A young girl lay on the couch, engrossed in reading her book, "Laughs".
"Purvi!" Her mother stood over her.
"Ab kya hai maa?" the girl asked, clearly displeased.
"Apni shirt upar kar ya phir dupatta pehen le."
"Dupatta apne laadle bete ko jaake pehenayiye."
"Kaisi baat kar rahi hai!"
"Wo nahi karta toh mein kyu karu?"
"Kya karu bhagwaan iss ladki ka!"
"Maa aapne bachpan se hum dono mein koi bhed bhav nahi kiya, toh phir aaj kyu?"
"Beta tu kab samjhegi? Ab tu badi ho gayi hai… mein bhale hi tum dono mein farak na karu, duniya toh karegi na."
"Mujhe koi farak nahi padhta aur na aapko padhna chahiye."
"Tu abhi nadaan hai," her mother bent down to pull her top up, "nahi samjhegi."
Purvi sat up.
"Aap se baat karna hi bekar hai. Mein bahar jaa rahi hu!"
"Khabardaar jo inn kapdo mein bahar gayi, dekho kaise gala humesha niche ko jaata hai," her mother pulled her top up once again.
She looked at her mother incredulously before storming into her room.
7 YEARS LATER:
"So when he asks for sex on the first date…"
Purvi paused, standing in the centre of the stage and took a good look at her audience. The memory of her mother talking about clothing was still fresh in her mind. She sucked her stomach in - like all people she was conscious about the fact that her body wasn't perfect. Next, she took her top off. She wasn't one to hold back due to patriarchy or self doubt.
This was met by mixed gestures among her audience. Some of them lauded her bold step while others were disgusted by the fact that a stand up comedian would take her top off in public. Women's bodies were so sexualized by the society that some men and women found it disturbing to look at her. They found it apt to get up and walk away. Nonetheless, the number of people cheering her was more than she expected.
"Show him this," her hand hovered over her left breast covered only by a thin red lace bra.
"And before his eyes move to this," she pointed to her right breast, "show him…"
"This," she said placing her middle finger on her cleavage.
The crowd burst into fits of laughter.
"No seriously though," she continued, "Trust me on this one. I mean, most of us can keep the guys we actually like away from us but I got talent. Like, I am still a virgin… and I have evidently I have no problem taking my shirt off."
The audience laughed once again as she wore her shirt.
"I mean if you don't like a guy - you can't say no. Not because you're scared they'll get enraged and rape you - well, that's there too but to these guys no means yes, yes means yes. She's talking to me, she's into me. She's not talking to me, she's playing hard to get. And then they say…"
"Girls are complicated," she said in a husky, manly voice.
"Also ladies let me warn you. Do not pretend to be a lesbian to get rid of him because guys find that shit hot. I mean, there are guys that actually send dick pics on lesbian sites thinking that it will somehow turn those women on."
"I got easier stuff," she continued with laughter in the background, "Just tell him you hate his beard. Beards before babes, right guys?... Okay, now I am afraid I'm coming off as sexy… …. Sexist - the other is default."
As she said the last line she curved her body, keeping her hands on her hips with an exaggerated pout on her face, making them laugh once again.
"Well, it's not just you men… we have stuff before you guys too. I mean, who do you think all this makeup is for? It's for ourselves! Like if I adjust my hair exactly when you enter the room, it is a complete coincidence. It has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that I think you're hot. Hashtag - NotAllWoMen."
This time she chuckled with the audience before speaking.
"This is Purvi Sethi going off, see you guys next weekend!"
While she stepped off the stage, loud applause filled the room. Once another stand up comedian had taken the stage, a woman about the same age as her walked up to her.
"So ballsy," she said, "I mean… as a compliment."
"No matter how people mean it, I always take it as a compliment."
"I wish I could be so… courageous."
Purvi looked at the other before speaking.
"You look like you could use a drink."
"No… I couldn't."
"Drinks on me."
"Uh…"
"Please, I insist."