Title: Are you Addicted?
Characters: Sesshoumaru, Sango, Inuyasha, Miroku, Kagome
Warning! AU Bad!Fic, Crackfic, groan producing humor. This was written as a response to a forthrightly challenge at LiveJournal. The entire point was to write something bad. Don't be surprised that this sucks. It's supposed to. It's completely un-proofread.
But, if you have a sense of humor, Read, Enjoy, Review! - Ima
I don't onw Inuyasha or the charaters. Fun only.
Looking quickly from one side to the next to be sure no one was watching, Sesshoumaru clutched his sequined handback tightly to his chest. Squaring his shoulders and adjusting his bra strap, he prepared himself to open the door. With one final hair flip and a loud sigh, he opened the door and marched in, his red high heels clicking against the stark white tiles.
He was late, again. The other members of the support group were already sitting in a circle and quietly chatting. Much to Sesshoumaru's annoyance, Dr. Inuyasha had not arrived.
"Damn, I hate it when someone misses my entrance," Sesshoumaru thought to himself, letting out a very audible sigh.
"Oh I just LOVE your ear-rings!" Looking down at her yellow t-shirt with the words "Soccer Mom!" imprinted on the front Sango breathed, "Between soccer practice, dance lessons, and cub scouts, I just never get the chance to look so good!"
"Girlfriend, I must say you have fabulous taste in accessories." Sesshoumaru smiled warmly to his new best friend. Extending a neatly manicured hand forward he introduced himself. "I'm Sesshoumaru, but you can call me 'Mistress Fluffy'. That's my stage name. And who might you be?"
"I'm Sango," pointing down to her t-shirt and smiling, "mother of 3. That's my mini-van outside," She giggled. "So, did you find those ear rings at the mall?"
"Malls are a marr on our beautiful landscape," Kagome bit out unexpectedly. Her tie-dyed shirt prominantly displayed a peace sign and her bell bottoms swayed as she crossed her legs and swang a bare foot in irritation. "Besides, they promote materialism, and they don't even have recycle bins in the food court."
"Oh Kags, you're so cute when you're angry," Miroku said. Popping out his glass eye and cleaning it absently, he nodded toward Sango and Sesshoumaru and smiled brightly. "Never mind Barbie and Mr. Fabulous over there, they're lost in their own world anyway."
And Sesshoumaru and Sango were, indeed, oblivious to the other two, lost in their own conversation about the difficulties in picking out the right shade of lipstick. Popping his glass eye back into the socket, Miroku sighed, relieved to finally see Dr. Inuyasha join the circle.
Inuyasha strode over to the white board and wrote "FART Addicts Annonymous" in large black letters. "Welcome to Fan Art Addicts Annonymous." Inuyasha addressed the group. "I trust everyone here didn't have trouble finding the center?"
Dr. Inuyasha was an impressive leader. His calm nature and soft speaking voice had a calming effect and commanded respect from those in the room.
"I see we have a new person. Would you care to introduce yourself?"
Sesshoumaru shifted in his chair as all eyes in the circle landed on him. Usually he wanted to be the center of attention, but not for this reason.
"Hi. I'm Sesshoumaru. And I'm addicted to fan art."
"Hi Sesshoumaru!" the others replied in unison.
"Thank you so much for coming, Sesshoumaru." Inuyasha smiled at him warmly. "It's a real pleasure to meet you."
Turning his attention to the group he smiled softly and began, "As we all know, admitting we have a problem is the first step to healing. We're here because we allowed fan art to become an addiction. Some of us have lost countless hours with our family and friends all for the sake of scouring the internet for interpretations of our favorite characters. While hobby fan-dom is not unhealthy, the extreme we've taken it is not healthy for us. Now, who wants to begin?"
Sango raised her hand.
"Yes, Sango."
"I've gone 18 days without writing a single word of fan fiction." Golf clapping echoed in the stark room. "I'm feeling so free! I'm spending so much more time with my children and my husband says the Sango he married is returning." Golf clapter again. Sango's face then turns dark and tears brim on her eyes, "but I certainly miss fanfiction. Especially the lemons."
The other members nodded in agreement.
"Sango, thank you for your honesty." Inuyasha set a gentle hand on her shoulder. "You are not alone. Kagome, do you wish to go next?"
"Sure." Kagome scowled and huffed before delivering her answer. "I've gone three weeks without fan fiction. Sure, I've gotten a lot of stuff done that I couldn't have if I were reading stories and looking at pictures, but I can't say that I'm happy about it."
"Kagome, only you are responsible for your happiness. Thank you for your honesty. The group appreciates it." Inuyasha then turned to Miroku.
"Miroku, would you care to go next?"
Miroku straightened in hir chair and announced "I've gone 5 days without surfing deviant art." Inuyasha clasped his hands together and beamed at Miroku. "I'm not sure there's anything good about that," Miroku continued and Inuyasha's face turned very serious.
"Now Miroku, I'm very proud of you that you've shown more self control than you ever have before. Surely there is some benefit. What did you do in the time you would have spent surfing?"
Miroku shifted in his chair nervously. Popping his glass eye out againg and rubbing it between his fingers he finally mumbled, "ispenti. smmmfmmmfmmfmm."
"What was that?" Inuyasha pushed a little for clarification.
"I spent... "and Miroku mumbled again.
Laying a hand on Miroku's shoulder, Sango said, "It's okay Miroku, we're not here to judge you. We're your friends."
"I said I spent it reading fan fiction lemons!" Miroku broke down into tears. "It's just not fair! Everyone here does so much better than I do, and all I can think about is fanfiction lemons. I read them, I breathe them, I masterbate to them..." Miroku hid his face away from the group, ashamed of his admission.
"Miroku, you are stronger than your addiction." Inuyasha's smooth melow voice calming Miroku somewhat.
"Besides, your're not the only one who masterbates to fan fiction."
The room looked up at Sessoumaru's unexpected outburst.
"Really?" Miroku sniffed.
"Oh sure!" Sesshoumaru continued in his light effeminate voice, "I'm fisting my happy stick practically every night! Yaoi is very sexy. I just love men! Some of the scenes are just so kinky! The boys getting down and dirty are just about the best thing I've ever read! It's just so hot. I'm getting hot thinking about it now!"
Dr. Inuyasha began turning red with anger, flushing from the neck up. His jaw twitched, "Settle down! Settle Down!" It was the first time Dr. Inuyasha had ever raised his voice to the group.
"You sound very happy with your addiction." Inuyasha addressed Sesshoumaru. "Are you sure you're ready for this group?"
The room fell into a hush and Sesshoumaru was once again the center of attention. Sesshoumaru simply smiled, happy to be in the spotlight.
"Well?" Dr. Inuyasha asked.
"I guess this group really isn't for me," Sesshoumau smiled brightly. "I'm quite happy masterbating to fanfiction and fanart every night. There's no need to get your panties in a bunch over it, though, Doc." Sesshoumaru sashayed over to the door. With one final hair flip and a wide smile Sesshoumau waved in farewell, "Ta ta sweethearts! I won't be seeing you around!" With a swish of silk and a click of heals, he was gone, leaving the others in the group in stunned silence.