"I chose! I chose you and the kids."
It was a declaration reminiscent of the one she sputtered years ago in the scrub room and the role-reversal was unnerving. Frankly, she was pissed. Who says no to the President of the United States?
She hadn't said anything after he told her, preferring to belly up to the bar and order a shot of tequila (and then another, and another... until her world was topsy-turvy). She knew she was avoiding everything. She knew she was being irresponsible and should be home with her family but she didn't want to talk to Derek. She didn't want to fight anymore, or have the inevitable conversation...
She knew that he was going to resent her for this one day. They we're both career driven people with type-A personalities and this wasn't just any opportunity. This was the opportunity.
She was on her fourth, maybe fifth shot of tequila when Alex sat down next to her. "Meredith," Alex began as she knocked it back, "I'm taking you home."
"No," she protested, "I can't go home yet."
"Meredith, you're drunk," he pointed out. "You need to go home. You need to talk to Derek."
"No," she repeated shaking her head. "What I need is a freaking bottle of tequila..." she sighed thinking that not all the tequila in the world could help her tonight.
He chuckled. "God, I haven't seen you this hammered in years."
"I'm not hammered," she slurred squinting at him. "I'm just pleasantly buzzed."
"Keep telling yourself that, Mer," he said paying her tab. "By the way, I just spent fifty-bucks on your stupid shots."
"See," she said smiling, "this is why you're my person."
Alex rolled his eyes. "I still don't know what that means. I'm not Yang and don't speak girl," he reminded her.
"Cristina picked a great time to abandon me," she muttered, softly. "Because today, I had to work with Pierce, who by the way, isn't Cristina Yang."
"I heard," he said evasively, omitting the fact that he heard the two of them yelling at each other in the attending's longue.
"Everyone in the OR heard our screaming match," she retorted, with a yawn.
"That's it, Mer, I'm taking you home," he began as he got off the chair, "and by home I mean yours... not mine," he added. "Because my girlfriend is pissed that you kicked her out of bed this morning."
"You're house used to be mine," she quipped narrowing her eyes at him. "And besides, Cristina used to kick Derek out of bed all the time," she muttered, as she grabbed her purse and keys.
"No," he said taking her keys out of her hands, "You're not driving."
"I know, Alex, but I have my house keys on there," she retorted with an eye roll. "You know, you're not terrible at this whole person thing," she added as she put her head on his shoulder for balance and walked towards the door. "It's just us now, Alex," she said, sadly. "We're the last two standing. It should have been me and Cristina. Not that you're not good," she amended quickly.
"Gee thanks for the support Mer," he said chuckling as he helped her into the car.
"For the record," she began sleepily, "this car really does look like a penis."
The sounds of Bailey crying, coupled with her headache and extreme nausea made her realize that drinking last night was the worst idea she ever had.
"I'll get him," Derek muttered getting up, "you sleep off your hangover," he said tersely, as she slowly opened her eyes.
There was a jack-hammer in her brain, she mused as she got out of bed and made a bee-line for the bathroom making it just in time. After emptying her stomach contents, she turned around and saw Zola staring at her. She was in her footie pajama's holding her favorite stuff giraffe. "Mama, you sick?" she asked in her small voice, laced with concern.
Meredith suddenly felt incredibly guilty for myriad of reasons. "I'm not feeling too good Zo," she said honestly, standing up. "Why don't you go downstairs for breakfast?" she suggested as she grabbed her toothbrush.
Zola nodded, "Okay, Mama. Dada makes breakfast," she added before leaving the bathroom.
After brushing her teeth, taking three Advil, and fixing her hair she decided that she had two options: stay in bed or go downstairs. She quietly padded downstairs and into the kitchen and Bailey saw her right away. "Mamamama" he babbled happily sitting in his high chair banging his hands on the syrupy tray.
"Hi Bay," she greeted giving him a kiss on the top of his head, noticing he was a sticky mess.
"Bailey needs a bath," Derek pointed out as he cut up Zola's pancakes. "Zo will too when she's done, right princess?"
Zola nodded. "Me too, Mama."
"Right," she said nodding, as she took his tray off and gently picked him up as he nuzzled his face into the crook of her neck. She missed this, she mused as they walked upstairs, towards the bathroom. "You really are sticky, huh?" she added as he grabbed a fistful of her hair. "Well, at least you like me now," she muttered as she started the tub. "Between me and you," she began as she undressed him, "I think you and Zo are the only ones who like me now. Well, actually," she amended as he kicked his little legs in the air, "I think Uncle Alex does too."
She checked the water and put him in his tub. "Wow, you barely fit in here anymore," she said in shock. "When did you go and get so big?" she asked, feeling sad that he had grown out of his infant tub. "I mean I guess six-months is kind of big now, right?" she asked as he looked up at her curiously. He studied her as if he understood ever word she'd said. "You know it's kind of creepy to stare at me like that. It's one of those stares that your father has," she added as she picked him up and wrapped him in a towel.
"I don't have a creepy stare," Derek said leaning the doorway, with a smile on his face after hearing the tail end of Meredith's ramble.
"I beg to differ," she said, shaking her head. "Don't you have surgeries today?" she asked as Bailey wrapped his legs around her waist.
"Technically, Amy does," he said, "I was supposed to be in DC."
"Right, sorry, my brains a little fuzzy," she admitted sheepishly.
"Tequila does that," he said knowingly, as she stared at him wondering how he knew. "Alex," he added explaining, "he said that you had a little too much to drink at the bar. I still don't understand how you can drink that," he muttered.
"I clearly don't have the constitution anymore," she said, embarrassed. "God, I hope I wasn't sloppy or said anything I shouldn't have. I used to be able to do five shots and feel nothing. Clearly, I'm not in my twenties anymore."
He chuckled. "Well, no."
"Zola saw me puking this morning and asked if I was sick," she confessed embarrassed. "I should have came home last night."
"Yeah, well, you didn't," he began, "you avoided," he stated.
"Can we not do this now?" she asked, tiredly. "I still have to change him and start a bath for Zo."
"We can do it later," he said as she walked pointedly out of the bathroom and to Bailey's room.
"Mama, what can we do today?" Zola asked as Meredith helped her get dressed. "Doesn't Dada have to go?"
Meredith was rummaging through her closet for Zola's favorite pink jeans, when she paused at the question. "Actually, Zo, Dada's not going to DC today."
Zola looked at her in confusion. "But it's Dada's day for plane."
Meredith shook her head. "No more planes, Zo."
"Really?" she asked as her face brightened. "No planes?"
"No," she repeated handing Zola her jeans.
"Mama, can we go to the Zoo?" she asked as Meredith helped her into her jeans.
Meredith shrugged. "Maybe, we'll have to ask Dada."
"Bailey will like the Zoo," Zola stated, knowingly. "He like's my giraffe."
"That's true," she said smiling. "Bailey's never been to the zoo."
"Mama, he a baby," Zola pointed out, as if that we're the most obvious thing in the world.
Meredith laughed at Zola's sassiness. "He is still a baby."
"I'm going to go ask Dada about the Zoo," Zola said, as soon as she was done getting ready.
Meredith had forgotten how much she loved the zoo. She'd gone a few times with her dad, before Ellis had ripped her out of Seattle, and brought her to Boston.
"That was fun," Derek said, tiredly after they had finished putting the kids to bed.
"It was," she said in agreement as they got into bed. "Zola's probably going to be a zoologist or something," she added. "She was really into all the descriptions and facts," she muttered pulling the covers up.
"I loved watching her reaction to the giraffes," Derek said, with a yawn.
"Me too," she said, softly. "When was the last time we did this? Just go out and be a normal family?"
"I'm not sure," he said, turning to look at her. "We've been busy."
"Yeah, well our kids aren't going to stay little like this forever," she added suddenly depressed at the thought.
"Which is exactly, why I'm not going to DC," he confessed softly. "I'm not missing this stuff, Meredith."
"But Derek," she began, "it's the President."
"I know," he began, "but the other day, I had a patient who went up on the roof to get his kid a frisbee. He was a perfectly healthy guy with a smart kid," he continued, "until he fell off the roof. Amy and I couldn't save him. We tried," he said softly. "But he died. I had to tell a little boy his dad died. One day he was here, the next he was gone."
Meredith was quiet, listening. "Our family is too important Meredith. I'm not going to miss out because we're living 3,000 miles apart. I want you and the kids. Bailey is six-months and Zola's three. They're growing up and I can't miss it."
"I don't want you to resent me or them someday," she said, voicing her fears. "I didn't want you to do this..."
"I'm not going to resent anything," he promised.
"How do you know?" she questioned, thinking of their huge fight the other night. "You could wake up and resent me for not wanting to go to DC in the first place. I know I didn't force your decision but I can't help but feel responsible for you quitting... Seriously, Derek, it's a once-in-a-lifetime offer."
"Meredith," he began in understanding, "I love you and I love our kids."
"But you love your career," she cut in. "You've worked so hard..."
"So have you," he pointed out.
"But I'm not Derek Shepherd renowned neurosurgeon," she added, quietly. "You're who the President chose."
"I'm choosing you. I'm picking my family," he said resolutely. "I'm not going to resent you, Mer."
"I wish this was easier," she admitted. "I mean, you gave up head of Neuo to Amelia... She's your boss."
Derek chuckled, "She loves that fact." He paused and looked at her, "We're going to be okay, Meredith," he assured her tracing the outline of her cheek.
She just wished she believed it.