A/N: This story popped into my head one day out of the blue when I was doing homework. Gilderoy Lockhart is one of the most bigheaded, vain characters in the whole Harry Potter series, and in real life, I can't stand vain or egotistical people. In the world of fiction, however, the self-centered characters are often the most hilarious. I just wanted to make it clear, though, that if Lockhart was a real person, I would despise him. He's not real, however, so I adore his narcissistic manner. This first chapter will be quite short, but that's just because I am, hopefully, writing the entire conceited tome, Magical Me, and I wanted to get the Preface and Introduction to the book out before I lost the story idea. I'm quite excited about this story, and I hope you enjoy it!

Disclaimer: Gilderoy Lockhart, and his egomaniacal personality belong entirely to J.K. Rowling. He's too hilariously self-obsessed for me to think up on my own. :)

This book is dedicated to my biggest fan: Me! Great job, old fellow! You're a handsome, enchanting devil---and don't you forget it!

Preface:

When I first met Gilderoy, several years ago, he was seven years old, the cutest little boy with bright blond hair, and large blue eyes. As a grown witch it's amusing to look back and remember that little tike, who was so cunning, and attractive, and to compare him with the cunning and attractive wizard whom he has become (he's come so far!). His endless deeds of greatness and bravery have made him a beloved figure around the world. Although many great wizards and witches achieved greatness in their later years, Gilderoy's story has been one of lifelong success.

This witty remembrance of his historic life will bring new and exciting insight to the memorable life which everyone's favorite wizard has lived. From his early years as a member of the International Junior Dueling club, to his entertaining exploits at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, to his heartwarming years as a tamer of disabled pixies, Gilderoy has lived a life full of excitement, wonder, and magic. In this classic story of adventure, glamour, and fame, you will meet the man behind the smile. In this, his eighth publication, Gilderoy Lockhart's magnificence will become real to you, his adoring fan. You will laugh, cry, weep, and cheer, as you read this marvelous story. I know I did. And always remember to wash your hair with Armenian Barb's Lilac Sparkle Shampoo. As Gilderoy says, "You'll never know when that fresh-scented smell will ward off an ogre or two!" Cheers!

-- Celestina Warbeck

Yorkshire, July 7th

Introduction:

"You're my hero!"

"Your magnificent deeds are an inspiration to all of us!"

"Will you marry me?"

"Can I have your autograph?"

"I've named all fourteen of my children after you!"

As the most famous wizard in most of the civilized world (and a great amount of the uncivilized world as well), I've grown used to this admiration over the years. The constant mobbing by fans, the endless awards for my fabulousness, the brave deeds... It can be hard to keep up with the endless flood of fan letters! Why the other day I was forced to sacrifice my best periwinkle dressing gown when a large ink stain from a letter I was writing to an adoring fan, Doris Crockford of London, caused my outfit to be miserably ruined! And yet, I soldiered. on! For whenever one of my fans needs me, I am there, ready to face all dangers to be the shining star in their unexceptional life! But of course, you already knew that, as do all of my faithful fans. And truly, why would you pay sixteen galleons for this if you weren't already one of my many devoted fans? And of course, everyone is a devoted fan of myself! If I may be so modest as to suggest it, even I am often astonished by the extraordinary life which I have lived! And really, that is why I am writing this enticing little story: to let you, my adoring fans, know exactly what it was like to, shall we say, "grow up Gilderoy!"