AN: New story, still gonna keep up the pace for Looking Glass, but, couldn't just leave this one in the journal. Based on the concept of Naruto coming into the possession of a guidebook to being a genre savvy villain. Obviously, being Naruto, he won't be perfect at it, hopefully Lulz will ensue. Enjoy!
Villain's Handbook
The Handbook
Read and comprehend these rules for villainy, if you take these lessons to heart, you too can be a successful villain.
Naruto Uzumaki, eight years old, had, by his estimation, a very shitty day.
It had started tamely enough, a couple merchants spitting on his food, he gingerly scooped the wads of phlegm off, smothered the food in spicy sauce, and proceeded to eat.
It began to escalate from there.
A merchant's bodyguard had slammed him into a wall, because he "looked suspicious." Naruto had been fully intended to pay the ridiculously inflated "special customer" price for a new pair of shoes, but of course, that was wholly irrelevant.
His prized jacket, the only one he owned, had been "accidentally" set on fire by a street performer.
Several children his own age had jumped him and beat him with sticks.
He could see it every time he closed his eyes.
After all, he was Konoha's little demon, and he never forgot anything.
Ever.
However, this shitty day would prove to be the turning point in his life.
A tired looking man with black eyes bumped into Naruto. The young blonde leapt back and prepared for a beating.
He received none, which was surprising.
"T-thanks onii-san."
The man looked down at Naruto, and tensed, then relaxed. He looked at Naruto's disheveled state, "What happened?"
Naruto looked at the ground, "Bad day."
The man scowled, and reached into his weapon pouch, producing a slim black book. "Then make a better one." He pressed the book into Naruto's hand, and vanished.
Naruto looked at the book. It was simply bound in soft black leather, the title on the cover in simple silver lettering.
"'The Villain's Handbook', by Itachi Uchiha. The heck?"
Shrugging, Naruto tucked it into his pocket and made his way home, deciding to give the book a look.
Naruto stared at the book, then slowly blinked, and looked at his clock.
The glowing green digital numbers flickered occasionally. They read four o'clock
Two days after he had received the book. And to his knowledge, every second of those two days had been spent pouring over the information in the deceptively small book. Apparently, it was made using some sort of expanding seal, this resulted in it having far more pages than appearances would indicate.
This book would change his life, of that he was sure.
The book was a fount of knowledge, all of it geared towards being a successful villain. As much as he read, as much as he absorbed, there was more, each turn of the page, a revelation. A revelation about himself, the village he lived in, the country his village was in, and the world at large. It was rather humbling.
As he continued to pour over the book, the days past him by.
While the book contained a wealth of knowledge, Naruto found that once the floodgates had been opened, closing them once more was impossible. He craved more knowledge. More and more and more.
He had caught himself licking his lips at the thoughts of such delicious knowledge.
So the blonde had found himself at the Konoha Public Library. He was barely an academy student, so he only had clearance to access the most public of the sections. History and assorted sciences mostly.
And he devoured them.
He poured over the books, his mind a steel trap, locking in every single word and minute detail of the many subjects he turned his attention to.
In the course of a month, he read every book within his clearance level at the library.
After some careful manipulation of the librarian, he was given a higher level of access. Chunin level, to be exact, although if he was ever caught in those sections he was to pretend he had no knowledge of the clearance system, or confess to having snuck into the restricted areas.
The months Naruto spent in the library were the most peaceful of his short life.
Nobody thought to search for the "demon brat" inside the single largest non-clan repository or knowledge in the village.
The blonde, now nine years old, sat on a large rolling chair, deep in thought. He was securely tucked away in what he had dubbed his "lair." It was an old, abandoned, and fully furnished compound hidden deep below the streets of Konoha. As was the norm with most of his discoveries lately, the handbook had guided him here.
It also detailed the steps to manipulating the incredibly complex traps, and discovering a secret stash of medical and scientific texts, the likes of which he had never seen before.
He wracked his brain for some fact, some obscure fact with which he could connect the name of the author of these texts to an actual person.
Orochimaru.
He sighed, and resolved himself to more research. The man's notes and musing were incredibly informative, but somewhat disjointed. Naruto resolved to find this man one day, and ask him for clarification on some of the more convoluted points of his formulas. If needed.
Just because he remembered everything, didn't mean he fully understood it.
Frowning, Naruto pulled out his handy dandy Villain's Handbook, and thumbed to the to-do list he had inked on one of the first pages, thoughtfully blank for just such a purpose. The first two points had been marked off, as they were complete.
1) Think of a goal - Gather as much practical knowledge as possible, comprehend all I can.
1a) All knowledge is practical, all knowledge can be comprehended with enough effort
2) Establish a lair
2a) Nothing too cliched, no secret mountain bases, no active volcanoes, ect.
2b) Something simple and understated would be best, though taking into accounts the practical applications of a sturdy lair.
Naruto looked around, the underground compound was definitely simple, though it was ornate enough to be visually pleasing as well as starkly functional. The previous owner obviously had good taste.
He looked down at object three on the list.
3) MINIONS
3a) Obviously, must be trustworthy, and complement my own skill set and be able to compensate for my deficiencies.
Item three-a invariably lead to object four.
4) Increase own strength.
4a) Mental pursuits are obviously my strong suit, although this places a more stressing need for physical training to compensate for my overdeveloped mental capabilities. My body must be in perfect harmony, if my mind is at its peak, so too must my body be.
Naruto sighed, item three would take time, and while it was more important to his plans in the long run, it could be overlooked for the more immediately attainable item four, which he suspected would never be marked off.
After all, the capacity for human growth was astounding.
AN: Soo...there we go. The beginnings of a beautiful new story, that will probably incredibly amusing. Naruto is going to be evil, though not entirely dark. I enjoy the concept. There's gonna be a timeskip between the time at the end of this chapter, and the beginning of the next chapter.
Approximately three years of time. Hope ya'll enjoyed.
Read and review please.