Title: Draco's Thing
Disclaimer: I don't own anything. HP belongs to Rowling.
Summary: Hermione catches Draco playing with his thing.
Notes: I was busy writing another story when this idea came up. A product of my over-active imagination. I personally don't write humor. Since I really suck at it! :p But hey, I had nothing else better do. Crackfic! is crackfic!.
I caught him in the bathroom when he was doing it.
I've never seen Draco Malfoy look so red in the face before. As much as I wanted to capitalize in my apparent discovery, I couldn't help but blush too. I was intruding in what ought to be a private moment. I felt guilty for two short seconds, but then I realized that it was Malfoy. Why should I care?
I managed to sneak a peek on what the thing in his hands looked like. I thought it looked cute. Other than that, it looked slick, almost slimy and hard. There was no denying that it was long, and it looked as if it might bite. After that visual, I instantly closed the door and marched back to our common room. We were made headboy and headgirl. How he got the position? I don't know. But I have a sneaky feeling it had something to do with inordinate amounts of Galleons.
I waited for him to get back. He owes me an explanation. Avoiding me would probably be not the best idea for him. There was no question in my mind that I would tell everyone what I saw. The bloody git has humiliated me for years, and like they say, what goes up, must come down.
I didn't have to wait long. He plopped down on the sofa beside me. He was even redder than before. I couldn't help but muffle a chuckle. He began explaining on how I wasn't supposed to see what I have just seen. He said that most people do it anyway. It was nothing big. He said he saw a man doing it in a public place when he and his family were vacationing in France. It looked like such a good way to unwind and that he decided to try it since he's never done it before. But I wasn't buying anything he just said, I wasn't born yesterday.
I threatened to tell my friends and his about it. His mouth went agape; I had to muffle another chuckle. He did something unexpected afterwards; he dropped down on his knees. The great Draco Malfoy, kneeling down in front of Hermione Granger, this has to be the best day of my life so far.
He begged me not to tell. I shrugged his pleas. He said that his friends would never understand. The bloody git even had the audacity to ask if I would like to touch it. No way in hell that I am going to. It was appealing, I suppose; but disgusting. His words would never be enough to sway me.
I was probably thinking too much that I didn't notice that he put the thing in my unsuspecting hands. I screamed bloody murder and told him to put it back where it belongs. He said that I didn't have to worry because he charmed it so I could hold it. I screamed some more and told him that I didn't want to. He gingerly took it from my hands and I turned around.
The bloody arsehole had just sealed the deal. Not only am I going to tell Harry and Ron, I would even tell it to all of his Slytherin friends. I am going to tell them that I caught him...
That I caught him playing with his secret pet eel.
Its cute beady eyes won't even sway me.