In all her time traveling with the Doctor Rose did not think she had ever seen him look truly unhappy upon arriving at a place. It didn't matter how altered it was from his expectations, how dark, silent, sinister or dreadful it might appear. In fact, he seemed to appreciate a bit of unexpected danger, some mystery waiting for him that kept him surprised with the universe.
But when they arrived on Insieme a look of unmasked displeasure marred his face. Knowing him so well allowed Rose to enjoy the irony of how the planet looked like paradise. There were tall beautiful weeping willows framing perfect blue pools. Flowers of every colour bloomed, their silky petals swirling in the wind. Deep valleys spilled out past their sight to hilly mountains that boasted not one, not two, but three setting suns.
The Doctor gave an unhappy grunt at this sight and then turned to the TARDIS with a look of betrayal, "This," he pronounced, "Is not where I wanted us to go."
Rose raised her eyebrows, "You mean the TARDIS malfunctioned?"
"On purpose," the Doctor rejoined.
"On purpose?" Rose echoed in disbelief.
"She likes it here," then to the TARDIS, "You couldn't have enjoyed the same molecular composition on say Trilen Nine?"
Rose watched this exchange with raised eyebrows, "So, the TARDIS has likes and dislikes?"
"Indeed she does I'm afraid," he replied.
"Does it like me?" Rose immediately asked.
"Right now it doesn't like either of us if this is the planet it chose to drop us on," he informed her.
"Not to be thick," Rose said, smothering a smile and failing, "But am I missing the obvious danger of this place? It looks more like…the most beautiful place we've ever been to."
The Doctor turned to regard that smile that meant she was laughing at him and tried to maintain his grimace but it turned a bit wry as he surveyed the landscape and muttered, "You would say that."
She stepped closer to him, "So why does the TARDIS like it and you don't?"
"The TARDIS likes the aromatics of the place," he replied, "Good for the ventilation shafts or so she has me believe."
"And you?" Rose pressed. He was getting that look across his face. The one that meant he was remembering very old things. It always made him sad and she tried her best to distract him. She put a gentle hand on his arm, "Been here before Doctor?"
For a moment his face was serious, old, lost in time. Then he was back.
"Yes," he answered and shooting another glance of betrayal to the TARDIS he added, "As I recall that time was also against my will!"
He stalked over to the TARDIS muttering to himself, "Always wondered if she didn't tamper with the circuits…bit of revenge…always coming back here."
Rose approached him and coached patience, "Care to finish explaining?"
He was tapping and prodding the TARDIS exterior now, putting his ear to the side to listen. Finally he turned his attention back to her, "This place is like a giant, conniving Hallmark greeting card with one of those patronizing paragraphs of poetry etched through in bourgeois italics…"
He was round the back of the TARDIS now.
Rose frowned, "Come again?"
"Let's just get out of here before we're noticed--" he was never to finish for upon coming round the front they were greeted by three women. They were tall and broad with generous figures and coffee coloured skin. They wore some of the most beautiful dresses Rose had ever seen and their faces were welcoming, their eyes peaceful and kind.
"Welcome," one of them said, "Please follow us."
A glance to the Doctor as they began walking down the hill expecting to be followed showed real panic. He turned back to the TARDIS to rush them inside and it had vanished. He stared dumbly for a moment at the empty space and even reached out a hand to see if it was merely camouflage.
For a moment she worried that something had gone truly wrong but then they heard the familiar sound and saw the ship reappear in the distance on a particularly lovely hill.
"How could you?" the Doctor whispered.
He turned with a resigned sigh and took Rose by the arm, "Might as well get this over with then. Off we go."
"Where are they taking us?" Rose asked as they followed the three women down a winding path. The air smelled of herbs and flowers and the temperature of the breeze was heavenly.
"To meet Agali," he said flatly.
"She's the…leader?" Rose asked.
"For all intents and purposes, yes."
They arrived at a beautiful white stone building. It caught the light a bit like quartz did near the sea. There didn't appear to be doors or windows.
"Weather must be nice all year round," Rose noted as they walked in.
This only seemed to make the Doctor gloomier.
They headed down a long, open courtyard where women and couples milled about in the sun looking relaxed and happy. The clothes were lovely and Rose was reminded of old Greek paintings by the columns in the architecture and the one-shouldered style of dress. Most of the people appeared native to the place and wore the same lovely, empire waist dresses in summery colours. Their hair was tied up with scarves, their faces serene. Some appeared to worship at alters while others carried large wooden bowls of flowers, fruit or cloth over their heads.
"Those are the Insieme," the Doctor whispered, following her gaze, "They live chaste lives in service to the Goddess and have created a haven welcome to visitors on this planet."
Various couples appeared to be visitors and Rose gauged them to be on some kind of vacation or retreat by the happy, unfettered expressions they wore. Some played what appeared to be games not unsimilar to cards or chess. Some sat with an Insieme deep in conversation.
As they passed through another archway into a high, white room the Doctor leaned down and whispered urgently, "Listen, Rose, there's only two reason's people come to this planet. One is women come to offer themselves into service to the Goddess and the other is—"
He was cut off as two great arms wrapped around him and crushed him in a hug, "Amasha be praised! A Time Lord! I thought you were gone from the universe! You are most welcome! Especially you, Doctor."
Rose watched, a little amused as the Doctor struggled to politely free himself, "Agali," he greeted, "How lovely to see you again. I didn't think you would remember me."
"I remember everyone who visits here," she informed him, sparkling eyes flashing with ancient memory, "Even when they forsake their own name forever to spare their heart a death of grief."
His faced turned sober and Agali touched his arm, "I am sorry for your loss."
Rose watched all of this quietly then Agali turned to her with a bright smile, "And who have you brought with you Doctor?"
"Rose Tyler," Rose offered her hand, "Pleased to meet you."
"And you Rose Tyler," Agali smiled. She had a generous mouth, her teeth accented by her dark skin. She reminded Rose of a mother, yet she felt Agali had no children of her own by birth.
Agali turned to the Doctor, "You have come together? Is she your beloved?"
Rose's mouth dropped open and she stepped forward to speak but the Doctor grabbed her hand fiercely, "YEP!" he blurted out, "She is indeed! Love of my life she is! Love at first sight you might say!"
He had her held tight against his side now with unnecessary and bruising force as she'd more than caught on to this hint to play along. She smiled what she hoped was a convincing smile. Clearly it was come here to be in love, or come here to be a nun.
Agali looked rather amused and reached out her hands to Rose, "May I?"
The Doctor loosened his grip and nudged her forward, "It's alright. She wants to see our time together in your thoughts. It's pretty close to what I do, and perfectly safe."
Rose stepped forward and let Agali place her hands on her cheeks. She felt nothing but Agali took a deep breath, shut her eyes and was silent for long moments. With a sudden gentle whir she leafed through Rose's memories as delicately as if they were petals. She read every moment of pleasure and pain and every minute she had spent with the Doctor. She did it with such care that Rose felt absolute trust in sharing with her. She let Agali read all her feelings and found relief in sharing them so utterly with someone so wise, peaceful and accepting. If nothing else it would help keep up the show that she and the Doctor were a couple. When Agali released her she was smiling brightly, "Your earth is young like you and beautiful. Thank you for sharing your memories with me."
Rose nodded with a smile. She liked Agali, until she turned to the Doctor and held out her hands to him asking, "May I?"
Rose stepped forward defensively, "Don't make him relive it – it will only hurt him."
Agali raised her eyebrows, "I would never hurt him, that is not our way. He does not have to share with me but if he chooses to, there is healing in letting old love live again, then pass for the new."
She smiled around Rose at the Doctor and Rose heard him make a weary sound, "It's alright, Rose."
She turned around and took in the set look on his face. He would do it, even though he didn't want to. She started to realize that although the ways of this planet appeared to be choices, they somehow weren't thought she couldn't workout exactly how. She stepped closer to him. He had sat down on a low bench within the rounded room Agali had greeted them from.
"Don't do it if you don't want to," she urged quietly and he gave her that appreciative look she treasured most. For just a moment she felt like he regarded her as an equal, as though her kindness to him somehow equated to what age and experience always separated.
Several Insieme appeared. Agali's voice was warm and soothing, "Perhaps you would like to spend some time in our baths Rose Tyler. They are the finest in the galaxy."
The Doctor nodded, "They really are. Go on Rose, enjoy yourself for a bit while I catch up with Agali."
He winked at her but it didn't cover up how heavy his heart seemed. She squeezed his hand before letting the Insieme lead her away. They were very quiet companions and so she heard the Doctor's weary voice say to Agali, "Are you sure you want to see? It's a very long, very sad story. I don't know that even you can make peace with it."
"Leave the providing of peace to me," Agali reprimanded, "You are not the oldest thing on this world. I am."
After that they rounded a corner and took Rose down some stairs and she heard nothing.
Down and down they went. The stairs wound through the hills edged by fragrant greenery and into the most beautiful collection of steaming baths Rose had ever seen. Long flowers on vines created curtains about them. They were round and seemed a part of the landscape. The Insieme smiled at how her thoughts were so apparent on her face.
"These look lovely," Rose told them, "Thank you."
They sat her down then and brushed out her hair like her mother used to, then rolled it all up so it would be curly from the steam. Then they gently helped her undress and she stepped into one of the baths. It was bliss.
"Enjoy," they said, "We'll be back later for you."
"Wait!" she cried out and they turned back alarmed. She tried to smile again, "I-sorry-I don't know much about your customs. This trip was sort of a…surprise."
They waited patiently for her to finish.
"Is there anything I need to know? Anything that comes after this bath?"
They smiled, "We will bring you some fresh clothes and return you to your partner. Then you are free to take in any activities you like. You may wander the gardens, or spend some spiritual time with one of us to talk over your relationship and resolve conflicts, or you may turn in for the night together."
She smiled in relief, "Thank you…change of clothes eh? I wouldn't mind a dress like yours, those are gorgeous!"
They nodded, "We'll make sure it's a dress then." Then they were gone and the only sounds were the wind through the trees and the bubbles of the water.
She sank down into the swirling water and let the warmth soak into her muscles. With a smile she silently thanked the TARDIS.
Back in the shrine the Doctor sat with Agali and they quietly shared a cup of tea. It had taken much longer to read the Doctor's thoughts and they both enjoyed some meditative rest afterwards. Agali held her cup with both hands and blew the steam so that it swirled and shone with the beautiful vapour only this planet could product.
"Your ship loves our spicy air," Agali said with a smile.
The Doctor scowled and Agali laughed as his many years melted away to form that petulant, here-and-now expression.
Evening had come and Agali saw the change in the light that meant Rose Tyler was leaving the baths to join them. But she said nothing and instead smiled at the Doctor.
"Such a brief bit of time your human beloved has to share with you," she chided, "Yet you forbid yourself and call it protection."
He stared down into his tea.
"I did not need to touch her to know she loves you," Agali said wisely, "It is a part of her visible constantly. She loves you unconditionally, that is her way. And you needed that, you."
He met her gaze, "But my love comes with conditions."
"That is your own fault," Agali murmured.
He looked down into his tea again and she saw wisely how much he saw everything as his own fault. She leaned closer, "The rest of it is not. You must let go of such blame for it poisons you."
He nodded slowly and looked out for Rose. After what he had just relived he could think of nothing he wanted more in the world than to see her again and feel distracted. She came into his view on the stairs and he froze at the sight of her.
"How did you know to make a dress like that?" he breathed to Agali, "How could you possibly remember such a thing?"
"I didn't," Agali replied, "You did. You have thought of her this way and so it has come to be. Have you forgotten the ways of this world?"
The Doctor watched the torchlight play across that dress and silently cursed the TARDIS.
Rose spotted him and waved, her face breaking into a huge smile. Her hair fell in waves around her face, her skin glowed from the rich water of Insieme and she hurried up the stairs to meet him.
"Whadya think?" she asked with a twirl, confident he must approve, "Beautiful isn't it? The Insieme helped me pick it out!"
It was a very light colour, something like beige, and boasted the high waist, flutter sleeves and layered style of what might have been several cultures, including earth. But it wasn't any of those.
Rose took in the look on his face and her smile vanished, replaced by dawning horror. She turned on Agali who reflected that love taught its lesson again and again. Here, this tiny flicker of a human existence rallying to protect an alien so very ancient and powerful.
"He hates it. Why does he hate it? What kind of dress have you given me?"
Then true horror, "You didn't…you didn't dress me like…like him did you? Like his people?"
"Like someone from Gallifrey?" the Doctor offered quietly.
She gave him a look of such compassion and regret he forgot how he felt for a few blinding seconds and felt only how much she cared. How did she do that?
Then she was glaring at Agali, furious and close to tears, "How could you? It's cruel! Why would you do something like this? Give me another dress! Give me back my own clothes! Right now!"
Agali raised her eyebrows. The Doctor took her arm, "It's fine Rose. It's my own fault…Rose…let me explain."
"Let her explain!" Rose shouted.
Agali nodded and walked away with Rose still shouting after her, "Don't you walk away from me! I don't care how old you are or if you own this whole planet!"
"Rose!" the Doctor was saying half-chastising, half-flattered, "Rose, stop!"
Finally she turned back to him, tears running down her cheeks, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry! I had no idea! Honest!"
He took her by the shoulders, "It's ok, hey, stop that, it's fine. That's how this place works. I shared my memories and they are bound to pop up in odd places while we're here."
He led her to the bench by the tea and sat her down.
"Here," he poured her some more in his cup and handed it over.
"It's tea?" she asked, wiping her tears, and when he nodded, "You sure you don't want me to change?"
He shook his head.
"It really is beautiful," she said, looking down at it with admiration.
"Everything on Gallifrey was beautiful," he replied and she looked up to find there was no sadness in saying it for him. She smiled in relief.
He let her finish her tea then offered his hand, "Come on, let's take a walk. There are some pretty spectacular views around here – might as well enjoy them while the TARDIS hides from us."
She took his hand with that same grin that began every adventure and off they went. They wound there way through the garden reminiscing and reliving their favorite stories of their time together. Rose felt a happy glow start in her chest at how sentimental the conversation felt, how open he was for once, and then how much funnier all the best parts seemed.
It was a few wrong turns before he found the spot he was looking for but it was worth the effort. It was a leafy overhang the overlooked a wide lake and the rest of the valley beyond. A single moon lit the sky and the stars shone down much like earth. Rose stood next to him and stared for a long moment.
"Just like home eh?" he smiled giving her shoulder a nudge. It was only a nudge but it spun her completely off balance and sent her sprawling into the leaves beneath the trees. She turned herself around and burst out laughing. It was suddenly hilarious and the Doctor was joining in, laughing as she struggled to stand again, using the tree's trunk for support.
Rose shook her head as she managed to stand and joined him at the edge of the overhang again, "What was in that tea? I think I'm drunk."
His laugh abruptly ended and she found him looking over her shoulder to where his hand rested, one arm slung about her. He slowly brought that hand back around and examined it. It didn't look out of the ordinary to her but he frowned, "What was in that tea?" he said quietly. Then he very neatly tipped over and off the edge.
She watched with horror as he fell silently into the lake below. It was much too high a jump for her to make safely but she considered it. Then she ran as fast as her legs could carry her down to the water's edge below. Her thoughts were still foggy and she tried to force them clear. She waded in calling out for him and finally caught sight of him treading water then swimming over to her. She had her arms about him in an instant with panic, "You alright? You hurt?"
"I'm fine," he assured her and led them both back to shore. But as he stumbled out and struggled to stay balanced she tried to steady him and they both fell over.
"I'm…drunk," he said rather dumbly. She studied his face that keen mind unable to go as fast it wanted, unable to totally assess itself. She smiled slowly then grinned, laughing at him.
"You would laugh at me Rose Tyler," he accused under his breath.
They managed to stand again and he slurred, "I need to sleep this off….bloody tea…Rose, you don't know what it takes to get a Time Lord drunk…"
"Poor Doctor," she teased, one hand patting his cheek. He caught that hand and studied it for a long moment. A sudden sensation of tingling heat rushed her hand and she looked down in surprise. There was the faintest glow, a hint of what his regeneration looked like but a thousand times dimmer and it had passed from his hands to hers. It traveled up her arm and through her with a feeling very like pleasure. She sucked in a breath and he let go of her as though burned.
"I'm not just drunk…" he said slowly, a hint of fear in his voice.
He looked at her a bit wildly, "I need to get to bed, right now. Come on, let's hurry."
Then she was being dragged through the woods at top speed, his breathing laboured, his face strained.
"What is it?" she asked, her own drunkenness making her unreasonably afraid, "You aren't sick are you? Did they poison you?"
"No, but there were some things in my tea that I may never forgive Agali for."
He stumbled to a stop and leaned on a tree for a moment, bent over, one hand over his mouth as though he might be sick. Instead he took on that glow again, this time all over and shuddered with the effort of forcing it back.
"Doctor!" Rose cried in alarm rushing to him.
"Don't!" he nearly shouted, then gently, "Don't. I'm fine."
"You're not fine!" she admonished, "What is it? What did they give you?"
He shut his eyes and a look of true embarrassment crossed his face. He met her eyes, "A very, very powerful aphrodisiac—bloody Insieme! That—this—you couldn't even grow that plant in Gallifrey! It was forbidden!"
His breathing was laboured but he seemed to shake it off for a moment and said to her, "You mustn't…don't believe anything I say. Don't let me talk you into anything. Whatever I ask, say no."
Her shoulders dropped in relief. He was healthy, just…well…
She slung one of his arms over her shoulder and helped support him as they kept on back to the square to find separate rooms to stay in.
He was muttering to himself, "God they gave me enough for ten! Clearly knew how to make it but not how to dose it…"
Another rush of light washed over him and he dropped to his knees. She read on his face that it was a pleasure that bordered on pain.
"It's hurting you…" she said with quiet horror, "What can I do?"
"Nothing!" he shouted, "Don't touch me when it happens!" then more to himself, "God this is embarrassing." Then to her, "It's meant to be shared…but we can't."
The next wave that hit crippled him though and as he went down she couldn't bear it and took his face in her hands. The same feeling traveled up her arms as before, tingling and pleasurable but once into her body it was much stronger, nearly euphoric. It was like an extra awareness shared between them. She met his eyes with a look of wonder, felt it pass back to him from her and watched as he shut his eyes, still fighting the effect it had on him. Then, for one long moment he lost control. She had never seen that happen in all their time together. She ought to have been frightened but she was drunk on Insieme tea, with the Doctor sharing himself with her in a way she had not dreamed even existed. He pressed her against the closest tree, hands slipping round her and mouth meeting hers for a long, stinging kiss that sent that shared sensation through them both at fever pitch making her legs buckle.
Then he was ripping himself away from her, head in his hands, voice berating himself and warning her. He stumbled towards the square, trying to run and Rose ran after him.
He stopped four more times on the way, bent over benches or railings, the glow becoming more pronounced. He was biting back sounds of pain but pushing Rose away when she tried to touch him.
Rose realized that although she was drunk it did not appear that the tea had held any aphrodisiac for her. But she quickly realized it hadn't needed to. The Doctor was the aphrodisiac. Great.
She silently thanked the TARDIS. Thanks a bloody lot you greedy ship, now look at the mess we're in!
The Doctor had made it all the way to a door, hand on the handle, the other arm about his waist as if to hold in the feeling and tame it.
"Made it!" he gasped, "Next door is empty too, go on Rose."
"Will you be alright?" she asked with real concern, "Doctor…"
"I'll sleep it off," he tried for a smile but it looked rather strained. With effort he took a breath and seemed to relax himself. He leaned against the door frame, the room visible behind him. His eyes met hers, imploring, "If I ask you to stay, don't do it ok?"
She frowned but nodded, then turned to go next door only to have him grab her hand and pull her back, "Rose…"
"Yeah?"
He made a face at her she'd never seen before. There were feelings in it she chose never to name out loud for fear she would not survive them.
"Stay…?" he asked.
She froze and in the next moment he had pulled her closer, arms slowly going about her, mouth leaning down to meet hers, that impossible glow building up to pass between them. Pleasure so intense it nearly drowned out feelings. But they couldn't be drowned out, not even by this.
The next few hours were the best of her life.
Rose woke first the next morning. She felt warm, relaxed, peaceful. She was used to sleeping. It wasn't until she stretched that she felt him. Another long, hazy moment before she remembered. Still another before it registered, the beating of those hearts. She took her time about waking up and enjoyed him, letting her hands trace this new landscape. It was the shape of someone beloved to her. The most beloved. Finally she opened her eyes and rested on her elbow to watch him sleep.
His hair was a disaster, the blankets tangled around him. He was snoring. He was adorable.
He was going to throw a one-hundred-word-a-minute-tantrum when he woke up and remembered. She sighed, the first hint of displeasure clouding over.
She was determined they wouldn't regret this. Even if it was just this once. Even if it turned out to mean nothing. It had still been wonderful.
He registered the touch of her hand before opening his eyes and she thrilled at the idea of his recognizing her even without all his senses. He smiled a lazy smile and said with a yawn, "Did I fall asleep? I can't remember the last time I did that I…"
In the next moment he was alert, suspicious, sitting up. He was not used to sleeping.
"Why was I asleep? What happened to me?" he demanded.
"Lay back down you ninny and let it come back to you!"
Her voice seemed to snap him out of his panic. Slowly he turned to face her. Then all the colour drained out of his face, "Rose…" he croaked.
She supposed she looked a fright. The wavy hair was mussed and all she had on was a blanket. The Doctor swallowed audibly and then glanced down at himself, pulling back the covers to confirm, "We're starkers…"
"Give yourself a minute to remember," she soothed.
He lay back, more from shock than obeying her. Then he shot back up, "That tea! That bloody tea! No no no…Rose…oh God…"
He put his head in his hands racked with what appeared to be guilt, regret and despair.
She ripped his hands away crossly and pressed him back into the bed, "Hey! Now listen here you! I know you too well – don't you dare regret this! I don't care how it happened, or why it happened it was brilliant and wonderful and I won't let you spoil it with your big brained nonsense!"
He stared up at her. And she stared back. He let out a breath, "Fine."
Slowly he sat up with her, wrapped the blankets around them both and leaned over until their foreheads touched. She shut her eyes and let him.
Then she crawled over to the window to watch the sunrise. A moment later his arms came around her from behind and they sat cuddled together quietly letting the last of their night together pass.
Hours later however, the Doctor was back to being furious with Agali, Insieme tea, the TARDIS and the universe in general.
"That wasn't safe!" he was saying, climbing back into his clothes, "Once we're back on the ship I want to check you over, make sure that sharing didn't harm you in any way."
"Didn't feel like any harm was done," she replied and there, in her voice, was something that had not been there before. It was honeyed and did dangerous things to him that he tried to ignore and blamed entirely on what must be left of that damned tea in his system.
It was a lie.
There wasn't a particle of the tea left and he knew it.
He shook it off as he got his coat back on. Then he was pulling her out the door, wanting to check that tea and have a good row with Agali.
She was waiting in the same place as yesterday, smiling widely at them both, fresh tea on her table. The Doctor stalked over to her, "Don't you smile at me! Do you know how dangerous this was? That tea, my God, how much did you put in it?"
She raised her eyebrows, "I did nothing to the tea Doctor, you did."
Rose's mouth dropped open. So did the Doctor's, it should be noted.
"The tea changes as soon as it is held. It becomes the desires, whatever they might be."
She smiled at them, "It seems it worked."
But the Doctor had gone very pale. He held out his hand to Agali and in a very quiet voice asked, "Can I have another cup of that for a moment?"
She politely handed him one. True to form, in the light of day the change in colour could easily be perceived. He raised it to his mouth and took a very small sip, swirling it on his tongue, stiffening at what he tasted, then swallowing. He put the cup down blindly and the look he gave her made Rose sit down.
His hand went over his mouth and even Agali frowned, "What is it Doctor?"
He turned on her, "You can't just let people manifest their desires…it's dangerous. Mine are dangerous for her."
He walked over to her and dropped to his knees, his face revealing a battle of denial and terror.
"What is it?" she asked, struggling to keep her voice calm.
He said nothing but slowly reached a hand up to her stomach. His hand shook so badly at first he could not bring himself to touch her and find out.
"I-I could be pregnant?" she squeaked out, "With your baby?"
Agali's hand went to her throat with understanding.
"You can't be," the Doctor replied hoarsely, "You wouldn't survive it."
His eyes filled up and his hand still hovered unsteadily.
She stared back at him, "But…then…you'd have something of me, of us, that could stay with you long after I'm gone. You'd never be alone again."
She reached a hand to his face, her own eyes wet with tears and Agali was reminded to be humbled by love for the first in a very long time. "I'm sorry…" she told the Doctor.
The Doctor finally rested his hand on Rose, a moment passed, then he sagged over in relief, "You're not….you're not."
He pulled her close, "What would I do if something happened to you – and it was my fault?"
There was despair in saying it, and fear. Real fear.
Rose tried to sooth him as he buried his face in her lap, hands in his hair, "I don't understand – how could the tea get me pregnant?"
His head lifted a fraction, "I-it-the reproductive cycle for my people is…complicated. It can be suppressed but certain…chemicals set it off again."
She made him meet her eyes, "A part of you wished for that, with me?"
Her eyes filled up again, she gently touched her forehead to his. And he let her.
"You should never have known that," he said quietly, shame ghosting over the fear now as it sunk in that it was exposed.
She suddenly understood several things about him. He was afraid to be truly alone. And he was afraid to lose anyone else by his own hand. Those two fears did constant battle in him and the price was paid in desire.
The familiar sound of the TARDIS filled the air. It materialized in the room and Rose watched it, wondering what felt for the Doctor and why. She had never contemplated such a thing before. The Doctor hadn't even turned to look at it.
"Time to go," she said gently.
The Doctor slowly rose, turned to Agali and the TARDIS behind her. Agali offered her arms and the Doctor gave her a kindly hug goodbye. They said nothing and Rose wondered if that came with being so old, that absence of things being said.
Then the Doctor was walking into the TARDIS and Agali was offering her arms to Rose who returned her hug with mixed feelings.
"Now you know things about him that you needed to know," Agali told her.
"But it's hurt him," Rose replied, face pinched with feeling, "That makes it wrong."
"Everything hurts," Agali told her, "In its way."
"I suppose it does," Rose replied, feeling a little old for the first time.
She stepped into the TARDIS and Agali watched it vanish then mediated for a long time.
Back inside the Doctor busied himself running more scans on Rose than he had ever used the TARDIS for before. It hummed warmly and the air inside still smelled of the planet.
"Yes, rub it in you traitor," the Doctor muttered, "Just tell me if Rose is alright."
Several tubes, none of which he had bothered to explain were attached to her and she had a hard time slowing him down, "Doctor, I really think I'm fine. Doctor? DOCTOR!"
He was staring at a monitor next to her and finally turned back, looking surprised, "You are fine…"
He came around, detaching the tubes with suddenly gentle hands, "You are completely fine…no side effects, healthier than ever."
She stared back at him, unsure how to respond.
He looked down reflectively, "Well, that I did not know."
He looked round the TARDIS, "Funny old ship. What are you about?"
"What didn't you know? Why shouldn't I be fine?" Rose shook him by the coat collar.
"I didn't think I could…do that…with anyone. I mean, not my own kind. That sharing, I thought it would be dangerous, alien."
She watched his mind ticking away like a clock, learning new things and trying to sort them.
"I still would never have taken the risk," he said, whether to her or the TARDIS she was never sure, "It was only because it was against my will that I did it at all."
Heat bloomed in Rose's cheeks and the Doctor realized he hadn't chosen his words right, "Wait! Rose, I don't mean it like that. It's never worth risking you, nothing is! It would be all my fault and I couldn't bear that, you understand that don't you?"
She still looked distinctly offended and muttered, "I knew you would find a way to ruin it."
He walked over to her slowly, "I'm sorry."
"Sorry for what?" she accused.
His face turned sad for a heartbeat, a thousand things he though were his fault reflected then vanished. Then he reached up his hands, "This, I give you freely."
Hands on her face, forehead against hers, memories of their night together threatening to overwhelm him, she felt that warmth light up, this time so much softer, controlled, with meaning and emotion carefully chosen. All his affection for her, unconditional, unexpected and incalculably precious came through and diffused with comforting, happy pleasure, and beneath that again love, tentative and fearsome.
She returned it all to him, felt him tense with it then relax, then draw her into his arms in the old way, the hug.
"Better?" he murmured.
She drew back with a broad smile, "Better."
"Ready for the next adventure?" he asked brightly and she read the question beneath it. Ready to go on? To put away those things exposed in this place and leave them be until he felt like himself, indomitable and protected again.
She nodded. Those things could wait for now. But she would not forget them.
He rushed around pulling cords, calibrating, excited and alive again, and she let him. Knew she would stay. Knew she needed to ensure he wouldn't be alone, whatever the cost. Knew he loved her and why he could not say it. But now, if he wanted to, he could share it.