Red Bean, Sweet Bean
An RK fanfic-ette, eriesalia 2004
Standard disclaimer applies
With a smile he wanders
Polite as he goes
But inside he's weeping
Why no one knows
I like sweets.
Always have, and master Shishio used to humor me when I would disappear on some errand and come back with a box by saying nothing. After all, sweets and information always mixed well for some reason. Many of our spies were not above using vendors as messengers. But the kind I usually eat are just sweets. The kind you find in any street, in any town . No reason, no purpose for them other than being made to be eaten.
And that I can just buy and eat them by myself without a thought. It's lovely.
Isn't it?
It's now been five years since I last saw him. Not Master Shishio, but Himura. I have been tempted from time to time to go see him. Or rather, go watch him from that funny tree that stands over the dojo. I wanted to know how he's doing... whether his ten years of wandering plus five of living as a settled man has made him feel happy -- whether the life he chose has filled up that emptiness inside, the same kind that sits inside me and which all my eating can never fill. Not even if I continued to eat sweets for the next five years -- the next five years I wander.
Five years now .. .of seeing good and bad.
Feeling only small things about them.
I have put them aside so long, retracted into myself for so many years that the me inside has yet to come out and to make himself known. My fear is that five more years, and inside I'll still be somewhat dead.
While I have slowly felt life permeating and seeping into me, trying to make me part of its general flow -- I am missing something. I have tried to fill it with keeping myself busy. I have tried to learn from watching others, from helping when fate put those in need in my path. I have worked hard, I have seen much, and yet the answer I seek hasn't made itself known.
To know myself was one reason I chose to wander; and I have learned slowly that what set me apart from both Himura and Shishio is that I had nothing beyond myself to aspire for, to dream of. I wander alone, with nothing as my home, with no one to come home to.
Five more years like this...
Am I doomed to be like a little boy forever, always wanting something to fill that emptiness inside and finding disappointment when that last morsel is gone? Himura found his truth and lived, while Shishio perished. To the philosophical, that asserts that his truth was the strongest. And again, as my feet carry me to the edges of Tokyo, I want to see him and to know what he is doing.
A pleasant smile plastered on my face, I move down the busy streets that must lead to the Kamiya dojo. Children dart in front of me, and the vendors wave their wares in front of me. I have so little to spare, other than a few coins that weight down my bag, that I have to shake my head as I pass. They move on their way without so much as a second thought. So it is with most people that I meet.
But no matter – I have someone today to see.
Steadily I continue down the familiar path, looking for answers. "Sweet bean cake," one old man smiles as he thrusts a plump white pastry into my face. I begin to wave him away, but the man insists.
"The softest kind," he grins widely, revealing a toothless mouth.
Feeling something like pity stir inside, I do not resist further. I take it and inhale its smell; its faint sweetness is evident. I chew it thoughtfully, while the man himself watches eagerly, waiting for some strange reason to see my reaction.
"It's wonderful," I gasp out as d swallow the first morsel, startled by its pure goodness.
He laughs.
"What's in it?"
"Everything," the man answers somewhat mysteriously. "Red bean, honey, sesame seed, and a little bit of my soul."
"It's marvelous," I answer as I try to hand him two coins, which he waves away.
"No need," he smiles. "Your smile is enough pay for me."
"Thank you," I answer, stupefied.
The man hoists his boxes on his shoulders, "Well good day to you, son." And with a wink, he moves down the street, the toothless grin fixed on his face as he calls out loudly, "Red bean cakes, sweet red bean cakes!"
I look after him, and think.
Maybe answers can be found elsewhere.
And then, I turn to follow.Himura can wait.
Author's notes: A quick character sketch. Sou is one character I need to start getting ready to work with for "Blades," and his motivations , his issues to me must be worked out. I put him here in Tokyo at coincidentally the right point to pick up with "Blades" in case this is the thread I want to start with. Hats off to Ray Bradbury – who in Dandelion Wine – uses a junk man to impart truth on a young boy's mind.
Have a good weekend everyone. Memory's Touch will be the next to be updated.