Kid Fears
Disclaimer: This is a purely fan-made piece that is using the world and characters from Yasuhiro Nightow's Trigun and Trigune Maximum and is made entirely for enjoyment. All lyrics quoted are property of the Indigo Girls. No financial gain has been made in the making of this piece
Summery: Nicholas reflects on his fears
Author's Note: Written for Athame. Way too influenced by the Indigo Girl's song of the same name. Possible out-of-characterness
Constructive Criticism is always welcomed
Published:
Rating: T
No matter how old you got, things still could go bump in the night and keep you up until dawn. Old demons, new demons, life was almost simpler when your fears were of monsters and the noises of the night. It was like what that old Earth song said—'what would you give for your kid fears?'
When you got older, your fears eased into something manageable. They were still there, but they were easier, somehow.
But it didn't stop the demons from coming back. Just because you were older and you knew more and knew how to handle fear didn't make them go away. They lingered. They circled. They looked for openings, weaknesses, anything that would let them strike you where it hurt most.
He lit a cigarette and looked out at the cold sand as it blew in the night breeze. Something had fallen somewhere in the hotel and his demons were back, breathing down his neck and making it impossible to go back to sleep.
He wanted to blame the time of year—old Earth tradition from the die-hards, including costumes and such—but knew that it wasn't really the case. Things were just too close to the surface right now and it meant that he probably was going to be losing out on a lot of sleep in the near future.
He blew out a cloud of nicotine-scented smoke. His childhood—or lack thereof—was hovering close to the surface tonight. Too much to think about and what he had done and what he had become.
'Any sin will due', indeed.
He felt raw and he had to fight not to jump at every noise.
Still, he reflected, for all of his fears and ever-present demons, he didn't feel the same bone-chilling terror as he did as a child.
Someone stepped out of their room. A few moments later, they walked over.
"May I join you?" Vash sounded surprisingly quiet and not nearly as annoyingly happy as usual.
Nicholas shrugged. Company might not be a bad thing, not tonight when the past seemed to be making more noise than it normally did.
"Couldn't sleep?" Vash said after a few moments, stretching out in his oversized, grey sleepwear.
"No."
"I was, then the upstairs couple got…noisy. Now I can't get back to sleep."
Nicholas made a noncommittal noise and exhaled another cloud of smoke. Just because he didn't mind having another living being next to him didn't mean that he felt particularly like engaging with them.
Vash fell silent and it seemed that he understood the need to know that one wasn't alone in the vastness, but didn't need to fill the air with chatter.
"Do you ever wish you could go back?" Vash asked suddenly.
"Go back where?" Nicholas finally replied.
"I don't know…back to when things were…easier. Back when you were a kid."
He let out a small snort. "Things were never easier when I was young."
Vash was silent for a moment. "I'm sorry. I had forgotten."
The priest waved off the apology. "Do you? Wish you could go back, I mean."
"Sometimes. Others…" Vash's voice faded for a moment. "Other times…I remember the fear. The fear of the others around me, the fear of the dark…" He gave a small, unconvincing laugh. "You know, the silly things. The kid fears."
"The scariest things."
"What?"
"Kid fears. They are the scariest things out there." Vash blinked. Nicholas tried to clarify. "Do things now scare you as much as they did when you were little?"
Slowly, the blond head shook.
"Well, then."
Silence stretched out. He crushed his cigarette and then lit another, hands feeling empty without the familiar stick.
"We should get some sleep," Vash finally said reluctantly. "Or Meryl will dismember us for being stupid."
"You go. I'm going to stay out here for a little while longer." There was no way he was going to lock himself in a tiny room by himself, not with everything else. There was no telling what things would come up if he did.
"Would…would you rather come inside with me instead? You don't have to stay out here by yourself."
He forced himself not to read into the offer. It was, after all, Vash he was talking to.
But the idea of having someone else's breathing to distract him from the monsters of the past held a certain amount of appeal, even if that was all he got from the bargain.
He shrugged. "Sure." He took one last long drag on his cigarette, then crushed it. He followed the now-tense lines of Vash's back to the room and wondered what had put the other man so on edge.
Vash didn't turn on the overhead light, opting instead for the small bedside lamp. He stood there, looking awkward and nervous.
"I don't want to think about the past tonight," he suddenly said abruptly.
Nicholas waited, his priestly instincts telling him that Vash had more to say, but needed time to find the words.
"I just…would you…I don't…" Vash seemed to give up and he took a few quick steps forwards, right into Nicholas's personal space.
Before he could step back, Vash's slightly chapped lips brushed against his own.
"I don't want to remember things tonight," the blond murmured, sounding only a little unsure. "Help me not?"
Nicholas stood still for a moment. He hadn't really expected that. Not from the legendary gunman.
He snorted softly. "'Are you on fire?'" He muttered.
"What?" Vash looked confused.
"Nothing." He reached forwards and caught the grey shirt in his hand. "I'll help you ignore the past if you return the favour."
Vash followed the tugs towards the bed. "I can do that."
Well, Nicholas reflected as he peeled off his jacket before grabbing at Vash again, this was certainly one way to forget his kid fears.
x Fin x