Falling Down
When Alice is 19, she falls up a rabbit hole and sails to China, a venture which gives her ample opportunity to broaden her horizons. In Beijing she buys tea and marvels at the Forbidden City; it make her muchness seem very small in comparison to its might. A wanderlust grows within her with every city she visits, and it causes her to extend her journey for several months longer than expected.
Alice is 24 when she returns from China in the Wonder. As they reach the port, the Wonder sways and tenderly kisses the dock, her timber groaning in relief to be back on English waters. The gangplank descends, and as Alice nimbly steps onto dry land, memories of complex dances twirl through her mind.
Her mother greets her with a sniff, commenting unhappily on her "foreign ways" and "strange, unpleasant apparel." It is not that she is displeased to see her daughter; during her absence she has written notes filled with motherly concern and prayed for her daughter's safety, but she has never quite recovered from the shock of her crushed dynastic dreams.
"Hamish," she asserts, "would never have allowed you to head off on such an adventure."
"Precisely why I wouldn't marry Hamish," Alice retorts and walks away, leaving her mother staring in shock at such impertinence.
Six months after Alice returns, she meets a Very Unusual Man. He is tall, but not too tall, and handsome without matching conventional tastes. She is fond of his copper hair, and finds it almost easy to converse with him. The only problem, she notes, is that he doesn't drink tea. It is now that she begins to see flashes of white out of the corner of her eye.
Eight months after Alice returns, her mother buys her a hat. It is pretty by English standards, a simple bonnet with a few appealing bows on the sides, but Alice no longer respects such work. She scoffs at the bonnet and remembers swans and hearts perched improbably upon delicate swathes of chiffon. She wears it once to please her mother, then tucks it away.
Exactly one year and 3 days after Alice returns from China, the Unusual Man stops coming to call. They had been growing apart, steadily and unrelentingly. On their last visit, she had asked him if he knew why a raven was like a writing desk. You're as mad as a hatter, he had mumbled, and the memories made her smile. She doesn't miss him when he's gone; she prefers freedom to mediocrity any day.
Two months after she regains her conventional freedom, which she never really felt she lost, she reunites with the White Rabbit. She is out in the garden reviewing a contract when he appears. She watches him skip around the corners of her estate, and out of habit, she follows. He stops behind a tree and faces her, his familiar face no longer lined with worry.
He asks her if she's finished with her errands here in the Aboveland; they have missed her, he says. By they he's referring to a particular him, and the White Rabbit isn't fooling Alice. She hesitates, an image of a goodbye flooding her mind. She hesitates...and the pressing orders of business come back to her. "No," she says finally, "not quite yet." Not yet.
A week after her discussion with the White Rabbit, she decides to confide in her business partner. It is not that she wishes to deny her mother; on the contrary, she has tried to tell her, but her mother is convinced it is a leftover remnant of childhood imagination. After a particularly lucrative business deal, she pours out her journeys; her experience with the Vorpal sword, of slaying the Jabberwocky, of tea-trays and a disappearing cat. He remains silent for a moment, clearly stunned, then he smiles.
"If you weren't your father's daughter, I wouldn't believe you," he says slowly. "Going back someday, eh? I'll look after things until you come home." She thanks him and they exchange smiles; they both know she won't return.
Four months after she meets the White Rabbit, she decides to return to Wonderland. She packs a small bag and opens the front door. The White Rabbit is waiting, and she calls for her mother, who nearly faints when forced to confront exactly what she considered childish fripperies. Alice gives her a comforting hug and bids her a quiet Fairfarren; the language confuses her mother, but she understands the meaning. She dries her eyes and walks away.
The White Rabbit escorts Alice to a rabbit hole. He bows solemnly and leaps into the hole, giving her a moment to say goodbye to her England. She takes a deep breath and gazes around at the countryside, her heartbeat quickening with a sudden doubt. Then the wanderlust returns, and she tumbles into the hole.
Falling down feels like coming home. This time, there is no violent, wrenching fear, only a sense of anticipation for what comes next. She smiles as a writing desk floats past her and brushes a hand down the keys of a twirling piano. She manages to land on her feet and remembers to grab the key on the table before drinking the familiar potion.
She laughs as she shrinks and rushes over to open the door, remembering to take a Very Small Piece of Upelkuchen to eat the moment she steps out of the door. Her fingers fumble with the key in excitement, and when the door slowly, deferentially creaks outward, the changes to Wonderland are stunning. Lush, light, and beautiful, it's finally, finally the Wonderland of her dreams. All manner of trees are in bloom, and if she listens carefully she can hear flowers singing.
She takes her time in this new Wonderland; after all, there's no hurry; she's here to stay. The dark, haunting corners of Underland have almost completely vanished; instead, polished gates wink in the sunlight, and a gentle, refreshing breeze caresses her cheek. Even the forest is light and green; the trees recognize her as Champion, and she blushes when they bow.
As she roams deeper into the forest, the Cheshire Cat appears, smiling luxuriously. She scratches him behind the ears, something she's always wanted to try, and he purrs. He leads her down a lane she had once trod with the Hatter; once foreboding, it is now alight with songbirds. The Cheshire Cat, primarily interested in himself as always, soon grows tired of floating. He graciously points her down the Correct Path before vanishing; she doesn't need directions anymore, but she appreciates the gesture.
She lingers awhile in a dark, forbidding clearing, the only place in Wonderland the White Queen has not changed. It remains a warning to the dangers of tyranny and greed, and Alice mourns for the lives that were, and the sanity that was, lost on Horevendush Day. She whispers a blessing in a language she barely knows, and leaves, walking towards a happier memory. She's almost there.
Exactly seven years, one week, and four days after she leaves the Hatter, she sees him. He is fiddling with a teacup and looking morosely at a shattered tea set, and she thinks it's wonderful to see him so unchanged. She steps into the clearing and says softly, "I've thought of a few particularly interesting words that begin with M." She wonders if he'll remember. He looks up, eyes twisting lavender with delight.
"Alice?" he whispers, and she grins.