Atticus took in a deep breath as he entered the courtroom, unsure of his ability to defend these innocent tacos. He felt detesting glares from all around.
As he took his seat next to the tacos, he pondered if it was really possible to convince an all-human jury that the tacos were innocent. However, if he didn't try, he'd never be able to look his kids in the eye again.
Opening statements ensued, and then the first witness was called up to the stand. Bob Ewell.
"I heard ma little Mayella screamin' in the barn an' when I walked in I saw the tacos all over her. They were writhin' aroun' tryin' to rape ma girl! Them tacos right there!" he crescendoed, pointing to the tacos seated beside Atticus. He felt a real duty to them, and seeing such a horrific man accuse them sent shivers down his spine.
"Settle down, Mr. Ewell," Judge Taylor requested. Then Atticus was up to cross-examine the witness.
"Mr. Ewell," he began, "when you first heard Mayella scream, was it before you arrived, or was it as soon as you did?"
"I said it was before!" he responded.
"Was she bruised and beaten?"
"Yes! They beat ma darlin' little Mayella!"
"Are you, in fact, an inanimate taco?"
"Surely I ain't! Them dirty tacos ain't human!"
An inaudible gasp came from the balcony, where all attending sentient tacos were seated. Inaudible because they couldn't make noise. Or move.
"Well, as a matter of fact, tacos couldn't have beaten Mayella. Tacos can't move."
Bob struggled for a moment to come up with a defense.
"Well-...they sure as hell found a way to rape ma little Mayella!"
Atticus sighed, returning to his seat. Shortly after Mayella was called to the stand. When questioned by her own attorney, she replied with a fabricated story.
"I was workin' in ma yard, an' I saw them tacos there walkin' by. I asked if they could chop up ma chiffarobe for firewood. As soon as I got ma back turned they done knocked me over an' started rippin' ma clothes all off. Them...them tacos hit me again an' again an' they jus' wouldn't stop an'...an'..."
She broke into hysterical weeping. It was now Atticus's turn to extract the truth from her.
"Mayella, are you sure those tacos were walking down the street?"
"Yes! Them tacos walked on by as I was preparin' ma chiffarobe."
"And are you sure they beat you?"
"Surely!"
"Did you know that these tacos...in fact, all inanimate objects, no matter how sentient...can't move?"
Mayella cried harder.
"No! Them tacos there could move an' rape me an' hurt me real bad!"
"Sure they could."
Atticus once again sat back down. For his witness, he called the tacos to the stand. A designated taco-transportationist carried them.
"Tacos, raise all your left hands."
They did not respond.
"You see? They couldn't have possibly beat Mayella. They can't move."
The courtroom was in an outrage. All attending humans were booing, and all the attending tacos were inaudibly cheering.
Judge Taylor banged his gavel against his podium.
"Order! I request order!"
They quieted down after some amount of minutes, although the tacos were still cheering.
It was now the opposing attorney's job to cross-examine the witness.
"Tacos, you were at Mayella's house on the night of the rape, correct?"
No response.
"You raped her, didn't you? You put your filthy taco-hands all over her and beat her?"
No response.
"Answer me, god damnit! You slimy beasts! How could you possibly do such a deed!?"
No response. Outraged, the attorney returned to his seat. Atticus's closing statement went as follows.
"Courts are the equalizer of all. No matter if you're a man or woman, human or taco, you deserve fair treatment from the court. So why do you protest? The only reason any of us are here today is this: Mayella's attraction to these tacos was against our social guidelines. She feared the retaliation for such an act. I tell you now as a human that it is unjust to persecute a taco just because of its species. Tacos have committed crimes, surely, but so have humans! In fact, humans commit many more! So I tell you that it would be a crime for this jury to find these tacos guilty. It is a sin to kill a taco."
With that, Atticus seated himself again, and the jury dispersed. It took a very, verylong time for them to come to a decision.
The representative of the jury stepped forward.
"What is your verdict on the charge of sexual assault in the first degree?" Judge Taylor asked.
"Not guilty," the rep responded. Every last taco celebrated internally. An injustice was straightened out. It was one small trial for tacos, one giant leap for tacokind.