The damages, post the latest debacle, included: three water towers reduced to slag and steam. The upper half of one very expensive high-rise building melted (luckily the rampage had taken place during the night-time). A public park reduced to flaming playground equipment and splinters that once were trees. An indeterminate number of cars blown to little bits. One public school tremendously defaced (Dib and Zim would have been very popular for that, if they'd been anyone else). A construction crane blown into tinker toys. Several highways shredded like fruit-roll-ups a cat had put its claws through. Decapitation of a historic commemorative statue in another public park five miles away from the aforementioned public park. Five hundred and six trees felled, not including those exploded into toothpicks. The gates of the city stove in. Three elephants in the city zoo dead of heart attacks (very sad). Two thousand nine hundred seventeen people without power or running water until the infrastructure was repaired. Several hundred people more than that very upset in general about all of these things.
The carnage wouldn't have been abnormal, but Zim and Dib got caught that time.
The latter was what led them, finally, to the county courthouse. Zim had gone up first and Dib had had the gloating pleasure of watching him saddled with cleaning out the city's entire sewage system to make up for his bad deeds.
Of course, Dib's case was open and shut too.
They had already given the worst possible (probably) punishment to Zim. It was with this in mind that Dib faced his own sentence. Conviction was inevitable, but he was still a minor so he didn't have to worry about a permanent record at least. As such Dib stared into the judge's rheumy eyes with a feeling of having not much to lose.
"Well, sonny, I'm gonna give you a choice now." The judge, a ponderous man with a slablike forehead reminiscent of both gorilla faces and sixties architecture, had been munching on gum throughout the trial and continued chomping away between each word. "We have here a case of serious behavioral misconduct." Chomp. "And you have a record, sonny." Munch. "Now, I consider myself a kindhearted gentleman, so I am going to give you a choice." Slurp. The judge paused. Dib kept on staring right into his face.
"Pick your fate, boy. Choose wisely. You may elect to undergo twen-ty rounds of electroshock therapy plus a possible lobotomization upon finishing treatment, depending on your progress over the regimen. Or you may choose to give three hundred hours of your time to the City Center for Disadvantaged Children What Suffer From the Headworms, in the hopes that this will endow you with an increased community spirit, more respect for community property, and a sense of responsibility as a citizen for our city properties. What'll it be, son?"
He knew it was hopeles, and Dib knew his choice (ugh) would inevitably be the latter – a lobotomy was just too much a risk! But he had to at least try and speak up for himself.
"Everything I do is already community service, uh, your honor! I know the damage to city property was... kind of a lot... but it's all in the name of keeping earth safe by stopping Zim!" Dib flung a gesture towards where his mortal enemy sat sulking and twiddling his thumbs in electrified handcuffs on the courtroom bench. Zim had perked up in interest when the word "lobotomy" appeared and was now watching Dib with his horrible fakey fake blue eyes. Sensing an interjection was nigh, Dib sped up his talking. "Don't tell me you can't see he's an alien! He's got green skin, for crying out loud! And you picked him up wearing a bodysuit made with bizarre alien technology! Come on!"
"RIDICULOUS!" Zim shrieked with insectile outrage. "Our costumes were merely props for... ehhh... a school play!"
"Oh, COME ON!"
"SILENCE! And we were... practicing! Practicing for this mighty spectacle, ooh -"
"You can't possibly believe that -" Dib whipped back around to face the judge and flinched as the gavel thundered down.
"ORDER. Settle down, both you boys." The judge gave Dib a Look. Exactly what kind of a look, it would have taken a long time to put into words, but it was definitely a Look.
"... That's just really dumb, I mean, his excuse, it's dumb," Dib blurted ("IT IS NOT!" That familiar, loathed voice squalled, and then came the sound of irritated grunting as courtroom guards put Zim in his place). Dib smiled ingratiatingly as the judge's face became stiffer and somehow even frownier. "Um, I'll do the community service, please."
And that was that. Bang went the gavel, again. Court adjourned. Dib and Zim were ejected from the premises without further delay.
Membrane sent a chauffeur to take him home, which was some kind of balm at least. A chauffeur was better than having to fight the city bus system. On the other hand, he'd sent one of his floating viewscreens with a prerecorded message in lieu of actually coming himself. A prerecorded scolding, to be precise.
"Property damage to the city is unacceptable, son!" Membrane buzzed over and over. "Especially when it's not in the name of science! Your mech bodysuit privileges are now revoked!"
Dib, who'd had fits biting his tongue and letting other people talk all day, finally burst. "But Dad! This was for the good of all mankind! Who cares about historic statues and city parks and buildings and – and stuff?"
The recording played over his outburst of course. "Your mech bodysuit privileges are now revoked!"
"It was for PLANET EARTH, Dad!"
"Especially when it's not in the name of science!" And that was the ride home. It was a huge relief to run up th stairs and fling himself onto his bed, lie there groaning and feeling sorry for himself because no one else did and think about how many hours he was losing that he could be using to chase Zim around or search for Pigfeets or finally trap the Garbage Disposal Faeries or other stuff. There was nothing for it now really. His only comfort was that Zim was saddled with an obnoxious job too, and the alien would probably do some techno-cheating feat and get the job done in a tenth of the time Dib would have to work. And then he'd gloat about it. Another setback!
Anyway.
With all that: that was how two days later, Dib found himself on the sidewalk in front of the City Center for Disadvantaged Children What Suffer From the Headworms.
It wasn't so bad, if he but knew. Adventure awaited.
So does anybody remember me?
;)
That's right. A new fic in this fandom, after all these years. The fandom that started me writing! It feels nostalgic and weird and good. The idea bit me and wouldn't let go, so I decided to exorcise it by writing.
This IS a fusion with JCV's JTHM/Squee! comics, so ratings will change. I look forward to posting more chapters.