Now You See Me

Disclaimer-I do not own Glee

Summary: Four times when Santana felt invisible to somebody in the Glee club, and the one time she knew that everybody would truly notice her even if she wasn't really there.

Puck

Santana Lopez knew she was hot. All she had to do was look in the mirror to reaffirm that fact with herself. She had the looks, the voice, the moves, as well as the Cheerio outfit and the attitude that went with it. Out of all the girls in her grade, Santana had been the first to hit puberty. She was the first girl to start her period, wear a bra and produce a pair of breasts. Then she was the first girl to have a boyfriend and lose her virginity at age thirteen.

She and Noah 'Puck' Puckerman had seemed to be an inevitability. Back in kindergarten, Puck had always pretended he was a brave knight rescuing Santana from the witch's tower. As they got a little older, the cute child games faded. In place of fantasy games, the two would have scissor fights or glue fights. When Puck had accidentally snipped off a chunk of Santana's hair, she had retaliated by pouring the entire pot of glue over his head meaning that he had to have his head shaved.

During the days when the other kids were convinced that members of the opposing gender were infested with cooties, Santana and Puck would walk about the school playground hand in hand, stealing innocent kisses under the climbing frame.

Around the age of ten, the two were known for being the trouble makers in class and the bullies in the playground. Together they had carried out a number of cruel deeds on the other children. They had once dropped a worm into Jacob Ben Israel's hair. Another time they had offered Quinn Fabray a juicy red apple during their lunch break. She accepted it with a smile and a thank-you. As soon as she took the first bite they reminded her that in the story of 'The Garden of Eden', Adam and Eve were forbidden from eating the fruit. They had then insisted that because Quinn had tasted the forbidden fruit that she was sure to go to hell. Quinn had burst into tears before dropping the apple and running away to a solitary corner where she clutched at the little gold cross that hung around her neck praying for forgiveness.

On another occasion when a group of their peers were taking a swimming lesson, the two told all the children who couldn't swim very well that if they spent more than a minute in the shallow end of the pool that sharks would be thrown in to eat them. Rachel Berry had been one of the children unable to swim very well. She had been so terrified by their stories that she had splashed her way into the deep end of the pool, almost drowning had the lifeguard not dived in and pulled her out.

They had also once spent an entire school week following Matt Rutherford around and mimicking every word he said, laughing about it all the while. The boy stopped speaking and seldom ever uttered another word during school hours ever again, right up to the time he transferred.

At age thirteen, the two of them had lost their virginities together. It hadn't been too great an experience since neither of them really knew what they were doing. Both had bragged about it at school the next day though. In the space of a few hours, Puck had become known as a badass sex shark and Santana was labelled the school slut.

If ever they got bored, which happened frequently in the town of Lima, the two would shed the clothing and have sex. They did the nasty around twenty times before Santana really enjoyed it when Puck succeeded in giving her her first orgasm.

Santana had never really considered what they had as dating but everyone else referred to them as boyfriend and girlfriend. Really though, it was just sex and Santana was ok with that. It made her feel wanted and desired. And on the rare occasions when they would cuddle up afterwards and Puck stroked her hair, she felt loved.

Then when they joined Glee club, it became apparent that Puck was noticing other girls. Everyone knew that both she and Puck weren't faithful to each other. They knew full well that they slept with other people; it was almost a competition to them, a game. But suddenly it seemed that Puck was looking at other girls as more than just a game.

The first time had been when he first performed a solo in Glee club. He sang 'Sweet Caroline', not to her, but to Rachel. Although the two of them had only been an item for a day, it made Santana miserable and she felt like she was just an extra while Rachel was the starring role in some musical comedy television drama.

The second time it happened was when Puck sang 'The Lady is a Tramp' to Mercedes Jones. That threatened Santana a lot more than the Rachel relationship had. Although Mercedes was big boned she had attitude to rival her own and was fully confident in herself. She was sassy and sexy in a whole different way to Santana.

Then the third time was even worse. Puck sang 'Beth' to Quinn, the girl who was carrying his child, the girl he professed to love. Santana knew she could never compete with the beautiful blonde. They had made a child together, even if they weren't going to keep it, it was still a huge deal.

Santana may have been Puck's first kiss and first shag but she could never compare to Quinn who had been Puck's first love. So yes, she felt unnoticed, unwanted and unloved.

Puck didn't see her.

Finn

She had been doing the boy a favour by sleeping with him. Every guy wants to have sex. It was socially embarrassing for a boy to still be a virgin by the time he left highschool. Finn's virginity was cringe-worthy in its obviousness. The boy was just begging to get laid, especially after the whole school learning that Puck was in fact the father of Quinn's baby and Finn was dumb enough to fall for the 'sperm can swim' lie.

True, having sex with him had also benefited herself but she was still doing a good deed by doing it with him. First time round, most guys were clumsy and awkward, generally not lasting very long. By giving his v-card to her, Finn was ensuring that he wouldn't make such an embarrassment of himself when he had sex with someone he really cared about. Rachel for example, if the prude would ever just spread her legs.

Yet Finn had reacted so coldly after they had spent the night together. She asked him how he felt, actually caring about his answer. He told her nothing, that it didn't mean anything. Those words echoed in her head whenever she looked upon him.

She had put all of her enthusiasm and best techniques into their love-making, determined to make it good for him. But it seemed her efforts were wasted. Their night together had meant nothing to him, she meant nothing to him.

As the two of them had sat side by side in that motel bed after it was all over, Santana had never felt more alone despite Finn being right next to her. He didn't look at her once for the rest of the night, for the rest of the week even. Although she had clearly been in his line of vision, she had felt invisible.

Finn didn't see her.

Brittany

For most of her life, Santana had only thought of Puck as a proper friend. Everyone else was just acquaintances, people who called themselves her friend and pretended like they knew her as they invited her to parties. They weren't real friends though, none of them. Not the jocks who were all desperate to get into her panties and not her fellow Cheerio's. It was just herself and Puck and she had always believed herself to be happy that way.

Then she had met Brittany. Although the girl was sweet and very pretty, she wasn't the most intelligent of beings. It had been Santana who introduced her to Sue Sylvester and the cheerleading coach had put Brittany on the squad. Being friends with Brittany was nice and always unpredictable. The two of them had fun and Santana felt she could be silly with Brittany and act like a five year old again rather than remain in her otherwise permanent bitch mode.

Being Cheerio's ensured that they became the best of friends, but being in Glee club brought them even closer together. Both of them found supreme joy in singing and dancing. The rush that came with being on the stage was indescribable. Regardless as to whoever got the solo and who was singing back-up, Santana always felt important on the stage, like she was sparkling as brightly as a firework. She felt noticed, it was a great feeling.

Somewhere along the line, she and Brittany had crossed the friendship line and fell into something more. Friends with benefits was probably the easiest way to describe it.

Then it had all changed. In Glee club, they were issued with a duet assignment. Brittany had wanted them to sing together but Santana had other ideas. She wanted to be seen, to be noticed, and she wanted to win the competition. So she asked Mercedes to work with her and their performance had been amazing. But it was ultimately pointless.

They hadn't won, and worse than that, Santana had lost Brittany. The girl had moved on and found Artie, someone who cared for and appreciated her in ways Santana hadn't been brave enough to.

So Santana, despite hooking up with Puck on occasion, felt as if she was slipping from view. It used to be that whenever Brittany entered a room, she immediately looked to Santana first. Now her eyes passed straight over Santana before landing on Artie.

Brittany didn't see her.

Mr. Schue

As a rule, Santana did not like teachers. The trolls from the Math department were repulsive to look at. The Science teachers were just grown up nerds. The History teachers looked like they were ready to drop dead at any moment; they were probably older than the historical moments they were studying. As for the English teachers, every single one of them seemed to have a screw loose. Mr. Harding was always drunk and yelling at students that had graduated at least five years previously. Mrs. Shield always trailed off topic and acted out the tales she was telling with frantic hand and arm gestures. Then there was Miss Reid who randomly let out bursts of laughter that soon morphed into pitiful sobs.

Perhaps the biggest joke of a teacher at McKinley High was Principal Figgins. During his school days, Santana highly suspected that he was the smelly kid with head lice that nobody wanted to sit with or speak to. In his adult life he was just as much of a loser as he was in his teenage years. All that had changed was that he was somehow running a school and being bullied by teachers and parents as opposed to other students.

She didn't particularly like Coach Sylvester even though most would assume Santana worshiped her. Like most of her fellow students, Santana looked upon the cheerleading coach with a sense of fear and deep uncertainty. With her harsh critical remarks, Santana often left Coach Sylvester's office feeling inadequate about herself and her abilities. The only reason she stayed on the Cheerio's was because the outfit looked smoking hot on her, she enjoyed performing, and even though Sue was constantly putting her down, Santana at least knew that the woman noticed her.

Mr. Schue however was different from the other teachers. Santana liked him, respected him, and admired him. To her, and many of the other Glee kids, Mr. Schue was somewhat like a father figure, or perhaps an older brother type or a cool uncle. He cared about them and always fought to keep the club going. In many ways, he was the glue that held them together, or the hair gel that locked all the curls securely in place.

She had seen him with other members of the Glee club, how he had been there for them in ways no other teachers had. She had been unseen in the auditorium when Finn had cried onto Mr. Schue's shoulder after learning about Quinn's pregnancy. Back when he had first mentioned the idea of hosting a bake sale in order to afford the special bus to take Artie along with them to Sectional's, Santana had doubled back to the choir room having left her lip-gloss and saw Mr. Schue comforting the handicapped boy as he bent down and tied his laces for him. She had also witnessed him comforting Rachel during the time she had a brief crush on him.

Having seen him support and comfort the other members, she assumed he would be there for her too. Although she didn't really know what she wanted to say, she knew she needed to talk to someone. She thought perhaps he would listen. So she hung back in the choir room sometimes or lingered after the other students had filed out of his Spanish classroom.

He didn't sense that she needed comfort like he did with everyone else. He only saw the bitchy façade, not the little girl hiding underneath. Whenever she waited around for him after a lesson or rehearsal, he'd simply smile at her and bid her a safe trip home. Even though he was looking right at her, he wasn't seeing her at all.

Mr. Schue didn't see her.

All

Santana didn't care about feeling invisible anymore. She didn't care about anything, not really. The year before, at Sectional's, she had confessed that Glee club was the best part of her day. This year, it didn't make her feel as good as it once did.

Although the Cheerio's had never been the best part of her day, there was a time when she had truly enjoyed it. But she had lost that too. Being forced to the bottom of the pyramid just made her feel pathetic. She wondered if it was the same kind of feeling that came from being tossed into a dumpster.

As for her home life, that was the place she felt lonelier than ever. Her house didn't even feel like a home with it being so empty all the time. While her dad worked ridiculous hours having to travel a lot, her mother was often out with a stranger's cock buried balls deep in her vagina, thereby leaving Santana home alone unless she invited a stranger over and participated in similar acts her mother was no doubt involved in. The stranger's never stayed though, and when they were gone, Santana realised how alone she was.

At school, with hundreds of students milling around her, she could at least pretend that she wasn't on her own even if she was standing alone in a crowded room with nobody speaking to her. She would simply sit and file her nails, convincing herself that it was her choice not to speak to any of them and not the other way round.

But even the coldest ice sculptures can melt. She tried to keep her hard exterior up, perhaps she was successful, or maybe nobody was paying enough attention to notice. They were all looking at Kurt, fussing over the bullying he was being subjected to.

She was angry and more than a little jealous. She was angry because while she had been fading into the background herself, she had noticed the change in Kurt before anyone else had. She wasn't blind; she saw the way Karofsky would look at him, the lust, and the hunger. She noticed the smirks he threw at the porcelain skinned boy, the winks he gave when he thought knowing was looking, the inappropriate touches that Kurt clearly didn't want. She had seen it unfolding before her eyes, knew that Kurt was close to breaking point, but nobody was listening when she tried to bring it up.

When they did notice, it infuriated her. It also made her jealous that they had noticed him, even though it took them a while, but still nobody had noticed her.

Then Kurt had left. Suddenly, everything felt much worse. With him in the group, Santana had felt as though she had someone she could relate to even if they weren't really friends and hardly spoke. She hadn't been the only one who was unnoticed. But with Kurt gone, it felt like she was the only person standing on the outside looking in.

Everyone seemed to notice Kurt more now that he was gone. The other boys in the group just couldn't hope to achieve the notes Kurt could pull off. Even Rachel couldn't do it the same way as Kurt would have.

So Santana decided that since nothing really mattered to her anymore, she would do what Kurt had done. He had left and the others suddenly appreciated him more. Therefore, Santana would leave too, permanently.

She ditched the History lesson she wasn't paying any attention to and headed early to the choir room where Glee practice would be held. After taking a final look around the room, she placed a handwritten note on top of the piano. A smile briefly quivered at the corner of her mouth before fading into a blank expression. Still, she knew that her days of feeling invisible were soon to be over, along with the boredom, the misery, the regret, everything would end and her fellow Glee stars would finally see her.

It was Rachel who entered the choir room first, letting out a bone-chilling shriek as she discovered Santana's dead body. The sound of her cries attracted the attention of the other Gleeks and Mr. Schue. Instead of walking casually to the choir room, they all ran at full speed.

"Fuck!" Puck swore shoving Rachel out of the way and rushing to the Latina girl's lifeless body. "Santana, wake up, come on babe, wake up!" He pleaded as he shook her body helplessly.

It was Finn and Sam who pulled him away, quietly telling him that it was too late. Tina collapsed against Mike when she saw, Mercedes' books dropped from her arms but she didn't bother to pick them up. Artie had rolled himself into a wall and made no effort to wheel himself back. Brittany was screaming, crying and pleading as Quinn tried to hold her back and comfort her.

Then there was Mr. Schue, his face ashen as he looked down at the lifeless form of one of his student's. Flickering memories ran through his mind of times when Santana had hovered around after Spanish or Glee and all he had done was say 'goodnight, Santana' or 'have a safe trip home'.

Unable to digest what he was seeing, he felt his knees buckle slightly and had to lean on the piano for support. It was then that he noticed the folded up piece of paper. Hand shaking, he reached for it and pulled it open.

"Now you see me." He read aloud.

He did indeed, they all saw her now. Every day, every night, for the rest of their lives, the body of Santana Lopez was forever engraved in their minds.

The End

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