Haruhi Suzumiya / ChäoS;HEAd Crossover Fanfic: The Taming of Haruhi Suzumiya

Chapter One: Introductions

His name was Kyon. And his name was Nishijou Takumi.

They both stared at Suzumiya Haruhi. Haruhi's smile was very wide.

Kyon had never seen a uniform like Takumi's before. In fact, he could hardly believe it was a uniform. Takumi had a tan blazer and a green tie, and shapeless, pajama-bottom plaid green pants. They appeared to be thin cotton, not the usual jeans or canvas cloth. This didn't help Takumi's appearance, because he looked nervously anxious and half-exhausted, as if he had gotten out of bed messily half-dressed. And Kyon had thought blue and white sailor suits were decadent.

Kyon was the first to speak up. "Haruhi, who is this guy?"

"He's a second-year at a rival school—Suimei Academy, right? Nishijou Takumi." Kyon bit his tongue before he snapped, I knew that. Takumi nodded and seemed to shrink into himself. Haruhi continued, "And he is now an honorary member of the SOS Brigade."

Kyon crossed his arms. "I would like to know how that will be technically possible given that the Brigade is technically a local school club."

Haruhi, as usual, was unfazed. "No problem. Nishijou-kun will assist us in out-of-school capacity only." She tossed her hair.

Takumi, whose expression had not changed greatly throughout the whole exchange, stiffened noticeably.

Kyon frowned and cocked his head in consideration, letting his gaze flicker between them. "Fine," he said.

Haruhi beamed, and bounced off to inform the rest of the club.

"Nishijou-kun," Kyon began. "Are you okay with this?"

Takumi shifted his shoulders and glanced to the side. "Un. Yeah." He looked extremely uncomfortable.

"Haruhi can be a bit of a handful, I know," said Kyon. "But you'll get used to it."

Takumi nodded silently again.

Kyon leaned forward conspiratorially. "Where did she get you from, by the way?"

"N-n-nowhere."

"So she just picked you up off the street," Kyon surmised.

Takumi looked distressed, almost to the point of wringing his hands.

"I guess I'd better introduce you to the club members before Haruhi does. C'mon." Kyon took Takumi's hand and pulled him over to Koizumi Itsuki. "Koizumi-kun, this is Nishijou Takumi. Nishijou-kun, this is Koizumi Itsuki. He's the biggest faker you'll ever be likely to meet; also, he transferred here last year. Normally, no one would think that is important, but Haruhi does."

"Nice to meet you," they said, and bowed. Itsuki looked amused, as usual, but Takumi barely looked at him at all. Poor kid.

Kyon caught Yuki's eye and beckoned; Yuki nodded back and approached. "Yuki, this is Nishijou Takumi. Nishijou-kun, this is Nagato Yuki. She used to be the book club member until the room got taken over."

They repeated the first-meeting ritual. Nishijou, Kyon noted, was stiffer than Yuki. This gave him a strange, unstable feeling in the back of his mind. Yuki had been improving lately in terms of emotional development, and she had gotten more graceful, for all that her expressions were neither negative nor positive. Yet Takumi was unnaturally stiff and his hands shook even while he was bowing.

Kyon felt badly for him. He jerked his head towards the door. "Koizumi-kun. Go distract Suzumiya," he muttered out of the corner of his mouth, so that Nishijou couldn't hear him.

Itsuki laughed first, then warned, "It'll cost you."

"Just go. We've got to get this poor kid out of Haruhi's way. Name your price."

"Two ginger beers," Itsuki supplied instantly, already sliding away.

Beers? Presumably alcoholic? Kyon was going to regret this. "Fine, got it. Just go!"

Luckily for Kyon, Takumi hadn't noticed anything. He was staring at Mikuru, who was in her maid suit. Luckily for Mikuru, she had not noticed. Normally Kyon would have stopped to appreciate Asahina's sheer cuteness, but right now was an emergency. "Asahina-san!" Kyon hissed, gesturing to her madly.

"Hai!" Mikuru answered in a voice that Kyon was pretty sure was the epitome of cute. She smiled at Takumi, and Kyon felt a brief flicker of envy. Kyon quickly introduced the two, confusedly explained Mikuru's maid suit with "she always serves the tea," then noticed that Takumi's eyes had abruptly gone blank. At the same time, Mikuru's eyes clouded.

"Yo. Nishijou-kun." Kyon snapped his fingers in front of Takumi, and he started.

"Ah— oh— what..." Takumi abruptly became confused and his face flushed. "Um, who are you?"

"Asahina Mikuru," Mikuru supplied.

Takumi mumbled, "I'm sorry," and stared at the floor.

"What?"

Abruptly, Takumi fell to his knees, hunched over with his hands on the floor, and spoke almost under his breath. Kyon bent to hear him. "Was that... a delusion?" Takumi hugged himself. "Or...hallucination...could it...? Seira-tan..."

The blood drained from Kyon's face. Great. Yet another crazy person. And Seira, wasn't that a character from Blood Tunes the Animation? Who watched that anymore?

From across the room, Koizumi caught his eye, dipped his head, and smiled extra widely. Haruhi incoming.

It was time to get Takumi out of the SOS Brigade Club room. It took Kyon another five seconds to get Takumi up, off the floor and out the door before Haruhi turned back around. They managed. Click went the door behind them, and Kyon doubled over, gasping. "All right. Let's go. I'll walk you home, Nishijou-kun," Kyon said. The Brigade would go on without him.

"Okay." Takumi gripped the handle of his school satchel.

"Where do you live?"

Takumi shifted uncertainly. "It's easier to show you than tell you."

"Let me just say this right now," said Kyon, "Once Suzumiya figures out where you live, there will be no peace. Better keep it a secret from her. Should be easier for you, since you're not in the same school, at least, but that advantage could be gone in a heartbeat."

"I see," said Takumi.

Kyon asked, "So how was she going to keep in contact with you anyway?"

"She asked me to join," said Takumi. Kyon was getting a very bad feeling about this. "I said yes."

"So, you will come regularly?" Kyon asked.

"Yes."

"To look for— what's it she's always going on about? Espers, time travelers, aliens, and other scientifically unproven, unexplained, and undetectable phenomena?" Kyon inquired. "She was just looking for members?"

"Yes."

Kyon ran one hand through his hair and sighed. I think this is the first time Haruhi's direct asking approach has worked. Then remembered. Except maybe with me...but then she kind of took my idea, ran with it, and pulled me with her, so I never really thought of my involvement as voluntary... "And then," he prodded, knowing there was probably more to the story, where Haruhi was involved.

"We were on the train. I was going home from school. She stole my laptop and took my contact information. Er, I got it back. Except my address, because I, uh, don't have an address. Um... actually, she might call on my sister, I guess...? She's going to laugh at me..." Takumi started mumbling. "Oh, that's right." Takumi's eyes alighted on Kyon, and then he looked straight into Kyon's eyes. "I don't know your name."

Kyon felt a kind of jolt as he remembered that Haruhi hadn't exactly introduced them properly — only Takumi. "Ah. Ah, I'm so sorry! I'm Kyon. Um." He never told people his real name; as far as he was concerned, it was an abomination. "Call me Kyon. Everyone calls me that."

"Call me Takumi. Um. Back there," said Takumi softly, "I'm really sorry about that."

"It's no problem," Kyon said uncomfortably. "We all do that around Asahina, sometimes, we're just a little less obvious about it..."

"If— if I do anything strange," said Takumi, "just... just do that again, would you?"

Er... Okay. "Anytime," said Kyon, forcing himself to smile.

"Thanks," Takumi muttered again, and his face turned back to the pavement.

They reached Takumi's apartment. Takumi hesitated to show Kyon all the way up, but Kyon insisted, saying that his house was nearby, so Takumi led the way.

Once on the top, Kyon surveyed the space in silence. It was pitiful, really. On the side of the building's flat roof was a small garage; no, just a shed. It did not look comfortable from the outside, and the inside did not contradict that assumption. The shed was sheer metal, and the floor was cold concrete. The room must be freezing in the winter. There was a couch on one side, next to the door, and a computer desk on the other. The rest of the shadowy shed was taken up by chrome Ikea shelves, and was cram packed with books, games, and figurines.

Takumi confessed before Kyon said anything. "It's true. I'm a hikikomori and an otaku. I don't really get out much. That's why I didn't really want you to see..."

"So you skip school a lot?" Kyon kept his tone measured.

"Uh, yeah. I had an, um, a schedule..." Takumi reddened. "Although actually I don't skip much anymore. Both my sis and my girlfriend got on my case, and said there wasn't any excuse after... never mind. Although I'm lucky just to be passing."

Clearly, Takumi was in over his head in life, never mind with the SOS Brigade. Kyon opened his satchel, rummaged around a little, wrote his name, phone, and address on a piece of paper and handed it to Takumi. "If you need anything," he said. "Also, if you don't want to get dragged into my school during the day, I tell you, don't tell Haruhi that you sometimes skip school. Like I said, you'll never have any peace and I won't be responsible for the consequences."

Takumi clutched the paper. "Thanks," he said, and Kyon left.

Disclaimer: I'm only stating this once. I do not profit from this work of fan fiction. I do not own the characters who I am borrowing from the Haruhi Suzumiya series and ChäoS;HEAd. I do not write canon, I derive my work from canon. Any questions?