Alright, this is the third (possibly last) edition of the Purgatory trilogy. They haven't received as many reviews as I'd have wanted (none of my loyal reviewers fault, mind you), but I thought, "One more shot? Everyone loves a good story with hate-crazed, fanatical Yeerks, and the insubordinates that give them hell." Well, not those exact words, but close enough.

It started off with Purgatory Bust, where Visser Three and a very modest dragon-girl went to spiritual penitentiary and escape after a minor taco-involved accident. There was Resurrection Code, where the Vissers and authors faced off against a bicurious Andalite named Destiny and survived the Void.

And, without further ado, here's Salvation Dogma.

Remember:

Rissa--me

Sin--Sinister Shadow, fellow author and creator of the Visser Three's Diary trilogy

DVD--Darth Vader es cool 5, fellow author and worshipper of Green Day

Disclaimer: Do not own Animorphs. Ellie and the basic plotline of the Closet Fan setting were made by Sin. However, I own a bag of tacos right now and that's what counts.

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Pointless Prologue

Visser Three

I glared at Sargimf, at his stupid crooked grin and the ridiculous, un-masculine object held in his claws, the counterpart to what I had in my hand. I twisted and crushed the abominable thing in my fingers, angry that Andalite arms aren't even strong enough to beat a five-year-old human at thumb-wars. (No.)

"Oh, come on, Visser Three. It's not that stupid. You need help with the ladies, correct. I am a female magnet, correct," he explained.

(With the IQ of your host,) I grumbled.

He went on, ignoring me. "Now, the only people who'll know about this are you, me, Rissa, and Sin." The two girls waved from on the couch, grinning slyly and biting their lips at the same time. "Rissa has to know so it doesn't seem like I'm cheating or anything. Sin…well, it was this or pay her back those fifty Yeerk coins I used."

(Why is it that everyone thinks I'm some asexual, dateless creature like Iniss. I attract women!) I said.

"Dude, fur is out. Scales are in," Rissa said.

"Come on, Esplin. We swore on secrecy and bribes not to tell anyone," Sin whined. "If you ever see Edriss again, you'll want to impress her."

(Wrong. I want to execute her,) I growled. (This feels…wrong. Can we at least do it in a bedroom and not out here in the living room?)

"Ooooh, dirty. Sorry, V Three, you need to be supervised. I don't want anything nasty happening to my green snookums," Rissa snarled.

(Ew! Ew! Not that. It's, um, what if DVD or Ellie walks in?) I asked meekly.

"No. Now shut up and lean in for the kiss," Sargimf hissed.

(What! Wait! We didn't get to that part!) I shouted.

"Oh, right. Conversation before the party. Rissa and I just skipped over that," he chuckled. "Fine, then." He picked up the Barbie doll again and said in an extremely girly voice, "Oh, Ken. Can we go to the mall, dearest?"

(I can not believe I'm doing this…) I shook the Ken doll. (Um, okay. Can I drive the car…dah…deerrr…dearest?)

"No, it's my car, baby," Sargimf answered.

"Where'd you guys even get those dolls?" Sin asked.

"AAAAAHHHHHHHH!"

"What's that?" Rissa asked.

(Hopefully the funny farm finally answered my calls and came to pick you three up,) I grumbled, tossing the doll away. Iniss and DVD came running in here, Iniss bawling and DVD shouting at him to stop. (Drop to the floor, everyone. Iniss is in security blanket mode.)

"Aaaahhhh!" Rissa and Sin leapt over the couch and curled up behind it. DVD decided to take a similar course of action and scrambled underneath the piece of furniture. Sargimf jumped upwards and clung to the ceiling like an oversized gecko. Which left…

(Hey, someone has to stay so he doesn't hug…never mind,) I groaned, when Iniss embraced me, shaking and crying profusely. (One of these days, I'm going to swallow you whole, despite the diarrhea and indigestion afterwards. Until then… Iniss, what mentally stable woman tried to shove you through a cheese grinder this time?)

"It was…it was…"

"What's all this racket in here? Why, in my day, we didn't allow indecent Yeerks to clown around. We hung them out in the Taxxon desert and let the sun dry 'em up like raisins." Oh, goodie. More good news. "I was checking the obituaries to see if I finally left behind you sorry excuse for a Yeerk generation, and I guess I'm in Hell."

"Nah. They get better heating," DVD assured. "Some certain blue guy--I won't point fingers--refuses to pay an extra few Yeerk coins towards electricity."

The older than the Stone Age Taxxon glared at him. "Quiet, you little punk." He glanced over at Sargimf, me, and the shivering, weeping Iniss, glaring at the dolls. "What in sweet Kandrona's name are you doing? In my day, we didn't let gay fruits into the military. We flung them out into black holes, the only hole they could stick themselves into."

I rolled my stalk eyes and glared at Iniss, pushing him away. (What is it you wanted?)

"V-v-v-vis-veees…" he stuttered.

(Spa-spee-speak up you nimrod,) I grumbled. (Or you loose your he-hea-head.)

DVD decided to answer. "We were checking the camera footage outside one of the Sharing facilities when we saw her. She looked pretty happy for some reason, so we listened to the recording of her talking to, duh duh duh, a Taxxon named…" He turned his head dramatically. "T.E."

"Uh-oh. Someone's been watching Lost reruns again," Sin muttered.

"It's a ghost! She's come back to haunt us!" Iniss cried.

"Silence, boy," the Taxxon hissed. "Have you been castrated? You have to be the most pathetic eunuch besides Visser Tea Party and Seargeant Sissy over there."

(Get out of my living room!) I snapped. (And what, pray tell, did they discuss?)

"A serious matter, man. We didn't catch much of it, but she flashed T.E. a picture of a giant bird's egg or pearl that glowed. And, um, well I don't know what it was…. Mime…Prime….no, Time Matrix! Oh yeah, who the man! Um, why did you guys go all pale?" He wiped his nose. "Is there a boogie hanging? What?"

Sin glanced over at me. "Visser…what're we going to do?"

(What we always do,) I said. (Stop Edriss, get the Time Matrix, and try to take over the world.)

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Yes, so where shall we go this time? Three reviews is all I ask.