Author's Note: Written for Round 13 for Season 6 of the QLFC
Round 13: Trick or Treat!
Team: Pride of Portree
Position: Captain
Captain's Prompt: Trick: Boggart: Write about someone who is a nightmare to be around/work with.
Word Count: 3,000
Beta Love: Many thanks to Sehanine, crochetaway, and sekdaniels for helping with the beta process! :)
Additional Author's Note: AU. Severus lives. Hermione is the Charms professor. Also, in my story, the Yule Ball takes place in a separate ballroom outside of the Great Hall because it requires so much extra charmwork to change it that it can't be done in one night. I mean, after the Final Battle, I wouldn't be surprised if they did a little remodeling...
The Yule Ball Debacle
Everything went wrong the moment that Professor Granger raised her hand.
"Yes, Professor?" Severus asked, his voice tired.
"I would like to volunteer myself for the Yule Ball planning team," she replied primly.
The other professors nodded approvingly, all of them obviously loathing the thought of the task. Severus merely fixed her with a deadpan look. It was Hermione Granger's second year as Charms Mistress, and it was the general consensus by the staff that she'd taken to the job as though it had been made for her. Filius, who'd retired in order to travel around the world, had been confident in leaving things in Hermione's capable hands.
He had not been wrong.
She always has to be perfect, Severus thought. Perhaps too perfect.
The past year, he'd done his best to avoid her. It helped that the Charms classroom was almost as far away as one could get from the dungeons, but he'd also made a point of sitting on the other end of the Head Table. He'd never admit it to anyone, but he simply couldn't stand the fact that she'd witnessed the indignity of watching him lying vulnerable in the Shrieking Shack, his blood staining the floor.
If only I had died, he thought darkly, for the thousandth time. I would have been free. Dead, certainly, but free.
The thought that someone was more perfect than he was at their subject irritated him, though he couldn't say why. She'd gotten high honor awards for her work in Charms while working under Master Grashkin in Bulgaria. He'd been forced to make do with Slughorn's negligence, though it had been useful to be given free reign to make his own way. Many mistakes had been made without proper direction, though, and Severus still had the scars to prove it.
"Be that as it may, Professor Granger," he said, trying to keep his voice neutral, "we decided to pick the two lucky winners through a lottery so that everything will be fair."
Hermione barely suppressed a scowl, but she stayed silent, and Severus had to admit that he was secretly amused at her displeasure. She always had to be overly helpful to the point of annoyance. Why couldn't she just stay quiet and leave well enough alone?
Pomona shook the basket, which was filled with small folded pieces of parchment that had each staff member's name printed on them. Severus secretly hoped that Filch won one of the spots. It would be a very quick and easy Yule Ball. No shenanigans would be had, and Severus could get a good night's sleep without having to Floo any Slytherin students' parents for getting up to foolishness.
"I shall choose the first person," Severus said, savoring each word as he dipped his hand into the basket. He felt around, snatched at a paper, and pulled it from the basket with a flourish of his wrist. When he unfolded it, he found himself staring at his own name.
"Apparently, I am the happy winner of the first drawing," he said, his voice making it obvious that he thought the exact opposite.
"My turn!" Pomona exclaimed.
Severus had to fight the urge to roll his eyes. If Pomona had her way, she'd turn the ballroom into the Hanging Gardens of Babylon. Perhaps he could convince her to sneak in a baby mandrake choir…
"What was that, Pomona?" he asked.
"I said." Pomona smiled smugly. "Hermione. Granger."
At the end of the meeting, Professor Granger jumped to her feet and stuck out her hand, and he had to fight the urge to run from the room. "Let's work hard to plan the best Yule Ball ever!"
Ugh, so chipper. Severus rolled his eyes this time.
He turned and began to leave, but Hermione wasn't having it.
"I know that you're not happy about this, but we should at least decide upon a time to meet." She was practically glaring at him, which Severus decided was a marked improvement.
"If we must," he replied with a long-suffering sigh. "Tomorrow. After classes. In my office. I will see if I can clear aside some of my administrative time to work on this...travesty."
"It's not a travesty," she grit out.
"What was that?" He examined his fingernails, refusing to look at her.
"Tomorrow, then." She had clenched her hands into fists, and Severus could practically see the furious energy coming off of her body in waves.
Good, he thought. On his way back to the dungeons, he gave detentions to as many of the Gryffindor students as he could.
By the next afternoon, Hermione was livid. Acting as Head of Gryffindor House was challenging, but it was usually manageable. Today, however, she had found out that she would have to coordinate no less than twenty detentions, and she was practically pulling out her hair trying to figure out where to place them. By the end of the day, she almost considered skipping out on her meeting with Snape, but then she realized that she would probably be doing him a favour. She stomped down to the dungeons, her dander already up.
"Did you absolutely have to give so many detentions?" Hermione asked shrilly as she entered.
"Do you have to speak in such an irritating tone of voice?" Severus answered.
"Oh? Is this better?" Hermione said loudly, her tone unchanged.
Severus grit his teeth.
"No, actually," he said. "But I suppose it's to be expected from a Gryffindor alumnus."
"What?!" Hermione was furious, but then she saw the small smirk on his face and realized that she was giving him exactly what he wanted.
Hermione clamped her lips shut and took a deep breath until her face began to return to its normal colour. "We got off to a bad start," Hermione said evenly.
Severus stared at her unblinkingly.
"So let's talk about our plan of action," Hermione said, her voice faltering a bit as Severus showed no signs of having heard her.
"Hm," he hummed, then turned and then began to grade Potions essays.
Hermione sat and stewed in silence for several long minutes before coming to the conclusion that Severus intended to pretend as though she didn't exist.
"Oh, so that's how it is, is it?" Hermione growled, standing up.
Severus lazily drew a large "0" in red ink on the top of a first year's essay.
"Now you see here, Severus Snape! I'm going to make this ball a reality if it kills me!" Hermione said, lunging forward.
Severus was forced to scoot back to avoid touching her.
Finally, his eyes turned up to look at her, his lips twisting into a sneer. "How do you think you'll be able to put on an event of this magnitude if this is all it takes to make you fly off the handle? You can't handle the stress."
"What do you suggest, then?" Hermione asked warily.
Severus pulled out a roll of parchment and set it in front of Hermione. It was a proclamation; one that he'd already signed. He pointed to a blank line with a long, pale finger.
"Why," Severus said, his lips twisting up into a gallows smile, "we should simply cancel the Yule Ball. I'm sure the students will understand."
"Why you—" Hermione had to suppress the urge to lunge over the desk and wrap her hands around his scrawny, scarred neck. "In your dreams, Snape!" Hermione shouted instead, then she turned on her heel and swept out of the room swearing under her breath.
As Hermione stalked back up towards Gryffindor Tower, she couldn't believe that she'd felt sorry for the man only a few days before. He always kept to himself and she'd given him space. She shuddered as she remembered him choking on venom and blood. But now, she was almost disappointed that he hadn't died so that he could be remembered fondly instead of inflicting his miserable personality upon everyone.
"That bloody man is a menace," she muttered. "No matter. I'll simply do what I've always done—do it myself."
As soon as she got back to her quarters, Hermione already had ideas for a theme. After writing out a list and drawing a rough schematic of the layout in the ballroom, Hermione finally yawned and readied herself for bed.
She'd show that old bat if it was the last thing she did.
Severus paced back and forth in his quarters. He hadn't expected that obnoxious chit to refuse his proposal, not after all he'd done to be absolutely useless. In his mind, cancelling it would be a relief for everyone. Hermione, however, simply wouldn't see the light. Not only had she somehow evaded his grasp every time he'd tried to corner her with the proclamation in the hopes of bullying her into signing it, but she'd somehow enlisted the students to help her in her cause.
Severus wasn't sure how many students he'd given House points deductions and detentions to that day, but he was certain that it had to be some kind of record. They blocked him in the halls, they asked him incessant questions with complex answers just as he caught a glance of her. She was long gone by the time he was finally rid of them. He was used to resistance from the other Houses, but even his Slytherin students were playing along with her ploy!
In desperation, Severus snuck up to Gryffindor Tower and knocked on the portrait door to Hermione's quarters.
Hermione answered wearing a pair of hippogriff pajamas and scowled. "Fancy seeing you here."
"You gave me no choice!" Severus hissed.
"No, you gave me no choice," Hermione replied, crossing her arms.
She was wearing plush lion slippers and her hair was pulled away from her face in a long, thick braid that gave Severus an oddly ticklish feeling in his belly. She actually looked...kind of cute... He shook his head, trying to dismiss the absurd notion, and pulled out the parchment. "You know why I'm here."
"Well, you're not here to seduce me, I know that for certain," Hermione replied, smirking as Severus' face coloured in embarrassment.
"Sign the damn thing so we can be done with it!" he insisted.
To his surprise, Hermione held out her hand. "Let me see it, then."
He handed it over eagerly, not realizing that Hermione had her other hand in her pocket. As soon as she touched the parchment she murmured, "Incendio."
The parchment burst into flames and in seconds was little more than ash.
"You have my answer, Severus. Besides, I doubt you could handle planning your way out of a wet paper bag. Don't worry, I've got you covered. Feel free to continue being as useless as jeans on a toad," Hermione said coolly, then closed the portrait door behind her, leaving Severus with his mouth open in shock.
Hermione was making amazing headway on her Yule Ball plan. She'd decided to go with a Starry Sea theme, taking inspiration from the stars and the ocean to create a dark, peaceful ambiance in the ballroom. Using her proficiency in Charms, Hermione wove constellations into the ceiling and walls that looked like an indoor aquarium. The decorations varied from magical moving paintings of mermaids, to a chest of fireworks that Ron had donated from the joke shop. Balloons had been charmed into the shapes of various sea-dwelling animals, and Hannah Abbott had donated a five layer cake shaped with stars and galaxies from her bakery. Hermione also enlisted the help of students to design and post the flyers advertising the Ball. Though she wanted the ballroom to remain a secret for everyone, Hermione wasn't averse to delegating some of her tasks, after all.
From time to time, Severus would show up and try to convince her that she was making a terrible mistake. She'd burned at least three of his stupid proclamations before he finally got wise enough to cast an Impervious charm on it. Hermione had switched tactics, then, writing Merlin's Arse on the signature line instead of her own name. He'd hated when she did that.
Serves him right, she thought.
Two nights before the Ball, Hermione was putting some final touches on the room when she heard a familiar cough behind her.
"Go away, Severus," she huffed, stepping down the ladder, only to feel the sharp point of a wand tip digging into her back.
"Just sign it," Severus said, his breath coming out raggedly. "Or...or else."
"Or else what?" Hermione turned quickly, pushing away his wand, and glared up at him. "You're going to cast an Unforgivable? You're going to torture me? Just what are you going to do if I say no to your stupid demand?"
"I—you'll regret it," he replied, lank strands of hair hiding his eyes.
"Is that so?" Hermione grabbed his wand and pressed it against her heart. "Fine. You want to kill me for planning a fun evening for our students, then you go right ahead. But stop trying to shift the blame."
"What?" Severus stepped back, and he sheathed his wand.
"I'm not the one causing the problem," Hermione said, raising her voice a little. "I'm not sure if it's because you hate children or that you hate the idea of seeing other people have fun, but I can practically taste the waves of bitterness rolling off of you. You're trying to ruin everyone else's fun because you're miserable, and I refuse to let you do it."
"I...that's not—"
"No, that's exactly what it is, and you know it, Hermione said sternly. "You can't stand anyone else enjoying themselves because it reminds you of how awful you feel. But it doesn't have to be that way. You don't have to destroy the Yule Ball to feel better about your own life."
"You don't know me. I'm—"
"Feeling sorry for yourself like a big ninny. I know."
"I'm not a coward!" Severus raised his wand again.
"I never said you were," Hermione replied. "I said you're raining on everyone else's parade because you're jealous and bitter and think there's no other way than your way of doing things."
"Oh?" Severus seemed to vibrate with fury. "And what do you call picking up the slack for everyone else and acting like you're the only one in the world who knows the answer?"
"Well if nobody else is willing to do it, then I'm sure as hell not going to let everyone down!" Hermione seethed back. She stepped forward, driving Severus backward, and stuck an accusatory finger in his face. "Which, by the way, fits your attitude to a T!"
"How dare you!" Severus seethed.
"At least I'm willing to dare!"
Severus turned five shades of scarlet, and tried to make his escape. Instead, he tripped on one of the coloured sashes hanging from the wall. He let out a surprised yelp and flailed wildly to catch himself from falling. His hand found purchase on Hermione's shoulder, and he pulled her down on top of him.
They rolled and tumbled together with the inertia of their fall and found themselves hopelessly tangled in the sash, which was stuck fast into a pylon at the top of the wall.
Severus recovered first. "This is all your fault!" he hissed as he tried in vain to untangle his arms.
"My fault? You grabbed me!" Hermione struggled, but she was pinned tight to his body, her cheek pressing into the dark fabric of his robes.
"Kindly stop stabbing me in the heart with your chin," Severus grumbled, trying again to free himself.
"I would if I could, but not out of kindness," Hermione muttered back, her shoulders aching from trying to make space between them.
Their wands lay some distance away, and no matter how hard either of them tried, they could not summon them.
"I suppose we shall have to wait for someone to untangle us," Severus said, finally.
They spent some time in silence, both of them attempting not to think about the scent and heat of the other person as they lay sandwiched together.
"Severus?" Hermione said at last.
"Yes?" he asked, his voice tired.
"Am I really that difficult to work with?" she asked, "And be honest, please."
"Well, it's not like I have anything better to do," Severus quipped. "It's not that. I simply detest having to watch a bunch of snotty-nosed children gyrate about on a dance floor getting up to trouble that I end up having to deal with. The whole business is rubbish, regardless of your involvement."
"Didn't you have fun at the Ball when you were at school?" Hermione asked.
Severus was quiet for a long moment. "No."
"You know, now that I think about it, mine just ended in tears," Hermione said thoughtfully.
"Then why go through all the trouble? You could have just signed and been done with it!" Severus exclaimed exasperatedly.
"Because it's my job to make sure that it doesn't happen to them," Hermione replied smoothly. "I didn't have the best time, but the event wasn't the reason. It was…"
"Stupid kid stuff," Severus finished for her.
"Yeah, stupid kid stuff." Hermione relaxed her head, her cheek sinking her weight against his body. She was finding it hard to keep her eyes open. The late hour and struggling had exhausted her.
Severus let out a tiny involuntary sigh as she settled against him, and she cracked one eye open, her cheeks growing pink.
"What was that?" she asked, her voice uncharacteristically tiny.
"Don't read too much into it," Severus replied softly. "Now sleep. We'll both need all the energy to finish the preparations before Saturday."
"Wait, you're going to help me?" Hermione turned her head as best she could to look up at him.
Oddly enough, there was a ghost of a smile on his thin lips as he spoke. "What can I say? Maybe it's high time that I let go of that stupid kid stuff too."