A somewhat angsty fic about Remus and Nymphadora. :D
Disclaimer : Remus and Nymphadora are in no way (not even a hundred-way) owned by me. JKR knows how to make 'em...and end them as well.
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Voice inside my Head
Don't waste your time on me you're already the voice inside my head
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I'm not right for you, I'm not good enough. I can't do anything good for you and you know it. You insist that I stay, that you don't care, but I care. I care enough to stay away. I care a lot about you and that is why want to stay away, for your own good, for your own safety. You keep telling me how you don't care about that, how you only want me, how you want us to work out, how you care so much about me you're willing to forget about all the horrible thing I transform, the monster I become every full moon.
You told me, "I don't see a monster, I see a man fighting not to be locked up," and I try so hard to believe you. I hold myself, hold everything back, and hold my inner monster from getting out because if you decide to stay with me then I have no choice. I try to lock it up because when I'm with you, it feels as if the monster is no more and that only the man named Remus Lupin is alive, only Remus Lupin and no "Lupin the Werewolf". It is by your will that I stick with you, through it all.
But when I found out you were pregnant, trying not to let the tears spill, I knew then that I've been wrong. That I couldn't hold the monster back, that I was never right. That we were never right. To die rather than to see you hurt is all that's what I'm looking for. But I stay because of a boy waiting to be born and because of an older boy telling me to stick to my decisions, to stick to the people I love because death creeps at all of us.
I stay by your side and when I see the baby boy whom we named Teddy Lupin in your arms, and my arms wrapped around you both, I see not, in the reflection, a man bitten by a werewolf and turned into one, but a happy man, a very happy man with his beautiful wife and bundle of joy. I see us lasting, but I know something's wrong with the child, but you tell me it's okay, then it will be because your words have never been wrong. And we live happily, ignoring the fact that Voldemort is around, ignoring everything else and living in the life we have now, in the little harmonious place we stand, we three, together in this livid and serene moment.
But now I must take my leave, I ask you to stay behind, and please, for once, heed my words. Stay with our child because nothing is more important and special than your lives. As I venture on to fight with the others, to support Sirius' godson, to support not the boy who lived but Harry James Potter, son of my best friend and like a son to me. I come to fight, not only for the wizarding community, not only for Harry, but for my family. I fight for you, and if I die, I know that I have done what I can for my child. And I die not for the world but for you both.
And in the heat of the battle with Dolohov, streaks of green pass me. And then, for one fleeting moment I hear your voice in my head, telling me, reminding me that I don't have to stand up alone, that you were always there. And then I hear your footsteps and screaming voice before I saw you. Dolohov stops for a while, and turns to block another jinx a student threw at him. I spin on the spot at the direction of your voice, your sweet angel's voice and there, up there, I see you running down, wand in the ready and screaming for me, screaming my name. "Remus! Remus! Remus!" like nothing else mattered, hitting a Death Eater square in the chest with the killing curse.
And then that's when a horrible cackle was heard from Dolohov. He aims his wand at you and shouts the words I hate, the words I never want to be directed to you, "Avada Kedavra!" and the green jet flies at you, you trip, your clumsiness saving you for once as it soared past your head. You try to hastily get to your feet but Dolohov shoots the curse back at you again and this time I know you can't escape it, with a swooping and swishing moment I leap in front of it, my wand dropped and arms wide open, the curse hit me straight in the chest and before death caught to me, I hear your shriek, I hear the tears that continuously fall, your screams, your calling of my name and then your own curse flew at Dolohov and I fall, death catching up to me. And I hear it, I hear your voice calling to me, telling me that you were always there...
My dearest Nymphadora, I stayed for your sake, I lived for it, and I die for you. Your screeches still sound around the room, echoing throughout the halls and then you fall and it is then that Teddy Tonks Lupin lives without parents. That we both died knowing we lived our best, knowing that it was for the greater good, knowing that our son would live a happy and peaceful life.
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This is supposed to be the 10th fic I'd have to write but I was listening to "I miss You" by Blink 182 (compliments to my friend, Iona, who told me to listen to it) and got inspired so yeah!
That's all, folks. :D