Authors Note: Hey everyone. I know I put this in the summary but I want to put it here also *TRIGGER WARNING-SELF HARM*. I know its a touchy and very sensitive topic, and I know it's been done, and I would normally be the LAST one to write about this...but for many reasons, I just need to write this. I'm very sorry if the topic offends anyone. If it does, please don't read. It will not hurt my feelings. the only thing that will hurt my feelings is rude and negative comments, so please, please, please...remember to be kind.

Two weeks. It had been two weeks since the sniper case. Two weeks since she broke down in her apartment. Two weeks since she broke down in the hallway of that building. Two weeks since she had told Dr. Burke she was ready to face this and start to do the work. Two weeks. Two weeks….and now...well, now she was starting to think this was a bad decision. She thought she was ready for this. She thought she could handle this. Turns out, she was wrong.

She had just arrived home from a session with Dr. Burke and, as usual, she was feeling awful. Having to talk about everything and dredge everything back up. Somewhere in the back of her mind she knew that it was the only way to get better…but before it makes it better, it makes it worse. Dr. Burke had warned her about this. Warned her that 'stirring up the pot' as he called it, was very trying, and he continually asked her if she was sure she had enough emotional reserves to handle it.

She reassured him she did but tonight; tonight she felt like she was out of strength. She'd been fighting and fighting and she felt like she just couldn't do it anymore. Since she was a private person she didn't want any of her colleagues or friends to know what she was going though. Of course, they knew some of it…but they didn't know how bad it was. They didn't know that for the past several weeks the thought of cutting kept coming to her mind because she simply just didn't know what else to do. She was doing this on her own, and she didn't know how much longer she could keep it up.

She had never cut before and so far, she had been able to resist the urge. She did talk to Dr. Burke about it and he gave her some tools and coping skills to use when she was having the urge to cut. It wasn't easy. In fact, it was extremely difficult, but she had been able to resist. Tonight, however, she didn't feel like she could fight it any more. All she could think about was the fact that she knew if she just cut, she would feel better-even if for a moment. All she could think about was the fact that for a short moment, she would be focusing on the physical pain instead of the emotional turmoil. She didn't want to hurt herself, but she was convinced she could be careful. With shaky hands, she got the scissors out of the drawer and rolled up her left sleeve.

Castle strolled into the precinct, the usual two cups of coffee in tow, "Good Morning, Detective."

Kate looked up from the paperwork she was doing and tried to give him a smile, but he noticed right away it didn't reach her eyes, "Hey, Castle. Thanks." She said as he sat in his chair and handed her the coffee.

"You ok Kate?"

"Oh, uh, yeah fine. Just tired. Didn't sleep well last night, that's all."

Of course he knew she was lying, but he also knew better than to push her. "Ok, so what do we got on tap for today?"

"Well…unless the phone rings, just paperwork. Sorry partner."

He sighed dramatically, "Well, I guess we should be happy the people of New York are taking a little crime break, even if it means a boring day for us."

Kate laughed, "Us? Since when is there an 'us' where paperwork is concerned?"

Castle reached over and grabbed a pen, "Since today. Hand some over."

She eyed him suspiciously but did as he said, "Why are you being so nice today?"

"What? Detective, you wound me. I am always nice to you."

"Riiiiiight. Just let me know if you have any questions."

"Got it." Castle looked at the form in front of him and she saw that gleam in his eye and she just knew…

"And Castle, stick to the facts. This isn't one of your books, no taking a creative license and making a story out of the case."

"Oh come on, Becket. You don't think the higher up would appreciate a little creativity? I'm sure they would rather read an interesting account instead of the…"

"Castle!" She interrupted.

He held his hands up in surrender, "Fine, fine. Got it. Keep it boring."

She rolled her eyes and got back to work. Several hours later Beckett sighed and rubbed her forehead, "Ok, I need so need more coffee."

"I'll take some too," Castle added, not looking up from the form he was filling out. A few seconds later Castle heard a crash and rushed to the break room. He saw Beckett wiping up coffee and glass from the floor. "You ok? What happened."

She was cursing under her breath, "Damn steam. Its fine, I got it Castle."

"Don't be ridiculous," he said as he got some paper towels and went to help. When he bent down he noticed Kate's left sleeve was covered in coffee.

"Kate, did you burn yourself?"

She looked down at her sleeve and arm covered in coffee. Realizing which arm he was looking at she started to panic, "It's fine Castle."

Not listening, he took her hand and dragged her to the sink, "Kate, you have to run your arm under cold water, it's gonna burn!"

She tried to get out of his grasp, "Castle I'm fine, really. I've got it."

He turned the cold water on, "Stop being so stubborn, Kate."

"Castle…really…"

He pulled up her sleeve as he put her arm under the water. He looked at her, "See, doesn't that feel better." He looked down at her wrist for the first time, "I don't think you got yourself that…"

Kate knew the second he saw the cuts she had made last night. He got totally silent. It felt like time went still. She shut her eyes as hard as she could. No, no no. NO. This could not be happening. No. Suddenly, everything was spinning…

Kate heard Castle shut off the water and felt him dry her wrist of with the towel. Then she felt him lightly tracing his thumb over the cuts on her wrist. "Kate," he whispered, "what happened?"

Kate finally opened her eyes, but looked at the floor, "N…nothing, Castle." Her voice croaked out, "I just got scratched." She tried to pull her arm away but he kept a firm hold on it.

He shook his head, "Look me in the eye and tell me that."

"Castle, let me go and drop it." She finally broke free of his grasp.

She went to turn around and leave but Castle ran ahead of her and shut the door to the break room, blocking her path. "What happened Kate?"

"Castle, I said drop it." Kate said, raising her voice.

Castle raised his voice as well, "No! Not until you tell me what really happened."

"I told you, I got scratched."

"Bullshit!" Castle grabbed her left arm and pulled up her sleeve, "This is not just a scratch Kate."

"Castle, stop!" she yelled, pulling her arm away from him.

They stood there for a few minutes in silence, both breathing heavy, until Castle spoke, this time in a whisper, "Kate, please. Please tell me what's going on. What happened?"

Kate finally looked at him and he saw the fear in her eyes, "I…I, Castle I can't."

He gently took her hand and led her to the couch. She didn't resist. As much as she didn't want him finding out, maybe it would help if she had someone to talk to. Maybe she would feel less alone. But she couldn't tell him. When they sat on the couch Kate immediately looked anywhere but at Castle's face. "Kate look at me, please." When she finally looked at him he took a deep breath. He was afraid to hear the answer to this, but he needed to know, "Kate, did you cut yourself?"

She looked at him, stunned. She never thought he would just ask her outright. "I…I…" Kate shut her eyes and tears leaked out. He had his answer.

"Oh, Kate." He tried to give her a hug.

She allowed it for half a second before pulling away and jumping off the couch, "No. No, Castle I'm fine. Just please, leave me alone ok." Before he could say anything else she had ran out the door.