Friday, 5 November 1997, Some club in New York or something
"Please put your hands together for our next entertainer - give it up for Mr. Jerry Seinfeld!"
The audience cheered as Jerry strided onto the stage. He took the microphone from its stand and held it near his lips with confidence. Jerry was proud of this routine he'd come up with, and he'd been waiting all week to finally perform it. He cleared his throat, already wanting to laugh at the sly social commentary he'd crafted.
"So what's the deal with this Super Mario 64 game everyone's talking about?" he began. "I mean, they say it's rated E for Everyone, but did the rating people ever play the game at all? It's totally fucked!" The audience howled with delirious laughter when Jerry said fuck. "You got shit like the big eel in Jolly Roger Bay, the mummy hand thing in Shifting Sand Land- oh, and don't even get me started on the goddamn piano!" The laughter from the audience was approaching a cacophony.
"So I'm just collecting these eight red coins, y'know. And I see one of them behind this piano! I go over to it, and guess what happens? It gets teeth all of a sudden! This punk-ass piano wants to make me into a Mario sandwich!" The audience grew more powerful. Their laughter could be heard from blocks away. Jerry's perspiring face was bright red as he continued his anecdote. "I was so appalled by this piano that I fucking died in the game! Imagine all the childhoods the Super Mario 64 piano is going to ruin!"
It was time to deliver the coup-de-grace, the punchline. Jerry had to wait an entire minute to resume his routine since the audience was laughing so fucking viciously. "Were these Japanese developer guys high? What were they smoking? What shit were they dropping? Was Shigeru Miyamoto on druuuugs?!" At this point the audience was at risk of causing a resonance cascade. Jerry pressed on. "When I look at the eel's big mouth, and the piano's sharp fangs, and the, fuckin' uuuuh… Bowser, I think I've finally realized what this game's really about!" Jerry couldn't brace himself. "All these enemies wanna vooooore me!"
Vore.
It only took this single word to break the audience. The potential energy they released eviscerated the comedy club - along with every square inch of New York City. The impact was heard all around the world and back again, every eardrum combusting in a 500-mile radius. A cloud of ash was produced which blocked out the sun, causing widespread famine and vitamin D deficiency. Within a century every lifeform on Earth was dead. The only remnant of civilization was an immovable brimstone body cast of Jerry Seinfeld, produced at the very culmination of human intelligence and integrity. It sits at the very center of the crater once known as New York.
Epic!