Disclaimer: I do not own the vampire diaries. D'OH!

PS This takes place from the TV series perspective, right after Stefan tells Elena he's leaving Mystic falls.

The pain rages inside of me.

My indecision tortures me.

Will I leave her alone, as I should, so no one will hurt her because of me?

Will I stay away so she does not suffer because of me?

Or will I stay close, to protect her?

Even I don't know.

I never did know.

I have only one option now.

Flee.

Hide.

It's the only way to protect her.

"Okay Stefan, cut the crap. Why are you really here?" My little sister's voice was unbearably easy to hear through my headphones. The fact she knew me better than Damon ever had was also an annoyance I'd had to live with through the last few weeks. My little sister, Ariella "Ella" Salvatore had been a vampire longer than I had, and frankly was the only person who put up with my brooding. I had fled to Ella's home after realizing that it was the only place that Damon couldn't follow me. She had gotten fed up. Finally.

"Drop it Ella. You know I don't want to talk about it." I said in my usual brooding monotone. That, as I knew, wouldn't and didn't deter her. She yanked the couch out from under me and crushed my CD player with her foot. "It'd better not be a Catherine thing. I told you, she was not good for you and she never will be. She set that Vampire servant of hers, Dante on me. Did you ever forget that? She LIED to you over and over and over again. When will you get over her?" Ella was literally screeching now. It took a great deal to make her mad which meant that I had crossed some sort of line that was not meant to be crossed.

Giving up, I sat in the chair and mumbled. " I found a new girlfriend. It was too dangerous to be around her anymore Ella. You know that vampires can lose control very easily. Damon's been following me around making my life a complete nightmare, and I can't drag her into that nightmare." I could tell that Ella wasn't buying it. She knew that there was something I wasn't telling her and she was going to ferret it out of me. She could and would.

"Do you want to know something Stefan? That night, in the church... When Catherine stumbled out the back door, crying for help, I was there. She was on fire. I tied her to a tree and fed the fire, so it consumed her. I killed Catherine. Not Emily, that witch who slaughtered the 27 vampires left inside, me. I killed the vampire called Catherine. Me. Do you understand Stefan? You must never tell Damon." I looked up at my innocent looking little sister with her veil of dark hair, her pale skin and ice blue eyes, and I could hardly believe she would kill anyone.

I could understand why. I had wanted to kill Catherine myself after I learned she had sent Dante to kill Ella. I loved my little sister, the tiny little girl who would follow Damon and I around everywhere singing lullabies and dancing as she went, carrying a bouquet of wildflowers or a rag doll. Yet it was hard to understand fully the grudge she held against Catherine.

"Why?"

"Because if you did, Damon would kill me. Literally kill me."