Hello again! So guess what I did? I wrote a lemon! *goes in emo corner* This is what happens when I have writer's block at 1 in the morning... Either way the little story was stemmed from the idea of Germany getting turned on by cleaning. lol I'm sure I am not the first to think of it, but I do believe I am the first to put my thoughts onto paper...er word document. Either way, I hope you enjoy the crack that this story is. It's really really long, so I split it into two chapters because I suck!
BTW the only thing that I believe to be absolutely perfect in this entire story is Prussia's dialog. I do believe I out did myself there. XDD
P.S. I actually need a beta for my mature stuff because the one I have, I do not wish to scare. Lol Kat is thanking me somewhere. So please contact me if you want to beta any of my mature content fics. But I do ask that when you do contact me, actually sign the comment, I got some offers... from people who didn't sign. I can't find you, unless you sign that comment. So for the love of all things awesome, please sign the comment! Also if you spot any mistakes, please inform me. Thanks ^^
Ok I'm done ranting...
EDIT: Something happened and FanFiction decided to spit my story back to me. So I had to delete it and re upload it again... Sorry about that...
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Title: Spick n' Span
Premise: America is watching Germany's apartment while he's gone, but what happens when Prussia decides to make a mess? And what if Germany just happens to be coming home that night before America can clean it up? America is going to have one very rough night.
Pair: GermanyXAmerica
Genre: Romance / Humor
Ratting: M
Warning: M for a reason kiddies. Sex, cross dressing {next chapter}, fowl language, etc. As in if you are not into this stuff then I suggest you turn back now. Also, this is my first lemon I was able to complete {also got a block before I could finish one} so obviously, it's not the best... Sorry...
A slue of curses broke out from the blonde's lips as he rushed to the kitchen of his apartment. Blue eyes scanned the contents of a cabinet before falling on the dish towel and dust spray. After collecting the cleaning appliances, he raced out towards the dinning room. He sprayed on the hard wood table before he viciously wiped it down to a reflective shine. He sighed in relief, knowing that he just avoided a disaster.
He glanced out the window to the city skyline, hoping that his love would hurry home soon so his day of panic and heart attacks would be over. How could his lover leave him behind to take care of such a horrible child?
"Dude, settle down… You're worse then my bruder."
Okay so it was a really big child. "I won't calm down! This is the fifth time you spilled your beer on the table and…. And Get Your Feet Off The Table!" Alfred smacked the Prussian's booted feet off the expensive hard wood table. Gilbert glanced back at the man with a look that read too easily as, "really?"
"Look, bitch cakes, get the stick out of your ass and relax." He crossed his arms as he gave the American a stern look.
"I told you I can't! Germany actually entrusted me to watch over his spare apartment while he's off to visit Italy for business. This is like the biggest deal to me! If I screw up, he'll never want to see my face again!" America began to shake the albino nation in his seat, frantically making his point.
"OK, OK I GET IT, STOP SHAKING ME YOU DUMMKOPT." Alfred released his grip on the Prussian, still having panic well etched onto his expression. "Look, Alfie, I know you have this little obsessive, creepy, crush on my younger bruder, but seriously, it's not like he's going to jump you, and fuck your brains out as soon as he steps through that door and see's what a 'fantastic' job you've done." The red eyed nation glanced at Alfred, expecting him to have a hurt look, but got something else instead.
The American got a dreamy expression on his face as he imagined getting tackled to the floor and making passionate love with the German. Gilbert stared at Alfred, dead paned. He knew exactly what the other was thinking, and the Prussian didn't like it.
Not one bit.
He sighed frustratingly as he placed a hand to his forehead and leaned on the table. Again his body part was smacked away leaving a small smudge mark on the polished table. Alfred began to scrub it to its former glory. After he was done, Gilbert could have sworn he had seen a sparkle bounce out of it and hit him in the eye.
"Ok you little tight wad, time to ease up." The white haired Prussian got up from his seat, rubbing his eye and proceeded into the kitchen. Alfred, panic steadily growing at an alarming rate, raced into the kitchen to see what the other was planning. Gilbert was leaned over, going through the fridge. Alfred tried to get a closer look as he slowly inched towards the albino.
Suddenly his head came into view as he leaned back up, a smirk ever present on his face as he looked down. The refrigerator's door blocked Alfred's view of what the other could be looking at. Gilbert glanced towards Alfred. His grin still plastered to his face. He closed the door gently as he held two cans of beer.
"…G-Gilbert? W-what are you doing?" The American mentally cursed at his stuttering, but stood tall, ready to do battle. Gilbert tilted his head and shrugged.
"Oh… nothing~" He practically sing songed. He twisted around and sauntered off into the living room. Alfred quickly followed, determined to stop the maniac.
"You better not-" He began to warn, but Gilbert quickly cut him off.
"Do what?... Oh, you mean this?" Gilbert suddenly started to shake both cans.
"Gilbert! Stop That Right Now!" Alfred began to stomp towards the Prussian. The ex-nation smiled as he reached for the tab on one of the beers.
"PRUSSIA NO!" Alfred charged towards Gilbert, arms stretched out to stop the crazed man. Gilbert smirked and bolted in a random direction, trying to avoid the American.
A cackle of laughter erupted from Gilbert as he raced around the living room in circles. Gilbert gracefully leaping over any obstacles –including Ludwig's dogs- that came in his way, Alfred had no such grace clipping and tripping over everything that the Prussian avoided –save the dogs of course-. After knocking over enough furniture, Gilbert deemed it perfect and launched himself towards the kitchen, Alfred tailing after him, stringing colorful curses at the Prussian.
"I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU, YOU BASTARD!" Gilbert began to laugh as he continued to shake the cans and dodge the blood thirsty American. Gilbert hopped onto one of counters and managed to kick whatever was a top it at Alfred, trying to put him off. After the attempts failed, the red eyed nation quickly opened up a cabinet and started hurling a slue of cake mixes at Alfred. It was working at getting Alfred off his back as he momentarily stopped and shielded himself, but it didn't last long.
He flung a bag of flour at the young nation, but he slammed his arm against the brown paper and the next thing Gilbert knew, there were clouds swirled around the kitchen. The Prussian quickly glanced at the figure in the middle of the flour cloud, and just like one of those awesome fighting characters that came from video games and anime shows; the swirling mass quickly became a tornado and dissipated to reveal a red eyed American partially covered in flour.
"Cool…" was Gilbert's only response, until Alfred charged at him. He quickly leapt off the counter and ran out the door. The blonde nation chased after him up the stairs and down a stretch of hallway. Gilbert ducked into a room while the other followed. The Prussian jumped onto a bed as Alfred leapt towards him. The intended tackle failed as Gilbert jumped off at the last second, sending Alfred to the mess of sheets and blankets.
Gilbert cackled like a mad man and ran out of the bedroom and back down the stairs. Alfred quickly untangled himself and raced after the Prussian, dragging a few of the blankets and sheets along with him.
"Gilbert, Get Your Ass Back Here!" The Prussian simply laughed as he ran into the living room once again. He suddenly stopped, which caused Alfred to halt as well. The two panted and heaved, Gilbert leaning forward, trying to catch his breath a little.
Gilbert then abruptly spun around with the widest smirk he ever had. Alfred's stomach tied itself into a knot.
"Do… Don't you… dare…" His previous animosity quickly burned out as he tried to catch his breath. Gilbert simply cackled and placed both beers in one hand and opened the tabs. The amber liquid sprayed across the room in an elegant arch as the Prussian spun in a circle laughing like a maniac.
It all seemed to happen in slow motion for Alfred. The spinning, the spraying, the staining, but through it all, he managed to ram into Gilbert and tackle him to the ground. The cans of beer flinging into the air and landing off to the side.
"You Son Of A Bitch! Look At This Mess! I have to clean all this up before Germany get's home!" Alfred grabbed the other nation's collar and started shaking him a little, all the while, Gilbert cackling to him self.
"Calm you tits, cupcake. You've got plenty of time to get this place sparkling like one of your gay vampires." Gilbert assured the younger nation as he chuckled. However Alfred wasn't the least bit relieved and he glared back at the albino.
"No I don't, you fucking idiot! He comes back tonig-" Suddenly the sound of the door coming open and closing echoed down the main hall way.
"America, I'm back. I hope everything was alright while I was gone." The tapping of shoes abruptly stopped as Ludwig stared down at Alfred and Gilbert, taking in the surroundings. They too stared back at the German, who was about to loosen his tie. The awkward gaping continued on for a minute longer until Gilbert finally spoke up.
"Well, my American freund… You're fucked." Gilbert pushed Alfred off of him and sat up on his knees. "But he's a little good luck." He grabbed Alfred's face and pulled him in for a quick, overly dramatic kiss, sound effects included thanks to Gilbert. After the smooch, Gilbert jumped to his feet and began to dash down the main hall towards the door. "HAVE AN AWESOME TIME BITCHES!" He screamed before mock saluting and slamming the door shut.
Alfred quickly jumped up, over his shock from the kiss. "Mother Fucker! Get Your Ass Back Here!" He was about to chase said man out the door when he was close lined at the neck, sending him to the ground.
The blonde chocked and coughed a bit before he looked up at a very pissed German. If the overcast of black clouds wasn't a dead give away, Germany's eyes surely did the trick at convincing the other nation on the ground that he was planning to kill something. Alfred stuttered trying to explain himself.
"H-hey, G-Germany… Uhh… I-I-I'm s-sure you want t-to know what happened h-here, huh?" Alfred could have sworn he was suffocating from the intense rage that was poring out of the other blonde before him. Coughing a bit he tried to continue. "I-IT WAS ALL PRUSSIA'S FAULT!" Germany glared down at the nation sending another wave of anger.
"Clean. Up. Now…" The latter part of the statement came out in a low growl that caused Alfred to jump up and salute like a soldier.
"Yes Sir!" He then quickly ran out of the living room to grab the cleaning supplies.
Ok so there's the first chapter. I'll make a note now to inform you that there is sex the next chapter. It'll be a little long, due to a little cross dressing {don't ask...}, however I'm sure you'll enjoy it. ^^
German to English translations:
Bruder = Brother
Dummkopt = Idiot
Freund = Friend
For those that are wondering Spic n' Span is a phrase, used to mean when something is clean and "like new".
Honestly, I make mistakes in spelling and grammar all the time, and because I didn't get this story betaed, Kat will thank me for it, I probably made some I over looked. So please inform me of any mistakes. Thank you ^^