Marlene McKinnon lit up her cigarette and placed it between her red lips. On her right hand there was a pencil and on the table, a small notebook, a glass of gin and her hat. She had been sitting there all evening, drawing.
She always found comfort on that place; the murmur of the people, the smoke, it just didn't make her feel so alone. Ever since her fiancée, Andrew Livingston, died in a car crash, she had avoided being alone at her house. Marlene spent time with her friends, with her family or just in bars.
The place was crowded, full of couples and single men and women flirting. Almost everyone was smoking and some were dancing to jazz joyfully.
Marlene sighed and took a long drag of her cigarette; the end of it was red due to her lipstick. She kept on drawing, tracing random lines that become her hat and her glass of gin. At some moment she crossed her legs, leaned back against her chair and stared blankly at the table.
Flashes of memories of her and Andrew played across her mind and, almost as a reflex, she finished her gin. He had died almost a year ago but she was still miserable; Marlene had never been a person who let go things easily.
"Want another gin?" the waiter asked.
She blinked and looked up, "yes, please".
The man nodded and left with her empty glass.
"Dear God, Lena, aren't you tired of being so beautiful? Isn't it exhausting?" Andrew asked as he removed a string of her hair away from her face.
Marlene blushed and bit her lower lip shyly, "oh, shut up" she said and slapped his arm playfully.
"I'm serious, you really are" he smiled honestly. "You know what it would make you even more beautiful?"
"What?" she asked in disbelief, but obviously feeling flattered by his compliments.
Andrew took a small velvet box from his pocket and opened it in front of her eyes. "Wearing this engagement ring", he commented casually but with his heart beating wildly.
It took a while for Marlene to realize that he was actually proposing. She gasped in surprise and looked at him in shock. "Andrew…"
"What do you say? Do you want to be my wife? I need someone who can make me look pretty" he teased nervously.
She chuckled and pressed her fingers under her eyes. "Yes" she grinned, "God, yes!"
Andrew's lips curved into a wide and honest smile that only made Marlene threw herself to him and kiss him deeply.
The glass of gin was already in front of her; she took a small sip and sighed. Her blue eyes focused on a couple that was dancing happily; he was making her spin while the girl laughed and then rested her cheek on her partner's shoulder.
"Andrew! You are a terrible dancer" Marlene laughed.
The man gave her a look. "Well, I can't be perfect… I left that trait for you, love", he smirked.
"You need to learn, our waltz has to be flawless", Marlene stated and then leaned forward to kiss him briefly.
Her glass was already half empty. She opened her notebook again and searched for a blank page. Once she found it, she started drawing again: nothing in particular, just random figures. Ever since she was a little girl, Marlene loved to draw and paint. Because her family was immensely rich, she received the proper education and eventually ended up studying arts at college.
After Andrew died, she channelized her sadness into her art. She drew and painted every single day. Funny how during those moments of deep misery, she found herself more inspired than ever. Marlene took the final drag of her cigarette and turned it off.
Her right hand was now sketching a rose, with thorns and everything.
"You think you could draw me?" He asked teasingly, running his fingers through the length of her arm.
Marlene rolled her eyes, she hated when people asked her that. "I think I have one here…" she mumbled and looked between her sketches, "aha! Here it is!" She exclaimed and gave him
the drawing.
Andrew took the paper and bursted into laughter, "I think you made my ears a bit small, love" he said teasingly, pointing at the long ears of the bloodhound.
"I actually think you look lovely", she smirked.
Why couldn't she move on from him? Why was it so bloody hard? Marlene took another sip of her drink and sighed.
"That's a nice drawing" a male voice said, pointing his finger at her notebook.
She lifted up her gaze and blinked stunned, it was as if she had seen a ghost. The man was so similar to Andrew that her blood turned cold. He had a charming smile and black hair as well, but his eyes were different: whereas Andrew's were green, this man's eyes were grey.
"Thank you" she said, still blinking in shock.
The man smiled, "can I sit here?"
Marlene was so stunned by his looks that merely nodded. She took out another cigarette and, automatically, the man pulled out his lighter and lit it before he lit his.
"Did you know that it's bad luck to place a hat on the table?" the man commented casually before taking a long drag of his own cigarette.
She shrugged, "I'm not superstitious".
He tilted his head and studied her curiously, "good for you… I'm Sirius".
"Marlene"
Sirius smiled and blew out the smoke, "tell me, Marlene, why are you here all by yourself?"
She took a deep breath and a sip of her gin that was now running out. "I like it here"
"You come often?" he asked and then stopped a waiter "bring me a scotch and another gin for the lady".
"Yeah" she nodded, "I do".
They remained in silence until the waiter came with their drinks. Marlene felt so intimidated by the similarity between Sirius and Andrew. Even though she hated to admitted, she couldn't help to feel a bit attracted to him; of course it clearly was because he looked just like her former fiancée.
He didn't speak, instead, he hummed softly. He seemed so relaxed and comfortable that Marlene found it rather strange.
Suddenly, she felt like she shouldn't be there. She felt as if she was betraying him. Marlene finished her glass in just one shot and stood up rather abruptly. "I'm sorry, I… I have to go, nice to meet you, Sirius", she said quickly as she turned off her cigarette and put on her hat.
Marlene left without looking back.
Andrew was on a business trip and he insisted on going to Manchester by car and not train like Marlene had suggested. He loved driving; he always said that it cleared his mind.
She was painting; her hands were red and black.
The doorbell rang.
She placed the brush inside the mug filled with red painting and opened the door: two police officers where there, both of them had their hats on their hands and serious expressions.
"Is your name, Marlene McKinnon, Miss?"
"Yes, is something wrong, officer?"
"Are you familiar with the man Andrew Livingston?" one of them asked.
She nodded suspiciously, "he's my fiancée, why you ask?"
"There was a car accident… he was found dead, Miss… you were the only contact we could find", the tallest one explained.
It took her a while to realize it. Marlene shook her head, "no, you are wrong… he… he can't be dead".
The other officer sighed, "I'm afraid he is, Miss McKinnon".
The minute she entered her house, Marlene turned on the radio. She couldn't stand being alone with her thoughts.
"There's still a lot of controversy regarding the last Olympic Games held in Berlin. Did Hitler really refuse to shake hands with American athlete, Jesse Owens?"
"Well, he certainly didn't shake hands with him… now the question is: what kind of message did Hitler want to send to the world with that gesture?"
Marlene turned up the volume and walked to her bedroom. She got undressed and put on her night gown before heading to the kitchen. She sat on a chair and lit a cigarette.
The radio was still talking about Hitler but she couldn't care less, her mind was on Andrew and on this man, Sirius. How was that even possible? She knew that she had to move on, to go back to her social life and maybe even date someone. Marlene was positive that it was what Andrew would have wanted, but why was it so hard?
The rain started falling and the sound of a thunder light made her cringe. She turned off her cigarette and the radio before going back to her bedroom. She brushed her teeth, combed her hair and got into bed. With a lump on her throat, Marlene stretched out her arm and turned off the light.
It took her a while but eventually, she fell asleep hearing the sound of the pouring rain and, on the back of her mind, Andrew's heartbeat.