My Life as a Movie

The lights went down. The screen lit up. And the flesh-eating undead appeared.

Everyone cheered. Who didn't love the undead?

Someone in the back of the room moaned, "Braaaaaainssssss," and was shushed.

Yes, it was holomovie night on board the Resolute. Several dozen clones were crammed into a room not meant for several dozen clones, and there was a considerable amount of shoving, arguing and shouts of 'your head is in the way!' and 'no thermal detonators in the theater'!

Ahsoka was crunched between Echo and Fives. Echo seemed vaguely bored by the zombies – serial killers in hockey masks were apparently far superior - Fives was on the edge of his seat, jumping up and down every time some blue-faced shuffling corpse tried to eat someone. Or just gnaw on them a little. Ahsoka wasn't entirely sure which.

"Virus zombies," Fives said, awed. "That is so awesome."

Ahsoka tilted her head to the side. "So they're not caused by brain worms?"

Fives looked at her, excited. Ahsoka learned something new every day. Fives apparently loved zombie flicks. "Brain Worms? Is that a new holomovie?"

"Er, no, that's a new attempt by the Separatists to overrun the Republic. I was kinda in the medbay for awhile because of it."

Fives was staring at her like she had just proclaimed herself Queen of Naboo. "You saw REAL ZOMBIES?"

"Yeah. Barriss got turned into one, actually."

Fives' eyes bugged out. Ahsoka turned to the screen just in time to watch the shambling undead shuffle after some intrepid heroes, running for their lives. She felt a little queasy. "You know what? I think I've had enough zombies for awhile."

"Braaaaaaaaaaaaainsssssss," someone in the back repeated, and Ahsoka ran for the door.

The lights went down. The screen lit up. A village full of weeping people filled the screen.

Everyone stared, frowning. There were no zombies. Also, nothing exploded. This was disappointing.

Rex cleared his throat and said, loudly, to Ahsoka, who was sitting next to him this time, "My week to pick."

All the lower-ranked clones sat up straighter and paid attention. No good comes from mocking the Captain's movies.

Ahsoka smiled and watched. Then she began to frown. The village full of weeping farmers was going to be robbed by thieves. They resolved to hire warriors to protect them. Seven noble warriors came, taught the people how to defend themselves, and valiantly led the villagers to victory against the evil bad guys.

"Er, Rex?" Ahsoka whispered, as the movie began to conclude, "Did you read the mission report Master Skywalker sent out a couple days ago?"

"Yeah, why?"

"You don't…notice any similarities?"

Rex frowned. "To the mission?"

"Yeah. You know, the one where Master Skywalker, Master Kenobi and I met up with four bounty hunters and we fought off some space pirates trying to steal food from some farmers by teaching the farmers how to fight?"

Rex nodded seriously. "It's a great movie, isn't it? Very realistic."

Ahsoka gave him a funny look. "Um, right. Good choice, Rex."

He beamed.

The lights went down. The screen lit up. An invincible monster emerged from the depths of the earth.

Everyone cheered.

Ahsoka blanched.

The invincible monster with blaster-breath went on a rampage through a very large city. Lots of stuff blew up and got destroyed.

Ahsoka leaned over towards Echo. "Um, Echo? The name of the movie isn't 'Zillo Beast' or something, is it?"

Echo shook his head. "Nah. Close though. Godzilla. It's giant monster week this week. Apparently this one is supposed to be an allegory about what horrors can be unleashed when you try to create weapons of mass destruction. "

"Like the electro-proton bomb on Malastare?"

Echo nodded thoughtfully. "Yeah, kind of like that."

Ahsoka put her face in her hands.

The lights went down. The screen lit up. Ahsoka sighed happily. Barriss sniffled miserably.

They were at the Temple. Barriss had a cold. 'But it's the Mirialian strain, so you won't get it. I've been cooped up for a couple days. Please come keep me company, I can't go five feet from a tissue box.'

So Ahsoka was sitting on the far side of the couch in Barriss's quarters, surrounded by snacks. Barriss was sitting on the other side, surrounded by tissues. Barriss was unlikely to have picked a movie eerily reminiscent of her life. Ah, for a few hours of peaceful escapism!

A ring flipped down across the screen surrounded by fire. Then there was a big dramatic battle, while the voice-over mysteriously declared that history became legend, and legend became myth, and that some things should not be forgotten. Then there were wizards and short people and a creepy creature with a cough.

Three movies later, the two girls were still sitting on the couch, a little wide-eyed.

"Barriss?" asked Ahsoka.

"Yes?"

"Please tell me you noticed the weird things."

Barriss blinked a couple times, sniffled, then held up fingers as she ticked items off. "Do you mean the similarities between the Battle of Helm's Deep and the second Battle of Geonosis, where you destroyed an impenetrable wall by blowing it up from within, or us taking the One Ring into Mordor while Master Unduli and Master Skywalker stormed the gates to act as a diversion while we took out the enemy from inside, almost being killed in the process?"

"Both. Also, Anakin and I were doing the counting thing during Geonosis, too. Somehow, it was funnier with Legolas and Gimli."

Barriss paused, sniffled a little again, and asked, "Did he also offer to get you a box?"

Ahsoka threw a mini-pretzel at her friend, who was giggling. "I'm not THAT short!"

"Perhaps if Master Yoda were there?"

Ahsoka gaped for a moment, scandalized, then burst into laughter. "Barriss!"

"I blame the virus entirely, and am not responsible for my words," she declared with a grin. Then delicately blew her nose.

"Ugh. What else do we have to watch?" Ahsoka rifled through the stack of holos on the endtable. She picked one out. "A lightning storm in space!" she read from the back. "In the far reaches of the galaxy, a machine of war bursts into existence in a place and time it was never meant to be. On a mission of retribution of the destruction of his planet, its half-mad captain seeks the death of every intelligent being, and the annihilation of every civilized world."

Ahsoka turned the box over. "Star Trek?" she suggested, lifting a brow and glancing at Barriss.

Barriss nodded. "Fine with me. At least we know that one won't be anything like our lives."

Ahsoka looked at the box. "Agreed. Star Trek?"

"Star Trek."

It was good to find something different.

Anyone else notice how large chunks of Season Two seemed to be, ah, 'inspired', by movies? In the case of the Bounty Hunters episode, it was acknowledged by a hat tip to Akira Kurosawa. Otherwise? Zombies AND Godzilla AND a homage to Lord of the Rings? In one season?

Anyway, the movies referenced in here are Akira Kurosawa's Seven Samurai (also adapted into a cowboy movie called Magnificent Seven in the west), Dawn of the Dead, Godzilla, and of course Lord of the Rings and Star Trek: 2009. The synopsis Ahsoka reads out loud is from the Star Trek novelization. I own none of these things, though it would be cool if I did.

~Queen