In the middle of the Arizona desert, a black 1986 Ford LTD and a woman on a 1986 Harley-Davidson Sportster. The Ford and Harley drive up to a truck with INS Agents and Immigrants. Two men, Kay and Dee, get out of the Ford, dressed in plain black suits, crisp white shirts, simple black ties, shiny black shoes. The woman, Zari or Zee, dressed in a red t-shirt, black leather jacket, pants, and high heeled combat boots. She takes off her helmet before setting the stand on her motorcycle and put the helmet on the seat.
"We'll take it from here," Kay told the INS, as he and Dee got out of the car.
"Who the hell are you?" Agent Janus asked.
"INS Division 6," Kay replied, as they walked towards the truck.
"Division 6? I never heard of Division 6."
"Really?"
Kay and Zee move past him and approach the row of nervous immigrants, while Dee leans against the Ford.
"Who you got your money on, Dee? Zee?" Kay asked.
"Tough call, Kay," Dee said.
Zee walks up to one of the immigrants and says, "!Oye! Que Pasa, coma estas? (What's up, how are you?), The man nods 'yes' to her. She walks down the row to an elderly woman, "Abuela, no se preocupe, Bienvenida a Los Estados Unidos. (Don't worry grandma. Welcome to the United States), Zee continues down the row and speaks to the immigrants, " A Donde Vas? Nogales? Buscando Trabajo, no? Tu, lo mismo? (Where are you going? Nogales? Looking for work? You too?) Y Tu? Es un placer verle aqui. (And you? It's a pleasure seeing you here.)
One by one, their faces relax, reassured by Zee's calm demeanor. When she reaches the fifth Guy, she keeps the same cheery tone, and says, "Que dices si te rompo la Cara?
(What do you say if I break your face?)
The man smiles and nods. Zee stops, her own smile broadens and she drops a hand on the man's shoulder.
"Es muy feo, no? Y no hablas ni una palabra del Español!" (You're very ugly, aren't you? You don't speak a word of Spanish!)
Again, the man smiles and nods. Zee looks back at Kay and Dee, "Kay! Dee! We got a winner here!"
Kay smiles while Dee laughs and says, "Oh, I know."
Zee turns back to the group and says, "Los restos estan libres a irse." (The rest of you are free to go.)
The group starts to leave when Agent Janus says, "No se mueven!" (Don't move!). They all stop in their tracks.
"Tomen el camion, y vayeuse, " Zee told them. (Get on the road and go.)
"Look, lady, you can't just -"
"Don't "Lady" me!" Zee cut off Agent Janus, "You have no idea who you're dealing with! And if you had any respect at all, it's ma'am, "She looks to the group and says, "Entrar en la camioneta, por favor." (Get in the truck, please.)
The Driver grins and jumps back in the front seat of the truck. The others pile into the rear and they tear out of there. The man tried to go to the truck, but Zee kept him back with the hand she put on his shoulder.
"We're gonna have a little chat with our friend here, you boys can hit the road. Keep on protecting us from the dangerous aliens out there," She told the INS agents.
Kay, Zee, and Dee escort their captive across the road and over a small rise,
leaving the stunned INS agents standing alone in the roadway. They lead their captive into a clearing in the desert brush.
"Looks like you fell off the bus in the wrong part of town, amigo. I'll bet dollars to pesos
you're not from anywhere near here," Kay pulls out of a knife and cuts the poncho neatly down the front.
The poncho falls to the ground, revealing what he really is Underneath a scaly alien, about four-and-a-half feet tall, with a snouth, snail-like tentacles, and independently moving eyes on stalks at the top of his head.
The only part of his camouflage not crumpled to the ground is the humanesque "head," which he still lamely holds in one of his hands. It's propped up by a stick, like a puppet, and it continues to make expressions as he holds it.
"Mikey? When did they let you out of jail?" Zee asked.
Mikey replies in an unfathomable combination of grunts, squeaks, and saliva.
"Political refugee. Right," She rolls her eyes at him.
"You know how many treaties you just violated?" Dee asked.
Mikey makes a lame squeak.
"One! One, my ass. Try seven," Zee told Mikey.
"From unauthorized immigration to failure to properly inoculate prior to landing." Dee listed.
Mikey spoke again in a combination of grunts, squeaks, and saliva.
"That's enough, Mikey. You hand me that head," Kay told him. Mikey gives kay the head, "Put up your arms and all your flippers."
Mikey puts up his arms and flippers, then they hear a terrified gasp behind Mikey. Kay, Zee, and Dee both look over quickly. One of Mikey's eyes, on a tall stalk, whips around too. All three of them see Agent Janus, standing just over the rise, staring in frozen amazement.
"Ah, shit," Kay said.
Mikey quickly becomes agitated and roars before shoving Dee to the ground and takes off straight at Janus, screeching a horrible screech. Janus freezes, terrified. Zee chases after Mikey, trying to get to him before he gets to Agent Janus.
"Dee! Shoot him!" Kay told him.
Dee struggles to roll over and change the controls on his gun, which fell out of his hand as he hit the ground.
"Dee, for Christ's-" Kay then drops the fake head and pulls out his gun.
Mikey keeps moving, covering the last few yards to Janus quickly. He steps on a rock, launches himself into the air, his dripping jaws cranked wide open there is a sizzling sound, a brilliant white flash and Mikey erupts in a geyser of blue goo that splatters all over the ground, the trees, and Agent Janus' face. Expect on Zee, who had formed a shield with her alien magic preventing the blue goo from getting on her. She turned around and saw Kay holding a smokey gun.
Zee walks back to Kay, Agent Janus follows her as he stammers, "Th - th - th -"
"That'," Zee helped.
"That wasn't - wasn't - wasn't -"
"Human," Kay finished, "I know. Oops. Got some entrails on you."
He takes out a handkerchief and wipes off the Agent's face. As he does, Janus looks back to where Mikey blew up. Then at Kay. And then up at the stars.
The other INS Agents burst over the rise, shouting questions.
"Situation's under control, calm down, please. Give me your attention for a moment I'll tell you what happened, "Kay reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tubular metallic device the size of a pocket recorder. He checks his watch, figures in his head then dial an electronic counter on the side of the device up to "08."
"This is called a neuralizer. It's a gift from some friends from out of town. This red-eye isolates… the electronic impulses in your brains, specifically memory," Six more agents of division 6, wearing black suits and sunglasses, and caring flamethrowers, came over the hill before Kay gave them orders, Fellas, give me a splay burn around the perimeter with holes… at 40, 60 and 80 meters from right here. Thank you. Good. Thank you."
The men spread out and started burning the plants covered in blue goo.
"What in the hell is going on?" An INS agent asked.
"Excellent question. The answer you're looking for lies right here," Kay points at the neuralizer and the INS agents look closer.
"Who are you, really?"
"Really?" Kay puts on his sunglasses, "I am just a figment of your imagination."
He pushes a button on the side of the neuralyzer. A blinding flash lasting a tenth of second long sears the Agents' eyeballs. They stare blankly.
"Damn, what a gullible breed," Kay puts away his sunglasses and neuralizer. The INS agents soon come around, as if awakening from a concussion, "I'm serious, fellas. You're lucky to be alive after a blast like that."
The agents look around, confused.
"What blast? Agent Janus asked.
"The underground gas vein, genius. You should exercise a lot more caution before firing.
I'll tell you that right now. Especially you," Kay as he jabs a finger into Agent Janus' chest.
"Have yourselves checked out with E.M.S. before you leave," Zee told them.
Dee has moved away from them all and is sitting on a rock.
"I'm sorry about back there," Dee apologized to Kay and Zee as they sat beside him.
"That happens," Kay said
"Didn't used to. The spirit's willing, Kay, but… the rest of me," Dee looks up to night sky, "They're beautiful, aren't they?"
"What?"
"The stars. We never just look anymore."
Kay and Zee look up and see the bright stars scattered across the darkness of the night sky.
"No."
"I'll tell you, Kay, Zee… I will miss the chase," Dee sighed.
Zee takes Dee's hand in hers and squeezes it, almost afraid that he will disappear, and knowing what is about to happen.
Kay puts on his sunglasses on before taking out his neuralyzer and setting the dials before saying, "No, Dee… you won't." Then there was a blinding light.