How does one rate there life? What is the value of one's life? This has been a question that millions of people ask themselves. Some people look at their lives in measurements. How much money do I have, how many possessions do I have? Some other people measure their lives by value. How much money have I made, how much am I worth, what is the value of my possessions? However, there are few others, others like myself that measure their life with acceptance.
This is where my story begins. Feeling accepted in the life that I live. Looking back during my life, I have found that I have not been very accepted. Growing up I was teased all the time. I was the outcast in my class. I was not the very pretty one, nor did I own very nice things. I went through my childhood being called worthless, or that I was not going to amount to much. There were other things that I was also called, but I will not mention them now.
I suddenly looked up from the small paper that I was writing. This was a paper that I was required to write in order to get into the college that I wanted, Jefferson Senior College. It was a college that was located deep in the country. The college was huge, but the bright green trees around the exterior and the multitude of flowers located around the college made the college one that everyone wished to go to. The students that do go to this college are all from proseegious families. The families may have been rich or had other connections in regards to the schools that is how they all get in. In regards to myself, I do not come from a well-known family and neither does my family have much money. That is why I am writing this easy today. First place prize is for a scholarship to go to the school for a year. Even if this is all I could get at least I can tell any potential employers that I did attend Jefferson College.
I stood up and walked to my small cramped kitchen. It wasn't much, the paint was starting to peal from the walls and there were many rust color stains on the floor, but hey, it kept the rain off my head. Suddenly I heard a loud crack. I felt the walls shake in the small kitchen. I looked to my right out of the small window. I had seen that the wind was blowing. I was sure that if I took one-step outside that it would have a growling sound to it. I watched outside and there were bright flashes of light. Great a thunderstorm, I thought. I really hate the rain, and I hate violent storm even more.
I slowly walked to the fridge and pulled out some food that was left over from earlier in the day. It didn't look that appeasing, a bunch of ground up hamburger and cooked noodles. I dished a small amount onto my plate, and put the rest back in the fridge. I then slowly walked back to my worn couch, it wasn't pretty, but it was comfortable. I slowly thought about my future while I ate the cold noodles and hamburger.
After I was finished, I looked at the clock; it was already one in the morning. My easy has to be mailed within the next day on order for it to be considered. I finally looked back down to the paper that I have merely written my entire life on. I finished the paper by writing; In conclusion, I have every desire to attend Jefferson. I have worked hard in my studies in order to get where I am. Even with everyone saying that I was not good enough, or that I was not pretty enough, I have not let that stop me.
I finished the long essay by signing my name to it and folding it in threes. I picked up the envelope that was sitting next to my phone. I opened it up and stuffed my paper in the envelope along with my application for the school. I looked back at the clock. It is about time to get a little sleep before the bright golden sun rises above the horizon. I stood up from my desk, and started too walked over to the bed that was in the corner of my small room. I slowly sat on the edge of my bed and looked to the ceiling. I started to let a few teardrop tears drop from the corner of my eyes.
"Please," I said quietly to myself, "Help me make it in. You have taken everyone important from me; all I ask is for one thing in return."
The everything I am talking about is my parents and my little sister. I lost them last year, the day before my nineteenth birthday. The police officer that came to my door told me that the accident happened due to a head on collision. The other driver that caused the accident was more than three times the legal limit. I cried so hard when I found out the I lost them all, but nothing-hurt more than what I seen when I see the car after the accident. Sitting in the backseat, next to where my little sister had sat, was smudges of something creamy white, mixed with bright yellow, bright blue, and pink. I looked at the floor in the backseat, and sitting there upside down was the remnant of a birthday cake.
They all died because of me. If it was not because it was my birthday, or for the fact that my parents knew that I loved celebrating my birthday, they would have never died. Even a year later I still have not forgave myslef for it. No, I was not the one that was driving the car, but I was the reason that they have died. This was the reason now that I was asking the ceiling to help me, ya I know that sounds ridiculous. Everything was taken from me; the least that could happen is being accepted in the college.
I continued to think about the past, and my long lost family. I started to have tears come to my eyes. I knew now it was going to be a long tearful night. I continued to hear the thunder in the background, and then I thought about the loneness that I was feeling. This is what I deserve; this is my punishment, for what I contributed to my family's death.
I slowly lay back on my bed and tucked my feet under me. I slowly grabbed my plush white blanket and surrounded myself with it. I continued to have tears drop from my eyes as I slowly closed them. While darkness slowly claimed my I kept whispering softly to the air, "why me, why, why can't anything work right for me?" I never received an answer as a dreamless sleep claimed me, and thunder continued in the background.