A/N: Here's my newest VM oneshot. It's not my best but I think it has its moments. It's a post Season 3, post-finale or whatever oneshot. Um there's a little bit of language, but I don't think it's enough to warrant a M rating. So if you're offended by that kind of thing, then don't read this. I think there's only like three words in the whole thing so it's not bad. Anyway, you've been warned. Enjoy! R&R! Thanks! –Mac
Disclaimer:
I don't own Veronica Mars, because if I did…Season 3 would have
gone in a completely different direction and I would have done
anything for a Season 4.
Sorry Is Never Enough
"I'm sorry I fucked things up and I'm sorry that sorry is never enough."
It had been a few weeks since Logan had last seen Veronica. He surprised himself with how indifferent he felt toward his breakup with Parker and how much it pained him that he had not seen Veronica in days. Not long ago, he could have gone months without seeing her face—because seeing her only meant reliving the hurt that came with not having her. Now, all he wanted was to see her, to be near her—no matter what kind of confrontation that might ensue.
That's why he was standing in the same place he had stood nearly two years before. He knocked on her door and waited for her to answer. He crossed his arms in front of his chest and drifted back into the shadows. He remembered clearly the last night he had stood on her doorstep like this.
"I was hoping it'd be you."
There was not such response this time. Veronica opened the door to reveal Logan. She pursed her lips, one of her hands finding her hip. The other kept a hold on her door as if ready to slam it closed at any moment. She looked as if she was waiting for an explanation. When he offered none, she took it into her own hands.
"What are you doing here Logan?" Veronica asked, one eyebrow raised.
"I haven't seen you in a while. I wanted to talk to you." Logan answered. "Can I come in?"
"I don't know if that's such a good idea." Veronica replied. "I'm still not sure I can forgive you for what you've done. I'm not sure if I want you in my life anymore."
"Will you just hear me out?" Logan pleaded. "That's all I ask and then any decision you make is your own."
Veronica thought it over for a moment before moving out of the way and allowing him inside, "Make it fast, I'm really not feeling very patient today."
"Your Dad not home?" Logan said as he stepped inside and closed the door behind him.
"He's back at the PI gig, got a bail jumper. He says he's going to be gone at least two more days." Veronica responded, sitting down on the couch and closing up some manila file folders she had spread out on the coffee table. "I'm working on a few small cases for him here. So…what did you want to talk about?"
"Us," Logan answered simply, "You and me."
Veronica sighed, "What about us Logan?"
"Everything, anything." Logan shrugged. "I think there are some things we need to work out."
"You think it's about time we just had it out, do you Logan?" Veronica questioned, "Hmm? Is that what you want? To lay it all out on the table? Right here, right now?"
"If it will help, yes." Logan nodded. "Veronica, I know we've had problems and I know we've made mistakes—"
"We? You, Logan. You have made mistakes. Big ones. Let's see most recently, Piz…"
"Hey, I tried to make up for that. I apologized to you and him…"
"…Madison…"
"She meant nothing." Logan shook his head. "If you gave me a chance to explain…"
"I did!" Veronica shouted. "I asked you…I asked you to tell me to my face if you had been with someone and you lied!"
"I didn't. I told you the truth." Logan corrected. "I told you I was with someone."
"You just left out the fact that it was Madison Sinclair." Veronica scoffed.
"I didn't want to hurt you. I'm sorry that Madison is a bitch and tried to rub it in your face, but if it had been anyone else, it wouldn't have mattered. It shouldn't have mattered. You only gave her what she wanted."
"But it's not just Piz and Madison. It's Parker and Kendall and Hannah!" Veronica fumed.
"So what, I'm not allowed to be with someone else?" Logan exclaimed incredulously.
"No!" Veronica responded, her voice full of emotion. "You were mine first."
"Veronica…"
"No." Veronica shook her head. "Just because we haven't gotten it together yet. That doesn't mean they can have you."
"They never had me Veronica," Logan said. "Only you have ever really had me. But you're oddly possessive all of a sudden. Seeing as you have Piz waiting in the wings."
"Do you want to fight Logan? Is that really what you want?" Veronica scowled. "Because if you want me to be civil, you'll leave Piz out of this."
"Then leave all of the girls I've been with out of it." Logan countered.
Veronica quirked an eyebrow, "Does that include the nameless, faceless tramps as well?"
"God damn it Veronica!" Logan growled in frustration. "I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry. I'm sorry I fucked things up and I'm sorry that sorry is never enough for you."
Veronica was stunned into silence, "Logan, I…"
"Hear me out. I want—I need to say this. I can apologize over and over again. I can change who I am for you. I can beat myself up over one stupid mistake until I'm broken at your feet. I could go to the ends of the earth and back and it would still never be enough for you. Why, Veronica? Why is it never enough?"
"Logan…" Veronica began.
"A hones t answer please. For once in your life Veronica, be straight with me." Logan requested.
"It's hard to forgive you, everything you've done, because a part of me doesn't want to," Veronica explained. "That part of me is afraid. Afraid to trust you. Afraid to let you in. Because for as long as I can remember the people I love have had the tendency to abandon me when I need them most. You included. So…when you say you're sorry—no matter how many times or with how much conviction—I have trouble believing you. All I can think about is how you could leave me again."
"So you run?" Logan said and Veronica nodded. "There's not much sense in that, is there? Did you ever stop to think that maybe all those times you ran to protect yourself, that you were abandoning me when I needed you most? No? I didn't think so. I know why any sorry from me will never be enough. It's because I will never be enough for you."
"Logan, that's not true!" Veronica shook her head.
"But it is. There are parts of me you want, sure. But there are parts of Piz and Duncan that you want too, if not more." Logan said.
"Logan, no."
"It's okay Veronica, really." Logan replied, "I understand. Just know that I love you and I want you to be happy. If that means being with someone else, then so be it. Just please, all I ask of you is to not push me out of your life. I'd miss you too much."
"Logan, I don't know what to say."
"Say that we can try to be friends at least. Say you don't want me out of your life," Logan responded.
"I don't. I don't want you out of my life." Veronica said. "But I don't want to be with someone else either."
"What about Piz?" Logan asked.
"I broke up with him last week. I told him we were better off friends, which we were." Veronica explained.
"How did he take it?"
"He took it well, though he did accuse me of doing it for you…because I still love you, or at least he believed so." Veronica replied.
Logan nodded, "Parker gave me the same reason when we broke up."
"I'm sorry I've made you feel the way I have. You have never been inadequate in any way, don't believe that you have," Veronica said. "I want to forgive you, but it will take time…"
"Until then, friends?" Logan offered.
Veronica smiled lightly, "Friends."
When Logan walked out of Veronica's apartment that day, he had a smile on his face, feeling almost happy. Contrary to how he had been feeling in recent times. No, he hadn't gotten back together with Veronica, but to him that was okay. He was confident though, that, at least, when he walked away it wouldn't be fore the last time.