The Fortunate Cullens

by Ashizzle

Stephenie Meyer invites the Cullens to a Chinese resteraunt to have their fortunes told. Poor author had no idea what she was in for! One day spent with the cullens is a day to remember.

Okay so obviously this is my first posting. I read fanfiction ALL the time and i am OBSESSED with twilight so i decided to post this scene that i wrote for my english class. Im not expecting it to be good or anything but i just out it up here incase anyone out there is so bored that they decide to read it :)

Characters

Stephenie Meyer – author
Bella Swan - Edward's girlfriend

Waitress - confused Chinese woman
Vampires:
Carlisle Cullen - father figure
Esme Cullen - mother figure

Emmet Cullen - Burly troublemaker

Rosalie Cullen - Beautiful and Rude
Alice Cullen - Psychic

Jasper Cullen - Emotion Manipulator

Edward Cullen - Mind-Reader

All the characters are seated around a table in a small Chinese restaurant. A waitress

walks up to hand a small tray of tailor-made fortune cookies to Stephenie Meyer.

WAITRESS: Cookies for you.

STEPHENIE: (Stands up and bows.) Thank y… (Is cut off by Emmet who steps in front of her.)
EMMET: I want to practice my Chinese!
(Everyone else voices their disapproval.)
ALICE: (Begins laughing hysterically.) This will most definitely be good.
EMMET: 我会吃你的珍贵的狗 (Translation: I will eat your precious dog.)

WAITRESS: NOOOOOO!!
(Waitress' eyes bulge out of her head as she rips off her apron and runs crying into the kitchen.)
ROSALIE: Emmet! Leave the poor woman's dog alone!
EMMET: Huh? I was just thanking her…
(Edward pinches the bridge of his nose while Esme and Carlisle shake their heads at their children's piteous behavior.)
STEPHENIE: Ahem. As I was saying, I have arranged for specially made fortune cookies for each and every one of you. I thought it would be fun for us to guess which fortune suits which person!

(Alice and Edward get smug smiles as everyone at the table turns to them.)
ROSALIE: (Glaring at Alice and Edward.) No cheating!
BELLA: (Meekly.) I agree with Rose, just play along? (Blushes full fledge and retreats from the attention into Edwards arm.)
STEPHENIE: Alice, I'm sorry but as you already know the outcome, you're going to have to keep to yourself. (Ignores Alice's protests.) Edward, keep out of everyone's head, especially Alice's! (Reaches down to break open the first cookie.) The first one says: "Your chosen lifestyle is for you especially tough, but do not to eat loved ones!"
EMMET: It's Edward!
EDWARD: I'M NOT GOING TO EAT BELLA! (Launches himself at Emmet and they begin wrestling under the table.)
ROSALIE: I bet it's Bella, for when she turns into a vampire and eats Charlie.
CARLISLE: (Stands up angrily.) Rosalie! Edward! Emmet! Enough! Jasper, don't you look so smug, I know you are manipulating Edward's emotions!
(Everyone straightens up in their seats with guilty expressions.)
BELLA: Alice, who is it?
ALICE: (Sadly.) It's Jasper.

JASPER: I'm going to eat Bella?

ALICE: (Soothingly.) No! Of course not! You'll never hurt her. I can see that.
STEPHENIE: Well Jasper, you're lucky numbers are 1, 7, and 11. Here's the next fortune: "You're mind is cold, but your intentions are gold."
EMMET: Aw man, that could be anyone! C'mon, we're vampires; we're all cold-minded.
ESME: I'm sure all of us in this family, including Bella, have good intentions, but who has a cold mind?
JASPER: Maybe it's Carlisle. His intention of creating us was with a good heart.
ROSALIE: Hah! It's obviously Bella, her cold mind thinks of no one but herself.
EDWARD: (Snarls at Rose.) If anyone knows anything about minds it's me! I don't know about golden intentions, but Rosalie's mind is pure ice.
STEPHENIE: Correct! It is Rosalie! Would you like to know your lucky numbers?

EDWARD: Yes! I knew it!
ROSALIE: (Gives Stephenie a death glare.) Hmph!
STEPHENIE: I will take that as a no. Oh! This next one is kind of hard: "You need to let go of the insecurities you are hiding behind your laughter."

EMMET: Well we know it's not Edward; poor kid will never even crack a smile.
BELLA: (Giggles.)
ESME: Bella, honey, you tend to be insecure sometimes.
BELLA: Well, when you hang out with a bunch of vampires…

EDWARD: You are still the most beautiful being on the face of the planet.

BELLA: (Blushes.) Oh, Edward.
EMMET: (Mockingly.) Oh, Eddy-kins!
CARLISLE: Emmet! Stop making fun of your siblings! Do you really need to make fun of them just for your own laughter?
JASPER: He's feeling insecure. I can feel the emotions radiating off him.

ALICE: Oh goodness! It's so obvious. The fortune is Emmet.
ROSALIE: Emmet? Why do you feel insecure?
EMMET: Rosalie! You are too good for me! Don't ever leave me! (Starts sobbing into her arms.)
ALICE: (To Stephenie.) Go on. He will be fine.
STEPHENIE: Okay then. This one is quite interesting. "The future is in your future. Beware of canceled credit cards."

ALICE: NOO! You wouldn't cancel my credit cards would you, Carlisle? I'm such a good girl! I deserve to shop at least twice a day!

BELLA: Um, Alice? You are supposed to let people guess your fortune.
ALICE: But, Carlisle is going to…
JASPER: Its okay, Alice. You need to accept the fact that you have a problem.
CARLISLE: Calm down. I will only cancel them if you continue down the path you are on right now to becoming shopping-addicted.
EDWARD: Too late.
ALICE: (Twitches.) Shoes. Sweaters. Shoes. Shirts. Shoes. Skirts, Shoes.
STEPHENIE: (Clears throat.) Lets get on with this shall we? Hmm. Here's the next one: "Love shines straight from your heart into the hearts of others."
ROSALIE: Okay, that one like screams Esme.

EMMET: If anyone can love, Esme can! (Gives Esme a thumbs up.)
EDWARD: That fortune only describes a mother's love.
ESME: (Puts her hand over her heart.) Oh, how I love you all!
(Everyone is suddenly overcome with an intense feeling of love and join in a huge intense group hug.)

ALL EXCEPT JASPER: JASPER!
JASPER: Sorry! I couldn't help it! Everyone needs a little healthy dose of love every now and then.

EDWARD: A healthy dose, not a complete emotional manipulation!
STEPHENIE: Goodness me! You guys act like children! Are we all going to act mature enough to finish the fortunes?
ALL EXCEPT STEPHENIE, CARLISLE, & ESME: (Shamefully.) Yes Stephenie.
STEPHENIE: Alright! It should be getting really easy now, we are down to three! "Take an anger management and suicide workshop, after that, you shall prosper."
EMMET: EDWARDO!
EDWARD: I AM NOT ANGRY OR SUICIDAL!
CARLISLE: I'm afraid you are, Edward.
EDWARD: Well, Bella still loves me! HAH!
BELLA: Yes, I will always love you, but that doesn't change the fact that you need special help.
EDWARD: I. Am. Not. SPECIAL!
JASPER: Dude, you hear voices in your head, you are totally special.
STEPHENIE: (Groans.)Deep breaths Edward! (Aside to audience.)This is what happens when I try to do something fun with my characters!
ALICE: I apologize on behalf of Edward, you may resume.
STEPHENIE: Two left! These are going to be simple! "Your magnetism attracts danger and love both, but your modesty makes your heart pure."
EMMET: BELLA!

ALICE: Aw! What a perfect description of Bella.
EMMET: Danger magnet is right! That girl is like a tree in a thunderstorm!
ESME: Bella does have a beautifully pure heart. It ever shows through her eyes.
ROSALIE: Too bad that "pure heart" has to be vampirized.

JASPER: Rose, don't kill the moment.
EDWARD: (Sadly.) But she's right.
STEPHENIE: I'm just going to go on before that subject gets out of hand. Since we all know who this one is, no need to yell the name out at soon at I'm done. (Cough.)Emmet. (Cough.) (Looks pointedly at Emmet.) "New life has sprung from your teeth. Your life shall be well as long as your family thrives."

CARLISLE: You hear that? None of you can leave or I wont have a good life anymore!
ALICE: Oh Carlisle! We wouldn't even dream of it!
ROSALIE: As much as I agree, Alice, sucking up isn't going to get him to change his mind about your credit card.
ALICE: (Pouts.)

BELLA: (Pats Alice on her back comfortingly.) That's the last of the fortunes then?
STEPHENIE: Oh wait, there's one more! (Turns over fortune and reads the name on the back.) This one is for the waitress? That's strange. "Your dog will suffer a terribly gruesome death."
EVERYONE EXCEPT EMMET: EMMET!
EMMET: Man! You guys are no fun! I won't touch the lady's dog. I hope you guys are happy!
EVERYONE: (Rolls their eyes and laughs.)

Dont leave without reviewing! i need to know what you thought, its a bit cliche but i hope i cured your boredom.
~ashizzzllee