Hello everyone. I hope this story isn't too confusing or weird. It felt a little strange to write it but we'll see what you guys think.

Italics- The demon.

...

Big Time Rush.

Demons of the Knight.

Kendall Knight.

The room seemed a degree cooler and heavier when I finally worked up the courage to look down at the clothes on my bed. Black. Dark. Bad. The accessories for my wrist were placed methodically by one sleeve and the biker boots standing proud on the floor. I had hoped never to see them again. Never to have to touch them again, that the memories and the guilt could stay safely locked away forever. Why did I have to go back to that time again? To prove I belonged in the band and by my friends' side. Because Griffin wanted a 'bad boy' someone to attract girls and money and the one to sell their soul. I reached out a trembling hand and ran my fingertips over the black coat collar and across the zips.

"You don't have to do this. We can work something out." James' voice startled me and I glanced up at him from across the room.

"It's no big deal." I dismissed.

"Yes it is. I don't want you to do this, Kendall." He insisted.

"You got a better idea? Besides, they're just clothes. Clothes can't kill me." I shrugged. "I don't want to leave the band."

James bit his lip and fiddled with his hair. "It wouldn't come to that. I'd quit before they kicked you out. I should quit now, then Gustavo wouldn't be able to make you do this."

I smiled at the fierce devotion in James' eyes, love I didn't deserve.

"He doesn't know, Jamie. It's only for a few hours, just until I can get rid of Wayne Wayne."

James paced across the room and gently seized my shoulders, I glanced rebelliously away. He growled and shook me until I timidly glanced up at him. Concern was a light in his eyes, swirling with fear and love.

"No matter what, you're my best friend, Kendall. Nothing changes that." He vowed.

I dropped my head to his chest momentarily. James quickly wrapped his arms around my shoulders and played with the hair on the nape of my neck. I let myself feel safe in his arms for a moment, protected and strong. James would keep me sane; keep the monsters and the demons away until I could stop being one. Until they let me be human again.

"Take Logan and Carlos with you, OK? I...really don't want them to see...Him."

James nodded firmly and squeezed my neck. "I will, Ken. I promise. I'll talk to them as well." He broke our embrace and cupped my chin. "Remember the past stays where it is. You're not him anymore. Say it."

"I'm...not...him?"

"Good." He glanced at his watch. "Ouch. I'll take the boys to the studio."

"Right. OK. Good."

With one final squeeze of my hand, James left and let the door click shut. I turned back to the nightmare on the bed.

I'm bad. Tough. Out of control and wild. I'm not Kendall Knight. I'm Him. I'm broken and bleeding on the bathroom floor. I'm screaming silently in the hallways and I'm kicking down the walls of the classroom. No one's listening to me. I'm prowling down the pavement, grinding up the plants and crushing toes. Finally I'm noticed, I'm sitting in detention. Teacher's scowling at me. Mother hating me, sister frightened of me. I'm forgetting my friends. I'm roaring in their faces and watching them cry. I'm pushing them to the ground when all I want to be doing is hitting myself. I'm frightened in the corner and watching you from the mirror. I have a dirty, dirty secret and it's tired of being locked away. You unlocked the door, you set it free. You set me free. Question is, are you ready? Ready for me to bleed again?

Did you miss me? The dark twin in your head, whispering all those horrible twisted thoughts. People would run away if they knew the things I told you. Or would they lock you up?

Did you miss me, Kendall? Look, can you see it glinting in the light? Pretty, huh?

"You can do this, Kendall." I whispered. "Open your eyes."

I didn't want to. The collar of my coat was too stiff and itched my neck. The zips were annoying and jingled whenever I moved. There was something hideously tight about my trousers. I knew what I looked like without opening my eyes. But there wasn't time for me to hide from the past. My friends were waiting for me to save them, hold the band together and not fall apart. Slowly, I relaxed the tense muscles in my neck and shook out my clenched fists. Of course I could do this, I wasn't doing anything difficult. Just changing my clothes. I didn't have to change. I was still going to be Kendall Knight.

"One. Two. THREE!"

I wrenched my eyes opened and stared at my reflection and felt my heart's dance increase in tempo. The boy in the mirror was hard, made of lead and iron and a little older than the last time I saw him. He had a stone cold heart that stopped beating a long time ago. His only purpose was to hurt and his destiny was to fall. I wanted to hate him and deny I knew him. But I couldn't. He wasn't a stranger to me. He was the voice in my anger and the passion in my loathing. The reason my shadow was a little darker and why I could stand so tall. He gave me my pride and my strength. But he frightened me. Frightened me so bad, I had locked him away and pretended I had always worn plaid shirts and beanie hats.

Hello, old friend. It's been a while, hasn't it?

I blinked and looked stubbornly away from the mirror and found my blue sweat shirt. My trousers tightened around my legs when I knelt down and gathered the shirt lovingly into my lap. Already I was longing for its comfort and colour. I folded it up carefully and rested it on my bed. I headed toward the studio without a backward glance. He was breathing down my neck and curling his hand around mine.

James knew who was going to walk in the door but he still looked surprised and a little afraid. Carlos and Logan shuffled their feet but didn't look away. Perhaps they knew this time I was determined to stay and not let Him win. Wayne Wayne just looked horrified and I thrived just a little on it. My stride was powerful and confident; I was everything they had wanted in a bad boy and more. No one had the right to chuck me away like trash. To force me out of my band and away from my friends. Secretly, I loved the eyes that latched onto this stranger in the room who wore the face of a boy they knew.

"Yeah. Let's hear it."

You've got nothing on me.

Wayne Wayne was a laughable, pathetic fool who thought he could be someone bad. Someone who thought gold chains, hats and goons would push him to the top. He'd never met me before. Soon he would wish he never had. There was a swagger on my hips and an arrogant smirk on my face as Wayne Wayne tried to intimidate me and push me around.

"Oooh! It's a bad boy off!" Carlos' excitement for a situation he didn't fully understand lit a fire under me.

I prowled forward. "You know, one thing I know about bad boys is. They like breaking stuff."

SMASH!

I didn't want to like the thrill the shattering of Gustavo's records sent through my veins. The anger in his eyes shouldn't have amused me as much as it did. How could I slip back into His clutches already?

I'm so sorry.

"Dude your rhymes are weak. Mine fit like a glove. Gustavo's got a face only a mother could love."

Heh. This is...fun...

This is nice. Nice tidy office. Everything in place and perfect. I shouldn't mess it up. But the sledge hammer feels right in my hands and you told me too. It's been to long since I last destroyed something. You've kept me locked away to long, Kendall. But you're enjoying it really aren't you? Really, you like the rush and the adrenaline that pumps around you. Destruction gives you something you can't find in songs or hockey. Gives you control and a way to give into that anger inside you. Don't panic, Kendall, it's just a desk. Ssh, that chair can easily be replaced. Oh, my lovely, that plant was nothing, don't cry. Gustavo said we could. Live a little. Maybe this time, you won't fight me.

"He destroyed my office. My music awards. And he used my draw as a bathroom."

And I did so much more.

"Bad boys go where they want."

I destroyed Kendall Knight. Happy now?

"That's a new one. Original. And so very bad."

Oh, you liked that one? You'll love this then. I just stole Gustavo's letter opener. I wonder how well it works on flesh. Playing the part come so easily to me now. Loving Kendall Knight, the boy superhero who doesn't know how to hurt his friends. But I do.

"But I don't want to wear these clothes all the time. And I won't turn my back on my friends."

Now, I'm using rehearsed lines and speaking with Kendall's tongue. Too bad they can't see. They don't know the locks and chains I've got around their friend, leader and heart. I've got him caught in the past with his mistakes and my song. They can't hear his cries, taste his tears or know his agony. If I have my way, they never will.

You made Kendall give in to me. Played him and pushed him in to accepting me again. Shame on you.

He's in my head and crawling through my veins. Somewhere deep inside me and parasitic. I fought so hard to ignore him and stay strong but he was always better than me. I couldn't make my hands take of the clothes that suffocated me but fed Him. His long, slender hand had a frightening hold on my my mind. Terrified I turned to James but my tongue was paralysed when I tried to ask for help. My body had become His puppet and my mind His toy. I had no control over anything. Oh, god! I think he's won.

. . . .

But James just looked right at me and didn't hear. I was His. The demon that had hurt my friends, made them fear me. All the years I had spent convincing them he was gone were for nothing. I had been foolish and naive. Of course something that powerful and old wouldn't leave. The bedroom door flew opened and my friends charged in. They looked tense and ready for a fight with lips curled and eyes alight with anger. James' gaze latched onto me immediately and a shudder shot around his body. Logan and Carlos hid behind him, away from the demonic eyes they saw in me.

Get out of here, James. Take Logan and Carlos and just run.

"Guys?" He asked.

"I knew you weren't, Kendall. You're back." James growled.

He smirked with my lips and spoke with my voice.

"I am. Miss me?"

Help me. Please.