TITLE: A Faith Sustained
AUTHORS: Poppie-Lee, Amanda Hawthorn, CR1
RATING: T
Disclaimer: CSI belongs to CBS and Alliance-Atlantis Productions. No infringement intended.
This fanfiction is especially for the YUKy meet up. This is a special one off for the YUKy meet up.
Special thanks to Mingsmommy and Mossley for taking time to look over this .
A/N: (CR1) This came about as an off the cuff comment to Mandy about doing a fanfic to mark the YUKy weekend & I really did not think anything would come of it! She was game but she really wanted to share the experience! It's been so wonderful to write with these two authors whose writing I have admired for so long. We have had a fantastic time with each of our respective bits and great fun batting ideas off of one another, with a bit of Squeeeeing thrown in. Thanks for the encouragement girls you both rock. So please sit back and enjoy.
A/N (Poppie-Lee ) When I was first asked to be involved in creating something for YUKy, I was firstly honoured and secondly scared out of my writer's mind. Thankfully I had some wonderful new friends to tell me I'd be fine. My big thanks, hugs and kisses go to Cherie and Mandy for all of their hard work and commitment over the last four weeks. I loved sharing my passion for writing with you and I am still in awe of your talent. You both have the souls of poet's. Last, but by no means least, special Hugs to Dee, my partner in CSI crime (Because my Hubby just rolls his eyes) without whose encouragement I'd never published a word.
A/N: (Amanda Hawthorn) In co writing this piece of fanfiction I have met two of the nicest people I have ever known. It has been a pleasure working with Cherie and Lisa, and after many re-writes and tweaking, we finally finished this.
A Faith Sustained
Tick tick tick tick…
The normal white noise of the lab seemed to fade into the distance as Sara Sidle sat alone in the half lit locker room, staring at the face of her watch. The ticking voice of the small time piece held her complete attention.
Tick tick tick tick…
As the moving hand reached its destination and began its journey again, Sara released a heavy, exhausted sigh. Nick had been taken out of the ground exactly 6 hours ago, leaving each of his friends fighting to breathe easily again. Once the ambulance had left the scene, the remaining
members of the Las Vegas crime lab had set to work processing what was left of Nick's would be grave. Most, if not all, of the collection was done in silence. Even Greg hadn't tried to lighten the mood; he, like each of them, trying to come to terms with the events of the last two days.
With all the evidence logged and under strict instructions from Grissom, Sara was supposed to have left the lab and headed for home over a half an hour ago, but every time she tried to will herself to stand up and head for the door, her legs seemed to lose their power. The voice in Sara's head was practically screaming at her to get up and go home to bed, but her body just would not comply. She couldn't face going home to an empty apartment, being alone with only her thoughts to offer her comfort.
'I'll go to the hospital,' Sara thought. 'Nick will be out of the ER and in a room by now.'
Decision made, Sara put on her watch and had just about convinced her legs to cooperate when the door swung open. The sound shattering the silence of the small room shook Sara from her thoughts.
"Sara?" Grissom asked, startled by her presence. "You're still here.
Didn't I send you home over a half an hour ago?" he asked, playfully. His mood was good but Sara could still hear the fatigue he was carrying.
Sara looked up and took in his appearance; he looked tired and his clothes were rumpled and covered in mud. The explosion at the nursery had covered everything and everyone in a thin layer of dirt. Small cuts and scratches were still fresh on his face, showing evidence of his own near death experience.
Although Sara was looking directly at him she avoided his eyes, afraid he would see the fears that tormented her. She wanted to give him a justifiable reason for her presence but truth be told she couldn't give herself a reason. Instead she offered him a ghost of a smile and shrugged her shoulders.
"Sara, you need to go home," Grissom told her softly. "Nick is safe. There's nothing more we can do tonight. We'll look at the evidence tomorrow with fresh eyes." He opened the door of his locker. Taking out a clean shirt he turned his back to her and slipped off his dirty shirt, replacing it with the clean garment.
"I was going to head over to the hospital; you wanna come with?" Sara asked, trying to distract herself from his actions as well as anticipating his refusal before she even finished speaking.
"Catherine just called, Nick is in the ICU. He's been sedated to make him more comfortable. His Doctor said it will take a few days but he should make a full recovery."
Sara opened her mouth to speak but closed it again when he turned around to face her.
"They sent everyone home." He tilted his head at her. "Which is where you should be going too. I think Nick would want you to get some rest, don't you?" Grissom asked, trying to make it sound more like a friend giving advice rather than a supervisor giving an order.
He knew how she was feeling; his first thought once the evidence was logged in was to go to Desert Palm. It was Catharine's call that had changed his plans.
"You're right, I guess I should go home." Sara said quietly, trying not to sound as dejected as she felt, although her body remained motionless.
It was very clear to Grissom that Sara was stalling. He'd be lying if he said he didn't feel as emotionally drained as she seemed to be. Maybe it was fatigue that allowed him to drop his defenses, but here in this small room the sadness that seemed to radiate from her told him that she needed more. The normal reaction from Grissom to this situation was to bury his feelings, give her support from a distance and avoid showing any emotion that might give him away. Hide.
If he was really being honest, he was just done pretending. Deep down he knew what he wanted; it's what he had wanted since that first day so many years ago.
"You want to get something to eat?" he asked casually, hoping his nerves wouldn't get the better of him. Although food wasn't near the top of his list of priorities, the offer had passed his lips before his brain had caught up.
Stunned brown eyes locked with blue.
Did he just ask her out? Or was it the past two days of lack of sleep finally making her hallucinate? Sara couldn't find an answer; instead she nodded her head in agreement letting a small smile play across her lips.
Grabbing his jacket Grissom tilted his head in the direction of the exit, motioning for her to follow him. He opened the locker room door and held it open. Sara stood on shaky legs and walked to the doorway. As she passed him their eyes met for a brief moment, Sara hoped she wasn't imagining what she saw there. Her lips grew into a full smile. Grissom matched it with a smile of his own.
Frank's diner was busy as usual. The booths were packed with off duty cops, truckers taking a break from the strip traffic, and tourists hoping to strike it rich after their bacon and eggs.
Grissom pointed to a booth where the occupants had risen to leave. After the dirty dishes were cleared away they both sat in silence staring at their menus. Grissom looked across to his breakfast partner and the reality of what was happening started to sink in. He wondered if he had made a
mistake in coming to Franks instead of somewhere where they wouldn't be so easily recognized. Sensing his discomfort Sara met his eyes.
"Do you want to go somewhere else?" Sara asked nervously.
"No," he answered a little too loudly. "This is fine… unless you're not comfortable?"
"No, this is fine. I mean, I like it here, the pancakes are good." She offered him a reassuring smile.
"Pancakes, that sounds like a great idea," Grissom nodded, mirroring her smile.
By the time their food arrived the awkwardness had disappeared and they had settled into a easy discussion, Sara finally giving a voice to the nightmare that was replaying in her head.
"It could have been anyone of us: Greg, Catherine, you." Sara averted her gaze. "We nearly lost him."
The gravity of her words created a moment of sadness between them. Grissom nodded his head in agreement.
He didn't judge her or try to give advice. He just let her talk it out and it was exactly what she needed. Since Sara told him about her father they had developed a deeper level of trust and it allowed her the freedom to be honest with him. Sara could tell him she was sad or scared or lonely without it being about them. This trust gave their conversations a new ease.
Grissom, too, had been trying to come to terms with the sequence of events of the last few days. It had forced him to look at his life and look at the choices he had made. It was only when Nick was taken that he realized that the very thing he had been so careful to protect himself from had happened without him knowing it. He cared for these people; they were his surrogate family whether he liked it or not.
More over, the sense of comfort he felt at the thought of having his team back had surprised him. Ecklie had more or less agreed to switch the swing team back to graveyard; Just Catherine's position would have to be discussed and clarified before the team was reunited.
He should have felt content but…he didn't and it was becoming very clear to him why.
Sara, what he was going to do about Sara?
Long before he found her in the locker room he had been thinking of ways to move forward with her. Things had been better between them, a lot better. The playful banter they once shared had returned. Sara seemed to be healing old wounds and moving on. He had found himself playing out
conversations in his head. Thinking of ways he could find out if she still wanted more. Finding her in the locker room was the chance he had been waiting for.
Sitting here now feeling how at ease he was with her made him laugh to himself. When he imagined this particular scenario he was always a jumble of nerves, avoiding discussing anything remotely emotional. Grissom lost his train of thought when he noticed Sara staring at him wearing a playful grin.
"What?" he asked as he took a bite of a pancake.
"What?" answered Sara, blushing slightly under his stare.
"You look like the cat that ate the canary," Grissom said as he licked some stray maple syrup from his lips.
"I'm sorry," she said, "It's nothing, really." Grissom continued to stare at her with an, 'I'm not buying that excuse Sidle,' look.
"Okay, you really want to know? "she asked with a sigh. "I guess I'm just surprised. I figured you'd have been more uncomfortable with this…us." She said waving her hands back and forth between them. "I mean, you spent so long avoiding, well… me and this exact situation, and yet here we are." Sara's nerves were getting the better of her as she spoke, especially when Grissom smiled and let her continue.
"It's just, well maybe it's just me but it feels okay, I mean it feels nice…Sorry… I'm over talking again." She was painfully aware her cheeks were the colour of the strawberry that decorated her plate.
Grissom admired her honesty and couldn't help but admire her beauty as her cheeks flushed with colour.
"I was never uncomfortable about this," he told her, pointing his fork back and forth between them. "I think…" Grissom paused for a moment searching for the right words. "I think it was about protection, I was just trying to protect you."
The look on Sara's face forced him to stop. She could certainly make him analyze his every word and the disbelieving look she was giving him now spoke volumes.
"Okay. I was protecting me," he admitted, looking down at his coffee cup. "I'm not very good at this," he said, embarrassed by his own honesty, glancing at her and back to his cup.
She was surprised by his openness and was touched that he was allowing her to see how unsure and out of his depth he was really feeling.
"Well, I guess that makes two of us," she told him with a small smile, offering some encouragement.
"I'd like to see you…I mean, away from the lab," he said quietly as he anxiously waited for her response.
Sara's heart was thumping so loudly in her chest she was sure he could hear it. Shock was the first emotion that hit, followed by a rush of excitement.
"I'd like that." she said shyly, hoping that she didn't sound as giddy as she felt.
Grissom smiled and reached across the dish-cluttered table, offering his hand. Sara let her long fingers entwine with his briefly before he released her, to pull his hand back again. The action, though simple, sent a surge of emotion through them both and though neither said it out loud, they both felt it. Sara studied his eyes, still unsure if this was really happening. Something had given Grissom the kick he needed and Sara wasn't about to complain.
They stole small glances at one another while they ate, both of then unsure what to say nest. Sara found herself suddenly nervously as she reached across the table to grab the syrup for her pancakes at the same time as Grissom. Their hands touched and held as their eyes locked.
A loud clatter from the kitchen jolted them both back to their senses and they instantly pulled apart to return to their food. Sara offered him a small, bashful smile and was sure she was blushing profusely. When she lifted her eyes again to look across the table to the man opposite, she could see that he was having just as much trouble eating as she was.
They finished breakfast and after a small exchange of words and a momentary pout from Sara, Grissom paid the check. They walked outside to the parking lot. The sun seemed brighter, the air seemed clearer, even the noise of the passing traffic seemed to be lighter as Grissom walked Sara to her car. Just before they reached where they were parked Grissom cleared his throat, getting her attention.
"So, I guess this is where I ask you if you would like to join me for dinner." Grissom was still a little unsure in this new territory.
"Really?" Sara asked with a smile as she reached the drivers door. "I thought this was where you kiss me goodbye?" She was suddenly full of confidence and now enjoying the stunned expression on Grissom's face.
Recovering quickly and not to be outdone, Grissom took a step closer to her.
"I would rather not have the first time I kissed you witnessed by half of the LVPD." Grissom indicated the row of police cursers parked outside the diner.
"I'm kidding," Sara said with a chuckle. Grissom's flushed cheeks said it all. The realization of what she had just said hit her. 'Damnit' she cursed to herself. Trying to ease his embarrassment sent Sara into a nervous rant.
"I… I… I didn't want…I mean I would expect you to… ugh! I'm sorry. I told you I wasn't good at this either," she shook her head with frustration. This was going to be a nightmare.
Sara deliberately turned away from him and opened the driver's door of her car to mask her embarrassment. Grissom gave their immediate surroundings the once over and took a step toward her; he leaned in close enough so she could hear him.
"Just because I can't, doesn't mean I don't want to." His close proximity and his low tone left her a fumbling mess. Sara turned to look at him and a moment of pure electricity passed between them.
"I'll ask again, Miss Sidle. Would you like to have dinner with me?" he asked, unable to suppress a grin.
"Yes." Sara said, matching his smile.
"Oh, wait, I think we're on different schedules this week?" Sara sighed, unable to hide her disappointment.
"It's okay; I'm on good terms with your supervisor, it won't be a problem," Grissom said, smiling.
"Great."
Grissom and Sara both felt an awkward moment of hesitation. He reached out to her and once again took her hand.
To any onlooker it was simply a moment between friends, but judging by the shared smiles and giddiness of the parting couple it was anything but. Sara watched from her car as Grissom walked to where he had parked. Suddenly a thought crossed Sara's mind and a mischievous smile formed on her lips. She lowered the window and called out to Grissom.
"Hey, didn't you mean you didn't want to share our second kiss in front the LVPD or have you forgotten San Francisco?" Sara halted Grissom in his tracks. He turned and slowly walked back to her car and leaned down to her open window.
"I didn't think the first one counted, it wasn't exactly how I would have liked to kiss you," Grissom told her softly.
"Well it counted to me, "she whispered as her eyes locked with his.
Grissom was transported back to that day so many years ago. They had spent the day together; she had offered to be his guide on a tour of San Francisco. He smiled remembering how eager she was; she talked non-stop for the whole day. Later that night when they had reached her apartment Sara had been so nervous, she'd invited him in for coffee, but both knew what she was really asking.
He remembered how she tempted him, but even then Grissom's fear stopped him from crossing the line with her. He'd known if he'd have accepted her invitation he would have been unable to resist. He would have kissed her, touched her, taken her to places where up until then only his fantasy's had allowed him to go.
The disappointment in her eyes at his refusal had been so easily read. He'd lifted his hand and ran his thumb over her cheek. She'd held her breath as he leaned in and placed a light kiss were his thumb had been.
When he'd pulled back he'd apologized for seemingly misleading her if he gave her any indication that they were more than friends. With that he had turned and walked away.
Grissom swallowed the lump that had now taken up residence in his throat remembering how hard it was to lie to her even back then.
"Well," he said, clearing his throat. "I promise the next time I kiss you it will definitely count."
Sara pursed her lips in a sultry smile as she watched him walk back to his car. Just as he turned to get in, he winked at her.
Yes, Sara said to herself. This time would be very different.
Fear, excitement, arousal, and anticipation, all the normal feelings that went along with finally dating someone you have fantasized about, filled their tired heads. Truth be told they both were finding themselves a little out of their depth. They were dating and it scared the hell out of both of them.
At work, apart from a few lingering looks and small touches, nothing was different. They worked as before and only a very well trained eye would have seen the subtle smile he gave if they passed in the hall way, or the glint in Sara's eyes when his name was mentioned. Grissom thought asking Sara on a date would be the hardest part, but as it turned out actually finding the time to go on the date was proving much harder.
The fact that Nick was out meant everyone was working overtime to cover. Cases were stacking up and Ecklie was putting pressure on Grissom to deliver. It was when Warrick asked to swap his night off that gave Grissom the opportunity had been waiting for. Both Warrick and Sara had just wrapped up a case so he had given them both the same night off.
Now he had swapped with Warrick, it meant both he and Sara had the night off together, which meant tonight was the night.
"Sidle," Sara said sleepily, half lying onto the receiver.
"Oh, I'm sorry did I wake you?" Grissom asked, mentally kicking himself after looking at his watch.
"Gris…no, it's okay. Do you need me to come in?" she asked, now fully awake.
"No, actually, I was wondering…well hoping that you might be free…I mean…I was hoping you might like to join me for dinner," he babbled, tripping over the words.
There was a few seconds of silence.
"Sara, are you there? If you're busy it's…" he felt sick; had she'd changed her mind?
"No!" said Sara, louder than she had meant it to be. "I mean, no, I'm not busy and yes, I'd like to have dinner with you."
"Great, ah, I'll pick you up at seven if that's okay," Grissom said, now a little calmer.
"Seven. Great; I'll see you at seven." Sara said, unable to stop a full smile forming.
"Okay… bye." Grissom was unsure how to end the conversation.
Sara hung up the phone and looked at the clock on her bedside table. 12:15pm she swept back the comforter and threw her legs out of bed. There was no way she would be able to sleep now.
He arrived on time just as she expected, and she knew by the way he was looking at her that he liked what he saw. With a wordless gaze he told her how stunning she was and she couldn't hide the blush that tinted her cheeks.
They drove to a seafood restaurant near Lake Mead. They laughed and joked about when they had first met from her frizzy hair, and his long monologues about the pupa casings that put half the lecture hall to sleep. Back and forth they told each other hidden secrets of their first meeting. She broke into an embarrassed giggle when she told him of her late nights staying up reading up on maggot collection to impress him. Sara was still lost in her memories when he spoke.
"I'm sorry I didn't accept your invitation," he told her, unable to hold eye contact with her.
Sara looked a little confused, so he continued.
"After our tour of San Francisco," he explained, "you asked me in for coffee, I turned you down, remember?" He was still avoiding her eyes.
"Oh, yes I remember, that was our first…well that was the night you kissed me," she smiled as colour rushed to her cheeks.
"I wanted you to know I regret not, well, I regret not having coffee with you." His colour had begun to change too.
There it was, he had openly admitted it. He had been just as attracted to her as she was to him. Sara's smile was luminous and the flickering candle on the table made her eyes dance.
"I think we both know that I wasn't asking you in for coffee," Sara said, drawing her smile into a sultry smile, her eyes never leaving his.
The mood of the evening was slowly changing and both felt the sparks fly.
"I was hoping I might be offered another chance," Grissom told her as he sipped from his glass.
Just as Sara was about to answer, an all too familiar sound sent Grissom cursing over his plate. Sara's heart sank as she heard him call out a list of instructions to the calling intruder.
"I'm so sorry." Grissom said, his disappointment equal to her own.
"Hey, its okay, I understand," Sara told him, trying to ease his frustration. "It's the job, I get it." She reached for his hand and squeezed it.
Looking at her he could see in her eyes she meant it. She was telling him it was really okay. He never wanted to kiss her more than he wanted to right now.
"I have an idea." Sara said, catching her bottom lip with her teeth. "Why don't I get us some dessert and take it back to my place? When you're done you can come over. We could pick up where we left off." She hoped he would realize she wasn't going anywhere.
"Will there be coffee?" Grissom asked, deliberately playing with her and fully aware of the double meaning in his question.
"Well, if you like coffee with your cake that could be arranged," Sara whispered, her lips turning up into a sultry grin.
Grissom's phone rang again but he let it ring. As he stood to leave he motioned for the waiter before he met her eyes. "This could take a while,"
he told her as he pulled several dollar bills from his wallet and laid them onto the table before her, "I'll call you a cab, okay, and I'll be as quick as I can."
"I'll wait up, "she told him as her smile turned into a grin when his phone rang again. "Will you get going?"
"Bye, "he said as he turned and answered his phone. As he got to the door of the restaurant he looked back and met her eyes. She winked at him and smiled her full Sara Sidle smile. Grissom left the restaurant almost giddy. His thoughts were of the wonderful evening he'd had had and anticipation of what lay ahead.
Grissom stood outside of her building for ten minutes before he worked up the courage to walk up to the door. He had called her to tell her he was done; although she sounded sleepy she soon perked up once he told he was on his way.
He got to the door of her apartment almost shaking with nerves. What happens now, he thought. Was she expecting him to be the seducer? Should he make the first move or let her set the pace? What if she really only meant him to come for coffee? All of these thoughts flooded his head as he took a deep breath and knocked on the door.
"Hey. You made it." Sara said as she opened the door. She was as nervous as he was. She was smiling but her body seemed to tremble as he passed her.
"Yeah, I was just documenting; it was Catherine's case," he said as he reached the breakfast bar.
Sara closed the door and walked to the kitchen. She opened the refrigerator and took out a brightly coloured box with the name of the restaurant on the side.
"Do you want cake?" she asked, as she reached into the box to lift the out the dessert.
"No, thank you, just coffee." He reached from behind her and closed the lid of the box. Sara was startled by his sudden appearance and was frozen in place when she felt his breath on her neck; he leaned in close to her ear.
"Is this the part where I kiss you good night?" Grissom asked, letting his lips graze her earlobe.
Sara turned to face him. He lifted his hand to cup her face, letting his thumb gently glide across her flushed cheek.
"I have wanted to do this for longer than I can remember," Grissom said as his eyes searched hers.
"Well then, do it already, " Sara whispered, letting her hands rest at his waist and gently pulling him toward her.
Grissom leaned forward and gently kissed her; he began to pull back when Sara gripped his jacket and deepened the kiss.
He was lost in her scent, her taste, and the sounds she made as their lips moved in a slow erotic dance. He almost lost control as her tongue swept into his mouth.
Sara, too, was lost in him. She felt as though she had found home in his kiss and for those few seconds she was free.
When they finally pulled back for air he wondered for a split second if it would be awkward, but the look in her eyes gave him his answer. He smiled at her as he leaned in to take her lips again.
Time passed by so quickly that the days blended into each other, and before they knew it they were entwined with this other person in a completely happy life. Grissom was only just realizing now that he hadn't known what he had until he lost it. He'd lost it all in the space of a heartbeat and for now he'd had to learn to live his life without her, again.
The hours passed as they had so often done recently, there was little back log these days, files scanned, checked signed and into the "out" tray. The daily memos dealt with. He scanned the most recent from Ecklie regarding requests for vacation time to be taken and his form attached …his fingers poignantly touching the last request date.
Four days vacation time …the last time he saw Sara. It had been nine months since she had left and four months since he'd last seen her for those oh, so few days.
She had called him, needing him and he went eagerly and willingly. It pained him to leave her; he did so when she asked him to. It was something that she had to do alone. But she promised she would call, and he was not to worry. So he had waited …
Wistfully, his mind wandered back to the last time he'd seen her and how nothing else seemed to matter anymore, but her.
He had been sitting in his office signing paperwork when his cell phone rang. With a heavy sigh he'd snapped it open without looking at the caller ID.
"Grissom."
"Gil?"
"Sara…" her voice was spoken on a soft whisper and he found himself holding his phone closer to his ear. "Honey."
"Gil…everything's a mess…my brother's trying to help but it's not him I need…"
"Honey, slow down," he told her soothingly. "Take a deep breath and tell me what's wrong, okay?"
"Gil…I'm so sorry I thought I could do this without you…but…I—"
"If you need me, sweetheart," he told her quickly, already rising from his desk and heading towards Ecklie's office as he spoke. "I can be on the next flight out."
"I need you, Gil."
"Then I'll be with you as soon as I can."
That's all it had taken for him to realize without a doubt that work was no longer all that important; it hadn't been for a while now. In his mind, his job had been like an anchor that kept him grounded in Las Vegas while Sara was away, but not any more.
When he arrived at the hospital late that night, he stopped in his tracks when he saw her. He paused a few moments, savouring the very sight of her. He'd missed her desperately over the last few months and it took all of his willpower to not rush towards her. She still had the power to steal his breath away, even now. He watched on silently, torn between needing to be by her side and intruding on what looked to be a very private conversation.
She was standing against the wall, her back pressed tightly against the hard surface. She had her eyes closed tightly and shaking her head when the man beside her once again asked her to turn around.
Moving closer, Grissom was about to call out her name but stopped when the man, who he assumed was her brother, spoke again.
"Sara, please come and see her…if only for a few seconds."
Sara took a deep breath and slowly shook her head from side to side, still avoiding his gaze. "I can't Josh…I just…can't."
Joshua Sidle let out an exasperated breath and threw his arms in the air. To his horror, Grissom watched when the sudden movement caused Sara to suddenly shrink away from her brother and slide her way down the wall.
In an instant Grissom moved forward, forcefully pushing the man aside. "Sara."
Looking up, Sara's tearful eyes met his, conveying in that one gaze just how much she needed him. When she didn't move he went to her side, crouching down next to her.
"Gil…" her voice caught on a sob when she launched herself into his arms, holding on to him like a lifeline. She wrapped her arms tightly around his shoulders and buried her face into his neck, sobbing his name.
"I'm here, sweetheart," he whispered into her hair over and over again. "It's okay now."
Joshua watched in a stunned silence when his sister slowly pulled away from the older man only to move forward just as quickly to capture his lips in a searing kiss. He knew he should turn away and give them a little privacy, but part of him envied the kind of connection that these two seemed to share.
After a few moments their lips finally parted but they still held one another close, unable to pull away. Turning slowly, Grissom shifted position and sat down beside her on the floor, still holding onto her hands before his eyes lifted to glare at the younger man.
"Oh god, Sara…I'm so sorry." Moving closer towards her, Joshua slowly held out a hand but pulled it back again just as quickly when she recoiled away from him.
He hated how they were both still so traumatized by their childhood. He had hoped that time would heal old wounds and bury their past, but now as he looked down at his trembling sister, he knew that a normal life was something that didn't often happen for people like them.
Stepping closer he sank down to the floor to sit cross-legged beside her. Neither spoke as he slowly edged closer to her side and opened his hand, palm side up, hoping she wouldn't turn away again.
Sara looked down at his offered hand and swallowed back the lump in her throat. She knew that he wasn't violent like their father had been, but as she looked down at his fingers she realized that there was something about him that still made her very uneasy.
"I can't," she told him quickly as she scrambled to her feet, pulling Grissom up with her. "I…I can't do this…I'm sorry Josh. I'm so sorry."
He was on his feet in a second, catching her hand before she could turn away from him. "It's going to be okay. I won't let anything happen to you—"
Before he could finish speaking, Sara pulled her fingers from his grasp and for the first time looked him squarely in the eyes. There was so much she wanted to say to him. There was still so much that she knew needed to be said, but she couldn't unleash the words right now because if she let go of the anger she didn't know if she would be able to stop.
"I have Gil," she told him as she squeezed Grissom's hand. "I need him…I was wrong to believe that I could do this on my own."
Grissom opened his mouth to tell her that he wouldn't ever let her be alone again, but Joshua spoke again.
"You're not on your own, Sara," Joshua told her as he fought to swallow the lump in his throat. "I'm here with you."
"I've been alone since you left me behind," she told him quietly, relieved that she could finally say those words aloud.
"I never left you," he told her desperately as he reached out to grasp hold of her arm. "Dad threw me out of the house and told me I wasn't welcome anymore. I wouldn't have left you, Sara. You have to believe me."
Closing her eyes briefly, Sara opened them again and looked down at his fingers enclosing her arm before lifting her eyes back up to watch him as he tried to remain in control. "You look like him."
"No, I don't," he snapped as he dug his fingers into her arm, suddenly afraid of his unexpected temper. "Don't you ever say that, you hear me?"
Before Sara could respond, Grissom pulled Sara behind him, placing himself directly in front of Joshua. His eyes grew dark as anger coursed through his body. Taking a step closer he towered over the younger man whose shock quickly morphed into remorse.
"If you ever touch her again," Grissom warned, his voice lowering as he spoke. "I will—"
"I'm sorry," Joshua croaked out, moving slightly so he could see Sara's ashen face. "I didn't mean…Sara…I'm so sorry…"
Sara nodded sadly and reached around to Grissom's arm. "Gil."
Grissom looked down into her eyes as all traces of anger quickly melted away.
"Let's go," he told her, his voice dropping to a whisper. "I need to find a hotel."
"No you don't," Sara told him as a warm smile crept over her lips. "You're staying with me."
"Yeah?" He knew he was grinning like an idiot, but he didn't care. "You sure?"
Taking his hand in hers she nodded silently to her brother, before leading the man she loved out of the hospital and on to the sidewalk.
Grissom swore he could literally see some of the darkness lifting from her eyes as she threaded her fingers through his before they began to walk. He'd missed her immensely since the day she'd left him behind, even though he understood her reasons.
"So," he spoke softly, careful to keep his voice steady. "Where are we going?"
He felt Sara's hand tighten around his as they walked, and he had a feeling in the pit of his stomach that her exterior braveness was starting to crack.
Pulling gently on her hand he stopped her movements and looked down at her worriedly when she failed to meet his eyes.
"Honey?" he asked as he reached out to take her other hand in his. "Sara?"
Slowly she lifted her head and met his gaze. She knew her eyes conveyed so much more to him than her words ever could. Sometimes he could read her so easily.
"I don't know where we're going," she told him honestly, her voice almost a whisper. "I mean…right now…I don't mean…us…"
"Sara—"
"You understand right?" she asked worriedly as she saw worry and confusion clouding his gaze. "I mean…I know where we're going, as in…going…in life I mea—"
Before she could finish speaking he covered her mouth with his own and stole the words from her lips. He could feel her melting into his kiss and unclasping their hands to slide her arms around his neck, pulling him closer.
When their lips finally parted they still held one another close, basking in the feel of each other.
"You were babbling," he told her with a mischievous smile.
"And you stopped me," she grinned as she pulled herself in closer to him. "Remind me to thank you later."
Grissom chuckled softly when she slowly untangled herself from him, "I'll make sure to do just that."
Sara smiled and reached for one of his hands again before glancing back at the hospital entrance.
"So, are you going to tell me what that was all about in there?" he asked when she began to bite her lower lip.
Closing her eyes she leaned into him, wrapping her free arm around his back while still clutching on to his other hand. Moving slightly she nestled her face into his neck and sighed sadly.
"You know my mom's in there."
Her hushed whisper caused him to wrap an arm around her shoulders and pull her closer into his body. "And you don't want to see her?"
Sara shook her head against his shoulder. "I'm afraid she'll open her eyes."
"What happens if she opens her eyes?" he asked gently. When she didn't answer he leaned back slightly so that he could see her face. "Honey?"
"The last thing I remember was her eyes…staring…and I don't…I can't see her…I can't…"
"It's okay, sweetheart," he whispered into her hair. "If you're not ready to see her, then—"
"I'm not sure if I'll ever be ready," her voice cut through his. "What if I can't do it?"
"You will."
"But—"
"Sara," he spoke as he pulled away but still kept her close to him. He waited until she looked up into his gaze before he offered her a reassuring smile. "You are one of the strongest, bravest women I have ever met. You can do this, honey."
Sara closed her eyes briefly; letting his words wash over her. When she let out the breath she was holding, she opened her eyes to bravely meet his, "Okay."
"Okay?" he asked with a proud smile.
"Yeah, let's go back inside," she told him with a sad smile as they turned back towards the hospital. "Maybe you can help me find that strong woman you've been telling me about."
With a forlorn sigh he gazed into the nearly empty coffee cup then gulped down the last of the dregs. That's all he had these days, if that. Gone were the days of leisurely breakfasts and chat, treating each other to their favourite treats in bed, or sitting around the table, eating bagels and juice, discussing cases from the previous night. Slowly he smiled as his favourite memories flooded back.
He had a small quiet laugh to himself, Three years today…three years since they'd found Nicky, three years since he'd first … he swallowed, hard, and with a resigned effort he placed his cup in the kitchen and as he turned, glanced as he always did at the picture on the fridge. Sighing he picked his keys from the counter where they had been carelessly tossed the night before.
So the daily routine started again, nine months, three weeks, four days …
As it was when she left,
As it was now,
As it will continue to be.
His long slow whistle alerted Hank who was sprawled out, catching the warm evening rays that it was time to go, seeing his master heading towards the door; he looked and slowly raised himself from his slumber.
"Come on, boy," Grissom called, with resignation in his tone. After the dog padded over, Grissom looked at his companion coming to obediently sit by his side. He rubbed behind Hank's ears, "Yeah, I know." A small smile slipped from him as he continued to scratch that place where he knew the dog enjoyed being scratched. He would drop him off early to the sitters, again.
Opening the townhouse door Hank eagerly pushed forward to catch the early evening air, but Grissom caught him firmly by the collar. "Whoa! Easy boy. Don't want you chasing the neighbors' cats, again." Hank dutifully heeded his master's call and stayed by his side.
The door firmly shut, both master and dog headed briskly towards the car. Behind the click of the door, the ringing of a phone, beckoned to an empty room. Missed was the familiar caller ID, displaying a familiar number, and then a familiar voice could be heard, "You have reached the voicemail of…."
He drove, Dropped Hank off at the sitters before making his way to the lab and parked the car third space from the entrance.
He took the steps to the lab one at a time and picked up his mail.
Yet again walking towards whatever lay ahead of him that evening. Each step he took as he went through the lab he felt was dragged from him, no eagerness, enthusiasm or fervor, just a futility and loneliness. Absolute and utter loneliness.
There ensconced in his dim office Grissom sat surrounded by a lifetime of work, his books, journals, specimen jars, walls festooned with certificates and rare finds. A desk covered with a myriad of files and notes and
nestling in the corner, a solitary cocoon sat inside a small terrarium, long forgotten.
His door, as always was open, but if anyone passed he never looked up, he never felt the need.
It was the familiar noise of his team arriving that alerted Grissom that it was time once more for the shift to officially start. He glanced at the slips that he had received earlier; Disappointment covered his tired features; there would be no surprises for them tonight, nothing that he could become absorbed in, and nothing to become wrapped up in.
The late evening sun was still casting its warm, low shadow across the buildings and parked SUVs. Stepping from the car the entire familiar sites and sounds were bringing a sensory myriad of feelings to her mind. The smell of the cool evening air, the noise of the night evoked memories that came flooding back. Awareness rested on each step that lay ahead, closer to a single solitary individual.
Slowly progressing down the corridor, a solitary consciousness focused on a definite purpose and understanding .The deliberation of each step trod so many times before without thought brought looks of disbelief, astonishment and double takes that followed each step as they went.
A faith kept by one solitary person, with assurance and conviction was to be repaid today.
Grissom stood, they each had been given their tasks for the night ahead, for him, paperwork, but as his eyes scanned the team, he noticed there was a sudden change in them. They made no effort to move, and a silence had suddenly descended that was deafening.
Why were they staring at him? No, their gazes were not directed to him, they were…they were looking past him.
Puzzled, he looked at them again. What were they staring at?
Nick and Warrick had a look of astonishment.
Greg's face shone a radiant smile. And Catherine was…why she was beaming?
He felt a flutter in the pit of his stomach and when he looked again at his colleagues he saw there a delight that radiated from each one of them.
Catherine, in her ever so subtle way, gestured in the slightest of nods that told him to look. He turned, slowly, with bewilderment and confusion in his eyes and then…
The vision, a revelation that caught him as he turned he thought had been relegated to memories. In that moment of realization, in that split second, every neuron, every nerve, every synapse went into overload. Every emotion, every feeling, every sensation that had ever been written, he experienced, every authors quote that he had memorized could not describe this…this love he felt in that single solitary moment, as blue eyes met brown.
"Sara!" he gasped.
He dared not breathe, he dared not blink, what he dared for was his heart to slow but not stop. He stood not moving. Sara, not breaking her focus on him, took a step forward until the distance was all but a hairsbreadth between them.
Ever so slowly he brought his hands up to cup her cheeks, his thumbs lightly caressing them. Slowly he leaned forward and kissed her. In those few seconds, time stopped. The only thing that was felt was the beating of two hearts as one.
"My Sara," he whispered with an emotion so deep and raw. One touch and the wall that had been slowly rebuilt brick by emotional brick, was shattered into a million pieces.
Looking into his eyes, she gave a soft reply, "Yes Gil…always yours." And she smiled. And at that moment the chasm of feelings dissipated. Eyes that moments before were empty to his soul now were in danger of breaking forth a dam.
The rest of the world could have melted away.
Sara brought her hand up and softly wiped the lone tear that fell from Grissom's cheek with the back of her thumb. Grissom just looked …he couldn't believe she was here.
Bringing her hand up again, Sara lovingly stroked the side of his cheek and slowly brought her other hand to rest over his upper chest. Gazing at her hand, she looked from it to Grissom's face. Without moving, he nodded. Hidden from view, was a chain and around that chain two gold rings nestled over his heart.
Slipping the chain from Grissom's neck Sara took the rings from it and placed them into Grissom's open palm. There, they sat side by side, secure in his hand waiting for their rightful owners to claim the promise that each had been charged with all those months ago.
"I love you," as she spoke these so few words Grissom slowly closed his eyes and swallowed, letting the words wash over him. Sara slipped his ring onto the third finger of his left hand to mirror the one that she had already slipped onto hers. They were more than just words; the feeling they evoked in him was one that could only be shared with one other person.
Opening his eyes he saw the words played out before him in the face of the woman he loved.
Grissom pulled her close into him feeling the warmth of her body radiating into his. His arms wrapped around her holding her close, but then pulling back a little from her he looked again, trying to make sure she was really there. Then he kissed her, a kiss conveying a love of a husband to his wife.
Grissom looked up from Sara and caught the sight of astonished looks from his friends and teammates. He was about to say something and Catherine just nodded slightly to the door and mouthed, "Go, its covered." As she did so, she placed a sheet of paper back on the table. It was Grissom's vacation sheet; the last entry noted in her handwriting, 'Request with instant effect, six weeks, effective immediately.'
Glancing back from Catherine, Grissom caught Sara looking intently at him. Without a word, she too motioned slightly to him, just the smallest movement to indicate that she wanted him to come with her, for them to leave.
Nodding in agreement, Grissom gently placed his arm around Sara's shoulder. Snaking her arm around his lower back, she molded herself to his side. Turning together they were oblivious to the unnatural silence that had descended over the usually busy lab as every person present looked on with astonishment and surprise.
They walked together, their steps no longer on different paths, no longer filled with loneliness, fear or wanting. They walked together with faith, sustained for each other over the months and years. With hope, that what lay ahead would be faced not apart but together, and above all with love, a love for each other that would grow and blossom with each passing year.
Within the darkness of the night, in a small place within Las Vegas, two people found what belonging meant. One released the emotions held back for so long, like a dam bursting. The other found the love and caring she had so long awaited.
End
A/N CR1 We hope you enjoyed this as much as we wrote it , and to the girls who came to YUKy …squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!
A/N CR1 There will be a epilogue from PoppieLee so you know what that will mean… yup Smut in copious amounts so watch this space.