A Hobby For Draco Malfoy
Ahoy there, mateys! How are you today?
Hola, mi fanfiction amigos! Como estas?
So here is our Draco Malfoy drabble!
I LOVE Draco Malfoy, he's my biggest fictional crush and I really wanted to write a story on him. I also wanted to do this because I'm a Slytherin and I always wanted to see a different side that I know exists to the Slytherins.
The only problem is that Mancer tends to write Draco a little nicer than he really is! So, that's where I helped.
I also wanted to say that we are still working on ATFRUT and WIYH! The next thing to be published will be an ATFRUT chappy unless Tele does a WIYH first! Let's just say that the only thing I'll be typing is ATFRUT since Tele already wrote the roughie! And we don't own anything you recognize as canon. Oh, and this chapter will be followed up by many others.
We'll see you at the end! ON TO THE STORY!
A Bit of Kneazle Breeding
Hogwarts has really gone to the dogs, Draco Malfoy thought, reclining on a green velvet couch, legs draped over one armrest. But what am I supposed to do? Transfer to that freezing Durmstrang where they bang sticks on the ground and have almost NO hot girls? Ugh, definitely not. And there's not like there's a school on another planet headed by a magic lion or something! He sighed, feeling a tad bit bored. For almost an hour now, since Monday classes were let out, Draco had been sitting in the Slytherin Common Room, enchanting little pieces of paper to do everything he could think of. Burst into flames, follow people around, but now he couldn't think of even one more spell. The blonde rolled over, burying his pointed face in a silver pillow. He sighed louder.
"Um, Draco?" Crabbe said from the chair next to him.
"That's Supreme Ruler Of Absolutely Everything to you, Crabbe." The boy in question paused.
"What?" he asked.
"Oh, whatever. What do you want, Crabbe? I'm very busy." Killing pieces of paper, Draco added in his head.
"Well, you sounded a little unhappy… " Vincent trailed off, looking to the person next to him for help.
"Is there anything we can do for you, Supreme Ruler Of Whatever It Was?" Gregory Goyle asked Malfoy.
"It's 'Absolutely Everything.' And unless you can make the lessons more challenging, convince the teachers to have Quidditch and the Triwizard, or find something, anything, for me to do, we're all screwed."
"What about Potter-baiting, sir?" Goyle offered.
"Oh, sure, it's good this year with him being a champion, but it just feels so first year. Crabbe, Goyle, we're fourth years for Merlin's sake, we should be doing bigger and better things, like not wasting hours enchanting little pieces of paper and doing the extra foot on essays!"
"Well, sir, I've always wanted to be a breeder." Crabbe said quietly.
"What the stupid Mudblood do you mean, Crabbe?"
"Of Kneazles, sir." Draco paused, looking at Crabbe with a strange expression on his face.
" … OF KNEAZLES? What is wrong with you two?"
"He just thought," Goyle started before realizing he had no idea what Crabbe thought.
"I just thought that I would try and help you. You seem to be in need of a hobby, and I thought of one for you."
"That sounded a little ungrateful, Crabbe. Change your tone of voice." Draco Malfoy stood up, glaring down his sharp nose to Crabbe. Vincent looked at his shoes. "C'mon, my men. Off to the library!" He pointed to the stone wall that was the door and strode outside. Gregory and Vincent shared a look before following the steely grey eyed blonde out.
A few staircases, a run in with Mudblood Granger and that ungrateful Blood-Traitor Weasley, and a couple of hallways later, they arrived in the desired area. Madam Pince looked up.
"I need books on breeding Kneazles," Draco Malfoy announced quietly.
"Go find them by-" Irma Pince stopped and furrowed her eyebrows. "You need what?"
"Books on breeding Kneazles!"
"Why do you need books on breeding Kneazles?"
"Are you questioning the Great and Noble House of Malfoy?"
"Yes," Madam Pince said without hesitation.
"My father will hear about this!" Draco humphed and stalked off with his nose in the air. Suddenly, he turned around and asked-
"Wait, where can I find books on breeding Kneazles?"
"The fourth shelf on the right but-" Draco just about ran away towards the shelf before Madam Pince finished talking, "Why do you need a book on breeding Kneazles?" She looked towards Crabbe and Goyle who had stood, watching the whole interaction.
"He's bored," Goyle supplied before following Draco. Madam Pince winced and went back to reading her book.
A few minutes later, Draco Malfoy left the library empty handed, but with two bulky boys trailing behind with five books each in their hands. Draco had a bit of a smirk on his face as he slid down the banister of a moving staircase.
"My valuable time will never be wasted again!" the blonde crowed. "I'll make so much money with my Kneazles and Father will be so proud!" Goyle peered over his stack of books.
"Sir, not to insult you or anything like that-"
"Think about what you're going to say, Goyle," Draco warned.
"Where are you going to get the Kneazles?"
"I shall write to my father that I need two Kneazles to practice spells on. He needs not know that I'm actually breeding them."
"Make sure to specify that they should be male and female, sir," Crabbe added.
"Don't tell me what to do! Malfoy's never follow anyone else's instructions!" A student coughed in disbelief as she passed Draco. He grabbed a book off Gregory's armful and threw it at the girl. It flew over her head. He frowned and said-
"My aim is horrid. OH, WHAT HAS THE WIZARDING WORLD COME TO? It must be all the blood tainting!" He threw himself against the wall and put his head in his pale hands.
"Don't worry, sir. The book was probably defective. I noticed that its shape was irregular." The trio looked at Goyle.
"Very good, Goyle. Now go fetch that book. I need it if we are to are succeed in our mission." Goyle retrieved "Bewitched Breeds - Breeding For Beginners" and the threesome marched back down to the dungeons.
A few hours later, only three books were still intact and Draco's aim had improved. The seven other books hadn't been quite to Draco's liking information wise (A notable sentence was "Kneazles aren't asexual. To create kittens, you need a boy and a girl." Draco's response was "MAYBE THEY DON'T HAVE PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT CLASSES IN THE WIZARDING WORLD BUT YOU DON'T HAVE TO ACT LIKE WE'RE THREE YEAR OLDS!" and to throw the offending book at the Giant Squid outside the window.) and so had taken quite a beating. At least only one of them landed in the fire. Fortunately, the three books left had lots of tips on Draco's endeavor. Draco Accioed a quill, parchment, and ink to begin his letter to Father. The blonde pondered for a bit on the best way to deliver his request, two purebred Kneazles to practice spells on. After much ruminating, he decided on…
Father -
I need two purebred and expensive Kneazles to practice spells on.
Your son,
Draco
Draco smiled, satisfied with his letter. He whistled to his eagle-owl, Scorpio, and attached the letter. He reclined on the couch and began his Potions essay, even though it was due on Thursday, determined to do a good job for Professor Snape. He opened his books to refer to, dipped his quill (the finest Galleons could buy) into his inkwell (filled with the finest ink Galleons could buy) and formed the letters. The Wit-Sharpening Potion without armadillo bile would not be successful as a brew to become smarter, to say the least. Without this necessary ingredient to counteract the effects of fluxweed, betony, and ginger roots, this potion would become an expanding slime that combusted when in contact with steel in any form…
Three O worthy essays, five days without Quidditch, and loads of Potter-baiting later a large, wiggling package fell into Tracey Davis' weekend porridge. She screamed loudly, and all of Hogwarts looked up from their various breakfast delectables. When they saw it was just a normal girl covered in a slimy grey substance running away from a moving package which was dragging a large and very indignant owl behind it, the student body went back to their Saturday meals. Girls covered in porridge were normal at Hogwarts. Draco waited for everyone to look away before sending Crabbe to fetch the parcel. The meaty boy picked it up and tucked it under his arm as he walked away. It promptly attacked him. The blonde Slytherin sighed and resignedly started to help, also known as sending Goyle over. Together, the Slytherins wrestled it out the Great Hall without anyone important noticing. Draco finished his sausages before following his henchmen out of breakfast. Draco, Crabbe, and Goyle waited until the safety of the boys dorm before opening the long-awaited package. Almost instantly, two catlike creatures jumped out, hissing and snarling. The boys jumped away from the ball of claws and teeth with frightening noises leaking out.
"Draco? Why are they attacking each other?" Goyle asked, hiding behind a trunk.
"They probably just had an uncomfortable journey," answered the blonde uncertainly."Maybe we'll just leave them alone for a bit?"
"Good idea, sir." Crabbe followed Goyle behind the trunk.
"In the meantime, I am going to the library to do more research, a task too advanced for you two. Don't embarrass me while I'm gone." Draco strutted out of the dorm, levitating a stack of books in front of his slim frame.
A few hours later Draco had uncovered many interesting informational tidbits on Kneazles (they like bowtruckles, males can become very territorial together but females get along fine, and most are terribly allergic to dried scarab beetles). He was in a great mood as he walked back to the dungeons floating a couple of new books, proud of how well his adventure had gone so far. Soon the blonde arrived by the seemingly blank wall and tried to remember the password.
"Parseltongue, no, that was last week. Hmm. Oh yes, Salazar!" A door appeared, Draco entered, and instantly got ambushed by a furry blonde object. The human blonde squealed, dropped the spell holding the books which subsequently dropped the books, and tried to bat the thing off his shoulder. It growled and sniffed Draco's pale hand. Right away, the Kneazle's demeanor changed. It began purring and rubbing up against Draco. He smiled at it serenely and walked deeper into the Common Room. He tripped on an overturned chair and fell to the floor, the magic cat mewling as it ran away. Draco cursed the chair and got up, making sure no one noticed his momentary lapse into clumsiness. After the Common Room was sufficiently scanned, Draco realized something. Usually, at this time, the Common Room was filled with Slytherins and usually, at this time - actually, always, it was in pristine condition. Now, the underwater room was destroyed, scratch marks everywhere, all the furniture stuffing leaking out like some stuffed animal run over by a car. And nobody could be seen throughout the large dungeon. Draco nonchalantly shrugged and continued - oh, who am I kidding? Draco shrieked, theories blossoming in his mind (werewolf, Gryffindors, angry mob of Mudbloods, Father, werewolf), and began sprinting to the hopeful safety of his dorm. On the way, a black devil-Kneazle jumped towards his face but Draco Impedimenta-d it before the thing could do any damage. Once in the dorm, he let out a relieved sigh. The bed on the far left jumped.
"IT'S THE WEREWOLF! NO, IT'S THE GRYFFINDORS! WAIT, IT'S THE ANGRY MOB OF MUDBLOODS! IT'S FATHER! IT'S FATHER TURNED INTO A WEREWOLF!" Draco screamed.
"Sir?" A hesitant voice leaked out from under the bed.
"IT CAN TALK!" Draco wailed.
"Draco Malfoy, is that you?"
"IT KNOWS MY NAME! WHO ARE YOU?"
"It's Vincent," said a voice that sounded suspiciously like Crabbe's.
"And Gregory," said another voice that sounded suspiciously like Goyle's.
"Um. Why are you all under the bed?" Draco asked. "You can come out now."
"Are the monsters gone?" Crabbe asked, army crawling out from under the bed, Goyle following.
"THERE ARE MULTIPLE WEREWOLVES?" Draco looked around and dived behind the curtains of his bed.
"No… There aren't any werewolves, just the Kneazles you ordered who are fighting," Goyle explained as he brushed dust off himself.
"They're the ones who tore apart the Common Room?"
"Yeah, they've been fighting for hours now, I reckon. Everyone is either stuck in their dorms or ran away when they had the chance. We got stuck in here." Crabbe was now siphoning dust off of Goyle's shirt.
"Why are they fighting?" Draco pondered.
"We don't know, sir."
"I wasn't asking you idiots. We'll have to do some research using the books I…" Draco trailed off, realizing something. "I dropped the books in the Common Room!"
"What does that mean, sir?" Crabbe asked, his eyes growing bright.
"It means… I have a mission for you!"
"Dragon Agent FizzingWizzbees reporting to duty, sir!" Goyle said as he saluted and clicked his heels together.
"Dragon Agent BertieBotts reporting to duty also, sir!" Crabbe said as he saluted and clicked his heels together.
"Are you imposters?" Draco asked, strutting in a circle around the two agents.
"Yes!" they chorused. "We work for David Malloy!"
"Password?" Draco asked.
"We buy the candy from the Candy Man!" A sick, twisted smile spread over Draco's face at his henchmen's' words.
"Then Dragon General CandyMan is directing these agents."
If you were currently hiding out in one of the Slytherin dorms, the only reason you would think the Dragon Agency was on a mission would be from the noises coming from the Common Room.
If you were currently plotting away in your office filled with strange, magical tools, the only reason you would think the Dragon Agency was on a mission would be from that niggling suspicion in the back of your head.
If you were currently on a Dragon Agency mission, the only reason you would think the Dragon Agency was on a mission would be, well, because you were on one.
If you were currently an angry Kneazle in the middle of a vicious battle with another angry Kneazle, the only reason you would think the Dragon Agency was on a mission would be from the three boys attacking you.
"CHARGE!" Draco Malfoy yelled, commanding his two armored troops. And they were, in fact, armored. Blankets, curtains, pillows, robes, and random pieces of fabric were attached to the two Dragon Agents. They split off, one catapulting over a fallen couch and assuming a sniper position. His wand was his gun, and Gregory Goyle scanned the room.
"The subjects are not in range. BertieBotts, continue mission!"
"Roger that, FizzingWizzbees!" Crabbe stalked along the perimeters, keeping tabs on his fellow Dragons. He hid behind an armchair, slowly peeking out his head before crawling towards a green velvet curtain. He disappeared behind it.
"Agent BertieBotts, what are you doing?" Draco asked, staring at the lump in the curtain.
"Hiding behind a curtain, CandyMan!" A muffled voice came from the lump.
"Why, BertieBotts?"
"So the subjects will not see me, CandyMan!"
"That is not the object of your mission! You must retrieve the treasure, BertieBotts!"
"Yes sir, CandyMan!" Crabbe slipped out from behind the curtain and continued towards where Draco had dropped his books. He kept his stealthy path, kneeling behind furniture, spinning full 360's around the room. Goyle kept his kneeled position, obviously covering Crabbe, while Draco directed the two piece chess game. All was well until…
"Code Red, I repeat, CODE RED!" Crabbe said, backing away from a pillow.
"What is it, Agent BertieBotts?" Draco asked nervously.
"The subject is before me… ASLEEP ON A PILLOW!"
"Where is the treasure?" CandyMan asked.
"Around and under the subject." Crabbe raised his wand, prepared to shoot. Draco cursed. "I'm sorry, CandyMan. I'm not familiar with that spell. How should I proceed?"
"That was me swearing, not a spell, BertieBotts. I don't have enough information to proceed. What color is the subject?"
"Blonde," Crabbe answered. Draco took this in.
"Still proceed with caution, BertieBotts, but go ahead and take the books."
"Yes sir, CandyMan!" Crabbe began picking up the books. A few seconds later he screamed - like a girl, actually no, like a scared boy - and jumped away.
"IT WOKE UP!" Vincent said shrilly.
"I got it!" Goyle said and began a Stunning spell.
"SSSTTTOOOPPP!" Draco yelled. Everything seemed to be in slow motion as the blonde boy tackled Goyle. The red light flew across the room, Draco looking at it in fear, and all of a sudden -
THUNK.
The spell, originally aimed at the Kneazle, hadn't hit its desired target. When Draco tackled Gregory, the course had been altered and the Stupefy had hit Dragon Agent BertieBotts. Crabbe fell, hitting the floor hard. Draco ran towards him, past him, and grabbed the books and the Kneazle.
"FizzingWizzbees, levitate BertieBotts back to the dorm." Goyle obeyed.
Over the next week, many things had happened. Many, many, many things. Most were stupid and pointless - like going to the bathroom - , and only a small percent actually pertain to the Slytherins. First, Draco had reread his books and realized that he never specified for different gender Kneazles so his father must have gotten two males. Also known as, no Kneazle kittens were going to be born in the Slytherin dorms any time soon. Second was that the Kneazle war in the Common Room had escalated into a full blown battle - including the Slytherins. They had all taken sides as to which Kneazle should have the territory and the true personalities of the creatures had surfaced. The black Kneazle was evil, pure evil. It attacked without warning, bit and scratched like a werewolf, and had a horrible tolerance for petting. Naturally, all the Slytherins loved it. Except for a few. Namely, Draco Malfoy's year. Now, this really was a mystery considering the blonde cat was a Hufflepuff in Kneazle form. It was cuddly, silly, and overall very loveable. And so, Draco took a likeness to it and christened it 'Draco The Second'. Draco The Second's very favorite thing to do was sit in Draco The First' lap while Malfoy schemed and laughed very evilly. However, not all cute, fluffy Kneazle stories can last forever. Something had to be done about this rivalry that was destroying the Slytherin Common Room furniture. And so commenced Draco's year versus all the other Slytherins in which Kneazle would stay. They held debates, meetings, secret meetings, and garden parties. They bribed people, became double, triple, even quadruple agents, and basically did very Slytherin-y activities. There were masks, banners, and new societies. Draco debated, attended public and secret meetings, bribed, went behind everyone's back - even his own - , and made lots of merchandise for his society. Finally, there was only one thing left to do. A garden party.
"My fellow Snakes," Draco Malfoy began, holding a wineglass full of pumpkin juice. "I am here today to remedy a grave problem that has devoured our Common Room. The Kneazle feud has gone on long enough. I propose that we keep the blonde Kneazle. I have listened to all of the Black Kneazle Society's arguments and have thought up one fact that destroys everything else. The Kneazles are mine. I ordered them, I paid for them, I decide what to do with them. Whine all you want, but the Black Devil has to go." His speech was met by mixed emotions.
"Yeah! No more Black Devil!" Pansy yelled.
"That blonde Kneazle is too soft! Like a Hufflepuff! Hufflepuffs aren't allowed in the Slytherin dorms!" yelled a seventh year for the evil Kneazle.
"NO MORE HUFFLEPUFFS! NO MORE HUFFLEPUFFS! NO MORE HUFFLEPUFFS!" The Black Kneazle Society roared, while a blonde boy wearing a yellow tie ran away from the Slytherin garden party location.
"Draco The Second is mine! I have a license, I am allowed to keep him!" Draco said over the noise. No one heard him so the blonde enchanted his voice.
"ARE YOU QUESTIONING THE GREAT AND NOBLE HOUSE OF MALFOY? MY FATHER WILL HEAR ABOUT THIS!" The mob went silent. A Slytherin in a Kneazle mask inlaid with dark, shimmering jewels made his way to the front.
"Draco Malfoy, sir, the Black Kneazle Society has decided that you should decide which pet to keep, as they are your property," the masked person said in a weedy voice.
"Thank you. This garden party is now without a point." Draco announced. All the Slytherins there left, walking away from fairy lights and cookies shaped like tulips. "Well, I thought that was a success," Draco added, following his Housemates.
"Definitely, sir," Goyle agreed.
"But sir, what are we going to do with the other Kneazle?" Crabbe asked.
"Oh, I have a plan. I always do."
The next day, Rubeus Hagrid went to Madam Pomfrey for a nasty looking bite on his hand. As it was wrapped, the half-giant rambled on about Pudding, the friendly Kneazle who showed up on his stoop. The best part was that it had only bit him four times today!
The same day, an hour after Hagrid got his hand treated, a blonde boy rushed into the greenhouses where Professor Sprout was working. The kindly teacher heard heavy breathing and turned around.
"Oh, hello, Macmillan. What can I do for you?" Professor Sprout asked of the panting boy leaning on a mound of soil.
"Professor Sprout!" Ernie said breathlessly but still managing to be pompous. "I wanted to inform you that the Slytherins are going to murder all of your House!"
"Uh, Ernie… What makes you think that, my dear boy?"
"Yesterday, they were scheming together at a garden party! They had masks and secret societies and they obviously thought up an evil plan to exterminate the loyal Badgers! Those Slytherins were chanting 'NO MORE HUFFLEPUFFS!'"
I know it skipped around a bit, but I like that.
To each, their own!
Definitely! So feel free to comment and give praise/criticism.
Thanks for reading! See you next time!