since she had actually driven anywhere on a consistent basis. In New York she took public transportation most of the time and before Harvey was married he would occasionally pick her up in his limousine.
Coming into the office this January day, she had not expected to see one of the two men who sat at the conference room table which she had passed on the way to her office. She had been hired as a legal secretary office manager meaning that she managed all the individual secretaries as well as the small secretarial pool where some of the work filtered on occasion. PB&L contained ten corporate lawyers, about four criminal lawyers, three divorce attornies, and two married forensic financial lawyers who were also the founding partners: Jason and Charlene Pitman.
When Donna had interviewed at the offices of PB&L she was taken aback at the differences between PearsonSpecter and Litt and this firm. One could tell it was a law office when one walked in but the atmosphere and interior was very old fashioned being dressed in heavy woods and nothing glass or transparent at all. All the offices were encased in wood paneled walls. Hers was the only office where the wood was lighter and smelled new. They told her that she would be the Legal Secretary Manager Administrator and would be located next to the Paralegal offices.
As Donna was checking in with one of the partners on her way to her office as she did every morning, she spotted a man with a $10,000 suit, gelled spiked hair and an arrogance that some people thought was offensive. There had only been one man like that and Donna was trying too hard to forget him.
"Harvey?"
"Oh, Donna," Dale Pitman, the founding partner's hotshot fortyish son said. "I forgot you know this gentlemen."
Harvey turned around and smiled wide. His big brown eyes were dancing at the pleasure of seeing her again. You might think it was years since they had met. She had been gone only four months.
"Donna, I was hoping I would see you," Harvey said giving her a short hug barely embracing her.
"Harvey, what are you doing here? I am usually aware of business with all the firms. I am afraid you did not catch me at my Donna fabulous today." She joked with a shake of her fiery red mane.
"He and I were just beginning to do some business. It seems he and I may be at the opposite ends of an IPO and merger," Dale Pitman stated as he brought the paperwork for Donna to examine. "I need you to make a few copies of this document and contact Gorcey for me when you have a minute."
"No problem, Dale. Just let me get to my office. I do have an interview with a new temp to take Harriet's place when she goes out on maternity leave," Donna said accepting the file and not taking her eyes off Harvey the whole time.
"I never dreamed we'd meet again this way. You're looking well. I'm not afraid"
Harvey turned away from Donna for just a minute to ask Dale if it would be all right for him to take Donna to lunch. He wanted to catch up with her. Dale said whatever was fine with Donna was fine with him. He did not need to ask his permission. Donna was her own boss for the most part. This impressed Harvey and he could not wait to find out all about her new managerial position.
"So what do you say? I'll come for you around one?" Harvey asked.
Donna smiled and she wanted to tell him there was no way in hell she was having lunch alone with him but what came out was a short "Sure, if that's good for you. I gotta run. That interviewee will be here any minute. I scheduled her early so I could get some other work done."
"Well, I was going to leave but let me escort you to your office," Harvey said as he began to accompany her down the hall.
"No, Harvey, it's just a little office. Nothing to see. Just have reception call me at one. I'll come to you. It'll be great to catch up," Donna said flustered beyond all hope. She just wanted to sprint down the hall to her office before she started to cry again….for him.
Part two
"So here is the new living room that Scottie just finished with the interior decorator. I never thought I would like the floral print but it brings the room nicely together besides," Harvey stated as he touched the screen of his cell phone. "Here's what I really love."
"It's a room, Harvey."
"Yes, but it's my man cave. No women allowed."
"Scottie now only lets you have one room? Where is the rooster? I know now he finally got henpecked." Donna wanted to know how. She did not know whether to be impressed or sad that Harvey was a victim of wife abuse. What had Scottie done to him? The man she fell in love with would never had withstood that. He would have shared the entire house and not been relegated to one room for all his hobbies. Donna had come to his condo more than once when he still lived there and they would shoot pool and bet each other until dawn's early light on some days while Gordon Specter's music surrounded them. Other days she would come just to vent about a bad date or an argument that needed to be resolved before they each stepped into the office the next day. On occasion Harvey had called to wish her a good night before he went to sleep. Of course, those were the nights when he was not entertaining some other woman in his bed and definitely before Scottie had become a permanent fixture.
"Well, I don't really mind."
"Does she like your father's music?" Donna had never known Scottie to like anything to do with the arts let alone her father-in-law's music.
"Not really. She's not into music. At least not jazz or the blues. Come to think of it, I don't really know." Harvey said sitting up surprised at his own revelation about his wife.
"You don't know your wife's musical tastes? Specter, you had me pegged correctly the minute you met me. You've known Scottie longer and she's your wife and you do not know her that well?"
"So what? It doesn't come up." Harvey said feeling a little apprehensive at dining with his former secretary and friend whom he did know well and who knew him just as well.
"Oh here's the kitchen. You would love this kitchen," Harvey continued as he proudly showed Donna another renovation.
"You have a lovely home. Just like a picture. No I live alone."
Eventually the odd lunch concluded and Harvey drove Donna back to the office in his limousine. She had been happy to see Ray again and asked after his wife and children. He said he missed her as well and that the boss, meaning Harvey, had never been the same since she left. She wanted to badly ask about Ray's relationship with Scottie but decided it really was not her business and it was nothing she could help with anymore. So renewing her vow to herself to keep the past in the past said she would think of him and to give his family her best.
Harvey handed Donna out of the car and stood leaning against it.
"Well, it was great seeing you again, Donna. Please do not be a stranger and call me."
"Oh, my word, Harvey, I do not think your wife would be too happy to see come up on your Caller I.D."
"Who says?"
"Harvey.." she said with a look of impatience.
"Did you read my letter?"
"What letter?"
"The one I handed to you outside the elevators of PearsonSpecterLitt on your last day."
"No, I didn't. I must have put in a drawer and forgotten about it. Why? Was it really important?" Donna said incredulously. She had thrown it in her bill drawer in her desk at home where her laptop sat and had completely forgotten about it thinking that it was only a Thank- You- Wish- You -Well card from both Harvey and Scottie.
"Very. Read it Donna. I will wait for your call no matter how long because I know you will call me after you have read it."
Donna agreed to read it and said, "Well, it is really freezing out here and I have another person to interview for Dale's personal secretary. It was good to see you." She quickly gave Harvey a kiss on the cheek, waved to Ray and ran into the building as if her life depended on it.
Chapter 3
After that Donna had not seen nor spoken to Harvey again for a very long time. She occasionally spent time with Rachel and Mike especially after their son had been born. However, she was determined never to speak to Harvey or know about anything happening with him or Scottie. Jessica had even called her to talk about Harvey but Donna insisted that since it her departure had been two years ago she shared absolutely nothing with him anymore. She also asked Jessica to ask his wife to which Jessica had said that was not a good thing to do. Donna did not want Jessica to elaborate or continue with any mentioning of Harvey.
After she came home from work that last day after having lunch with Harvey, Donna never did find the letter that Harvey told her to read. It had slipped Donna's mind in her efforts to completely surround her life with her new job and especially a new man who had asked her out a couple of days after Harvey's visit. The merger between the companies that PB&L and PS&L represented and their IPO went off without a hitch according to the paperwork she had helped research and type. So everything had been handled by faxes and emails with no need to see Harvey face-to-face again.
David Bruce who was a distant relative to one of the partners in her firm had finally asked her out two days after Donna had been shaken by seeing Harvey again after so short a time from her departure.
Dave was tall, dark and handsome with that devil may care attitude that Donna liked. When he had asked her out, though, he acted like she was doing him a favor. She found red roses on her desk the next day with a card that stated how he was looking forward to their Saturday date together. Donna had not known what to feel so she just inhaled the scent of her roses and enjoyed the ride for as long as it would be.
It had now been two years since Donna's departure and her relationship with David had turned into romantic love. Donna was very happy. Her family was happy for her. She and Dave had even double dated many times with Joe and Eleanor. Donna expected a proposal any day now. Dave had hinted that there was something very special he wanted to speak to her about on their next date. It was odd that in the last two years she and David had never made love. She wondered why but thought that perhaps he wanted to be married before he slept with another woman. Dave carried the same reputation that Harvey possessed before Harvey had become engaged and then married, so Donna did not think that Dave had been leading her only to find out that he really batted for the other team. She just did not know why. She felt cherished and loved, however, on those late nights when he would venture home at two in the morning after dozing on her couch and vice versa she was beginning to really wonder why.
Saturday finally arrived and she waited for Dave at their favorite little bistro near the office. It was an April night and the evening was warm for early spring. She had agreed to meet David at the bistro because he said he had one thing to finish at the office and said it would be easier if he met her instead of Donna waiting for him. Donna drew her sweater a little more around her shoulders while she waited at their favorite outside table facing the river. The air was cooler around the water than it had been in the interior of downtown and she let it waft around her face and blow through hair.
"Hi, honey, I'm sorry I'm late," David said as bent to kiss her. Donna jumped at the sound of his voice and opening her eyes she was just as surprised because for a moment she thought she had heard Harvey's voice.
"Get your work done, love?" Donna asked David as she took his hand in hers across the table
"Yes, but it looks like I may be required going in tomorrow. I know it is the weekend and I promised we would see that play you wanted, but I must really examine a court document coming down."
"Well, is that not what you hired Hiram for? He is an associate after all."
"I could but he is still so wet behind the ears that I feel I can't really trust him to find what I need in the papers. I'm sorry, honey," David said as he examined the menu.
"Oh, well, I could go with my sister, Carol. She needs a night out."
"Good. No problem. Here's the tickets." David handed her the two balcony seat tickets. Donna never thought she would like balcony seats but after the first time David had taken her there she was so surprised to be able to see the entire stage and others' reactions to what happened on stage that she implored him to purchase only balcony seats. It reminded her of her theater nights with Louis. It was nice sharing something in common with someone again and not having to be reminded of Harvey.
After dinner they took a walk around the town. It was nearly ten o'clock and she knew she should be heading home but she was enjoying herself and David. They reached the river again and David stopped Donna in her tracks and persuaded her to sit on the bench.
David stood before her and took a small box from his suit jacket pocket. He bent down on one knee and opening the box said:
"Ms. Donna Paulsen, would you do me the honor of becoming my wife?"
"David?"
"Well?"
Donna took the box he held in his hand and examined the ring. It was old she could tell that immediately. It had a platinum filigree setting with a round faceted diamond in the middle.
"Do you like it?"
"Is this an heirloom?" Donna wondered if her hunch had been correct.
"Yes, it was my grandmother's. She gave it to my brother but since he never married he gave it to me. So I give it to you if you agree to marry me. I love you, Donna."
"Yes, I will marry you, Dave. I love you, too." Donna said as David placed the ring on her finger. The stone twinkled with the lights of the surrounding buildings. They kissed and then David drove her home.
They walked arm in arm to Donna's apartment door. She unlocked the door and after kissing David deeply had figured he would come in and spend the night. He stopped just before her threshold.
"No. Not tonight. I want to wait until we're married. I want it to be special."
"Oh, okay. Sure. I love you. Next time we can set a date, ok?" Donna asked looking eagerly into his dark brown eyes.
"Sure we can. I love you." Then David kissed her and she waited until he descended the stairs of the building before she closed the door to her apartment.
Donna had contacted all her friends and family the next day including Michael, Rachel and Louis. Upon receiving her email, Rachel immediately called Donna on the phone while Donna was sorting through some old bills in her desk drawer.
"Congratulations! I was so happy to get your message. Did you set a date yet?"
"Rache.. he just proposed yesterday. He said we'll set a date next time. We have another date date on Tuesday night. He's tied up in court all day for the next two days."
So they chit chatted and Rachel told the latest antics with her son and how Mike was being promoted to a junior partner. Rachel indicated that she was still an associate and was taking first chair on more and more of Harvey's cases.
Donna wanted to know why this was happening but refrained from asking her NY buddy and just wanted to talk about her own happiness.
As Donna resumed her bill sorting at her desk after Rachel and she hung up, Donna found the envelope that Harvey had given her a little more than two years ago on her departure from PS&L. The envelope was a standard envelope with PS&L on the head and her name neatly written in the center in Harvey's handwriting. Donna turned the envelope over and noticed that it was still sealed shut. Dryness in the air had not yellowed the paper nor dried up the seal on the outside.
Deciding that Harvey's words could no longer hurt her, she took her letter opener and ripped open the letter. There were three handwritten pages where the first addressed her as "Dearest Donna".
October 2019
Dearest Donna,
I would be lying if I said I didn't want you around anymore. I realize that a wall had been erected between us after I asked Scottie to marry me. I thought it strange at first because you were the head cheerleader in promoting the relationship.
Let me say that after the "mind your own business" uttered by my wife I called her on the carpet for it. She accused me of having a long term romantic affair with you and thought that the reason you were leaving was that you were pregnant with my child. As time and I had told Scottie the decision of your leaving had been yours and yours alone.
Ok, I have procrastinated long enough and partly because of your rule which you broke two times - never once with me as I thought would have happened eventually. I thought I was being totally transparent of how much I not only wanted you as my secretary but how much I valued your friendship and hopefully you would have seen the light and let me love you as my woman. I know I am not the best at saying kind words or letting people see me feel emotional. It seems the older I get the worse I get at hiding my feelings. Apparently the only person I failed in this respect was you. Ok, I am just going to say it. I love you, Donna. I have always loved you. I never really wanted to marry Scottie, but I thought you were lost to me and I wanted someone on a consistent basis to share my life.
You may be asking yourself why? Why did I go through with it and marry a woman I really did not love. I cared for her and never wanted to see her hurt, but that was not the love that I feel for you. I am not in love with my wife. I am in love with you. I know now that it is too late. You are probably wondering why we do not have any children after almost five years together. Scottie sterilized herself as she did not want to have children herself. She thought that I did not want children either because of the trouble growing up. How little she really knows me, Donna. You know that down deep I would love to pass on my arrogant and gorgeous self to a little person be it girl or boy. Scottie said yes for one reason and one reason only - to have her name on the door. She figured since she married me and took my name that she was just as equal in Pearson Specter Litt as I was.
We are redoing a house just outside the city. When it is finished Scottie promised me that she would have a surrogate carry my child and we could raise him or her if I wanted to be a daddy that much. I turned her down and said that perhaps we could adopt. I thought of Mike and how he was left with no one at age 11 to raise him except his Grandmother. I think you were out that day when I finally met her. She was a spitfire. No wonder Mike took to you and Rachel right away. As of right now I am so depressed by your leaving that I have decided that the last thing I want to do right now is adopt a child with my wife. In time when your departure is not so raw and new, I will perhaps change my mind. You know me, Donna, though, I am stubborn and arrogant and I don't play well with people who don't worship me as me.
Another reason for writing my feelings down on paper was in part to coerce you to come back to me. Not as my secretary but as my wife. I would start divorce proceedings immediately upon your promise that you would marry me after Scottie has left the picture. I would never ask you to be my mistress. That is no better than what my mother did to my father. I would never want to be with you again until I was free to be with you and you were as well.
Scottie is a successful and financial advantage to PS&L as we all know she would be. However, I know that she has not been faithful to me. Hell, she cheated with me when she was going to marry that English lawyer many years ago. Once a cheater always a cheater.
I love you, Donna. I never really wanted any other woman but you. I suppose I had a bad way of showing that which I am sure you realized a long time ago. I suppose my letting you have carte blanche with my credit card would be one way to show you how much I loved you and wanted you to have the best. If I could provide the best for your then so be it.
Please do not hesitate to contact me no matter when you read this letter. I would drop everything to have you back. I know you must love me or otherwise you would not leave. You said once you loved me like a brother or person you look forward to only seeing during the holidays. I don't think so. We were always sure of each other and it goes many years back.
Look what I am trying to say is that I would wait for you if you pick up the phone after you read this letter. NO MATTER HOW MANY YEARS GO BY when you have read this letter. You are my heart. Bring it back to me with yourself.
I love you always
Harvey
Donna knew she never should have opened the letter. She knew every word he said was true. They never lied to one another. They flirted and gibed but never lied to one another. Donna's tears fell onto the last page of parchment. She kissed the page where Harvey had written his name. She could feel his pain in finally bearing his soul in telling the truth about his life since he married Scottie. How selfish could she be? Donna had told Scottie once a long time ago not to screw with Harvey to which Dana Scott said," Screw with him or screw him?"
" I don't know, Scottie, can you do the one without the other?" Donna responded trying to protect Harvey even then. She would have given Dana Scott a smack in the mouth right then but they had been interrupted by Harvey and Donna took that as her cue to leave Harvey's office.
For the last two years, the man she never really stopped loving had never stopped loving her and was now suffering. Knowing Harvey he was stoic and the only telltale sign would be his tie an odd color, the knot not so crisply tied, his gelled do not quite standing up straight, or his jaw clenching and unclenching. She would notice, though, in those incredible dark eyes he possessed. He was capable of being vulnerable with a look from those big brown eyes. They twinkled when he was trying to joke and get one over on her and then they would be soft when he wanted to share an emotional moment. She missed him. There was no denying that fact.
Donna looked at the engagement ring just given to her last night by David. She loved him but not like the love she would ever have for Harvey. She had never and would never want someone the way she wanted Harvey. This was not exactly a new realization for her, but this new light on what he had always truly felt for her had been. Could she keep her promise to David, knowing now what she knew now about Harvey? All Donna knew for sure was that she had to talk to Harvey.
Donna decided to postpone her date with David in the light of the letter that now burned inside her heart and mind where Harvey still existed.
The next morning was Sunday morning. Not attending church services with her sister, Carol, and her family gave her a few extra hours to prepare for her impromptu visit to Manhattan. Tonight she was going to the play that she and David were to have attended. Come Monday morning she was driving to New York City and if things worked out the way she hoped she would have to rescind her acquiescence to David's marriage proposal and bring Harvey back to her state where her family would know how special he really was to her.
She made a telephone call to Rachel.
"Hey, Don, how are you? I'm sure you're still on Cloud Nine."
"Well, not exactly, I was wondering, does Harvey still have Letititia as his secretary?"
"Oh, sure. He really likes her. Not as much as he adored you, but I think she is a little easier on his credit card. Why?"
"Oh, no reason. I was just wondering if she had found something I think I had forgotten to take with me when I left. I was wondering if it was still there."
"I can check with her or you could give her a call. We have a new phone system now so all the numbers are so different. Letitia's direct dial number would 212-547-9014. Harvey's new extension number is 9015. I emailed you mine and Mike's later in case you need to speak with either one of us. "
"Does Harvey still have the same cell number?"
"What one do you have? His company cell or his family cell?"
"The one ending in 6567."
"Yes, that is his work cell. The cell numbers have not changed only the office numbers, why?" Rachel asked again growing concerned.
"No reason. I will let you know if things work out. Love you. Gotta go!" Donna hung up the phone and planned her trip to New York and Harvey.
Chapter 4
Donna got out of the cab and thought how little the city had changed in the two years she had been away. She did not remember the building being so tall before or that it seemed that way now that she no longer put in twelve hour days. She always felt sophisticated walking into a tall skyscraper and riding to the 50th floor. She felt a thrill as she the elevators pinged open and she ventured in with about 10 other people. She was a tall woman and could see almost over all the heads. She was finally alone as she rode the last leg up the cables to the 50th floor.
As the elevator softly pinged open, her eyes strayed to the right to see the firm's logo and trio of names: Pearson, Specter & Litt. She had not given Rachel the heads up so no one knew she would be here today. Not even Harvey. She wanted to surprise him. Unfortunately the first person she did see was Dana Scott Specter - Harvey's wife. Her enemy and the reason for Harvey's pain. Donna tried to turn back to the elevators except it was too late. No one could miss a tall redhead standing in the elevator area.
"Well, Donna, I didn't expect to see you again," Scottie said. "I thought we made it perfectly clear that you were no longer needed around here."
"Scottie, this letter says otherwise. Now if you don't mind I have some business to attend to."
"Harvey's not here, Donna," Scottie said as Donna was walking past her.
"Where is Harvey? It's 8:00 am Monday morning."
Scottie knew why this woman was here. Harvey and she had had a prolific fight about how he really did not want to be married anymore to a woman like Scottie. Scottie had retorted that she was always second best because he had never reconciled his feelings for Donna. Harvey had been drinking as was she but he had taken it too far and decided to go for a ride in one of his mustangs.
"He's in the hospital, Donna," Scottie said very matter of factly like Harvey always spends a Monday morning in the hospital.
Donna panicked. She turned on the smaller dark woman with a dark intense stare.
"What hospital? Why he is there?"
Scottie looked up at the taller woman and decided that rather than prolong her agony any longer she would just do what she should have done in the beginning.
"He is in St. Vincent's. He is critical but stable. He was in a car crash last night after we fought-over you." Scottie finished bitterly.
Donna decided that nothing Scottie could say could hurt her any longer. She had to see Harvey and see what existed on his side of this impossible mess. If Harvey was bad why would Scottie not want to be with him? He was her husband after all.
As Donna walked out of the building, she spotted Ray waving her down from the door of the limousine.
"Donna? Donna!" Ray called to her as she hit the pavement running and waving for a cab.
"Ray!"
"Get in. I will take you to Harvey. From what Mrs. Specter said, he wants to see no one until you see him first."
"Thank you, Ray. Have you seen him?"
"Only briefly. He got pretty banged up. He ruptured his spleen and broke his arm and a leg. He got gashed in the neck from broken glass. That was the worst of it because it was close to his jugular. He is in intensive care and he is sedated, but I will make sure that you get into see him. Harvey really misses you. When he doesn't come in with the Mrs., he talks about nothing but how successful you've become in Connecticut and how he wanted to take a trip up there to see you."
"Really? Well, a few things have changed, Ray. I have to see him, though, before anything else happens."
"Sure thing."
Ray drove like a NASCAR driver for the rest of the trip to St. Vincent's Hospital.
Intrepidly, Donna approached the bed where Harvey lay. He had a huge bandage around his neck, an oxygen tube around his head and two casts. One on his arm and one on his leg suspended from a trapeze. He could speak, but at the moment he was asleep. The call duty nurse said she had checked on him and he kept calling for Donna. When his nurse saw Donna, she understood. Despite only family being allowed to see him, Ray piped up and said that she was family. The nurse pulled strings and let her into his room with a warning not to be too long. Mr. Specter needed his rest. She did say that his vitals were improving and he may be moved from the ICU to a regular room soon.
"Oh, Harvey," she muttered softly. Or so she thought because Harvey moved his mouth a little and shook his head "no" as if he was telling someone that he did not want something.
Donna stroked his head. His hair was so soft because he had no product in it. Tears rolled down Donna's face and she kissed him ever so softly on the forehead. Her lips lingered as her tears began to fall uncontrollably.
"If I knew you were going to cry when you saw me, I would have told the nurses to make you go home," Harvey muttered as he tasted one of Donna's tears that had landed on his lips.
"Harvey?"
"Yes, it's me. Come down here where I can see you. I can't move much with this horrible bandage and I am so sleepy I feel like I must have drunk a case of Wild Turkey."
"You never could handle more than a glass or two of straight whiskey."
"Due to the fact that I'm on medication, I can't challenge you to a drinking contest. But when I get out of here.."
"Shh…" Donna said placing her hand over Harvey's lips. His eyes were closed and she almost thought for a moment that she had imagined their conversation. She knew it was real when he kissed her palm lying over his mouth. All Donna wanted to do was kiss that mouth. He had wonderfully soft lips that Donna could remember from long ago. Harvey knew how to kiss. Absolutely.
Harvey opened his eyes briefly and when he saw Donna through the haze of his medication, he smiled wide meeting his eyes and moving the bandage at his neck.
"I love you, Donna," Harvey said through a sleepy haze.
"Oh, Harvey, " Donna said through tears. "How I love you, too."
"Scottie and I are getting a divorce. She agreed to it today. I told her about the letter I gave you when you left. She knew you'd come back. Scottie and I tried but it was no good. However, you and me and he gestured with his hand that was in the cast, we're the best."
"Yes, we are." Donna kissed Harvey again on his lips and stroked his forehead.
Chapter 5
A year later…
"Donna?" Harvey called as he unwrapped a pair of blue baby booties and a pair of pink baby booties made of porcelain.
"Yes, Harvey." Donna responded now six months pregnant with twins came to the door of the nursery of their new house in the suburbs.
"Aren't these cute?"
"Hey, Specter, you're not going soft on me now that you're going to be a dad in a few months." Donna walked over to where Harvey sat immersed in the boxes that were delivered after Rachel threw Donna an impromptu baby shower at the office.
Harvey stood up. He was good as new after his accident the year before. He had to be careful of infections because his spleen had to be removed and he still had a scar where the glass had cut him. He had sold his other Mustang and kept his Porsche. With the money, he purchased a Jaguar Sedan large enough for Donna to drive and big enough to put two infant car seats in the backseat.
"Wow, feel this," Donna said excitedly as she took Harvey's left hand in hers and placed it on her large belly. Donna's hand was adorned by Harvey's grandmother's heirloom engagement ring and the new diamond encrusted matching wedding bands.
"That had to be Gordon. His grandfather would have been proud."
"How do you know? It could have been Amanda."
"You're right. They are both Specters. They are going to rule the world."
They kissed.
Suddenly the doorbell rang breaking them apart.
"It's probably Ray with more gifts that I forgot to take with me," Donna said as she walked to the door. Harvey's eyes never left her back. At times, Harvey knew that Donna suffered from an insecurity that she thought since her belly was larger that she waddled to and fro. Harvey, of course, joked with her that she waddled like a duck. However, when she broke into tears, Harvey realized how strong those hormones were and decidedly told her that she never waddled and that if she did it was for a very good reason. She was carrying their children.
"Scottie?" Donna said as she opened the door of their home.
"Yes, Donna, I know it's late. I just wanted to give you and Harvey this for your babies."
Harvey had joined Donna at the door and stated emphatically, "What the hell are you doing here? You're not welcome. Donna, shut the door." Harvey started to shut the door until Donna protested.
"Harvey, please."
Donna looked at him and his look softened when he looked back at her. He should not be mean to his first wife in front of his second wife although he knew a year ago a lot more than just looks had been exchanged between the two.
"Come in, Scottie," Donna said.
"This place is beautiful."
"Thank you, Scottie."
They had moved into the large wood paneled living room where a small fire burned in the grate. It was late April, but there was still a chill in the air.
"Ok, you've got two minutes, Scottie. Because despite what Donna says I don't think she is too happy to see you either."
"Harvey, let the woman speak."
As the three of them sat down, Harvey in the plush overstuffed chair across from the plush large colonial sofa where Scottie had just smoothed her skirt and sat down. Donna sat down carefully as her belly was giving her a bit of a challenge to move gracefully.
"Ok, thank you for seeing me. I just wanted to apologize for any problems I may have caused a few months ago. Also I want to give your children this," Scottie said handing Donna an envelope.
"We don't need your money," Harvey said nastily. He got up swiftly to go get a drink when Donna said:
"It's not money, Harvey."
Harvey silently and swiftly walked back to Donna taking the envelope and its contents from Donna.
"Two scholarships to Julliard University School of Music in the name of Gordon Specter for his grandchildren," Harvey read aloud. Immediately he looked at Scottie and he knew that this was her way of reconciling the past. His big brown eyes were softened as he looked down at Donna and she was in tears.
"I knew how much Gordon loved the both of you. I was never a real fan to his music let alone music in general, but I thought that since one or both of your children would probably be musical or theatrical they could use this." Scottie bit her bottom lip and turned to go.
"Scottie," Donna said and hugged the smaller woman. "Thank you for everything."
Donna meant that because she knew despite the differences much of the fault why her marriage to Harvey could not work was because Harvey had never stopped loving Donna. Scottie after much arguing back and forth in dividing the marriage property including the man she had loved faithfully despite what Harvey had thought had given him up for love in the end. She may not be happier, but she knew Harvey would be as he would finally be with his Donna. As much as Scottie tried to hate Donna, she just could not do it. So as a final recompense for the hardship she had put them both through during the divorce and their quickie marriage, she thought to give the next generation of Specters a fresh start.
As for David Bruce, Donna had driven back up to Connecticut a week later and gave David back the ring. He was not shocked because Donna had been very frank and open about her relationship with Harvey. Donna had, at that time, thought that she would never see Harvey again and she wanted to be totally honest with the man with whom she had planned to live her life. David had let her go and was happy that she would be with Harvey whom she had never stopped loving.
"Could I ask you to please send me an announcement when they are born?" Scottie asked. "I know they are not mine, but since this gift is for them I would like to know if it helped. I swear I won't bother you again." Harvey came over to Scottie and thanked her as well. They finally had buried the hatchet for good as well despite all the tumultuous time they had been married. They both accompanied her to the door where she said her final goodbyes.
"Have a good life," Harvey said as he hugged Scottie one last time before Scottie walked out their door drove off in her expensive Italian car.
"Lovely wife, you have a lovely wife. And in the Winter extra
Blankets for the cold, fix the heater getting old, you are with her now I know
I'll live alone forever. Not together now."
THE END